Q & A I Feel I Don’t Fit In

Welcome to the Mike Hartman Show. Mike is a performance coach and former Stanley cup champion with the New York Rangers. Topics on this show are focused around stories, mindset and champions. Mike will also go into details about helping you with your pain points and struggles and finding motivational solutions on how to have the mindset of a champion. Now, here's your host, Mike Hartman.

Welcome back to another episode. And today, the question is through the hartman.academy is people seem to judge me a lot and I never feel accepted. Well, this is a tough one. I get it. I'll share a little story with you. I was very shy in fifth, let's say fifth grade, sixth grade, but I was also a little bit on the hyper side. Wasn't the most focused. It took me a while. I did okay in school. It wasn't till 10th grade in Canada where I lived, where I really picked up my confidence and I felt accepted. But there was a time where I just didn't feel like I fit in. And even today in today's society, I talked about that recently with somebody and I said, you know, it might be a certain place. I feel like I don't fit in. But I want you to remember that we're all unique, we're all different. And if somebody doesn't accept you, well, that's their problem. That's not your problem. That's their problem. Be yourself, respect yourself, value yourself, and that's going to help your mental state. And I never realized this until we're talking 10th grade. Boy. I had a confidence issue when I was young and insecure, and I just felt like I just wasn't accepted. I remember playing on a hockey team my first year in Triple A hockey. I played for the ADRE Nationals, and I felt I didn't fit in. I really felt that way. I felt that I didn't fit on the team. I was new to aaa and maybe I tried to even prove myself and try to do things that were uncharacteristic of myself. And if I can give anybody just a few tips. Who are you trying to impress? Are you trying to impress somebody? Is something holding you back? I remember somebody telling me that they were picked on when they were younger. So now they have, you know, they put up a little shield now for people. You know, they're. They put up a wall. And I'm not going to get into psychology. I'm not a therapist. I don't claim to be a therapist. So please talk to a therapist about this and maybe that would be a good start. But. But one thing That I could say is we're all unique, we're all different. We all allow ourselves to. To fit if we want. And if they don't like it, well, that's. Like I said, it's. It's. It's their problem. So acceptance is. Is tough. And, boy, one thing I learned as a professional athlete, that the higher the level that I was as an athlete in the NHL, the more accepting, you know, you were taken in like a family. And I just. I might. That might aggravate some people, but I've learned that. Yeah, one thing that I learned is that the first thing, you know, coming to a new team or a new organization or. I remember when I was 19 years old, Mike Ramsey, who won the gold medal at the Olympics, almost a hero of mine when I was 13 years old, and he was on that Miracle on Ice team, and he saw me by myself, and I was in. Just coming to the Buffalo Sabres training camp. I just made the team. I was going home. And of all places we went, we had a few days off. So we did eat very healthy back in the day, but there were times where we enjoyed. And I remember he ran in the rink. He says, hey, we're going to Pizza Hut. And I said, no. You know, this new young player, 19, a lot of these players are like 28, 30 years old. I felt a little uncomfortable. And he went out of his way to say, no, no, you're coming. We're going to Pizza Hut. In fact, I'm going to buy your pizza. I said, mike, I could afford to buy my own pizza. He goes, well, you're coming. You better come. So when a veteran like that, one of our captains says, come to Pizza Hut, you know, it meant something. And I'm going to get into a real detailed story on the next podcast. I'm going to do my own Q and A, because I'm questioning this and I'm questioning myself for not doing it, and you're going to see it in the next episode. But if you have issues not being accepted, you know, reach out, join groups that may make you feel accepted. I remember my son. He collects pens, and he was in high school. I think he was still his last year of high school, and he joined a pen group, and he asked me if I would come with him. I said, sure. And I went there, and I didn't really know. And I teach the old thing. Are you interested or interesting? And I probably should have been more interested in pens, which. My son bought me a gorgeous pen which I have locked up here. Is a gift for me for my birthday actually. But he collects pens. Like these amazing different pens. And I went to the group and I realized that the group had 30, 40 year olds, 50, 60. He was the youngest one in the group. And I asked him, I said, wow, this is great, Chase. I said, I never really knew that much about pens. Yeah, whether we trade pens, we go to pen shows and that's amazing. I said, you know, and my son was an athlete too. He played lacrosse, but as a hobby he was really into these pens. And he said to me, he goes, you know, Dad, I really feel accepted here. I really fit in because this is something that I know. So join a group that you may feel accepted. Sometimes the world gets lonely. You know, we can count on our one hand. If we're going to be real, we might as well be real. I think I have a lot of great friends and a lot of relationships. And I've said it many times that life is built on relationships. But. But you can probably count on your one hand. And maybe not all of you, but I can. People that are extremely close, close, close to me. I don't mean I have many friends, you know, great people, great relationships, but people that really maybe just accept me for me, I can count on my one hand. So you're not alone out there. You're not alone. And this is a tough question. And you know, if you feel this is really bothering you, talk to a professional about this. If it's, if it's affecting your mental health, please, please talk to somebody because you're not alone. You're never alone out there. And again, this was a tough one for me to answer, but I would not be real if I didn't answer all the questions, even to the best I could. And I know it's a little rocky, but I believe that we're all unique and we're all special in our own way and we all bring something different to life, you know, and that's what you have to look at. Any other. If I could help you with any other questions, go to Hartman Academy. Send us a message. We love to answer your questions. And I am going to talk a little deeper about something that I witnessed in the next episode. I'm never going to say names just to protect the people that, that were involved. And so you could listen, you could judge it any way you want. You could even tell me how you feel about. About what it is. But I was really bothered about something. You're going to hear it next week, next Friday when you tune in listen to this and I want your feedback as well. So if I could help out anybody go to hartman academy no.com and also we have the book the Healthy Mindset for Athletes. It's a workbook for athletes that focuses on mindfulness and we talk about meditation and goal setting and just here to help you. Have a great week. Looking forward to more Q and A, and I hope you tune in next week.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the Mike Hartman Show. If you're enjoying what you've heard so far far, please feel free to rate, subscribe and leave a review on your preferred podcast listening platform. We really appreciate that effort. We'll catch you in the next episode of the Mike Hartman Show.