142. Letting Go of Perfection and Pressure in Business with Robin McIntire

Welcome. I am marketing expert and business coach Melissa Kellogg Lueck. And this is the Doing Business Like a Woman podcast, where we are exploring and teaching you how women are reinventing the way business is done and money is made to help you create greater impact and financial freedom. One business at a time.

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Hello. Hello, friends. I'm so excited to be with you today, and thank you for being here and for joining us. I am thrilled to be able to introduce to you one of the most amazing women that I know, a very dear friend and colleague, Robin McIntyre. And we get to feature her this month in October in our Ewomen Network Northern Colorado chapter as our business matchmaker. And so we're gonna, you know, just find all. Find out all the things about Robin. She has so much wisdom to share because she has been championing, championing, championing. Say that 10 times.

Good word, isn't it?

Championing women for 44 years with heart, humor, and a fierce belief in their potential, with a strong background in health and fitness. And now, as a certified life and empowerment coach, she helps ambitious women like us release the pressure of perfectionism and reconnect with their clarity, energy, and inner calm. It's where grounded meets driven. And peace doesn't require perfection. Thank you so much for being here, Robin. It's so great to see you.

Thank you, Melissa, for having me. This is very fun for me.

Yeah, love it.

Love it.

Yeah, it's going to be fun. A great conversation. So what I wanted to just talk about first a little bit is, so as a business matchmaker for our chapter, what that means is that Robin has. She's a super connector, number one, and number two, she invites guests to come to our Ewomen Network chapter. And when three of those guests says yes to membership, then. Which is what has happened for her, she was awarded with a sponsorship worth over $2,500 and full of lots of. Of benefits. But really what it does signal, also it increases her visibility within our chapter because she is a connector. She is a woman that you want to know and that you want to know you. And so Robyn has been such an encouragement for me over these years, this couple of years of my leadership in the chapter and has always been great support and such a cheerleader. And so I'm wondering if you can talk about, since you are a big champion for women and have been for so many years, what first inspired you to dedicate your life and your work to helping women?

Oh, I think. I don't think. I know. My own path has led me here. Lots of hard knocks. And honestly, when I believe that when we can solve some of our own inner conflict and the things that keep us stuck, when we figure those out. Not that I'm not always working. I feel like our work is never done, but I just believe that we are supposed to help other women with that. And I don't mean supposed to like a should. It's just something in us that tells us we want others to feel the goodness that we have felt with the growth that we have done. So my own personal development and the things that I've overcome and I guess I'll nutshell this, Melissa, that going from someone that didn't, wasn't really too fond of herself to someone that feels really good now and allows myself to be myself and all the good enough stuff. Not again. Not that that doesn't come up sometimes, but that that is what I want for all women and all people really. And, and I believe the way to get there is to be really, really honest with ourselves and do a little dig deep, deep digging deep.

Dig deeping too deeping.

Yes. So I love, I love to. I feel like I'm such a safe space for that because of my own things I've been through. And if we can stop judging ourselves, then we can get to the work, then we can get to the, to the other side.

Yeah, I love that. And so how do you think looking through that lens helps you in building your business and networking and being able to show up for networking, you know, without that perfectionism or, you know, the masks that we wear.

That has been a process, I gotta be honest. And the more clear I've gotten about how I want to help women, the easier that's gotten, I think. I think personally, I think what makes networking hard sometimes is when we're still stumbling around with our message, which, you know, Melissa, I've been playing with that for a long time because I want to talk about all the things, talk about all the things we help people with. But I, I think just honestly, it's a choice to give yourself permission to be yourself. And it really reminds me of, you know, do we. Do I want people to like me for who I am or who they think I might be. And, and I, I really, I heard on a podcast years ago about you want people to either really like you or really not. Like, as far as who we're attracting as clients. So that helped me a bunch. Like, it's like remembering that we're not everybody's cup of tea. I've had to bring that up so many times to myself and just being able to really accept that we aren't going to be everybody's cup of tea. So if we show up strong in who we really are, it's just easier for people to either find us or leave us. And same goes both ways, right? When we're looking for people, we want to know who they really are. So we can decide if there are people or not.

Yeah, absolutely. And so how does that help you create great connections when you're out networking?

Oh, my. I guess that's a good question, Melissa. Before I go into a networking event, I really. I take a few minutes to center myself and just say, whoever I'm supposed to meet, be influenced by or who maybe I can influence, I'm going to trust that that's what's happening. As I walk in this room, just really try to pay attention and be present with people. And I think it helps sort that out.

Yeah. Yeah, I love that. Because that's really what connection is all about. Right. Like seeing, you know, almost just looking for the miracles when you walk into a room and the curiosity of getting to meet people rather than going in and being like, how many business cards can I shove in people's faces? Or what can I get from all these people?

It's so true. We've all. I think we've all experienced that. You know, I've gone in and met people, and they. They didn't even ask my name before they handed me a business card. And I thought, wow, I would rather. I think I would rather know your name and your story than. I don't know. I just. I. That never clicks for me. That. That's. Yeah, I think that's very transparent in the wrong way. Yeah. Yeah. It's. It's how we. Yeah. We want to look. We want to meet the person first. And. And not everybody's going to be our client anyway. I mean, even if they signed up, are they the right person? We want to make sure it's a fit either way. And we can't do that if we're just boldly handing out our card and not stopping to get to know who we're talking to. Yeah.

Yeah. And I imagine that approach has really been helpful for you in being the super connector that you are.

It does. I. I think it does. Well, I know I. I do believe it just helps when we just stay present and our answers come. It's like there's that inner wisdom. Right. And we. We. We have a gut and a gut feelings that we get it's. I feel like it's pretty easy to figure out pretty early who might be a fit and who might not be a fit. So connecting with people. What I do love that I can tell you. Helps me is watching you for one, Melissa, the way you do invite guests and you're just. You're circling in the best of ways, like, who can I help? Who can I support? Who needs our support? Watching you do that has been really helpful too. And bottom line with E Women is when I joined E Women, I just felt something I hadn't felt in a really long time. So there's that.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's been four and four years ago, I think in August. And there was just a feeling when it came in the room saying, wow, I have missed this. And it was the beginning of me getting out from behind my desk and getting out and networking in person, which only Lord knows why I quit doing that.

Well, Covid, for one.

Yeah, yeah, that too.

I love that. So you talk about grounded, meet the driven, share what that means to you personally and how that shapes the way you show up.

When. When I was. I was doing a lot of different things. I'll go back to multi level marketing and I felt like I was hustling. I was doing what I was taught. You know, I was hearing from a lot of people, hey, you can sleep when you're dead. And you know, you just got to go, go, go, go, go. And I know how it felt. And. But I also. It was brought to my attention with my first Life coach in 2018. And I was just. I'm going to use the word panicked because. Because if anybody can relate to that feeling, right. It's like when we're going so hard and we know we have to get, you know, either the sale or the, the goal, whatever it is, it's just this intense, intense pressure that we put on ourselves.

Yeah.

And I, I have to say, it's. It's through the coaching that really helped me understand that it's all how we. It's all how we show up. So taking time to slow down, having white space. I am so such a. I just really push my clients with that. See, we. If we do not have white space in our days and in our weeks and in our months, we are going so fast and hard. We just can't stay connected to ourselves. It's all about outside stuff, obligations, Got to do this, got to show up, got to do all the things. Got to do all the things. Right. So whether you call that perfectionism or Not. It's still a pressure that we can apply to ourselves and can be put on us societally if we accept it. So it just, it just really means that you can still go after what you want, but it's a shift in energy and how we see it that helps us get the things done with more calm. So I'll give you a silly example real quick. My husband wouldn't mind, but okay, so he used to. He's really good at making eggs. Like, he can flip three or four over easy eggs, stop breaking them. And I used to joke with him because in the morning, if he broke his eggs, it just would put him in. And so after that, he stubs his toe and then he, you know, he's out the door late and all these things go wrong because of the energy he just got into over this little stress about his eggs. Yeah. So when I think about grounded, it's like, how fast can we catch the stress? And you know, you know as well as I do, it's all about the thoughts, right? It's about our thoughts, it's about our language. So how fast can we catch that and ground ourselves and then go from there? So it's, it's just grounding. You can, you can be as successful in anything you want, but you can't be doing it from a panicked state. Yeah, I mean, we can, but it's not logical. And in it, put another way, the coach that I hired told me, robin, you can't create from a place of guilt because I was so guilty that I hadn't found myself footing yet in my business and blah, blah, blah. And I, I'll tell you, that one line that she gave me, I took it to the bank. I said, you know what? She's right. And she pointed out that all the things that I. All the money I spent with all the trainings and all the things that. That made it mean to me, I should already have arrived. She said, all been stepping stones. And in that Melissa, I took that as permission to really let that go, you know? Yes. It still comes back every once in a while, but I quickly grab the thought and hold it up. But to stay grounded, I think we, if we can catch ourselves, that self awareness is so important. If we can catch ourselves in the thought and knock it down real quick, we can just get on our way much faster.

That's so good. So in practical sense, how do you practically ground yourself? Like, what are some tips and suggestions you give for ground, for grounding?

You know, I'm a very visual person And I gave this to a gal yesterday. We were walking and she went, oh, my God, I'm so visual. That was so great. So I'm going to give you this one.

Okay.

You know we can't control the thoughts that come in, right? We can control what we do with them, but not when they come in. So I always say, well, what if this thing on our shoulders was a clear box and the thoughts were colored pieces of paper with thoughts on them so they just come trickling in? What? Well, our job is we feel it in our body, right? If it's a good thought, we're happy. You know, we just feel it. And if it's a bad thought, all of a sudden we're like, what happened to my mood just now? So I say, okay, grab out that colored piece of paper, put it out here. It's not you. It's a thought. Does it doesn't.

You know, it's just.

It's not part of us look at the thought and read it. And in that moment, we decide whether we keep it or not, whether it serves us or not. So I really and truly try as quickly as I can to say, that is just my brain doing its thing. Doing its thing, and I get to choose. So I really, I. I just think it can be that quick, that when we feel stressed, we're looking for, what's the thought? What. What just happened that put me in the spin and how fast can I bring myself back?

Yeah. And that awareness is a skill and a practice, right? It's like, I mean, if we go back to your. To your fitness, it's like working out, right? Like, it's like doing a push up when you've never done a push up before. It's really, really hard and might even be impossible at first.

It is. It's true. And I really like to tell my. Anything I teach and, like, it is a practice, really. Right. That's why we don't have real quick fixes as coaches, because we're talking about identity and thoughts and behaviors and all the things that add up. So. So it is a practice. And I think that's why I say we're. We're never done. We've never arrived. Because it's like forgiveness. We think, have you ever forgiven someone? And then you're like, out of the blue, someday it pops up and you're like, wait a minute, I did a lot of work around that. I thought. I forgave that.

I thought we were over that already.

So again, it's that little piece of paper. Coming in, going, I don't know where you came from, but I don't need it. You know, I've done this. So I do feel like it is a practice, but for anybody especially, that's visual. And if you can really just understand and know that, you know that, you know your brain's going to do these tricks and our job is to catch it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I think the skill, like how you know that you're gaining skill in that area is that. Not that you never have negative thoughts or. Not that you never feel anxiety or, you know, sadness or depression or whatever, but you are able to identify the thoughts and recover quicker.

Yes. Yeah. Because we don't. I'm a big one, too. We don't stuff it. We don't cover it up with rainbows and unicorns. Yeah. But I mean, if it's really just something out of the blue and we just know we need. It's like, we can. We can work on that later. But right now I just am stressed out and that's not going to work. So I need to flip it. I can write it down and stress later if I want. But. But yeah, I mean, when calm is really, really the goal, it's so easy to measure. Am I calm or am I panicked? And then. And. And take it from there. I just had something really profound to say, Melissa, and it just slipped away. I'll let you know if it comes back.

So this really relates to your business too, and building a business and the entrepreneurial journey, right?

Absolutely. Yes, absolutely. How many times do I want to quit and go get a job? I was at. I was at Shields the other day, back by the dressing rooms, asking those ladies, so, do you like it here? And I was thinking, I could see a lot of people. I could get so many steps, you know, it could be so fun. You get a good discount, probably, right? Yeah, that for sure. But. But again, when I get in that mood where the brain's trying to just discourage. Shut me down, whatever, I literally. It's almost always at night. I don't know if you believe this. For me and the people I've asked, I'm like, have you ever noticed that our problems seem really bigger, a lot bigger at night? They're more magnified at night, probably because we're tired. I don't know. And I love my mornings. So at night I just literally go, Robin, go to bed. Because I know tomorrow, because I really do accept. It's just. It's this game. My brain's going to try to make Me think I'm failing or, you know, that I can't do this when I know darn well I can. So. Yeah, yeah. It's just, it's having that inner voice get bigger and stronger too, I think to just say I hear you, but, but no, I don't, I don't have time for this. So.

Yeah, yeah. And I love that you talk about that as a pattern because it is a pattern. You know, I think mine is in the morning. I, you know, I'll wake up in the morning like, you know, full of like anxiety and like, you know, everything's going to hell in a handbasket and here I go right along with it. And so that's in the morning where I really have to work on my, my brain and what's going on up there.

Yeah. And I, I, I will give you this, Melissa, I don't want to, I don't want to jump in the pool with you, but you have a lot like you. It's so fun to watch all the things you do. You really are. I'm an empty nester. You're not. I mean there are different, different things that are easy for me to say and sometimes I need to be reminded that, you know, there's things that I don't have on my plate anymore. So getting up with a family and running e women our chapter and running your business and doing all the things I can see too, where the to do list, if you want to call it that, or the things to check off for the day, depending on what that looks like for you. It. I think mornings can be that way as well. And in that time, another really great thing is a deep breath with I have time for the, for all the things. You know, I think that's really calming when we remind ourselves because really when we say that and when we can get to believe it, even for that morning or for that day, it's amazing. I think my coach called it bending time, but I really believe it's true. It's like time slows down when we slow down a little and carry the belief through the day that we can do it.

That's good. That's really good because time is always one of my, one of my obstacles. Like that's what my brain will consistently give me is that thought I don't have time. I don't have enough time, you know, and that's what, that's what my brain knows will always slow me down to avoid and procrastinate and think, which obviously just self perpetuates the Time thing.

Oh, no, I know, I know.

That's what my brain, you know, that's my brains go to. To keep me in the cave is like, you don't have time for that. Don't do that. Just stay here in the cave.

You know, I know that one well too. I do. Yeah.

Yeah. It's so fun, this journey.

It is. And I think too, with the whole time thing, it's almost become a game for me when I think, when my first thought is I don't have time. And then I say, but you know what? You do. And I do just take a breath. It really does. There is something special about it. And it also makes me. It also makes me keep white space in my, in my days. And I just know what happens, especially when I'm talking about the. At night when you're just about to cave and you think, I just can't do this anymore. It's almost always when I'm overbooked or. Or said yes to one too many things. Even though I feel like I'm really good at selecting my yeses and no's, I still, I. I start to feel the O word, which I don't use anymore. Overwhelm. That's. That is my goal. A couple years ago, I quit using the word overwhelm. And it's been amazing how it's helped me not be as overwhelmed.

Yeah. Isn't that interesting? We did this experiment over the summer with my kids where we wouldn't allow them to say I'm tired or we. Obviously they can say it, but they'd have to do push ups or something when they said I'm tired. Because that's what they want to say. Like you ask, it's time to do the dishes or it's time to do your chores or mow the lawn or whatever. I'm tired. I'm tired. And you know, or we're gonna go camping, we're gonna do something really fun. I'm tired. And we. And so we're like, no, you know, drop and give me 10 push ups.

I love that. That's very character building, right?

Yeah.

Let's prove you're not tired.

Yeah. Yeah. Because it's just a lot of times it's just that first thought that comes up. Right. And then it comes out of our mouth. And the power of speaking something, you know, once we think it and then we speak it, especially using those I am statements, then we give power to that statement. And we might not necessarily want to be doing that.

And I still have to catch Myself often at that. It's true. That is a. That's a real language is so much. It's language is. I love to listen to people's stories for that reason. Because if the quickest way to, I think help validate people's stories, not keep them in it, but validate is you can hear how strong their belief is in their story by the words that they use to describe it. You know, like, I had a client one time, she was so fun in this group, group coaching we were doing. And she'd just say, well, here I am here on fire. And she said I'm a hot mess. And I mean, she was so funny that it was hard. It was hard to correct, but it was a reality because of how. And she was having fun with it, but it still mattered. She just. Everywhere she went, hair on fire. So, yeah, our language is really important.

So tell me a little bit more about the white space. How do you create that? What are your recommendations around white space?

I think the first thing is committing and believing. I mean, some of the gals that I work with around boundaries, that's so tough that the first thing we have to get right is buy in that that this will help you. And by saying no to certain things, which by looking at our calendar two weeks in advance, if you looked at everything on there and said and picked out the things that didn't excite you, that could be our first clue. Right. Really protecting our time. So white space for me is I love my mornings. That's. That's when I work out. That's when I do my gratitude journal. That's when I do a lot of personal development, whatever, but I my mornings for that. That's when I'm really sharp or. And I also will come in and do content creation sometimes in the mornings because again, I'm excited, I'm sharp. Where later in the day I will push out coffee dates later in the day just because that's. Once I go socializing, sit back, it's harder for me to come and do those things. So first of all, I guess on your schedule, what are the great things that really fuel you as a. As a human and a business person? What, you know, work around some fun and some joy. And then. And I have certain. Like Tuesday through Thursday are my days where I actually take coaching appointments. And then Mondays and Fridays I leave open intentionally Monday for, you know, things I want to do in, you know, work behind the scenes. Friday can be flexible. So really designing it the way you want it when you can. If you have, if you have that ability for your business and, and then just not making sure that all those time blocks are not filled in, like they leave some space. And I've got self care is one of my color blocks. It's lavender on my Google calendar. So if you know, even dentist, dentist, doctor, massage, walk with a friend, those all go under self care. So, so really making time for that. The other thing I really swear by is going to bed at a decent hour that you know, helps the mornings, those kinds of things. But I, I used to run so hard that I didn't even have time to look in the mirror and say, how you doing? You know, like. Right.

Yeah.

So it is something I think that's real personal. Personal for people. Like where do you fit it in? But that's where saying no with love comes in. Boundaries, all those things, it all contributes, right?

Yeah. Yeah. So good. Yeah. I, ever since my kids were little, I always get up in the morning early before everybody else. That's my time. Right. Well, while the house is still quiet and dark. I love walking around in the dark for some reason, but nobody's gonna bother me. Yeah. Yeah. And I still do that to this day. And I don't use an alarm either, which has been a huge thing for me, a self care thing because I don't know, just feel always felt so jarring and very, I don't know, traumatic for me. So I just was like, I'm just gonna stop and start trusting my body to get the sleep she needs.

That's awesome. Melissa. I love to rise early, but I think if I waited, I think my alone needs to wake me because otherwise I'm disappointed.

I.

Because I do love the early mornings too, but that's really cool. My husband's at that point too where his body just wakes up. He wakes up at 4:30. I used to do that. Not anymore. That was part of me. That was part of my hustle.

Yeah. Yeah. I love this. Thank you so much. So as we wrap up, if, if you're looking back on your career, the work, all the work that you do with women that you've coached, what's a lesson about connection and community that you wish every women entrepreneur, every woman entrepreneur knew?

I would have to say that when we're part of a community, we don't just get to support other women, but we can feel supported. My experience as a young woman with bulimia in high school, the isolation of that, I always say it was the secret that about killed me not to say we come to These and disclose all our deep dark secrets. But having a community of women where you can feel seen, heard and understood and these things take time. Right. It might take a while to meet somebody that might have your same story or similar story, but having the support of other women is. Oh my gosh. Well, it's on the hierarchy of needs. Right. As well as we. Really isolation is not, is not okay. And as an entrepreneur, especially female entrepreneur, especially, especially we. It's. It can be lonely. Leadership can be lonely. So getting together with like minded women who are serious about their business, I just can't believe I did it by myself for so long without it. So yeah, I would just say if you're trying to figure it out all by yourself, it's going to take twice as long and it's just not near as fun. And if we're not having fun, we're doing it wrong.

That's right. Life is too short to not have some fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So is there anything else that you'd like to add that I didn't ask? Anything that comes to mind?

No, I just really appreciate you having me here. It's. I, I love to talk about these types of things and I really believe that if we go first as leaders with vulnerability and sharing, it's just easier for everyone else to have permission to do the same. So I just appreciate this time. I don't just appreciate it, Melissa. I really appreciate it, Melissa. So thank you.

Well, we so appreciate having you as part of our chapter. I mean you really are part of the soul of that room and the way that you make everyone feel so comfortable and welcoming and belonging, it's just been amazing and I really appreciate that. And the leadership that you, that you show just in how you can be authentic and real and be yourself and still be killing it, you know, and, and just building a, an amazing life and an amazing business and, and then having fun while you're at it. You've been such a great example and inspiration for me. So I appreciate you.

Thank you, Melissa. That means a lot. Thank you.

You're so welcome. Thank you.

This was fun.

This was super fun. All right. Oh, and then before we go, I also wanted to make sure and ask you where can we keep up with what you are up to? Where's the best places to follow you and connect with you?

You know, I would honestly say I've got some great freebies on my website and yes, that way you're on my email list. If you don't like staying there, that's fine too. But the the my freebies, I have one about flow versus grind energy and some stuff on habits. So I love to shoot people to robinobin well robin mcintyre.com that's spelled with all eyes. R O B I N M C I N T I R E. Awesome.

Thank you so much Robin for being here.

Thank you. It was fun.

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