Pageants, purpose and overcoming anxiety 👑 | Jasmine Foley (Empress Media Academy)

when things go wrong, take the minute to think, right, well, this, everything is figureoutable. We can figure this out. There's always gonna be some sort of solution, but it's about trusting your own gut and you only get to do this once. So never let something pass you by without trying because the last thing that I want in life is to have any regrets and I would rather have done something and failed miserably at it than not tried.

This week's Millennial Master is Jasmine Foley, International Miss 2024 and founder of Empress Media Academy. Jasmine went from struggling with anxiety in her 20s to becoming a leader in modern pageantry and a mentor for hundreds of women. Her story is full of grit, reinvention, and a fearless drive to build something bigger than herself. In this episode, we talk about building real inner confidence after years of self-doubt, the business side of pageants and why it's a game changer, and what it takes to balance ambition, motherhood, and purpose. Millennial Masters is proudly sponsored by Jolt, the UK's top web hosting service. Whether you're launching a WordPress site or scaling up a custom app, every great project needs a reliable home. That's why Jolt has hosting plans starting at just £3.95 a month, with unbeatable deals on domain registrations too. Why Jolt? It's a no-brainer. There's no waiting around, with support within 30 seconds on live chat, Your site stays live no matter what with over 99.99% network uptime. And you can also pay with Bitcoin or American Express, so you can rack up those points too. How good is that? Sign up today and enjoy your first 3 months free. Head to jolt.co.uk to get started. Started. Jasmine, welcome to Millennial Masters. How are you today?

I'm really good, thank you. A little bit tired from a very busy weekend. I'm still sorting out all of my life, but other than that, I'm feeling great. I'm really happy to be here, so thank you for asking me.

Excited to have you, and I understand it's been a long week for me too, but we're gonna get through this. And to kick it off, I wanted to ask you, I've, I've read that you've been passionate about pageantry from a young age and you've been following it, but you didn't get into it up until your mid-20s. What's the, what's the story behind it? How did this passion evolve?

So from a very young age, I was always a performer. I loved being on the stage. I went to this school from when I was probably about 11 years old. But even before that, I was, I was always performing and that was a big part of my life. And I always came across as a really, really confident child. And I was externally, I was very confident. Internally, I don't know if I was as confident in myself and who I was as a person. Outwardly, playing a character, being in the theatre, I was always really confident. And I guess that's why when I saw pageantry, that appealed to me, because it's about being on the stage and all of the stuff that's involved in that. But I was too scared of what anyone would think of me, I think, at a young age, because I wasn't that confident within myself. I worried far too much what anyone might have said about me. Probably those misconceptions, I guess, that you hear about pageantry as well. Everyone— people think that if you're in pageantry, you love yourself, and you're worried that people are going to think that about you, which is what really deterred me from doing it for quite a long time. And then after university, I got fairly bad anxiety. It was towards my final year of university, and my anxiety was really bad, to the point where I went to the cinema and I would feel like I couldn't even stay there and watch a film. I felt like trapped and something bad was going to happen. I needed to get out of there. And that was very unusual for me because, like I say, outwardly I was very confident and people would never have thought that I would go through something like that. A series of life events and things just led me to that point. And after coming out of the other side of that, I actually found that I found my inner confidence. Which I don't think I'd ever really had, although no one would have thought it. And as I developed that inner confidence and trust in myself, and I learned how my mind works, and I learned how to separate feelings from coming out of the other end of anxiety, I realized actually you can feel things and think things and they're not necessarily true, and there's ways to work around them. And I think that's when I started to feel the fear and do it anyway. And ever since, in my life, that's what I've done. And I thought, if there's a time to do it, it's now, because I have this message to share and to teach other people that they shouldn't be afraid to be themselves and to do whatever they want to do in the world, regardless of what people might think. Like, we only live once. You'd never— I never want to regret not doing something.

So overcoming your anxiety and in a way rediscovering yourself is no easy feat. And I don't want to brush past it. So I'm wondering whether we can go there and how it felt signing up for your first pageant and how you managed to tackle all your anxiety to get there. And you briefly mentioned what sort of anxiety was, was it related to how people perceived you as a person or how you looked or a combination of both?

So I'd say my anxiety was more about external events. It wasn't really ever about me, although looking back, I do think I've always had maybe a little bit of social anxiety. I mean, I think most people feel a little bit of that and worry about what they've said in situations and those kind of things. But really, my anxiety was— it was anything that was out of my control. And I've learned a lot about myself within that time that really I was happy when I was in control, and I was happy when I was able to, um, show myself the way that I wanted to, to control events around me. And I very much felt the need to be in control, and anything that I thought might happen externally around me that I couldn't prevent or control, that was the thing that, that really gave me anxiety. So it was learning to let go of the things that I can't control, which I'm sure you know like that's a huge thing in terms of business. And because you can't control everything, you've just got to learn to trust yourself that you can get around and through those things or find a solution for, for whatever life or problem is thrown at you.

Yes.

Yeah.

So, and so which one was the first pageant you entered and which one was the first one you won?

So my first ever pageant, it's called Galaxy Pageants, um, and I entered as a Mrs. So I was already married at this point. I've been with my husband since I was 17. So really grown up together. I don't— I actually never remember what year I got married, and people always say that's so strange, but we don't really celebrate anniversaries, so I don't remember. However, it was after I got married that I entered my first pageant. So it's the Mrs. category because they categorize people in age or marital status and things like that. And so when I first entered, I thought— first of all, I thought like I'm never going to be able to be like these women that you see because they're all— honestly, when I say women in pageantry are so accomplished, if you're, if you're not in pageantry, it's so difficult to know what pageants are like, and they're all of these conceptions about it. But the women in pageantry are really accomplished and they've achieved so much.

They've— let's share some of that. A lot of people tuning in will, will not have that experience, so hopefully you can share some of those.

Yeah, so people, you have people that have fundraised huge amounts of money for charity, they're running their own charitable initiatives. A lot of the things I've created now have stemmed from me being involved within pageantry because you're inspired by these other people around you and it pushes you forward to achieve more things. I mean, some people are in it more for the modeling side of it, but then they go on to model in amazing fashion weeks and things like that. So whatever your passion is and whatever you want to pursue, it really is a vehicle to push you forward to be able to do that. And I remember I entered and I thought there was just like no way that I'm going to get anywhere in this, but I will regret it if I never try. And I remember reaching out to businesses the first time I entered to look for sponsorship. And I was a bit shy about approaching people. I was, I found it very difficult to communicate why they should want to support me. It was, it was very much. I was in at the deep end and I had no idea what I was doing. I still, I don't think I fully understood the power of pageantry enough to be able to convince people why it's an incredible thing to support. So I ended up doing really well actually in my first competition. I came second runner-up, so I got third place in my first competition. I put in a lot of work. I'm the kind of person that if I'm gonna do something, you know, I'm going to do everything I can possibly do to do it to the best of my ability. So I'd had coaching in different areas. I'd done everything I could do to do as well as I could, and I was so pleased with that. And fortunately, my mum's Irish and my dad is English, and there was an Ireland heat of the same competition coming up later that year. So I was like, right, strike while the iron's hot. I'm going to go again and do it again. So I competed in the competition in Ireland and I won. So first year in pageantry, I went to my first international competition, and from that point on, I was like, right, okay, I'm gonna have to do, do this until I kind of get to the, the best place I can get within this industry. Because the fire inside of you that it, that it lights to motivate you, and it almost is like it gives you deadlines. Because quite often a lot of us have a passion that we want to pursue, but we can easily let life get in the way and we think, oh yeah, I'm going to get around to doing that. I'm going to get around to running that event. I'm going to get around to starting that business or the charity or whatever that might be. And by having a date where you're going to compete, it almost gives you deadlines to think, I need to have done it by this date so that I can talk about it in my interview and so that I can have the biggest impact. So it's really helped me with that.

So what sort of preparation does it take to enter one of these pageants. Obviously you had your first taste of success. You said you've done a bit of coaching, but what does it really take to enter and also to win one?

So you enter most pageants through some sort of application process. You have to fill out questions about yourself. I would liken it to interviewing for a job is often what pageants are like. So you put in your application, you tell them all about yourself, and then some pageants have an interview as well before you even get a place within the competition. And then I would say it is like going for a job. So the The pageant that I now run, and which I know we're going to talk about a little bit more, International Ms UK, that has rounds such as introduction video where you have to film an introduction to yourself like you would in an interview setting. It has an empowerment plan where you have to talk about the impact you've already made on the world and the impact that you're going to make as the title holder. And it's all really done, you know, SMART objectives, making them measurable. It's, it's really done in that business way. Then they have their interview, which is a huge 40% of the score in that competition. And by the time you actually get to the stage bit that people see and know about, that's only 20% of their whole overall score. It's a tiny, tiny part of the overall score.

A lot of it happens before the public part of the—

Yes, it's so much work. There's so much done before that point. And really, for people within the industry, that part's the celebration. So that's the point where You just get to get up there and have fun and celebrate, and then somebody gets to win the crown, which is amazing. And it's, it's really a celebration of all of that work and effort that you've put in to get to that point.

So are pageants just about physical image, or you alluded to the fact that there's an interview, there's a charity aspect to it, there's empowerment. How much does image account to such a contest?

I would say there's so many different pageants, I guess, is the first place to start. There's lots of different competitions, loads of different organizations, and they're all looking for different things. So you do get pageants that are slightly more model-focused, that will be looking more at the, like, photogenic side and the model side. And then you get the ones like the ones that I am a part of that are more so about being an ambassador. It's more of a, it's more about being a person that they believe can make a huge impact and represent that organization and be like a spokesperson and somebody who can, it's more about what you have to say, I would say, more than anything else. Don't get me wrong, if you look lovely on stage in your gown, that's always going to count for something. But anybody, it's completely, it's open to anybody that wants to be a part of it. And if you go on, on that stage and you're confident about the way you look, that is what is noticed and that is what the judges are scoring you on. It's about how you represent yourself and how you feel within yourself, more so than if you come out and you're really nervous but you're the most beautiful girl that anyone's ever seen, that's not going to count for much. So it's, it's very much not just on physical.

So you pass the first hurdle, you win a contest, and then you have a year of wearing the crown. What happens during that year?

More work. It's so funny because whenever I think about it and people are like, so what do you get if you win? And I'm like, I get to do more work. People are like, what? This is all just signing up to win to do, to put more effort in and to do more work. But that's really what it is. It is just, it's a platform for you to be able to get into places you might not have been able to get into before, perhaps get opportunities. You've not been able to get before, and to just have the organization behind you to be promoting you and pushing you out there and your message. So I always say it's a stepping stone, and the pageants that I've been a part of have 100% been stepping stones for me to get me to where I am today. And luckily, I'm at the point now where I'm— after I've finished with this international title that I currently have, I will just then direct pageantry, and I'm not gonna I don't plan to compete in any of the pageants because I feel like I've been able to establish myself over the time within pageantry. And luckily I'll still get those opportunities now because of the brand that I've been able to create for myself, basically through being a part of the organizations.

So am I right in thinking that you won a title every single year since you started competing?

So I won my first title in 2019. That was my first competition. I went to the Internationals and I placed top 5 at my first internationals as well, which made me even hungrier to go back and do another one. And then I have competed in other pageants since, and I've held local titles. So I have held titles throughout that time, but not national titles until I was International Miss United Kingdom and went to my international pageant last year and won.

You said winning opened a lot of doors and opportunities. For you? What sort of doors and what sort of opportunities are we talking about?

Since I started pageantry, so when I first entered a pageant, I just worked like a 9-to-5 type job. I was already doing work around anxiety. I'd been doing that since, since my own experience. I never like to leave any stone unturned, so if there's a change I feel I need to make way I can impact other people or an idea that I have, something has to come out of it. I'm very much don't like to leave anything not done. So as soon as I came out of the other side of anxiety, I knew that I needed to try and make a difference for other people and really preventative stuff to stop people going through what I had. So I already started doing workshops within schools with young girls. Talking to them about anxiety, and it was really all just about managing emotions and the kind of skills that if you can do early on and have those coping skills, it might have stopped from getting to the point that I did end up getting to myself. So I'd started doing all of that, and within my first year or two of pageantry, I'd say I did little things that were all kind of separate little projects I would work on. I would do the workshops, I would write different articles for charities that they would put on their websites, anything that I could do here and there to start making a difference. And then from my own— so my degree is in advertising and marketing. I also have a journalism master's, so it's very much a comms kind of background. So as time went on, it turned from like a hobby into, hang on, like, this has legs and this should be more of a joined-up, um, sort of project. And that is when, after I had my daughter in 2021, so she's now 3, uh, I decided I need to create something for children and it needs to not just be little things here and there. This needs to be one big joined-up project that I can take. At the time I was competing in Miss Great Britain and that is what I wanted to do during that time, and I worked with a clinical psychologist to create a range of worksheets for children. And it just blew up beyond what I could even have imagined. I was getting in lots of different press, mainly kind of local type press. Then I also had people downloading the worksheets from around the world through just the power of advertising on social media and different like teachers' podcasts. And then I got contacted by a bank and I went and did a whole, a workshop to all of their staff as a development thing with the staff at a certain bank. So. It was just all these opportunities that were coming out of this project that I did. And after I competed in Miss Great Britain, I placed in the top 10. Bearing in mind, this was my first ever Miss pageant as well. So I decided to compete as a Miss after having a child and being married. And I would— so I was me with like 18-year-olds and everything within that pageant, but I wanted at least one experience of a Miss pageant. And yeah, I came top 10. And then afterwards I thought, what is the bit— I found that I wasn't that disappointed that I didn't win, and I thought, what is it then? Because if it's not about winning it, what is it that drives me and makes me so passionate about it? And it was the, it was the work, and it was the business building, it was entrepreneurial side, the business side. And then Empress Media Academy was born, which is my business that I now have, which is all about teaching other people to build their own brand, build their Chang'e's Wall project, to write their book and market their book all of those kind of marketing skills that they can use for their businesses, for themselves, for their projects. Um, and then I started doing that, and, and again, that's just grown and grown and been really successful. Um, I think it was figuring out the power of the business side of pageantry and tapping into that and combining my skills. I always kept pageantry separate, and then I re— I learned how to embrace it and make it a part of me and my everything I do.

I want to come to the inception moment of Empress Media Academy because, as you briefly mentioned, there was a crucial point in, in your journey and your life after a few years of pageantry where we had the pandemic, and then you also became a mother. And I'm, I'm interested to hear what shifted for you once you, you had your daughter, and how did it impact your ambitions afterwards?

As I said earlier, I think I've— I always cared what people thought of me to a certain extent. I mean, I still do. I still would always hope that people think I'm nice and that I'm, you know, I, I always intend— I always do everything with good intentions. So I would hope that people would think about me. However, the way I feel about that changed, and As soon as I had my daughter, I realized that I always wanted her to live her life to the fullest, and I wanted her to chase any dream and to do everything and be truly happy and true to herself throughout her life. And the only way that I can do that is through modeling that behavior for her. That's just the only way she's ever going to learn it. So I think during the— after the pandemic, as soon as I had her, that worry of what people think of me came secondary to the power of wanting to impact her positively and for her to have that positive role model. So all of a sudden, one of the things that was most important to me, which was maybe how I was viewed by other people, sadly shifted, and the importance of modeling behavior to her came first. And I just, I've always been motivated, but my God, I was like motivated like never before to achieve and do all the things I wanted because I— that's what I want her to see and what I want her to do for herself.

So one of your core missions, from what I understand, is to challenge how people see both motherhood and pageantry. So what's the biggest misconception you want to break?

I think there's— sadly, there is still this— there are still misconceptions about pageantry, and that people make assumptions, and quite rightly so, because I mean, there's loads of things where we only see what we see. If you're not in that industry, you see the things from the outside and you just see parts of it. The skills that I've built, which is what I've really tried to embed into the pageant system that I'm now running in the UK, is all about the skills that you build along the way, and they truly have made me who I am. And so I think the, the power of pageant women is not seen. Often we see the pretty images, we don't see all of that work behind it, and we're almost not taken seriously, I would say, is one of the big things. Like, it's not really taken that seriously. It is a hobby at the end of the day, so, um, it is just something that a lot of people will just do in their spare time, but it also becomes a big part of our lives because the amount of work that we put into it and towards them. I think there's all— there's got to be, um, an understanding from the person in the competitions, which is why some people ask me if I would put my daughter into a pageant, and truthfully, the answer is no, while she's young, because I think that there's got to be a level of understanding of what you're being judged on. Because to feel like you're being judged by people, if you don't think of that in the correct way, I can see how that might be damaging. But when you learn what pageantry is about and you're older and you understand what you're getting judged on and you know all of the different scored rounds, it is just like a job interview. At the end of the day, in a job interview, you're getting judged as to how good you're going to be at the job, and that's all it is. It's just the same as that. And but at a young age, I don't know if girls quite understand that yet.

So a bit like your journey there, maybe in her mid to early to mid-20s rather than when, when she's a teenager.

100%. I think when she's older, if it's something she wants to do, as long as she fully understands it, and, um, and I will support her 100%, but not when she's very, very young. Obviously, every— each to their own. People do, do that as well, and I think as long as the child understands, that's the main thing. Um, but for me, I think there's got to be that level of understanding there.

Now, you mentioned this briefly, but Women often feel like they have to choose between ambition and family, and now you run your own business, you're an entrepreneur, you're a title holder and a mother. What's your take on balancing family life, work, and your passion? Because all of them are combined in what you do.

For me, as soon as I became a mum, As with anything, it's that I give it my 110%, and if I ever felt like I couldn't be the mum that I needed to be, that would always come first and the other things would come second because that time you never get back. And the other things I want to do in life, I can do them at a later time, and I don't get to do being a mum again. For me, I think, so I'm also, I'm a lecturer as well, and I do do that a couple of days a week. So I'm very fortunate that most of the work that I do does fall within kind of school time, preschool time. So it does mean that actually by running my own business, although it's a lot of work and a lot of evenings, so when she's asleep, I work and then also I do it within the daytime, but luckily I get to set my own hours. So it means that I can pick her up and I have that quality time with her that I might not have if I was in a 9-to-5 job every single day. So I think there's always, there's always those pros and cons to everything, right, that we can choose in life and the different lifestyles you might live or the different options that you have. But I do try and involve her as much as I can. Some days when she comes home from preschool, I've had some things to send out and I put her in charge of all the envelopes and she carried them with me down to the postbox and popped each one into the postbox. And she'll, she says she works She works— we work together, we're business partners, that's what we say when she's doing things with me. So anything that I can do little like that, that means that I can run an errand that needs to be done and she can come with me and we'll make it fun and do it together. Um, I do try and do that. I think just it can be really difficult sometimes to set boundaries when you work for yourself because you— people want to contact you all of the time. You don't necessarily have office hours, so I think it's just the best you can setting boundaries for yourself and making sure that you prioritize that, that family time and downtime with your family as well.

So I guess the trick question is here, how do you do that? How do you set the boundaries and how do you stick to them?

Sometimes successfully, sometimes not so successfully, uh, to be honest. I think that's the same with everything, but like this weekend just gone, I had 3 events and she stayed home with her dad and they had the weekend together and I went and worked this weekend. However, for the next couple of weekends, I don't have anything. And so I try and, I try and split my time where I say, okay, one weekend a month, if I need to, I will do something over a weekend. The other 3, I keep them free so that I can spend time with her. So it's almost just like little rules that I set for myself to be able to say yes to certain things and no to others. And I used to find it very hard to say no to people when they asked me to be a part of anything. And now I've got a more structured way of looking at my goals. I'm very structured on my goals for the year and what I want to achieve and where I want to grow myself and my business. And I check whether the thing that they've asked me to do aligns with the thing, the goals that I'm trying to achieve. And if it doesn't, it has to be a no for now, and that I'll come back to it another time. And when you're a creative person as well and somebody who's often having ideas, you could, you could start doing a million new projects every week.

I know the feeling.

I have to actively rein myself in all of the time. Really, for me, I have to say no. Right now you are trying to grow in X, Y, and Z. Focus on those. Say no to the other opportunities, and if they're meant for you, the opportunity will come back around again. So yeah, I think that's how I try. With my phone, it's very difficult. I've started to put my phone away at times of the day. So when I pick my Mila— me, my Mila, that's her name, Mila, my daughter— when I picked Mila preschool, nearly every day now I say, you can go on the park. And so I pick her up at her preschool close time and I leave my phone in the car, lock my car, and I go and pick her up and we go on the park. And my phone is literally not on my person whatsoever, which means that I can't be tempted to just think, oh, she's happy playing over there, I'm gonna have a quick look and just check if anybody's emailed me, which is tempting to do. So I just now leave it away from me and just think I'm, I'm not allowed on it. It's like what you do with a child, lock away the sweets. You're not allowed any sweets until this particular time of day. Um, I have to just put it away and think, no, if, if something, if they need me, it can wait. It can always wait at least a couple of hours.

So to kind of like finger point on the balance side, you don't try necessarily to balance it in the same day. Or even in the same week, but you look at it more holistically as, as a month and ensure that the time is split between your passions, your work, and your family. So you don't have to put pressure on you to balance everything on the same day, for example.

I think that I always make sure I have to have time with my daughter every single day. That's just a non-negotiable. And like I say, if I'm going to be away for a night, that's limited to just like once a month. So on every other day of that month, I'm going to have time with her. And that's just something that I won't compromise on. But in terms of everything else, like opportunities for me to go and be a part of something, or even the amount of clients I'm going to take on to work with, that is all balanced on like that, looking at that overall. I basically have like a Trello board with dates, columns of all the different things I work on and key dates and key things I've got going on, and I will not say yes to anything until I've looked at that and had an overall look at, okay, realistically, does this fit in with, with also just giving me time to just be myself and be a mum and just live my normal life outside of everything else?

You mentioned something quite important, which are the distractions from your phone. Now, as, as millennials, we are the last generation to experience life without smartphones. But also one of the first generations to get hooked on it, on the smartphones. And you said how you're trying to put your phone away, but was that always the case or did you find that it can take over your life at some point?

Yeah, I think it can easily just take over your life because we're so connected all the time. I think there's been a, there's a real expectation has grown that people know that you'll often have your phone with you and people sometimes expect really quick responses from you because they know that you're right there on the other end of that phone and that you can get back to them. And this goes back to the whole like being liked, people pleasing type thing. I don't like to not respond to somebody. I've now, I think it's setting boundaries and expectations with other people to let them know, look, I'm not always going to get back to you straight away. I'm, I'm really busy. I'll get back to you in the next couple of days. All of those kind of things, just to set expectations so that you don't feel the pressure to be constantly connected. Just to— I think just having gratitude and taking in the life that is around you can often get forgotten when we are connected to our phones. And I think we see a world of possibility. We see all everyone out there, all around the world doing all these incredible things and I think especially for even younger people than us, the next generation, I think a lot of them probably struggle to appreciate the life that they have because it always looks like there's somebody that's got something more and is doing more. Um, and they, they kind of can see all of that through their phones and we lose sight of the things that are actually important, which is the people around us and those little things and those little moments in life. So I think again, since having my daughter, there's been a shift. That makes me just think, like I say, I'm never going to get this again. I'm never going to get her at this age again, and I don't want to miss one little giggle or one little game or one little moment with her. I just want to be there for it all and for her to know that she's valued and that my attention will always be on her first. So there's almost like I have no choice at this point. Disconnect because that's just far too important for me to not do that. And as I've done it, I've realized how grounded I feel when I can just go out with no phone and just look at the world around me, go for a walk out in my village. It's really important. And we, we often like just don't do it now. It's so easy to not do that and it makes the world of difference.

You touched on the important point, not only the calls and the emails and the messages, but social media. Which has been taking over our lives and our phones, and it plays a big role and has a big influence on both our image of ourselves, how we perceive the world around us. And you, as basically a public figure and an entrepreneur, you've built an influential presence on social media across multiple channels. So my question is, how do you balance being authentic on social media and being yourself and real and not making people think you're somebody you're not and giving them a false image, like you mentioned other people would do, and maintaining that professional image and representing the titles that you're also winning, but also your business now? I know it's a big question.

I was about to say, it is a struggle. Like, let's be honest, it's hard. It's really hard to do all of those things at once. And I think we all want to present ourselves in the absolute best light possible, right? Like, naturally we want to present ourselves in the best way. I think it's just being conscious and aware of it. And like me talking about my anxiety and things like that, I'm very open about that, and I'll talk about it. And I'll quite often talk about the fact that, you know, I'm from a lower income background. It's, it's less likely that someone like me would be able to do some of the things I'm doing, yet I'm still doing it. And I always think it has to come from a place of showing people what's possible and inspiring people rather than— I think there's the danger as if you look too perfect and you're not open about, as you said earlier in the podcast, if we don't talk about, um, how we've got to places and where we've come from and make it relatable and make people know that everyone can do it, then there's a danger of it being damaging to people. If they don't realize the struggles or the human side of people and where they've come from and where they get to. When I did my events on the weekend, a few things went wrong with the venue during the day. Afterwards, I, when I was speaking to everyone, I said, let's just have a moment of honesty. I was laid in bed last night thinking, why have I done this? Why have I organized all these events? I actually don't even want to get out of bed tomorrow because this is such a big job and there's so much to do, because people said to me on the day, oh, you're just, you're just like a swan, you're just gliding through the day and you've got it all together.

And I thought, if only you can see me inside.

Yeah, only you know. If only you knew. And then I thought, I have to share this with everyone in the room because the last thing I want is for them to leave today and think it was just easy for me to do that, because it wasn't easy for me to do it. And people need to understand that just because people are doing things, it doesn't mean they're not feeling the way that you might be feeling if you were to try and do it. And showing people that it's, it's by pushing through, and we all feel those feelings. I saw something that said even the most successful people in the world still have fear. Like, fear just never goes away, and we're all always— we always have fear when we do anything in life. And it's showcasing to people that that is the reality of the situation. And it's not that I'm different and I just don't feel the fear or it's really easy for me. It's just that I'm just pushing through and just doing it anyway, even if sometimes I want to run away and hide.

Now, I can't remember where or where I read this or who said it, but using fear as It's fuel, is certainly something that helps you push forward. But I wanted to stay still a little bit on the social media topic for now. With your experience now, obviously, we as millennials had access to social media for almost 15 years now altogether. So looking back at it and kind of like looking at it as a mother now, Do you think social media helps or can hurt women's confidence and personal development and also their, their image of themselves? Because, you know, there's a wider discussion about filters, photo manipulation, angles, and, and so forth.

I am terrified of when my daughter's old enough to access social media, if I'm completely honest, just because I think It's a lot for a young age. That is a lot to take in. I just never want her to— it to rule her life and for her to feel like she— that's the most important thing. So as I said earlier, I think if anything, I've just— the older I get, the more and more I realize it doesn't matter. Like, if it went away tomorrow, then we all have our lives and the important people around us and all those sort of things. I think I think there, there has to be a level of education that comes with social media, um, and I think anybody that starts using social media, like, first of all, I think the ages should be stricter, and I don't think young children should be able to access social media. Along the same vein of as what I was saying earlier, there's a level of understanding and emotional intelligence I think needs to be there before people could access things like social media and I do think that there needs to be people remaining that little bit vulnerable and being transparent and staying as normal people. And I also think it's a bit like celebrity culture, isn't it? I feel like when we were young, there wasn't really social media.

However, there was still celebrity culture and magazines and, um, magazines, TV, and everything else in between.

Yeah. Yeah, so we still had that sort of influence, but not through the same way, and maybe we don't— we didn't see it as often on our phones. It's an educational thing around images and the fact that images are altered and all of that kind of thing. It's having that level of understanding about it. And then I also— it's, it's a, it's an education about what is important and what is valuable about you as a person, because I can honestly say, although I compete in pageantry. I think the way I look is the least interesting thing about me. I, I don't— I'm not somebody who worries all the time about how I look. I don't, don't claim to be, nor would I ever want to be perfect in the way that I look. That's— it's actually— I think people think that you will think a lot about how you look if you're in that sort of industry, but actually I don't think that much about that. So I think it's an education, yeah, around how we should view ourselves and our value as people, because it should never be based on what we look like. That is not where our value is at all. And there's so many other amazing things about you that you should think about and care about more than the way that you look. So yeah, there's a lot of work around it, I think, to support people through it.

And that's one of the core strands that you're doing both with Empress Media Academy and Raising Resilient, am I right?

Yeah, so raising them resilient is all emotional intelligence. So it's all about teaching children emotional intelligence. It's all about— I think one of the biggest things for me that I've always done when I've worked with young people is being able to say, I'm good at X and so-and-so is good at Y, because actually we're all different and we all have good qualities. And just because somebody might be better at art than you that's not something that you need to compare yourself over, because whatever they're good at, you're good at something that they're not good at. That is just life. Like, we all have our strengths, we all have our qualities, and that goes back to what I was saying about being able to look at yourself and be proud of the things that are amazing about you, because we all have qualities like that. Um, and then through Empress, it's really about building an authentic brand and tapping into those things So Empress, I often will talk to people about their stories, the things that are important to them and the impact they want to have on their world, on the world. And we package that together as their own brand in a way that they can easily communicate that with people that helps them to gain opportunities. And when we realize how powerful we are based on things other than the way we look, I think that just becomes naturally less, less of a focus for people.

And the other thing that you do, you, you mentioned that you took on the, the license for a, for a pageant that you would be running. And I'm, I'm curious to hear what sort of things have you changed or refined that would improve the contestants' experiences based on the experiences you've had in the industry? It's a safe assumption because I've spoken to, to another Millennial Master, Amy, who was in entertainment, and she took all the lessons from her career, when she built her business, she tried to build in all the things that were missing to create a standout business for the people joining her mission.

Yeah, 100%. That is what I'm doing. So I've just had my first final and just crowned the first queen that will go to the US in September. And the things that were most important to me was— so the pageant is for women over 26. Of elegance and empowerment. That's who, who it is aimed at.

I was just wondering why the 26+?

Um, it is just— that is just how the International is, is done. And I think it's because most Miss pageants, you can't compete after like the age of 25.

So it's, so it's a continuation.

Yeah, it was to fill the gap, um, and create something for women that were over 26. And you can be married, not married, you can have children any, you know, it's open to everybody, any woman over the age of 26. And the thing that's really special about it to me is it's, it seems it's got this level of business focus, comms, and about being more of a spokesperson. As I said earlier, the way the rounds are, it's very— there's a, there's a huge weighting on the things that you have to say, like, so a large portion of your score is, is built on that. And so what I really wanted to do was tap into all of the things that I thought I'd taken the most, that I'd grown the most through in pageantry, and that was through developing the projects, developing my own business. So all of the finalists have workshops, regular workshops with all different people to learn skills that can help them grow in any area of life. And for the next year, I've now brought in the Pearls of Wisdom personal development program, which all finalists the competition will be enrolled on. And it means all the way in the run-up to the competition, they are gaining the support through all of the workshops to be able to grow themselves in whatever way they want to and achieve their life goals beyond the pageant. And I'd also really like to offer, um, an opportunity for all the finalists to speak or to run workshops as part of a larger event so that they can really showcase themselves. Also to be able to get video footage of themselves doing things, to be able to further their businesses and their projects. So for me, I just want it to be that all women that take part in it take something really valuable away from it. I'd say it's like a women's networking, like, business group slash a pageant. It's very much a combination of the two and all the best bits from both of those brought together to really just help women to be the best version of themselves and whatever that means to them. And I'm I'm not here to define what that is to anybody else because everyone's goals and dreams are different, but they can use it as a vehicle for whatever they want to.

You talked a lot about resilience and staying grounded and focused when everything is so distracting around you. Besides your Trello board, what are your go-to habits that keep you focused and productive and motivated?

I have a board sat literally next to me. With all of my, like, visions without going into detail, but you can see bits of it here. So based on the things I want to achieve this year, I've made that to be really visual so that when I'm sat here at my desk, I can look in front of me and see all of the things that I want to achieve. And I also like to, I've got a board next to it where I pin things that I have achieved. So like from my last event, I've got things from that up there so that Every time I can remind myself whatever's happening, that this is what, this is why I'm doing it, and this is what I've already done and that I'm capable of. And I've had so many nos. Like, when I think back, I mentioned when I first was looking for sponsorship for a pageant, you can imagine the amount of nos I got when I was like not even confident to approach them in the first place. And then even so, now that I'm more confident I, I was looking for prize packages, some of the prizes for the package for the winner of my competition. I must have emailed over 100 businesses. We had a fantastic prize package, but the amount of nos I got from that is huge. I've learned—

or no responses.

Yeah, no, yeah, but even more so, no responses. But I think I used to think that if I failed in any way, that it was a negative thing and that maybe I just wasn't capable of achieving something if I was getting a setback or a no. Now I've realized that anybody that's successful in life has still had the same amount, they've just kept going for longer. And now I just, I just know that everybody's getting the nos, everybody's getting the setback. And it's, it's just a game of who's gonna stay in it the longest. You've just got to keep going because you've got— you like, it's the odds you're gonna get a yes, right?

If you keep going, or later you're gonna have to.

So I think just not taking things personally. If a business says no, it's because opportunity is not right for them. It's not a personal no to me as a person. And I just quickly just onto the next, onto the next. You just not got to pay attention to those and not class them in your mind as failures. It's a success that you sat there and you sent that, and it's one step closer to the yes every time.

That's a good pearl of wisdom there that you shared. A few people can be, a lot of people can be easily put off by a few nos, but you're kind of like a no away from your first yes.

Yes, exactly. You are always, always, there's got to be a yes at some point.

Jasmine, do you have any role models that have shaped you, how you approach life, business, pageantry? Because I have a feeling that now you are becoming a role model to other women in the industry, especially the ones who you are taking through your competitions and your Empress Media Academy. But who inspired you?

This is always a really difficult question because I can never think of one specific person. I feel like I've always taken the best bits from everything that I've seen. So I see things and I think, oh, I love the way that they're doing that. And, and actually within the pageant industry there's loads of amazing pageant women that have achieved different things, but it's hard to find one specific role model because there's not— so all of the combination of things that I'm doing, I don't know anybody that's doing that exact combination of things. So it's very hard to find somebody specifically who is a role model. But I think actually being around American people has really helped me because They're just, their approach to life, I would say, is slightly different.

I've heard that before. Tell me, tell me more about it.

I feel like, you know, you see Americans and they'll tell you that you'll see like people that sell houses, realtor, and they'll say that they're the best one in the county. You know, in the, in the state or whatever, and it's always, they're always very, very good at kind of being bold and being really confident and putting themselves out there. And some— and they're really like— I've always loved things that are a bit cheesy, to be honest. And the personal development side of stuff in America really has that slightly cheesy side to it, which personally I really love and connect with. And I think I'm having to find a balance with my events here that I want to do a bit of that, but I've also got to make it appealing to people and not scare them away, uh, in the, in the first time they come to an them. But it's almost just looking at the American way of— I don't think they don't seem to be— we're really taught to be humble, which I 100% agree we need to be humble. I think sometimes we're taught to be a little bit not too humble and not celebrate ourselves enough at all and not really shout about our successes. And I feel like they're quite good at that. And it's really helped me to be like, no, you know what, if I've achieved something, I can shout it from the rooftops and tell people I've achieved it. You can always do that in a humble way that's not like you're bragging about everything you've got. But it's good to celebrate ourselves, and we should all celebrate ourselves. So there's definitely things that I've taken from being around American people. I thought, you know, we could do with a little bit more of that, a little bit more positivity and celebration of things, and not feel so much like we need to be be so polite.

Yeah, we can find celebrating our successes here in the UK a bit cringe, but if we don't celebrate our successes, then it's also that part of self-confidence that you're not building when you achieve stuff.

Yeah, 100%. And there's books that I read, such as Everything's Figureoutable, Marie Forleo. I found that really good to read.

Tell me, tell me a bit about the books that inspired you. Yes.

So she, so her book, Everything Is Figureoutable, basically talks about, like I was saying, if there's ever a setback or if there's ever a failure, um, that there's always a solution or there's always a way around it. And that's just really helped me to kind of not worry too much or not panic when things go wrong. And take the minute to think, right, well, this— everything is figureoutable. We can figure this out. There's always going to be some sort of solution. I found her fantastic. There is a woman called Jen Gottlieb as well who has a book called Be Seen. Um, and they're all American, all of my, my suggestions. But she— I'd say she's a role model to me because she does a lot of public speaking. She talks a lot about branding, visibility, which is all my kind of areas. And she she does it in a really kind of fun American way, which I really love. And she's found— she's used her story and her experiences to be able to create a really unique way of talking about the things that she teaches, which I think is the real secret and the key to, to anybody being successful. I think it's how we use our own story, our own experiences, and our own unique perspective to teach people things in a way that they may not have heard it before, may resonate with them. More than it has from anybody else. And that's actually something just worth saying. I think sometimes you can see other people being successful in an industry and you can think, well, there's no room for me because it's all been done, people are already talking about it, why would anyone choose to work with me over working with somebody else who's already established and doing it? If you've got something to share with the world, there's always, always a place for it. There's always going to be somebody that resonates most with you, and your story really just reflects what they need at that time. Even if somebody else does the same thing, we all have a unique way of doing things. So never let that stop you from throwing your hat in the ring just because other people are doing it.

That's a good tip, and I'll make sure I include your book recommendations on the show notes on millennialmasters.net website. But now that we coming to wrapping up and we've got a bit introspective, I, I'd like to ask you, Jasmine, if you had a chance to write a letter to your teenage self or early 20s self before you, you got into the world of pageantry and business, what would be the advice you would give to yourself?

It would be that you are capable of doing anything that you set your mind to. And don't ever let your circumstance or opinions of people around you who just don't get it stop you from pursuing the things that you're passionate about. I grew up in a low-income area, um, and I did have people say things to me when I was young that made me feel like I would never make it anywhere because of, because of where I came from or because of those circumstances. And also, I've shared ideas with people in the past who, not out of any bad intention, they just don't get it. They just don't, they don't have that. It's not something that they are passionate about, or it's not, they'd never had a business before. And so even if with their best intention they might discourage you without meaning to, or maybe point out all the things that might go wrong because they're trying to protect you from making a mistake, but it's about trusting your own gut. And you only get to do this once, So never let something pass you by without trying, because the last thing that I want in life is to have any regrets. And I would rather have done something and failed miserably at it than not tried. So yeah, I— when I look back, I can't actually believe the things that I've done. And I don't think me then would have ever come up with who I am now. I don't think it'd even been a thought. So, yeah, just knowing that you can do it.

Well, that's a great point to make as we wrap up this episode of Millennial Masters. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast and sharing your journey and your wisdom so far. And I can't wait to see what you're going to be doing next, Jasmine.

Thank you so much. And thank you so much for having me. I've really enjoyed it.

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