136. Building Resilience: What to Do When You Feel Like Giving Up

Welcome. I am marketing expert and business coach Melissa Kellogg Lueck. And this is the Doing Business Like a Woman podcast, where we are exploring and teaching you how women are reinventing the way business is done and money is made to help you create greater impact and financial freedom one business at a time.

Well, hello. Hello. How are you, ladies? Welcome to the podcast. I hope you're having a fabulous day. And wherever I am joining you on your day, I hope it's already been a wonderful day. And if not, hopefully you've got a little additional inspiration after this. I hope you're having a good summer, too. I can't believe we're at the midpoint of summer almost. It's at the time of recording. This is the week before Independence Day here in the US and July 4th. And so it's really kind of the, I think of it like the midpoint of summer. And so it's hard to believe it's already that time. But I love summertime. And I have been nursing a sprained ankle, so that hasn't been great because I haven't been able to do a lot of the outdoor activities that I like, but I'm finding some new ones, like, puzzling and, you know, things like that. So, anyway, it's been fun. But what I wanted to talk with you about today is super important, and it's something that we all go through. And recently I was asked by a woman entrepreneur that's building her business how to overcome rejection and, and feel she was feeling rejection, fatigue, and burnout and how to be resilient through that and just how to manage that feeling of wanting to give it all up and how to build stamina and grit in our business. And I know we all have been there. And I can say that unless you just started your business yesterday, we all have experienced feelings of rejection and, and failure. And I remember early on in my coaching business, when I was building my coaching business, transitioning to coaching as my primary service, I was learning how to sell and deliver it, which, you know, anytime you bring a new offer to market, it's like a new business, right? You have to learn how to sell it, market it, talk about it. So even if you've been successful in other businesses, anytime you start a new offer, it's a learning curve and it's completely normal. And so I was learning how to sell and deliver coaching at that time. And there was a period where I went through, I had consults with 12 different women and they all said no. So I had 12 nos in a row. And if you can imagine, I was devastated. I was so disappointed and definitely questioning whether I'd ever be able to make it as a coach. And I was scared. I didn't know, you know, if my business was going to make it. And I was even scared to, you know, even be scheduling more consultations because I was like, I just, I don't want to go on there and be rejected. And again, it just feels awful. And thankfully, thankfully, thank God I had a coach at the time. And because I think probably without support, without having support through this process, I probably would have quit because I found myself taking all of those no's very personally. And so I wasn't just hearing the no, this isn't for me. I was hearing, no, there's something wrong with you and I don't want to work with you. And that was very hard to hear and very hard to recover from. Right. And so I really, as this woman was talking to me about her experience, I really could relate. And so I wanted to do a podcast about this because rejection and failure and developing resilience through all of that is super, super important to the success and the sustainability of your business and of you as the CEO. Right? And so I want to teach you today how to move through that and how to really use it as something that empowers you and creates strength. I know that sounds weird right now, but stick with me. I got you. Okay, so. So I'm going to share all that with you today and just really teach you my process of what happens when I feel rejection, when I feel failure. Because the truth is, my friends and I can say this, having been in business for over 20 years now, that it doesn't go away. Right? There's no place you get to in your business where you never feel rejection or you never feel failure. And I suppose if you do, that probably means you're not growing and you're. And that is actually a bigger problem. But anyway, so it's actually a very good signal if you are feeling the sting of failure, feeling the sting of rejection, it is actually proof and evidence that you are growing, you are challenging the boundaries and your capacity and what you think you're capable of. So that's all a very good thing. So I want to give you some really concrete steps though, today because oftentimes when we find ourselves in that feelings of rejection and feelings of failure, it's a very emotional time. And often when our emotions are high, our intellect and our reasoning gets low. So I want you to just have a trigger in your mind to Know, okay, I see this happening and, and I remember what Melissa taught me, that this is how we handle it. And so this is so super important because resilience, I've heard it said that it is, I've heard it said time and time again that it is the most, one of the most important traits or skills that you can develop to become that successful woman entrepreneur that you want to be. And it really takes developing resilience and creating a resilient mindset, creating resilient actions that will help you to continue in your growth and continue to keep going. Right? To just keep going. All right, so our first step, when you are feeling the rejection, something happened. So in my case, right, I kept getting these no's from potential clients time after time after time. And so the first step to building that resilience is normalizing rejection and failure. And so that's what we're doing here today. I really want us to normalize it. It's completely normal, part of the entrepreneurial experience. And like I said before, if you're not feeling it, that is also something to be aware of because that could be an indication that you're not growing, you're not trying new things. And that also is a threat to a thriving and sustainable business. So, so yeah, I want to just normalize that. It's completely normal. And I'm not going to sit here and, and try to reframe it for you. And sometimes you might be able to reframe it, but most times when we're in that place, it just feels awful. And I want to just normalize that. It's going to feel awful. But I think the easiest way to make peace with it, with rejection is to know that it's part of the entrepreneurial journey and it's not personal. And even if it is, it's still not personal. And you need to be able to make friends with rejection and failure. Know that they're twins that are going to be following you around for your entire entrepreneurial journey. Some days you may hear them shouting louder than others, but they will be there and they will pester you and you can allow them to be there. You don't have to waste your energy or your time trying to make them go away. Just accept they're going to be there. Let them know that you hear them. I like to think about sitting down with them and letting them have their say, letting them just take that moment or moments or time, whatever time you need to just sit with those feelings and process them by allowing all of the, whatever they have to say, letting that all come out, you can journal that all the worst case scenarios, all of that, just sit with it and allow yourself to feel in your body what that rejection or that failure feels like. And a lot of times we try to move very quickly through this phase because it's very uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable to feel failure to feel like a failure. It's uncomfortable to feel humiliation. But it's really important that you allow yourself to feel these feelings even though they're uncomfortable and to know that they are safe to feel. Okay, so they are safe to feel, safe to have. And that's step number one. Okay, so next, once they've had their say and you've allowed yourself to feel through the rejection, the failure, then you'll come to a point where you'll be ready to ask more useful questions. You'll be like, okay, what's next? What am I going to do now? Right? And that is a perfect time to begin the process of evaluation. And I love to think that rejection, failure, humiliation, disappointment, all of those, the role of them in our business is really to teach us, right? I heard it once said that that failure is the tuition that we as entrepreneurs pay for success. So the more failure, the more experiences, the more rejection that you, you experience in your business, the more successful you're going to be. So that's one way of looking at it, right? I know it doesn't feel great in the process, but when you're ready to, when you find yourself ready to move on and evaluate, that's the way we learn the lessons and we mine for the gold of the rejection and the failure. And these are the lessons that we're meant to learn in our business to get to the next level. So I want to talk to you a little bit about that process. And this is something that I work on with my clients a lot because this really is how we achieve continuous improvement in our business. And so what this looks like the most important part of this is I want you to think about all the things that are in your control and evaluate those things. So in my example with the 12 no's on my consultations, there's a lot of things that were in my control and there's a lot of things that are not in my control. And oftentimes when we're evaluating, we're thinking about all the things that are out of our control. Like I can't control whether a client says yes or no. I can't control whether they have money or not, and I can't control Whether they understand or whether they show up. Right. Those are things I can't control. Correct. But what are the things that are in my control? Right. For example, what's in my control is having great questions, being really adept at understanding where they're coming from, what their problems are, and, and getting all the information I need to offer a really solid solution.

Right?

That is in my control. What else is in my control? It's in my control to be able to put together a solid solution and present that to them. That's in, in my control. So I want to be focusing in this evaluation on what are the things in my control, because those are the things I can change. I can't change whether they decide to show up or not. Right? But I can't change whether they say yes or no. But I can change how well I communicate the value. I can change how well I ask questions and really provide that really high value consultation for them. Right? So if we look at all the things that are in our control, then we have the power to get better. So we're thinking about all the things we can control and we're going to ask ourselves three questions. The first question is what worked? So in my example, what worked? Maybe I did a good job of establishing rapport with the client and helping them feel comfortable and know exactly where we were headed. I did a good job. You know, I had a lot of great questions. I had a really good understanding of what their problem was and I was able to present that to them. Right? And then so once we have a good handle on where what worked and where we saw our growth in the, in the evaluation, then next we want to ask what didn't work? Where are our opportunities for growth? Where are opportunities to improve? Right? So for example, in my case, maybe it was, you know, I got all up in my head about my solution. I started questioning myself if this was really what was going to work or what she wanted or whatever. I got distracted and wasn't really able to establish and communicate the value as strongly as I, I could have. So those are just a couple examples of, in the case, I'm talking about what didn't work. Right? And then the third question is, what would I do different next time? What are the lessons I want to take from this experience to change and grow and take into my next attempt? Because we're going to take all the learning from this attempt and, and then we're going to go again. That's what entrepreneurship is. That's what getting better at marketing is. That's what getting better at sales is. So what are all the lessons? So maybe, you know, lessons such as I, you know, I need to practice coming up with a very clear plan of action for her and being able to lay that out very clearly. I need to do some more work on the value of coaching with me, right? So that I can really communicate that value of what's going to, what's going to tangibly change for her if we work together, whatever the case may be, right? So I get all that less, all those lessons, all that learning of what I want to do different next time. And so once we have learned all the lessons, taken all the lessons out of the experience, you know exactly what you want to improve for next time. So what this gives you is a plan of action. So rather than spinning out in, you know, I'm not good at this. I'm never going to make this business work. I'm not good at sales, I'm not good at marketing, which doesn't empower you or give you action items you now have from this, the results of this evaluation is a very clear path to improving for your next attempt. Right? And so this is a process I go through with my clients frequently. And this is how we create a rapid cycle of improvement that will get you better and better results each time. And so this is how I went on from having those 12 no's to being able to get yeses and you know, improve my consultations, improve my communication about the work we do together, improve, improve the results that I'm getting my clients and then be able to talk about that in a really meaningful way and go on and sell hundreds of thousands of, and deliver hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of coaching after these 12 nos, right? And this cycle of continuous improvement continues to go on and on throughout the life of our business. If we are not practicing this evaluation and, and continually improving the work that we're doing in the way that we're selling, the way that we're marketing and getting better at it, our business growth is going to be very slow, right? And very frustrating. It's going to be a lot of burning things down and trying, you know, trying all new sales, all new marketing campaigns or all new marketing plans, whatever, right? It's a lot of all or nothing thinking. But when we can break down exactly where things are going right and where things are going wrong, we keep the things that are going right, we adjust and improve the things that aren't working and we continue to get better. Right? So the worst way to stunt your growth and push revenue further out is to take it personally, to take rejection and failure in your business personally, because it's not personal. It's if you're believing that you're not cut out for this, if you're letting these experiences spin you out for days and weeks and months. And the only reason I can say this is because I used to do this. I used to let these rejections, this failure, spin me out. I used to use the these no's as evidence that I wasn't cut out to be a coach. And so it's really important to get support in those times so that you remember that failure and rejection is just a trigger, right? It's just a trigger that it's time to evaluate because there's plenty that you can improve. If you love the work that you're doing and you know it's something you're meant to do, then stick, stick with it, right? You can, you are cut out of it, cut out for it. You are meant to do this and you can improve it. And you don't have to improve everything at once. We improve little by little and then we go again. So this is how you learn, how you're going to learn to empower yourself through rejection and failure. And when you do that, that builds resilience. Because the truth is, rejection and failure are never going to go away. They're going to always be a part of your business, your entrepreneurial journey, your sales journey, your marketing journey, right? So when you notice that feeling of rejection, I want you know, if you're feeling highly emotional and the intellect is low, I want you to remember what I'm telling you today and pause and use it as a trigger to evaluate. This is just an invitation to learn, to grow and to go again, right? And I promise it will get easier. It's kind of like exposure therapy, right? The more you're exposed to it, the more you create a immunity to it. And it does you, you feel safer and safer with yourself in that failure, in that rejection. And when you get to that point, then you're, you know that you can go again. And even at the risk of failure, even at the risk of rejection, because you know it's on the other side of it. So because when you sign up for more and faster and continual putting yourself out there, you will be rejected. You are going to experience failure. And when you do that at a faster and faster rate, what I promise is that all the success and all the clients, all the impact, all the money is on the other side of failure, right there is in no circumstance in the entrepreneurial journey is it all just winning, right? So those of us that decide to sign up to learn from failure and rejection and things not working out, when we sign up to learn from those, we're going to make it worth it in spades. And all you learn along the way will make you so wealthy, you're going to be wealthy in wisdom, wealthy in experience, wealthy in clients, and for sure, wealthy financially. Right. Because that is the process of building a successful business. So that's what I have for you today, my friends. If you're ready to be fully supported through rejection and failure and create your own rapid improvement cycle and business growth, I can help you. I have a few private coaching slots available, and I'd love to explore what working together could look like, what we could create together for your business. If you'd love to get on a call, you can visit my website and book a call from the homepage. And I look forward to getting to know you and your business and how we can help you grow and experience all and build that business that that you dream of faster and faster. All right, so I wish you a beautiful week. And my dog is screeching at the door because it sounds like dinner is getting prepared downstairs and she likes to be part of all of that. So I better go. All right, my friends, I'll talk to you later. Have a great time. Have a great rest of your day. Bye.

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