153. Building Resilience, Handling Failure, and How to Bet on Yourself

Welcome. I am marketing expert and business coach Melissa Kellogg Lueck. And this is the Doing Business Like a Woman podcast where we are exploring and teaching you how women are reinventing the way business is done and money.

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Hello. Hello. How's it going, friends? I've been thinking a lot about you and about 2025 and thinking ahead to 2026 and what's coming up ahead. And really excited to be with you today. Come have a seat and cuddle in. Our theme for today is how to get out of your own way with resilience, enthusiasm, purpose and determination. I'm going to walk you through the exact practices that I use to really keep up my own enthusiasm, resilience, energy on this entrepreneurial journey. Because as it's not always a walk in the park, in fact, half the time it's really hard. We really need to intentionally be powering ourselves up and really connecting with our resilience and our determination and our purpose. And so I'm going to talk with you about, about that today and tell you some stories of times in my entrepreneurial journey over the last 20 years where I really had tough times and where I really did have to dig deep and consciously, intentionally create my enthusiasm and determination and resilience. But first, if we don't know each other, I'm so glad you're here. I want to introduce myself. My name is Melissa Kellogg Luick and I'm the CEO and founder of the Avanti Business Academy for Women. And I absolutely love helping women to really, really embody their value and communicate that out to the world, their business value. And, and in order to help them to create greater financial freedom through entrepreneurship. And so that's what we're all about. And I'm on a mission to help thousands and thousands of women to really value themselves, value the work they do and get out and communicate it, share it with the world and make money doing so. That's what I love doing. I also provide private coaching and can work with you side by side to really help you communicate your value and bring in the clients and have the impact that you want to have with your business. So each Wednesday morning, I come on live and share with you my MINI Marketing masterclass. I call it MINI because it's not very long, it's bite sized but also chock full of value. I really love this format and what I've been doing is putting time aside on my calendar for the hour before I come live to really Hone in and focus in, develop this content for you and then go live. So I'm like, have been in the work, been thinking about you, thinking about this all morning and so I can't wait to just bring this mini masterclass to you. Thank you for being here. I imagine. I hope you've had some time to really reflect on the year and how it's gone for you. I know whether it's gone really great or whether it's been really hard, I think for most of us it's been a lot of both. I know for me there's been a lot of challenging, a lot of stretching, a lot of growing lots happening under the hood in my business, in my life, in myself. And I know that I learned this for a lot of the folks that were in the marketing momentum event that I had that it has been a non revenue growth year for a lot of people. And we talked a lot about that and talked about how to really find the growth. Because growth is our natural state. We are organic beings. We build businesses that are beings in and of themselves. And because we are part of the natural world, growth is our natural state. So we are always growing, right? And we're always growing in some way. And so we talked a lot about finding where the growth, growth has been in this 2025, we might say I didn't grow my revenue. Okay? There are always going to be times in our business throughout the years. I've been in business for 20 years, so I can tell you with certainty that it's not always an upward trajectory in our revenue, in our growth as far as financially. But there are a lot of other ways that we grow that are not revenue based. And oftentimes we experience a non revenue growth year that prepares us for the next year being a high revenue growth year. And we also have to remember time and years are just a construct of humans. Right? Just because we didn't grow in this one particular period of time of 12 months doesn't mean we're not growing. We can look over the years, we can look over the last three years or five years or 10 years, right? Or we can look over the last three months or six months. We can set those time constraints. However we want to find the growth. And even if it's not revenue growth, I really encourage you, if it was not a revenue growth year for you to find where the growth has been in you, in your business, in your clients, in your industry and celebrate that growth. Because whatever we celebrate, whatever we focus on is going to be what expands and what we create more of. So if we sit and think about 2025 and all the things that we did not accomplish and I didn't grow my income, I didn't grow my revenue and everything is awful, then that's what we're going to create more of in 2026. It's always going to be true that there are great things that happen. There was all kinds of growth. And there's going to be also true that there were things that didn't grow that opportunities that we missed, things that didn't work out, failures that we had. Right? That's always going to be true. Both of those are going to be true in business and in life. So we as CEOs need to have the capacity to hold both of those truths, right? And we have to have the capacity to know and the wisdom and discernment to know which of those two things are going to help us build our resilience, enthusiasm and determination. And I will tell you with 100% certainty that focusing on all the failure, all the non growth, all of the things that, that the humiliation and rejection, all of that, focusing on all of that is not going to help us build our resilience, enthusiasm and determination. But when we focus on what is growing and we lean into that also knowing that there were areas that didn't grow, then that's where we really can create traction. And it's not to say that we ignore all the bad things that happened. It's that we're learning from all of it. Right? We're learning from all of it. We're focusing on the growth in all of it and then we're moving on from there. I don't know who said this, but it's been a quote that I've held dear to me is that my success will be built on a mountain of failures. And the quicker I can build that mountain of failures, the quicker and the more success I'm going to experience. Also, as you're thinking about 2025, find the growth. I encourage you to just find the growth and focus on that. Celebrate the growth, whatever it looks like, okay? Talking about and thinking about our resilience, our enthusiasm, our purpose, our determination and growing that and nurturing, that is something that I coach and teach on and speak with my clients on all the time and speak with myself on. I hear so often that people want is really how do I keep going even in the face of all of this failure, all rejection, fear, doubt, all of that. Right? And it really is one of the most important entrepreneurial skills to have to be able to overcome the fear, the doubt, the rejection, the failure, learn from it and keep going. And what does that take? It takes a lot of conviction, a lot of belief in the work that you are doing and that it means something and it's worth something and it's valuable to the people that you serve. And I know in my own life, in my own experience, early on, when I was transitioning my business out of doing marketing services into coaching, business coaching, marketing coaching. I was learning how to sell coaching and how to sell high ticket coaching and it was really hard. I remember I was getting a lot of interest in my coaching and I had a lot of demand, which was wonderful. It was awesome. I was so grateful for it. I was having consultations, getting scheduled regularly and when I would get on these consultations they were always no, like, I think I got 12 nos in a row. And I remember going to my coach and just feeling so defeated. And so I'm never going to get this right, it's never going to work for me. I really should just give this up and go back to what I was doing before because it's never going to happen. And she said to me, you have to feel the feelings, all that rejection, all that humiliation, all of that hopelessness, right? Just feel it, allow it to be there and then learn from it. Because the only way that, that you are going to get past these 12 nos is if you learn from them and grow from them and then, you know, use that, all that you learn from each one of those rejections to get a yes down the road. And at the time, I think my coaching package was $5,000, I don't remember, but times 12, that was basically $60,000 that I left on the table because I wasn't getting the consultations right and maybe some of the clients weren't right for it or whatever, I don't remember. But I just remember thinking that was $60,000 that was left on the table and I was really disappointed about that as I was trying to really get this business going. And I felt a lot of humiliation and discouragement. And, and then after I sat with all of those emotions and all of those feelings, then I got into evaluation mode. And even in that place when I'm still feeling through the feelings, there's that point where you have to make a decision. You have to decide, am I going to make this about me, that there's something wrong with me, that I'm not cut out for this, or am I going to look at the Failure of the strategy of the actions I was taking and evaluate those actions, learn from those actions, and then I can prove that, improve those actions, right? And so I think that's one of the most important things I've learned that helps me get out of my own way, helps me get back to resilience and determination. And learning mode is if I have to problem solve and the problem is not me personally, I can't have the problem me personally, it's something else. Then I problem solve from a place of, okay, let's look at all the pieces of the something else that created this failure, right? And then I can improve all of those and I can learn from all of those pieces. And then I get up and I'm ready to go again. And so I think that is such an important skill and I see so many of us, and I even get into it now sometimes too, of making a failure personal like it's about something's wrong with me. And when you go to that place, it starts so destructive. There is nothing constructive about something wrong with me and making it personal. So I want to just bring your awareness to that and I want you to be aware if that's something that you struggle with, that you find yourself experiencing. The shift that I made was like, if I, I want to problem solve this and if the problem can't be me, what else could it be? It could be the way I communicated this or the way I stepped my client through the consultation process. I didn't listen to what they were saying or I didn't offer the solution that really resonated with them, or I didn't, I didn't got too much in my head when they started talking about that they can't afford it or whatever it is. Let's problem solve from there. Not from the place of I'm not cut out for this and something's wrong with me. And so that really has been a skill that has dramatically changed everything for me. Step one is to really feel the feelings, right? Allow yourself to feel the failure, the rejection, the humiliation, and just feel all the way through it. And I know it's very uncomfortable. I know for me, I want to push those feelings away and not feel them because they feel dangerous. But the feelings aren't going to hurt you. I mean, aren't. They're not going to do permanent damage. They hurt in the moment. But when we let ourselves feel all the way through that disappointment, that rejection, that humiliation, and we come through the other side, we realize how strong we really are. And when we Become. When we're able to survive those feelings and know that we can survive them and know that we aren't fragile to any one of those feelings, then being able to go out and try again becomes much more possible. It empowers you. That's where your resilience comes from. When you are. You know that you are capable of feeling anything. And that's been one of the most powerful lessons that I've learned from coaching is that I am able to feel anything and survive any feeling. And that's what really makes me feel most alive, is being able to feel the high highs and also feel the low lows. That's part of our human. Our human experience, right? And so having the capacity to be able to feel all of it, and especially as a coach, I feel like it's really important that I am able to do that because I can walk you through that and teach you that. So that really is what builds your resilience. Resilience does not come from avoiding failure and rejection. It comes from being safe with yourself and safe to feel those feelings and safe to fail and safe to be rejected. That comes from normalizing and feeling those feelings all the way through. And when you do that, there will come a point, and it usually doesn't take that long. And as you get more skilled, it comes quicker and quicker. There will come a time when you're like, okay, I'm ready. I'm done with these feelings. I'm ready to take action. I'm ready to evaluate. And that's what I. That's the next step, is always to evaluate what worked, what didn't work, and the lessons you learned from a place of what you can control, what are the things that are in your control, right? And that's where all the learning comes, is when you can go through that process, and that becomes a cycle that builds constant improvement. It grows your resilience, it grows your stamina. And for me, it helps with my entrepreneurial enthusiasm. Because we as entrepreneurs are problem solvers. That's what we do for our clients. We're helping. We started a business in order to solve a problem, right? And so when we can get back to that natural state of problem solving, after we felt through the feelings, that's when all the good stuff, all the learning, all the gold comes out. That helps me to really build that resilience and to move through failure and then creating enthusiasm and energy. So I really think about that as, like, that fire in your gut, right? That really amps you up. And I will tell you that is something that most of us, maybe not all of us, but I as one and many of the people I work with, that's something that we have to intentionally create. And for me, I intentionally create it every day. Excuse me, I create it every day. And I start my day with time where. With my own quiet time where I can journal. And I do devotional and I have a set of thoughts that I am intentionally working on, thinking that help power me up, that help me feel that enthusiasm and really help me connect back to my purpose and why I'm doing what I doing and why I love what I'm doing. And so I set that tone intentionally every day because many times I will wake up in the morning and my default state is a state feeling some anxiety, some nervousness, some dread. So that can often be my natural state when I get out of bed in the morning. And so that's why I take the time, get my coffee, get my journal, read my devotional. It helps me to really shift into a much more positive, determined, resilient, enthusiastic place. And then that's the place that I want to be when I come and sit down in, in my office, at my desk, to serve my clients and serve you. So that really is how I build that enthusiasm, connect to my purpose and energize myself. Because marketing and sales and being an entrepreneur is all about energy and creating energy and transferring that energy to the people that we are serving. And it really is important for us to intentionally create that energy every single day. Another thing that often will help me power up my energy is to keep a file, keep a place where I have all of my testimonials, cards, notes, emails, texts that clients and people in my audience have sent me about the impact that I've had on them and their lives and their business and just really reminding myself of the value of the work that I do, of the impact that I'm having. It really, that also really helps me to power up and remember why I'm doing what I'm doing. Because there's always going to be days and times and seasons when we are not feeling it, just feeling heavy or tired or overwhelmed or especially during the holidays, we can always, we can all relate to that, right?

And.

But if we want to be growing our capacity to serve and our capacity to hold our business and our lives, powering ourselves up in order to do that is super, super important. Okay? So the final area I want to talk about is determination, which I like to think about as trusting yourself to decide and deliver. And I Think the, the dividing line between businesses that kind of flounder and flail for years and businesses that really thrive and grow is when we, as the CEO, the leader, decide to trust ourselves, create processes and systems that support our vision and our purpose, and we make decisions and take action on them rapidly and have our own backs either way. That I think is really the dividing line for me, what I've seen over my 20 years between businesses that, you know, really struggle and businesses that really grow and succeed is that we as CEOs really need to trust ourselves to make decisions and then go all in on them. Right? And you're never going to know a hundred percent if a decision is right or wrong until you act on it and you implement it. Right? There's no teacher or expert or course or book or, or any of it out there that is going to tell you your idea will 100% succeed or 100% fail. And more often than not, it's going to do a little bit of both. Whether it's a really fantastic idea or a half baked idea, doesn't really matter. What really matters is you going all in on your ideas, making the decision to go forward with it and having your own back. It's you being all in on yourself, on your business, on how you serve your clients, and going all in, in your belief and also your actions. That is what's going to create the success, not the actual strategy itself most of the time. Right. Because strategies are always going to land differently with different audiences, different industries, different entrepreneurs implementing them. There's no sure bet, but you are the sure bet. You bet on yourself, bet on your own ideas, bet on what you know about yourself, your clients, the way that you best serve, and go all in on that. And I want to just encourage you to consider that is what really will help you grow, is we've got to stop second guessing ourselves, overthinking ourselves and make a decision and get into action. And I think for us as women entrepreneurs, so often that's what I see is we're overthinking and we overthink ourselves into the ground. It's a huge energy drain. And then time passes, the energy behind the idea fades because we've overthought it and drained our energy so much we don't do it and then the opportunity is gone. I really believe that when you have an idea, I have ideas that come to me and I really believe that they are divinely guided and you can grow this awareness. You can tell if it's like an idea of a comparison or a duplication of someone else, or if it's your idea that you're really passionate about, they fall in one of those two camps. And if it's an idea that you have that you're really passionate about, I would just encourage you to make the decision and take action as quickly as possible to make it happen. Because that's where you really step into your zone of genius and you build your self trust and you build your trust that the universe, God, has your back and you have your own back. You're going to go much further, create much more growth and have much more fun in that than all this overthinking, over analyzing, over, over developing too.

Right?

We'll over engineer things because it's much safer to stay in the lab and tinker than to put the thing out into the world. If I have any words of encouragement for you for 2026, it's make the decision, take the action, do the thing, go all in on it, have your own back and know that when you do that God also has your back and that the universe will conspire in your favor. And that's really what I am thinking about today. And I really want to just thank you for being here today and I'm so glad that we're on this journey together and I'm so excited for 2026 and all that it has for you, for me. And if I can support you in really coming into your own value and communicating that out to the world to grow your impact, grow your business, grow your clients, I would love to do that. So I will talk to you again right back here next week. All right, take care. Bye. Hey, if you like this podcast, I.

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