076. How to Become Unshakable with My Client Mallory Simmons

Welcome. I am marketing expert and business coach Melissa Kellogg Lueck, and this is the Doing Business Like a Woman podcast, where we are exploring and teaching you how women are reinventing the way business is done and money is made to help you create greater impact and financial freedom one business at a time. Awesome. Well, welcome, everybody. Thank you so much for joining us today. And I say us because I have my client, Mallory Simmons with us today to talk about her entrepreneurial journey and how far she's come. It's been such an honor and pleasure to get to work with her and see her growth. And so I invited her on to talk a little bit about that journey because I know that so many of you will relate to it. And it's like my similar to my journey as well. So welcome. Mallory, would you like to introduce yourself to the audience, to all of us? Sure.

Thanks for having me. Full disclosure, I'm sitting weird because I have a toddler sleep on me on the couch. I don't want to disturb her because she'll make me be a mom.

And the toddler is your daughter?

Yes.

Not just a random toddler.

Oh, that would be funny. I would definitely move that kid. Anyways, so my journey to entrepreneurial ship.

Introduce yourself a little bit first.

Okay. So I live in Alaska. My husband is in the Coast Guard. I hate that I always start with what my husband does, but that's kind of my habit. So anyways, that's why I'm here in Alaska. I'm from California originally, Northern California. I started my career as a substance abuse counselor. I got a bachelor's degree from William Joseph University in psychology with a concentration in community and mental health and a certificate in addiction studies. And so I've just always had a passion for helping people and supporting people when they were at their lowest. So then I got a job as a substance abuse counselor for parolees and probationers in Monterey county and Mendocino County. And that was just a lot to deal with in your early 20s. It taught me a lot. It was quite humbling because I had a very sheltered upbringing. So it showed me just how much I have to be grateful for. And then from there, I moved back to Sacramento and got a job as a job coach for people with disabilities, helping them advocate for themselves on the job with what accommodations they might need. So anyways, just various jobs and social services, helping people, supporting people. And then once I had my daughter, my husband joined the Coast Guard so that I could stay home with her and not have to put a little baby in daycare. Because that broke my heart and I'm forever grateful to him for that. And so with that, it allowed me some freedom. And I've always had a passion for nutrition and wellness. I never pursued a degree in it because I have dyslexia. And so I thought about life coaching, health coaching, something like that. So I found Health Coach Institute. When Cheyenne was just a couple months old, I went through their six month program with the idea that I would find a jog like through a company. And the more I looked into that, the more it seemed horrible to me because I just didn't want to coach on someone else's terms. I loved what I was learning through Health Coach Institute and I don't have much of a verbal filter. That's why corporate America has never gone well for me. So I did end up working for corporate America again for a couple years from 2021 until the beginning of this year when they made leave. And I just really felt this calling to go back to being an entrepreneur and making my own business work because I, I know that what I've been trained on and my background, I have the ability to help people in a profound way that corporate America was stifling me on.

Yeah.

And it's sad. And so here I am. I had known you for a while and I was too scared to commit to your coaching program a couple years ago because I didn't believe in me. But then you reached out at just the right time and I was just ready to say, let's do this.

Yeah. Yeah. So talk a little bit about the work that you're doing now.

So I am a sober coach. I help women break the cycle of over drinking because we all know those nights on a Friday night night when you say I'm just gonna have one and you have four and you wake up feeling like crap. And that repeats most weekends and it just sucks. So I help women break out of that so that they can get their energy back and feel like a better mom and you know, get done all the amazing things we can get done with in life when we don't feel like crap.

Yeah. Yeah. And I love how you describe that because when we first started working together the a few months ago, that was not. You didn't have those words yet.

No, I did not. I. And I think that's one of the many things working with you has done for me is you take the clutter in my brain, you distill it so beautifully and you help me just find such a beautiful little package to put it in a Marketing package, if you will.

My.

It's not my strength.

Yeah. So talk a little bit about your program and like what you take your clients through.

So I mostly work with women for 12 weeks and I take them from a place where they, you know, might lack confidence or the ability to. To believe in themselves and follow through. And I help them kind of dig into one, what habits are standing in their way. Because sometimes it could just be as simple as, you know, habit stacking. If you've read the book Atomic Habit, they talk about that, you know, stacking what you need to do on top of what you want to do so you can create those neural pathways. So we look at that and then more deeply, if you want to create a habit and you're just not able to do it, there's typically some sort of limiting belief there that standing in your way. And so I do these very specifically tailored coaching sequences to help uncover what those limiting beliefs are and literally rewire that in the brain so that you can create those habits and reach those goals without having to constantly bump into whatever this limiting belief is.

Yeah. So you could start out with working on over drinking, but it sounds like this methodology could be used in a lot of different areas of our lives. Yeah.

Yeah. So for example, I did this last week with someone and it started with over drinking and ended with they just didn't feel like they were enough and that they were stuck. There was just this constant theme of I'm stuck, I'm stuck, I'm stuck. And so once we dug into that, we found where this belief of I'm stuck came from in childhood. And then we rewired it, and now they're able to actually quit, not quit drinking altogether, but they're cutting back as much as they wanted, as much as they told themselves that they would, and they're actually making headway for the first time in months. And it's really cool.

Oh, that's amazing. I love it. So, and this is part of your start story as well. I think it's so interesting that you started out counseling on substance abuse.

Yeah.

Right. And then now you're for full circle with your coaching business.

But you are.

I mean, talk about your journey a little bit because were you brought back to it because of what you went through in your own personal journey?

Absolutely. So in 2021, my husband had a tumor removed from his head. My dog died, I had a 12 year old golden retriever who I loved more than many humans in my life, and I had two miscarriages back to back. And found out that it's very unlikely for me to have a healthy child. So I'm. My daughter is quite the miracle. And we didn't even know it. So anyways, with all of that happening in like a two, three month time frame, I was quite traumatized and very sad for a long. A long time. And I couldn't shake myself out of it. I was doing all of the things that I usually do. I was eating super healthy. I was exercising constantly. You know, I was trying to connect, do all the things that, as a coach, I know is good for me. And because I have this wiring of drinking when I'm stressed and it's okay because a little wine's good for you and all of that. I was drinking more days than I wanted to. And one would lead to three, which would lead to four, which would lead to crying. And it was just exacerbating the sadness that I was feeling. It wasn't actually helping it, but it would for a moment. Like, I had this initial reprieve from what I was feeling. So I kept going back to it. Finally, last June, I decided to take 90 days off. And I just wanted to give myself some space from it so I could see and play around with what was actually. What I was actually needing. Because I had this epiphany one day when I was really stressed out and overwhelmed. And I thought, I just need a drink. And I realized I actually just want peace right now. That's all I'm wanting is peace. Drinking what would actually give me peace right now. So I think I meditated or something. But it really sparked this new way of thinking for me. So I did. I ended up doing 84 days. I didn't make it to the full 90. My friends were leaving for the summer, and I decided to have some wine with them, which I regretted. But it is what it is. And because of that, it was Labor Day. I. I woke up the day after Labor Day, and I was like, I'm done. I had so much more fun with them all summer not drinking. I had such an amazing summer of just playing outside. I still went to bars with my family when they came to visit. I still did all the things, but I drank club soda or coffee because no one actually cares what's in your cup. They just want. They want to drink. They don't care if you do. Everyone, Everyone loves a dd. So anyways, I still. I had such a fun summer. And then the last night they were here, I, you know, partook in wine with them. And then I woke up feeling like crap. And I just realized, like, it wasn't worth it. Like, it didn't add anything to the fun it actually took away from it. And so I haven't had a drink since. And I think that it was nice to. I needed to give myself some space without having it be indefinite space, if that makes sense. And then once I allowed myself to go back to it, I had had enough time to realize, like, okay, there's so much more than this. Like, this isn't for me. And the way that my brain had associated alcohol with stress relief and the only way to have fun getting away from it has been life saving for me. And I feel like a better mom now. I feel like I sleep better, I'm happier, I'm healthier, I'm still a ton of fun, in my opinion.

Well, if you can't have fun with anybody else, at least you can have fun with your. Exactly.

I mean, I have to deal with me the most, so.

That'S awesome. So what did you make it mean? Because when you. I love when you tell the story about making it 84 days and not 90. And. But I think that's so important because that's going to be, you know, 99% of your client's journey. Right. Probably before they ever come to you. Right. That's one of the things people try is like, well, I'll just try and do it myself. Right. And they fall off the wagon. Fall off the wagon, fall off the wagon. And what do you, what do most people make? Or what did you make that mean? And then, you know, how does that equip you to really serve your clients?

You ask the most beautiful questions. What do I make it mean that I did 84 days and not the full 90?

When in that time, like on that 85th day in the morning when you woke up and you felt like shit, what did you make that mean about yourself?

Honestly, I was really impressed with myself because I, I was expecting, considering how horrible I felt, I, it would have made sense for me to berate myself, and I did a little bit, but I mostly just felt this piece of, like, okay, that was it. Like, I'm. I'm very much done now. And I made it mean this isn't for me anymore. Like, it, it was fun in my 20s. It was hilarious in my 20s. Like, I, I had a lot of fun, you know, in college, and I don't regret that. I don't, you know, it served its purpose. Right? Like, it was fun and now it's done. And that's okay. Like, yeah, I don't. I don't judge myself. And I think that that's. That's one of the things that infuriates me is how we have this, like, contradictory views on alcohol in our society. Like, if I told you I don't snort cocaine on weekends, you would be like, cool that no one does.

Really good.

Yeah, that's really good, Valerie. But if I say I don't drink on weekends, you're like, oh, my gosh, are you an alcoholic? And then there's this, like, judgment or, oh, I'm sober. I'm not drinking. There's this, like, oh, did you drink too much? You don't do that with anything else. So it's this weird. Like, if I don't do it, I'm judged, but if I do do it, I don't feel good.

Yeah.

So it genuinely bothers me. And I just realized, like, it's just not. It's not for me. And if people want to have a perception about that, that's okay. I. I feel like I'm past that. And I think that's part of my mission, is to help people see that if you feel like it's hurting you, you don't have to label yourself an alcoholic. You can just say, no, I don't want that in my life anymore, or I want to get to a place where I can. Where I say, I'm gonna have one and just have one. Yeah. And if my friend judge me for that, that's not my fault.

Yeah. Yeah. I love it. So talk a little bit now about building your business. You're in the early stages of building your business and what that's like. And, like, what you're thinking, feeling as you're embarking on this beautiful journey of entrepreneurship.

I'm feeling very uncomfortable all the time doing it.

Right. I'm just saying.

Yeah.

Which is which.

You've reminded me many times. And I. I'm to a point now, a couple of times this morning, I'll be doing something or about to do something, and I'll think, like, this is, like. I'll get that, like, twinge of, like, no, no, no. This is scary. And then I hear you, and I'm like, all right. Then I, like, click said or whatever it is. I'm like, we're doing it. It's definitely a stretch. I am spending a lot of time meeting new people and entering into scary conversations about, you know, coaching and what I do. And it's. It's funny because I am passionate about what I Do. And I'm confident. I am a good coach. I know I am. And marketing it and talking about it is not my strength. So learning how to get good at those things has been really hard for me. And I've been loving working with you because having that perspective shift of Mark, seeing marketing is just coaching people I'm not working with and just sharing my passion with the world. That's easier for me than thinking of, like, selling or all the other, like, pro marketing tips that are out there.

Yeah. Trying to be something that you're not.

Yes. It's definitely a lot of stretch. So I'm spending a lot of time in networking meetings. I'm spending a lot of time trying to figure out how to track stuff. That's not a strength of mine. I've been yelled at by a lot of bosses for not tracking very well. So now I'm the boss. That's like yelling at myself for not tracking very well.

That's funny.

Yeah.

I don't. That's. That's.

I feel like that's what I'm spending most of my time doing is just making connections, seeing who I can help, and then going from there.

Yeah. Yeah. And that's really what it is. Right? Making offers, letting people know how they can work with you.

Yeah.

That's really what it is. At all the levels. At all levels. It's uncomfortable, and you're doing scary things. And things always feel a little precarious because our brains are just like, no, you really should go back in the cave and not do this.

I know. I love. I've been thinking a lot about how yesterday when you pointed out that I. I was just waiting for this to fail so I could go back into the cave, but I don't actually want it to fail. So I have to just keep pushing and just telling, like, my. That primal part of my brain, like, no, we're safe. We're safe. It's okay. It's okay to do scary things. We're not gonna die.

Yeah.

And now it's fun because, like, my first reel that I posted, it took me 60 minutes to record 90 seconds because I kept deleting it and stuttering and being like, oh, that was stupid. And then now I. Like, I posted two within 30 minutes because I just kept having ideas, and it's fun to me now.

That's so awesome.

And I've stopped taking it as. I don't. I just. I've gotten better at not taking myself so seriously.

Yeah.

And seeing it as, like, feedback for, like, what's working and what's not working. And it doesn't mean I suck. It just means that wasn't the right route to go. And I think that's one thing you've really helped me with is just. It's not. It's not personal. And I just take everything so personally by nature that. That's really been such an impactful shift for me these last few months.

Yeah. Yeah, so. And it sounds like you're overthinking less, too, because if you could do two reels in 30 minutes, I mean, that might be a world record.

I mean, they're probably not going to go viral, but that's okay.

Who cares? We don't need to. But the funniest stuff does go viral. I mean, I recorded a real one time laying in my bed with my head on the pillow, and it's gotten like, tens of thousands of views. I'm like, this is so embarrassing because I was at that point like you. I'm just like, I'm just gonna put stuff out there. Nobody watches this anyway. And then that's the one that went like. Like, really? I didn't even look cute in that one. Dang it.

That reminds me of Elizabeth Gilbert's book Big Magic. Have you read that?

No.

Oh, my gosh. It's really good. But she. So she's the author that wrote Eat, Pray, Love. Yeah. And she asked her partner, I think. I think he was just her boyfriend at the time, if it was okay if he wrote. If she wrote about him. And he said, how many people are going to read this? And she was like, no one reads my books. Don't worry about it. And then, you know, obviously that book was wildly successful and she did not see that coming. So. Yeah.

You never know. Famous last words, right? Yeah.

No one reset.

So what do you feel like you are most proud of after, from the last three months, from this year of starting your business and taking the leap? What are you most proud of so far?

I am most proud of learning how to not take it personally and just get out of the cave and. And put myself out there and just see it as feedback and track the feedback.

It.

That's all it is. It's just a neutral circumstance. And the meaning I make from it is my choice. Yeah. And there's a lot of power in that that I just didn't see last time I did this. And I'm really grateful that. That I can see it that way now. And I feel like now I actually have a chance to. Of making this what I want and actually impacting women in the way that I know that I can.

Yeah.

I'm not making it about my value as a human anymore because that's not something anyone can mess with. That's just what I get to be.

Yeah. And from that place, you are infinitely powerful.

Yes.

No one can touch you there.

I didn't. I never felt that way when I was drinking. Like, the power I have found from quitting, from putting myself in situations time and time again where everyone's drinking and I'm not, and getting to a place where that's fine and I don't want to, that has been. That has unlocked such a confidence in me that's just irreplaceable and no one can mess with it. Like, I just get such a kick out of it now that I find it fun. I'm like, I. I rock. This is amazing.

That just give me chills. Like, chills on my head. That's amazing because that's so true. Like, once you're at that place where you get to decide what you're going to think about yourself and everyone's opinions are their own.

Yeah.

Then nothing can shake you. Like, you're unshakable from that place.

I love that word.

Yeah.

Is that your word for the year?

Did you tell me?

I think I did. Yeah.

That's so funny. And that's what you're becoming. That's what you are.

Yeah. And I. I feel it. Like, I still shake, but I don't fall down. I'm like, oh, this is scary. But, you know, let's do it.

Yeah. Yeah. Unshakable. Doesn't mean I. I don't think that you're, you know, devoid of emotion or feeling.

Right. I used to think that.

Yeah. That's a great point.

Yeah. Yeah.

You can still feel stuff and be sad and be, you know, hurt that somebody says something to you. But at the same time, you still know that you are the source of your opinion of yourself, not others or circumstances or whatever.

Yeah, absolutely.

I think that will. I know a hundred percent that will serve you so much in building your business.

Thank you.

Because it's people that get to that point that don't let the circumstances or what other people think of them, even people that are really close to them, they don't let those things shake them. And so they basically have no limits. Right. There's. There's no limit on how far they can go. How far you can go.

Yeah. Which is also a little scary. But it is.

Just take it one day at a Time. Yeah. I mean, we don't know all the. The heights, all the capacity that we have that we're capable of, which is exciting. It is exciting. But, you know, it's capacity to serve, but it's also capacity to make money. Like, you really have no idea how much you're capable of or. We're capable of so much more than we even imagine.

Yeah. And I'm. I think that's another reason I need you, because you're such a constant reminder of that for me. Like, when I doubt myself, you're right there to be like, nope, we're not doing this. You're better than this. You can do more. Come on.

Yeah.

There's no room for doubt anymore.

Yeah. I mean, it's always there. Right? We all have that.

It just needs to sit in the back seat now.

You sit in the back seat. Yeah. Yeah. So what's next for you? What do you see for yourself coming up?

Well, I am gonna work on doing more talks. I want to start talking, like, at networking meetings and on Facebook more, because I do think that I have an interesting story that I should start sharing.

Yeah.

And I'm writing a book, a novel, and I'm actually starting to make headway in it, so that will be coming in the next year, I believe.

Nice.

Never. I've never written a novel before, so we'll see how long it actually takes to finish and get it published. But I'm working on that too. And then. Yeah. Just continuing to grow and help women find their confidence and sobriety.

Yeah. So tell the audience how people can work with you. Like, what kind of work? How you work with your clients.

How I work with my clients. Like the method or like.

No, like you're. You're coaching one on one now. Yeah.

Yeah. So I do. I exclusively do one on one because I find that with talking about alcohol, there's so much stigma around it and there's so many different reasons we reach for it that people are more comfortable in one on one. And as someone who's led group coaching or group sessions, granted, they were on parole, so that's a different type of person. Yeah, I. I think that one on one is better with this topic. And so, yeah, so I do one on one, typically three months programs. I will do less, but I don't recommend less because when you're working on deep stuff, it takes a while.

Yeah.

And the more you invest in yourself, the more you grow. Yeah. I don't know how else to answer that.

No, that's good. It's Good. It just. Yeah, it gives people an idea of what it, you know, what it would be like if they reached out to work with you, that you are a private coach, you respect that it is a private matter, and, you know, you want to really focus on. On helping each woman one at a time. Okay, so tell us how we can follow you. Keep up with what you're doing, watch your reels.

So if you want to find me, I am on Instagram as Coach Mal, Facebook as Mallory Simmons. It's me and a toddler in the picture. The cutest toddler in the world, by the way. And, oh, and then My website is coachmel. Life.life.

Awesome. All right.

Yeah, I like it.

What?

I pay extra for that, but I like it.

Nice. Cool. Yeah, we'll put all that in the show notes so people can connect with you and keep up with you.

So, yeah.

Thank you so much. This has been so fun.

Thank you, Melissa, for having me. This has been great. You are absolutely amazing. Everyone needs you.

Oh, thank you. I think so, too. If you like this podcast, then you have got to sign up for my free on demand video training. Grow your sales doing what you love, where I teach you in depth. My simple process that you can implement right away to harness your mindset and your skills to grow your sales to whatever level you want. So go grab that now. The link is in the show notes, and I'll see you next time.