Mindset May Val Whiting Div1-WNBA-ESPY Nomination

Welcome to the Mike Hartman Show. Mike is a performance coach and former Stanley cup champion with the New York Rangers. Topics on this show are focused around stories, mindset and champions. Mike will also go into details about helping you with your pain points and struggles and finding motivational solutions on how to have the mindset of a champion. Now, here's your host, Mike Hartman.

Welcome to another episode of the Mike Hartman Show. We are still in the mindset may and today my guest is Val Whiting. Val, how are you today?

I'm great, Mike, how are you?

I'm doing great. It's really great to have you, especially on the show. You have so many accolades next to your name. I'll just name a few and then you can share your story because besides being in the wnba, helping out many people within the community, Stanford Athletic hall of Fame, I mean, the list goes on and on. We could be here for 15 minutes. Pac 10 freshman of the year two time all packed 10 freshmen, 1992, all Final Four team, regional team USA basketball. I mean, you've done it all in your even up for the finalist for an ESPY award, which I know a little bit about that because I played on the team that won an Espy in 1995. So I mean, just to say, some of those accolades are pretty amazing. So great to have you here today with us.

Thank you. Thank you for the great introduction. Yeah, I was blessed to have accomplished a lot with my sport, but honestly, I didn't start out like that. I didn't even want to be a basketball player. And I got started playing basketball by accident. And in seventh grade I was getting bullied a lot and I thought if I became a cheerleader, the bullies would stop. Right. And so I tried out for cheerleading and of course I didn't make it. I thought I should have made it, but I didn't make it. It was 12 people and one mascot. I didn't even make the mascot, which was a talley tiger. And I remember being so sad because I practiced for hours upon hours for a couple weeks, all the cheers and my parents supported me in it, even though my mom the other day said I looked really awkward, but she didn't really tell me then, which I'm glad. And so later that week I remember being in math class and my math teacher said, hey, Val, actually bale area because I didn't go until Val until high school. Havel area, do you think you'd be interested in coming out for basketball? And I said sure, which I have no idea why I Said, sure. I never played any sports before then besides tag. And that's how I got started. It was by accident. I was really bad. I used to score for the team. I'd get confused at halftime and stay at my same basket from the first half. I'd be wide open for layups and shoot over the backboard. I hated it. But my father took a special interest in me, and he played college basketball and my mother played high school and could have played college, which is interesting. They never pushed a game on me. And so he would wake me up early mornings on the weekends, and we'd go out and work on my game, and I'd even play against grown men, so. And I still hated the game. So I didn't really love it until I became kind of successful between the summer of my 9th and 10th grade years when I got my first college letter and I said, wow, someone else thinks I'm good and I can go to college for this. But like I said, it didn't start out well. It started out pretty rough. And through hard work and God's grace, I was able to accomplish a lot.

Well, your mindset had to be in a place to say, okay, I'm gonna be. I have. Did you, like, maybe. Did you have something to prove? Is that word? Is that. How did you get to be, like a great player? Because. Or were you great in high school? Did it happen in high school? Like, when did the greatness come?

I think the greatness came like when I got my. That letter from. From the colleges. But I did always have my experience with my bullies in the back of my mind, and I wanted to prove them wrong. The bullying was so bad that I had to switch schools. So it was a major part of my life, and that's where I had what I wanted to prove. Prove them wrong. But a lot of times you don't have that extrinsic, that outside motivation. You need to have it inside. So when all that was away, my internal drive took over to be. Not just to be the best in my state, but I wanted to be the best in. In the country. So I never really always set my goals really high. Instead of being. I was in all. I was all state for Delaware. Delaware is a small state, so I didn't really think it was a big deal. So I wanted to be an All American or I didn't want to be state champion. I wanted us to be ranked nationally. So I think because I always kept my goals high, that kept me always, always striving to be more and it seems like when I look at the fact that when I was trying out for cheerleading, I was so driven that I was practicing hours and it must have been something that was inside of me. When I saw a goal, I was going to work my hardest to get it, whether it was unreachable or not. So when I look back at my. Even though it's funny that somebody was 6, 7, 6ft 6 one wanted to be a cheerleader, I still had the work ethic to even try to be a cheerleader.

Yeah, I'm sure if you would have kept practicing and practicing with your work ethic, you probably would have been a cheerleader eventually. But that's such a great story because a lot of us, I have parents come to us all the time and say, well, what does it take? Does it take a lot of lessons? No, it's your mindset. It's that player within wanting it. And, and you found that, you know, everyone says what is your. Why, what is your purpose? But I mean that's the old. Everybody says that nowadays, but it's true. You, you felt like you had something to prove to yourself.

Yeah. And when, when you're being, I don't know if any kids are listening out there, have been bullied before. When you're being bullied, you, you, it take, your self esteem takes a hit and you, you question yourself. You know, you question if you're good enough. You question if, you know, am I really what the bullies are saying? And I think I had to prove to myself as well that what they were saying, it was not true. And I am wonderfully made. I am unique, I am special and I have something to contribute. So bullying was like if, if there was a superhero origin story and I was the start of the origin story, that that would be my origin story. It started from, from that experience alone, nothing else. I, you know, seventh grade, nowadays that's considered late for starting. I had no interest in any kind of sport at all. And I think if it weren't for my math teacher seeing something that I didn't see, I wouldn't, I wouldn't be the person or the player I became.

Well, you went out and you had a great college career, a fantastic college career. And then can you share that experience a little bit going to an amazing school that you did? What. Tell us a little bit about that.

Oh, that was, that was awesome. Because I always wanted to go to school in California, but to be honest, I had never even heard of Stanford before. So I'm from the east coast and on the east coast where I live, it was all about the Ivy League. So I heard about the Penn and the Yales and the Harvard and Cornell. So I, when I got my letter from Stanford, I was like, well, what. Who's this? Where, where are they? Then I saw they're from California. And I was like, oh, cool. Because I wanted to be, I always wanted to go to school in California and I wanted to be a doctor. And I knew they had a great, I found that they had a great pre med program. But Stanford honestly saw me for the first time. When I was in ninth grade. My dad took me out to the USA Basketball tryouts. Back then you can just show up, you just pay the money, you show up and give you jersey. And I was out of my league, obviously. But he wanted me to see other women that looked like me, that were tall and strong and also see what I could become one day. So the ladies there were, they're like hall of Famers now. So obviously it was obvious that I had just started playing basketball. I was getting my butt kicked, right? It was drills never seen before. They were doing a five man weave. I've only had done the three man weave. It was at high altitude. That's another thing it was. I was gasping for air. I remember Vicki hall was there. She was the number one basketball player in the country for high school and she was there. So I got a chance to see her play and compare my, and see where I was compared to what she was doing. And I remember one particular play where I got an offensive rebound, jumped really high and then put it, put it in. And one of the ladies on the, on my team, you know, gave me a high five and I was like, wow. They acknowledged that I, that I did something great and I was like feeling great too. But that's the only time I ever scored, even probably touched the ball the whole, the whole trial. So later that day they put the list up of who makes, who's getting cut, who made it to the next round. And I go up on the list and my number's not up there and I immediately start crying, which is so weird because I was out of my league. I don't know why I was so upset. And apparently the Stanford coach was there and noticed my reaction, how competitive I was. And also she said she noticed how fast I was backpedaling. So I always tell that story because a lot of kids think that coaches are looking at how many points you're scoring and all these assists, but they're looking at Other things like how you react to adversity, your effort on the court. And that was the first time she saw me and I got on her radar. And I wouldn't have been on her radar if not for that event because I went to a really small school in Delaware where my graduating class was only 52 girls. So you just never know what kind of. I don't believe in coincidence, but what kind of divine appointments that God has for you. And you think it's something bad happening, but something good in the long run comes out of it.

Well, I hope parents are listening because we believe the same thing even within our sport. In hockey, it's not how many goals you have, it's not how many assists. We call it like the littlest things in details, and that's what they're going to do. Well, making sure you're not going to hurt your team. Like in our sport, getting the puck out every time and working on that, just not points. And I tell people that all the time, if you're really good at something, somebody will notice. And you were noticed because of something that. That stood out, your attitude and the way you backpedal and the way you did things.

Yeah. I think it's funny because I never thought anything of it backpedaling. That's so weird. But it's. But when I go to basketball games. Well, I haven't, obviously haven't been in a while because of the pandemic. I honestly watch things like that myself. Okay, does she sprint back on defense? How does she react to mistakes? Okay, she's on the bench. What is she doing now? Is she sulking or is she cheering her teammates on? So I look at that stuff and I don't. I'm not a college coach, but I like the intangibles that players bring to the. To the game. I think it. That's the stuff that doesn't show up in the box score, but it does show up in the final score, if that makes sense.

Absolutely. And it's so important, it's not. Sure. The WNBA experience.

My WBA experience was hard. And so when I graduated from college, there was no women's basketball in the United States. So I had to go overseas first and play in Israel, Italy and Brazil. And then women's basketball came here in the form of a league called the American Basketball League. I played in that league for two and a half years. A half a year because it folded. And then all of the players from there went to the wnba. WNBA and ABL were existing at the same Time, the WNBA pretty much put the ABL out of business. So it's kind of weird. I have mixed feelings about the WNBA because I love ABL so much. They also paid us about four times more. We played during the basketball season and they probably played us, probably paid us too much, which is the reason why we folded. But at the same time, ESPN wouldn't even put our highlights on. They would put the WNBA highlights on. But I digress. So I went to the WNBA in my first year. I was having a decent year, but mid season I fell into depression. And my depression was so bad that I had to go on the injured reserve. And there were times when I was off the injured reserve and the coach looked at me to put me in and I would shake my head, no, I don't want to go in. I was sometimes too depressed, even just to practice. I would stay home, blinds closed, and, you know, just being bad. And then that next season ended up taking a whole season off to recover from depression. So when I look back my whole WNBA career, I was playing undiagnosed bipolar. I didn't realize I was bipolar and I was not even being treated. I didn't put enough, enough effort into the treatment side of things. I thought, okay, I'm feeling better now. I'm going to come up on meds. I'm not going to do therapy. I'm just going to play through it. And when you're bipolar, the manic side of things, the edginess, it works for you in your sport, so you don't necessarily. It covers itself up. You need that edge, right? But then when you're depressed, your lows are really low. And so I always thought I was. Had depression. I didn't realize I had bipolar depression. So for my career in the wnba, that's what I struggle with, not even realizing it.

Is that what led to what you're doing today? Because I know you're helping people, young people, young athletes. Share with that. Share with me a little bit about today, what you're doing in today's life.

Well, today I'm on TikTok as I am Coach Val, and my account is dedicated to empowering young female athletes. Although I have boys as well that follow me. And it's a, it's about mindset and trying to prevent them from making the same mistakes I made with regards to not getting treatment, with regards to being too hard on yourself, which, which is a big mistake I made. Being too analytical, not having a mistake response. So that's, that's what I do On Tick Tock. I do funny stuff too, but it's all about how your mindset affects your. Your basket, your sports career, and how a mindset can actually even lead to depression. I believe that because I was so hard on myself and so hyper critical, that went from being a. Being perfectionist led to being, you know, depressed.

Yeah.

And I don't want kids to do that. So I tell my story a lot on TikTok and I have kids that have reached out to me and saying they're my stories helped them. I have kids that didn't have the mindset of an athlete and now look at things differently. For example, the other day I did a video about stop calling yourself a bench warmer. Call yourself a game changer. Because you go in the game, you're changing the game. But I mean, it's your job to change the game for the better. Right. So I just want kids to see themselves differently and have confidence when they're out there and be their biggest fan and be the best teammate they can be. I don't think there's enough people talking about being the best teammate. There's a lot of people talking about how to increase your hops, how to get, you know, more bounce, how to shoot better threes, you know, how to run faster. But no one is out there talking about how to be a better teammate. And that's what I want kids to be. Because I know there were times when I was a horrible teammate and there were times I was a great teammate, and I want them to, you know, be the great teammate. When someone looks back 20 years ago, wow, I'm so glad I played with Sarah. She's an awesome teammate. So that's what I'm doing on TikTok. And then I also have a course that I created for female basketball players called the Fierce Basketball Fierce Baller Academy. It's for mindset and confidence building for female basketball players.

I love it. Love it. So, like, personally, you. I look back as an athlete and I look at a player. His name is Mark Messier. He's one of the best captains ever to live in sport in New York. He's like a Derek Jeter to hockey, like in New York City. People know Mark Messier retired his jersey at Madison Square Garden. One of the best leaders ever. And he always, no matter if you were the player that came in and out of the lineup, no matter if you're the superstar, he treated everybody with the utmost respect. And there's a story where we had a kid that got called up. His name is Darren Langdon. And he got called up from the minors. Darren did not grow up with much. He didn't have the nicest clothes and he worked his way up through the minors. And the first thing that Mark Messier did was to make him feel part of the team was he had somebody come in and measure him for a, a suit and shoes and clothes. And that night at the, we played in the Montreal Forum, it was his first game and the kid says, why am I being measured? And Mess didn't even know, didn't even let the kid know it came from him. So he's getting like this person comes in, this little French man comes in and you know, he's measuring his shoes and taking his size. And I think he showed up with three suits custom made that night. They were made that night. I don't know how he did it so fast in Montreal. He had three suits or so and welcome to the New York Rangers. And I look back on that, it's like that person that gave you a high five and what other kids and athletes and parents should understand, they're a big part of it. That high five, I could hear it in your voice was a big impact to you. I mean going back in the conversation, I mean, and that's how you're teaching such a great, like it's a life skill. It's not just even a sports skill just to give back. No matter if you're the extra player, we call it a support player or person that comes in and out of the lineup or whatever you call it. I love that message that you're, you're teaching and I think coaches should listen to this because it's so important.

Thank you. Yeah, I've heard some. Sometimes I get sad because I'm hearing some bad stuff stories about coaches and not, I mean every kid's like oh, coach has favorites. Not those kind of stories. But I don't think coaches are taking, they're not feeling the weight of the influence they have. Coach, coaches, you can look back on your experience as a player and remember that coach that was amazing. And you can remember that coach that was horrible. And I think as coaches we need to really look at ourselves as influencers in our, in these kids lives for generations. Because I coach like I was coached, right? Just like a lot of times we parent like we were parented. So I just want coaches to really realize that they are. I know it's a hard job and I'm putting pressure on you, but you are making a difference, you know, in kids lives and they will remember you for forever.

They will. And what you say will never be taken back. And that's what coaches have to realize. We're not developing, not everybody. Val, is going to have the talent you did to go on and play Division 1 because it's very hard to even do that or even go beyond. But just it's really about teaching these kids and making it. Sports is a fun experience and. And if anybody would listen to me. I grew up in Detroit, and my dad was one of those crazy ones. And the rumor was he wasn't going to feed me if I didn't have a good game, which was never true. I mean, I love sports and my mother was an athlete, just like you talked about, you know, your. Your parents. My mother was a. Was a sprinter and she played baseball. And yeah, we grew up around it, but we loved it. I didn't feel. Did you ever feel like you were never pushed by your dad, were you, at that time?

No. No, I. I wasn't. The only time I remember being pushed by my dad was when I was in college and I got an invitation to the Olympic tryouts for 92. And I turned it down because I had. Was so behind in my schoolwork. I was pre med, and I was like, no, I can't. We had just won a national championship and you go to Final Four, you're like, missing class, you're taking finals on the road. I was like, no, I. I don't even want to. So that was the only time my dad was like, he kind of pushed back on. On that. But after a while, it was all me. Like, I wanted to do it. And that's the thing with. As a. I'm a parent as well. I'm a sports parent. And I have two sons. They're totally different. Like, my oldest is very driven. He plays college soccer at Amherst, and I don't have to tell him to practice or anything. And my youngest, I used to want it more than he wanted it, and I just backed up. But you know what? I already have my sports career. Do you. If you want this, you're going to show. And honestly, it took like five years for him to get the fire under him. So now he's asking me to take him to the gym and shoot. Shoot around and welcome his game. And so I think a lot of times, a lot of patience and a lot of prayer when it comes to how to be a sports parent. And that's what I want. I. I want to chill. I just want to be a fan and go to Your games. I don't want to be nagging you to get up to do something. There's my sports life has already been lived. It's your turn now, and it's your turn to take ownership in your sport, in your goals and your dreams. So that's my advice as a parent. Sometimes you've got to let them see it for themselves. Let them get themselves beat, their butt kicked at practice by somebody who's been working on a game all summer, and they just show up. That happened to my son last season. He got his butt kicked at practice by people. He was better than. No. Yeah. And I kind of put a little bit. A little fire under him.

Yeah. Yeah. And it happens like as parents, because you have that experience and I see a lot of sideline parents or helicopter parents, whatever you want to call them, and you lived it, so you understand. So I hope parents, we have thousands of listeners. We have a huge organization with thousands and thousands of athletes that listen to this. And I hope that people really take this in. I remember my son was. He was playing lacrosse and he wasn't playing, and I would show up and my father or my son would say, dad, why are you coming? I said, I'm coming because I'm coming to support you. Well, Dad, I might not even play. I don't care. I love you. If you play one minute or 20 minutes, great. I'm here to support you and be there for you. I'm here because I love you and I love watching you just be part of a team. And I think the parents have to take that on a little bit. Take that, you know, that little bit of pressure off of our young athletes and kids.

I agree. And I think as parents, we can even teach our kids how to be great teammates. But how we are spectators. You know, if. Sometimes I've been at games when parents are only cheering for their child. Right. I mean, yeah. I don't know why that hits me the wrong way. You're only cheering for your child, so I mean, that's just such an example of all. It's not really a part. It's not about the team. It's about one. One person or me. If I'm. And I know a lot about the game of basketball, but I. I don't say your coach doesn't know what he's talking about. And trust me, my son has played for some bad coaches. Yeah, I. I honestly, I would just say, you know, you can control what you can control, and that's your attitude and effort. You can't Control the decision the coaches make. And. And that's it. Now it's a abusive situation. That's different. But game, game decisions and stuff. I don't say anything about that in front of my son. I might say it to myself not in front of my son because that's an authority figure and they are. That's someone that he should respect. If I'm, if I'm at home badmouthing a coach, then my son is not going to respect the coach. And I think. And I'm really old school and I believe in respecting our elders and you know, saying. Not calling elders by their first name. I'm real old school. I mean really old school. I don't, I still don't call my teachers I had in high school by their first name were my Facebook friends. So I'm just all. I just think we can really set our kids up for success past the sport if we are good sports parents. And it's 1% of kids least in basketball. Go D1. I want to say it's 3%. All divisions. Right. I mean that's exactly finish. But every single one of them 100 will end up being citizens when they grow up and human, you know, adults. You know, adults. So I. You gotta look at sports is not just winnings and losses. You have to also look at it from the life lessons that they will learn that they can pull back on when they are adults. And that's my wish as a parent that my kids grow up to be independent adults contributing to their environment. And that's what I want. You know, all that sports, all the games, all the shots put up, we're going to forget about that. But we will not forget about the impact that they have on their community.

Yes. And that very well said. So I'm going to go. We're going to do some really quick questions. This is coming from you. I know you and I have had some really good conversations. We've been on the phone a lot as of late. But I want. I'm going to ask you this question and you can just give me the quick answer because it's coming from you. Developing leadership qualities. Give me a little definition of that.

Leadership qualities.

Yes.

Another question. Oh, sorry. Serving and being willing to follow at times.

Love it. Yeah. You have to fight it used to say follower leader, get out of the way. Like I was 13 years old. Our coach said that it was great. Okay. How important is exhibiting sportsmanship?

Very important because it shows you have respect for the game. You have to also, you have to respect the opponents and respect their officials and that's part of being an athlete.

Yeah, and the coaches should learn that too because when they start screaming and yelling at the officials, it's going to trickle right down to the players. Yes, I've always felt that. Okay, how important, as you said it earlier about developing self esteem.

Very important. And I believe that self esteem is tied to how much we compare ourselves to others. And I can't remember who said that. Comparison is a thief of joy. And if we can try to be our best, and I'm not trying to sound like a cliche, be a better you than you were yesterday, then we're good. But if you're trying to be a better Timmy, better than Timmy and better than Sheila, I don't know why I have these random names, then that's going to affect your self esteem.

And I know you talked about backpedaling and we call it backwards skating and hockey within the four major sports. Plus lacrosse is a great sport, volleyball. So I meant the four sports that I know really well. You got to work on your. Increase your speed and agility. And I know you talked about that. I saw that on your website. Increasing speed and agility, where does that come from?

Where does that come from? That comes. You have to work on it. I mean, there's some people that may be. We have to have a growth mindset about it. If you have a fixed mindset, you're going to think that you can never get faster. But if you have a growth mindset, you're going to say, I can get faster, I can work on this. Now, we all have a genetic ceiling, right? It's a genetic ceiling we're all going to hit. But try to get as close to that as possible and work on your, your speed, agility and quickness. And the fastest players aren't the best players. So I don't. They're not, they're not always the best players. So I don't always put. I don't always weigh that as much as attitude.

Yeah, I agree. Sometimes. Oh, you have to have fast twitch muscle fibers, you know, just go as hard as you can, work as hard as you can, keep your feet moving and like you said, do everything you can to get better. You know, that's what we say as an athlete. Try to do everything you can to get better every month. Now, there's this one last thing I'm going to ask. I remember we talked about it. I believe it's an acronym. Boy, I hope I'm right. You talked about rebound to Thrive. You talked about that before. Can you share that a little bit with me or am I off track a little bit?

No, no. Rebound is the method that I use when I that I the method that I've used to come back from obstacles as well as going after my goals. And that's what I teach in the my course I have coming up for Pierce Ballers. And the R is remember who you are. The E is exit your comfort zone. B is be thankful and have a heart of gratitude. O is owning your journey. You is upgrading your mindset. Do you have a growth mindset? N is neutralized and negative. How are you talking to yourself? And D is dream bigger. And we'll go over visualization and goal setting, proper goal setting, not just writing down random stuff, really thinking about it and what you're going to do every day to get those goals.

Awesome. Okay, so tell us where people can get in touch with you.

You can find me on TikTok at I am coach Val or on my website imotivate lives.com imotivate lives Val.

I enjoyed this. Thank you so much for doing this. And this is great. And you gave a lot of great information for coaches, for players, for just even sharing your struggles. Thank you so much.

Thanks for having me. Mike.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the Mike Hartman Show. If you're enjoying what you've heard so far, please feel free to rate, subscribe and leave a review on your preferred podcast listening platform. We really appreciate that effort. We'll catch you in the next episode of the Mike Hartman Show.