#2 Possibilities With Rob Pennello, Licensed Clinical Mental Health On "STRUGGLES"

Welcome to the Mike Hartman Show. Mike is a performance coach and former Stanley cup champion with the New York Rangers. Topics on this show are focused around stories, mindset and champions. Mike will also go into details about helping you with your pain points and struggles and finding motivational solutions on how to have the mindset of a champion. Now, here's your host, Mike Hartman.

Welcome to another episode. Today we are going to the Possibilities series and I'm really excited because I have my good friend Rob Pinello. And before we even start, if you saw Rob and and he is a psychotherapist and life coach and has a wealth of knowledge, you would think, well, he is like a bodybuilder and, and that's his hobby. So before we even get any further, it's like you look at this guy and he's like, he's built like a monster. Rob, so great to have you here today.

It's really nice to be here, Mike. Thanks for having me on. I'm excited to share a little bit of my story.

Yeah, your story really resonates with me. And again, everybody has a story I say in their life. And we're doing these possibilities to help people. So enough of me. People listen to me all the time. They don't want to hear me blab on right now it's about you. Tell us a little bit about who you are, what you do and we'd love to hear it.

Yeah, well, I appreciate the opportunity, Mike. Basically, I started out many years ago just in as a therapist, probably age 19, 20. I started doing pastoral counseling in a church. I did some drug and alcohol counseling training and then I was in the business world working in banking. Worked in basically brokerage area and Wall street for a time and then kind of always lived in a below myself. No vision world, no real motivation to like say earn money or to do things above and beyond, but kind of live the way that I learned. So growing up in Jersey City in a low middle class family, I started out in life with a really tough start. We're talking about possibilities today. So I think it's really helpful to be able to start here because if you looked at my story early on, similar to what you said Mike, with your sixth grade teacher, is that you can't do this. Well, I heard things like, you can't do this. You're nothing, you're not enough. You don't know how, you're stupid. And so as a young kid, I grew up in a family where there was a lot of domestic violence. My father was a rage Aholic. My mom was a loving person, but at the same time very needy. And I was bullied by my older brother. He kind of took out on me with what dad took out a mom. And so grew up hearing things like, you're stupid, you're never going to accomplish anything. My father didn't accomplish much until later in his life. And so that is where it started. So pretty much growing up without a value of education, quitting school very young. Actually quit school at the age of 16 and wound up getting married to a woman. I got pregnant young girl. So I'm 16, she's 15, we have kids. By the time I'm 17, I'm a wreck. Pretty much a real turning point in my life was like coming from that background was having this one mentor. You know, like you talked about having that one person that can kind of commit in your life and just speak some kind of hope, some kind of truth. And he saw me, he sees me as a father of two at age 17. Where am I going here? I'm a parking lot attendant, standing babysitting cars, I got nothing in front of me, I have no self esteem. And suddenly this guy Neil says to me, hey, you're a good young man. I said, thank you. And he says, this job, you like it, right? I said, yeah, I need it. He says, you're fired in six months. I was like, what? He said, you're gonna get your ged, guess how you're gonna do it, you're gonna then get a job in New York. And I looked at him like, why would you take this opportunity from him and make some money? Because I didn't know better. Anyway, that's kind of what catapulted me into doing some things. I got my GED at age 17, I got a job at 18, I go into the city and start working. Have this moment at age 19 where I start to kind of believe in myself a little bit. I'm working at a bank. I think I'm a big shot. You know, I've got every kind of technology going on. This US Trust company in New York and all these things that I was doing. And somehow, some way, I have this meeting with God. It gets me involved in the church, it gets me involved in my first levels of leadership. But at the same time I'm battling all of these demons of the past in a terrible relationship. I recreated what I grew up with, except this time I'm being abused, I'm being cheated on, I'm being left. That was horrible. And so it took me A long, long time from that position to kind of get out of that. And it wasn't until the age of 25 that I'd pursue the very thing that I do now, which is I got into therapy. I started to look at myself, I started to share my story. I started to go to 12 step meetings and try to figure out all these different things. Well, the new life journey led me to getting into business kind of things, but I was never happy, Mike. Yeah. Yeah.

You didn't chase the dollar.

No.

You. It wasn't transaction for you and I. And I'm really getting to know you. It's funny, I think we met about four years ago through a really good mutual friend, Joe Turso, who's like a really good mentor of mine. And he's just a fabulous guy. He always talked highly of you. But the only thing I saw, like I said, I don't want to turn this into a. But you just. I saw like, you had that, like, I think that that weightlifting was like your therapy or. Oh, yeah, your.

Your.

Your thing. But. But being a licensed clinical mental health counselor, you have. You helped, like, so many people. And is that a passion of yours? Yes. You just love helping people.

Oh, absolutely. Well, I think that, as I said at age 25, is when I really started getting into my own therapy and figuring things of things out. But I was really frustrated. I was really, really lonely, and I had no direction. So I think that what really inspired me early on was my mom was very needy. She depended on me. And so I got this idea that, you know, helping people was one way to not just feel better, but to, you know, give me the strength to see my own stuff. So from the earliest age of 12, I started lifting weights because my brother was beating me up. You know, the old traditional story, you know, you keep getting beat down, beat down. People tell you, can't do this or do that. Well, at that point, I started getting into the lifting. And for the last. Going on 48 years, I've never missed more than a week of lifting in my life. But that gives me not just strength, but I get my frustration out. We talk about possibilities, right? Well, one way that possibilities happened was I started to believe in myself. So building confidence, having a better body, being more healthy, being more introspective. And so basically, helping people, to me, is an outgrowth of the life I came from. And it's a way to sort of not just transition, but to make sense out of the crazy life that I had. Like, I went through those experiences not to Destroy me and keep me held back. But what helps me. Right, good.

No, that.

That.

That's great. I mean, I. You've been through a lot and one thing I was just going to say, I. I wanted you to finish your thought, but what I wanted to say is the thing that I, That I really respect about you is you don't hide behind a mask. And some people do, I don't know if it's called, if they're just afraid to, you know, show who they really are. But you have that story. So being in the career that you're in, being a mental health, psychotherapist, life coach, helping many people, you've been there, you understand, you see people's struggles, especially now. Like, what do I. Are a lot of people coming to you now because of. Did Covid really set people back? Because I remember you telling me you're. I mean, you're busy non stop.

Oh, yeah. I mean, I have had a consistent nine years of private practice. I've been doing this for 34 years. But for nine years is when I really started getting to the private practice sector. But during this Covid outbreak, there's been so much more depression, so much more anxiety, so much more incidence, rates of OCD with young kids and adolescents, divorce, conflict suicide. So, yeah, I'm very busy. People are seeking out help, so I can use. It's interesting is that on my business card it says a professional and personal approach to counsel. There's a reason for that professional. I must be qualified and licensed. And I am. That's great. I have the background. But on the other side, I'm able to share my struggles of the past in a professional and ethical disclosure way. Like I can disclose some of my struggles of the past to help someone feel connected, you know, like they're looking for stuff. So my background as a Christian, my background as a pastor, my background as a therapist, my background in domestic violence and suffering it or also being impoverished or being held back, you know, being compromised by so many things, you know, divorce and trauma, all that stuff has helped me take what is done in the past and be able to use that as a building block or a springboard to helping people see. So I give them hope in the midst of these pains. So listen, I don't have Covid, thank God, I think I did in February last year. But I could say, yeah, I know what it's like to go through that. I felt bad for three days. Someone else tells me, well, I'm divorced right now, my life is over. And I look at them and say, you know, I can understand that. So I have an empathy and a deep understanding of what they've been through, and I can communicate that through the process. So I get invigorated when people come with their problems and tell me that. See, most people ask, how do you do this for a living, Listen to people's problems every day? If I framed it that way in my mind, I'd be depressed. But I don't frame it that way, Mike. What I do is say, I'm going to join in their life. I'm going to help them. I'm going to help them understand, I'm going to empathize, and I'm going to go into the deeper things and teach them as to why this is happening. And it always comes back again to hope. It comes back to the way people think about things, the way people are motivated or. Or the level of, say, possibilities. Like, they come and say, my life is over. I don't believe that.

And there's a lot. I walk in and my girlfriend Cheryl, who you know well, tells me today that, you know, somebody that she knows very well just lost their daughter. I just read here on the Internet two days ago, there's a local kid that played hockey here in Charlotte, and I've met him a couple times, and he had an overdose. And I just. I know you deal with this on a regular basis. They. You know, there's an old saying, Every good story has a struggle, but sometimes, like, how do you deal with some of these struggles? And I know I can't ask it to you and give me an answer in a few minutes, but how can somebody work with their struggles, like, in the short term without even seeing you? Like, is there anything they could do initially if they're going through these struggles?

Absolutely. I think the first thing people can do is talk about it, to get connected to close people that they can trust. Because what I always help people do is take a holistic view to psychotherapy, a holistic view to healing, like body, soul and spirit. That's how we're made as humans. So I think that people can talk to their closer friends, start to share the story. There's an old adage by one of my favorite theorists, John. John Bradshaw. He said, we are only as sick as our secrets. So getting people to reveal the secrets, getting people to reveal those things and reduce their thought process of shame. Like, in other words, if we can make it okay to say, I don't feel good today. You lost your daughter, you lost your son. You know What I do when I enter into that, I sit there, I look at them, and I empathize with them. I look and say, wow, I'm sorry. There are many times in psychotherapy that I will see someone in that place and I will cry with them. It's not tears I'm making up. It's not crocodile tears. They're real tears because I care about them. I always tell people, you pay me to help you, but you can't pay me to care. I do.

And they trust you.

They do.

And they have to be able to trust you. And I know you've been. You've had people. I don't know them personally, but for so many years. And you've had the same people because they trust you. They get to know you, they feel comfortable with you. And the amazing thing is you impact lives. And I'm hoping if anybody's listening here today, like, I've already. I don't get. I don't get into any names. I know that breaks the confidentiality. Yeah, I don't get into any of that. But I. I had somebody reached out to me. I would never say his name. And this. This kid was a former athlete, and he's living in a tent somewhere. And I said, I can't help you. Yes, I have a coaching background. I do leadership work. But I know a guy that. That has been through adversity. I know about this guy that is caring, and I know this guy that will listen to you. And I. And I'm glad you did. I know you. You gave him some time, and. And. And he sent me a text. And by the way, and I mean, he has his phone, and he's out living out, you know, in. In a tent somewhere. And. And we feel bad. There's only so much we could do. And he says, thank you so much. Rob really helped me. And. And that means a lot when you do that, because you're. It's all about helping people, and you do what you could do.

You know, that means the world to me to hear that testimony. But the good news is just talking to someone. Well, the term therapy. From the earliest days of psychotherapy in the 1800s, early 1900s, the definition for us as clinicians is healing talk. People get a chance to share what they're feeling. That's the beginning of getting better. If you have a therapist or not, a life coach or not, a coach or not, is that you need to be able to talk about. So we say that the best thing for people is to help them with possibilities and how they could change their life is they have to take what's internal, what's cycling and recycling in their gut, and begin to bring it to the surface and externalize, get out what's in there. Just being able to kind of talk it down. We sometimes make things so big the way we think about them. But if you start to stand back, take the helicopter view, look at it in a different perspective, we can change and break down these cognitive distortions, these ideas that things are higher or bigger than they appear. And they are very often. Yeah.

And you keep it really simple because I know I talk to you as a friend and it's so calming, just us, you know, being at a social distance, having a coffee and just having a really nice talk with you and putting things in perspective because. And I say this, not disrespectful to anybody out there, but let's say there's somebody that teaches baseball and they didn't play at any level or coach, but they're teaching. I respect that. You don't have to be a pro to do it. But they've never. They've never lived it. Or somebody that's a therapist that they go to school, they go through things. I have people calling us all the time about our leadership work, and that's great. But, Rob, the difference with you is you have lived. You're only telling us a minuscule part of things because I know we don't want to get into every little thing, but you have lived it. You've been through adversity. You've been through the toughest times that most people couldn't even imagine. Like, I remember talking to you at dinner. And, you know, your brother was tough on you, and you have. And you lived with that, but you were strong enough to fight through it, and there was a possibility to escape. Right? And I'm not. I'm asking. You're never trapped, right? You're.

No, you're trapped. You're trapped in your thought process because you're taught to see. You're taught to be victimized in your early childhood development. How, like your teacher said to you in sixth grade, you can't play. But you didn't just play. You won a Stanley Cup. Well, there's a reason for that. You kept being tenacious. So it's how you. It's your mindset. So my mindset keeps me trapped or my mindset frees me. I need God's help. I believe that is very true. I need the help of my fellow people around me. Those are my supports. And if I don't have them, I've got to learn to take the risk, to create a network of positive people who have drive, discipline, motivation, confidence. Like they're able to really just believe. Like, I love one thing about my own group of people that I'm around the people I socialize with, but yourselves included, of course. But is the idea that I don't want to be around toxic people. I don't want to be around the people who said they can't do it. I could do anything with God. So anything. But I also have a reasonable mind and I challenge what is not true, that I could feel better and, you.

Know, and talking about your career a little bit, when I talk to you, I could tell your, your voice elevates. And when you share with me how, how if you, your studies and what you went through to, to get your, your degrees in this and how much time you spend. And I know you talk to people all over. I don't know if it's North America or the United States. Right.

All over the world, actually. I've had people all over the world.

All over the world.

Yes, sir.

And I. And what I'm going to do, though, Rob, I think it's important that we actually get some information because everyone's talking. If you go online, I see people asking me about, you know, is mental health. And I'm not a mental health expert. Where can we get in touch with you?

Sure. Well, thank you so much. Actually, I have a website, new directionspsychotherapies.com and I'm also on Psychology Today. And all you need to do is just go on there and send me an email or send me a text. And I have a reputation for getting back to people very quickly. I make it important because you're important.

Yes, I think it's important. Do you have a phone number we can give or an email address?

I do, counselor456gmail.com and my telephone number is 919-522-1559.

Oh, great. I encourage anybody. I wanted to start off this possibility series. I did the first one, as you know, when we talked about, about that because I had some insecurities and I talked about it. It's not always easy. I thought it was so important. You know, we have a lot of great guests coming on, including yourself. But I really wanted to start with you. I really appreciate you doing this. I know I, I wanted you for one of the first ones because mental health is such a thing. We're seeing it every day. You have helped so many people. Rob, it was so great having you here and just it's been amazing and I can't thank you enough and I'm glad you were able to pass out all that information.

Well, I want to thank you. I just want to say one last thing, Mike, is that my life in the beginning went from quote, no direction to the name of my therapy practice, which is New Directions. There's many different directions we can go in. It all depends on how we reach out and have the ability to kind of talk to people, be honest, take some risks, and believe in yourself. It's hard, but it's possible.

Love that possibilities.

Rob thanks so much, Mike.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the Mike Hartman Show. If you're enjoying what you've heard so far, please feel free to rate, subscribe and leave a review on your preferred podcast listening platform. We really appreciate that effort. We'll catch you in the next episode of the Mike Hartman Show.

Sam.