02: Um...So, Let's Discuss Filler Words

So basically there's this like, you know, a little tic, a verbal tic that clogs up your speaking and you're writing. So you want to know what that is. Keep listening to find out. Hey there. Welcome to the Communicate with Confidence podcast. I'm your host, Molly McPherson. Today we are talking about a pesky little tick that is infesting almost everyone's speaking and writing. They're called filler words and filler phrases, and they are cluttering the way people communicate. These speech habits take up space in your speech and undermine your intent as a speaker, a communicator, a trainer, someone that works in public relations and public affairs. I hear filler words constantly and I think they're becoming a bit of an epidemic. Filler words by description are the words and phrases that are used to fill silence when you're speaking. They're the words that don't add any real value to the sentence. They simply keep you going while you come up with the rest of the sentence. Their actual name is discourse markers. They're also known as interjections or verbal pauses, but they're much more commonly known as filler words. Now, are you a filler user? Guess what? We all are. But why do we use these words and phrases and when? I'll discuss the reasons in a bit, but let's first define the type of filler words and phrases first. What are common filler words? Here they are. Well, like. And here's a batch, actually. Basically, seriously, the adverb trio of literally, totally, clearly, you see, you know, I mean, you know what I mean at the end of the day, believe me. I guess, I suppose, or something. Okay, right. Mm. Uh huh. You're starting to get the idea, right? Right. Is a filler word. Do you have a filler word that makes you crazy? I know I do. And it's changed through time. A number of years ago, it was literally, and then actually became the new literally. But now the epidemic filler word that I hear is the word so. So this is the reason why I think so is the new filler word. Because the word so at one time, I think made people feel intelligent. It sounds intelligent. Just picture a professor, hand on the chin, saying, so why do you think that, you know, sounds intelligent, but now I think the word is at epidemic proportions. Everyone uses the word now because I think it mixes in a little bit of that intelligence, but it's that transition phrase to go from one thought to another thought. It just kind of blends all these thoughts together. But let's talk about filler words and how you use them, how other people use them, and yeah, you know what? How I use them. Because again, we all do it. But let's get to the root of why. First, I categorize these undermining speech habits into a few categories. We have hedges, apologies, qualifying phrases, and quirks. For lack of a better word, I came up with quirks. Now, hedges, these are the additives that we sprinkle into our speech and our writing to kind of diffuse our intent or our meaning because we don't want to go all in. Examples of hedges, just again, actually and literally are also hedges, kind of almost. When you hear me read that list in a non filler way, how do they sound? They sound like you're hedging. Why do people hedge? Because they don't feel that confident when they're speaking. Do you hedge? Think about it. Next one, Apologies. What is the number one word that everyone uses as a filler word? And I think this is the word that all females use. It's the word sorry or sorry, depending if you're from Canada, but it's overused and it's used a lot. Another form of apology. Just a minute or a little bit. I know they don't sound like apologies, but listen to it in this way. I hear this in a lot of presentations. Someone may come up into the front of the room and say, I don't want to take up too much of your time. Or on a phone call, someone might say, I know you're busy, but those are fillers. And those are also apologies. You're apologizing for taking someone's time. And frankly, you shouldn't. If someone is paying you to speak or if someone wants your information, they wouldn't be there, so stop apologizing. The next part are qualifying phrases or disclaimers. These are the tags that we add on to our speech when we are talking about ourselves or our work. You might say, I'm not an expert, but does that make sense? I'm just thinking off the top of my head. I could be wrong. But just curious now, again, when you hear those words outside of the context of a conversation or a sentence, how do they sound to you? Do they sound like you are diluting your value? If you're saying it, that's exactly what you're doing. It's a way of coming in with a soft landing. And which gender do you think uses qualifying phrases or disclaimers more? Yeah, did you say females? Absolutely. Next is quirky talk. Quirky talk defined by me is talk or some type of emphasis on your voice or how you speak that can get in the way of your message. You don't want to Google this. This is just Molly speak. For what I notice when it comes to this type of filler, uptalk started around the time of Valley Girl. Remember that song? And remember that movie? It was in the 80s. If you remember who starred in that movie, please send a tweet to me. Now I'm at Molly McPherson with the hashtag ValleyGirl and tell me if you remember who starred in that movie. For anyone who listened to episode one and listened to me talk about Generation X knows that I know the answer to this, and I'm curious if you do as well. Uptalk was Valley Girl speak, and it was very generational at the time. But it's funny. Uptalk, which started back then when Valley girls would talk like this, continued on now. In this millennial generation. There was a pause. You didn't really hear it for a decade or two. But now it's back and we hear it on reality television shows like Keeping up with the Kardashians. Another quirky talk aspect is the idea of vocal fry. Vocal fry is when people talk from the back of their throats and they sound like this. I listen to a podcast that I absolutely love, but it's two millennials and one of the millennials on the program so speaks with a vocal fry. I can listen through it, but it's funny. My teenagers, it makes them crazy. Why is he talking that way? That's vocal fry. Another example of quirky talk is speaking in run on sentences. You're piling on words on top of each other. There are no periods in any of your statements. You're substituting a space for words, silence for a phrase. You want to eliminate that where you can next sounds. Are you someone that uses sounds when you speak? Most people will not give you the feedback that you make a noise and you usually don't hear yourself doing it. But I have a colleague, for example, who does this. Now this colleague happens to be in excellent public speaker, an excellent trainer and coach. When they go into a front of a room, they command that room. But there's a quirk and there's a quirk in the way they present. I notice when they get into an area where they're not confident and where that usually is, if they give a line or a joke that they just thought of off the top of their head. So if there isn't a lot of confidence behind the statement, I'll hear the sound and it sounds something like this, which I guess there sounded like a hiccup. But if they're speaking and they say something that's funny and they want someone to laugh and they're not sure if someone's going to laugh, they go, now, different people can make different noises. And truth be told, a lot of people do this, though some people are more prominent in their noises when they make them. Anyway, this colleague, when we were looking at the feedback from the sessions, they noticed that someone had commented on this noise. And they asked me if I knew what they were talking about. And I thought, I do communications for a living. I'm going to be honest here. And I said yes. And I tried to mimic it the best I could, and every time I did, it sounded like a weak hiccup or something. But at any rate, I did let them know that they do it. And I also gave a little feedback for the reason why, because I noticed when the confidence was there, when they knew exactly what they were talking about, their speech was solid. There were full sentences, full thoughts, full ideas. But whenever they would wander into an area that was new or off the cuff, like the eyeballs would go up and they were trying to think of something, or they would make a crack or a joke, it would be followed with the sound. And when someone speaks that way and they want to talk, but then all of a sudden a noise comes out, that's usually nerves or it's usually lack of confidence. So do a little check on yourself. Do you make any of those noises? Now, what is the solution to that? I will say with this colleague, now that we mentioned it, they did say to me, okay, you have to tell me every single time that I do it. So now I do. If we're ever in a conversation or we're ever in a group conversation, I say the word bing. I don't know why I came up with the word bing, but I'll say that. And I do that to help and to share, because that's one of the tools that you can use to help get rid of some of these tics. Now, moving on. Why do we use these types of speech patterns? What is the root behind these filler words? Part of it is mimicry, and it is a contagion. If you hear it once, you're bound to repeat it. That happens to many, many people, and then eventually you form a habit and you really can't help yourself. Another reason why people tend to use filler words in a formal setting is because they're Unprepared, they do not have prepared remarks. And when they're trying to think, they'll fill the space with filler words. Another reason, it's to show what you're thinking. You might use a filler word when you need to think about your answer or your statement. For example, I have basically a degree in finance and marketing. Now, you don't basically have a degree, you have a degree. But if you have to think back, you're just filling the dead air with the word basically. Another reason, it's to make a statement less harsh. For example, if you are speaking to a colleague and they have a poppy seed stuck in their teeth, you could just tell them you have something in your teeth. But that might make them embarrassed and sound a little harsh. So it might be nicer to say something like, well, you know, you have something like a little thing, you know in your teeth. Another reason to make your statement weaker or stronger. So while filler words don't add anything to sentences, they can be used to change the sentence tone or the attitude of the sentence. See how these different statements sound? I think Instagram is fun. It's just a regular statement. Actually, I think Instagram is the best social media platform out there today. That shows contrast. It shows that you may not agree with someone else. You're taking a stand. Listen to this. At the end of the day, Instagram is the best. It's something you might say in conclusion to a discussion about your social media strategy, for instance. So those are more deliberate filler words. But there are better ways to get that point across without using filler words. Like actually. And at the end of the day, another reason, and this is a big one, to stall for time. Stalling for time means to do something to try to gain more time. In other words, we are going to insert filler words as a way to fill in the time when I don't know what the answer is going to be or I don't know what I'm going to say next. That's the reason why you'll hear a lot of people on podcasts and even me. For instance, when we're speaking and we're speaking on our own in a room by ourselves, we are speaking sentence after sentence after sentence. And we may not have a declarative end to every sentence. So you'll start to hear those filler words creep in. When someone is having a one way conversation, they want to think of something to say. They don't want to have a lot of dead air. So. So they're Going to throw in another filler word or phrase next to include the listener in the conversation without ending your sentence. Now picture a conversation between two people. Some of the filler words and phrases can include the other person in the conversation. So it's a bit like reaching out to them, and you're speaking to them, and you want their attention, but you don't necessarily want to give up the floor. For example, you have to watch Game of Thrones. Am I right? I mean, it's just the best show ever. I mean, come on. It is the best show, right? Okay, that is an example of one person talking about Game of Thrones but not wanting to have the other person talk about it. There will be a time and a place where they can insert it, but that person has the floor. And just by way of full disclosure, I only watched Game of Thrones for two episodes, and I couldn't stay up. I have to try it again. I know everyone loves it. I know the value of it. I just need to watch it in the daytime when I can hear it better anyway. Another reason why we use filler words are when the stakes are high or when we're nervous. So that's a job interview, a media interview, during a speech, a presentation, or even a conference call. So we tend not to breathe as much and we talk faster. I know that I do this. So our words get ahead of our thoughts. Once you start into this pattern, these filler words become a crutch. There was an excellent article in the New York Times about filler words, and they interviewed a scientist about speech patterns, and they compared filler words to vulgarity. And the quote was, the occasional use is acceptable, and. But when too frequent, it loses its meaning and signals to listeners that the person speaking is lazy about language. Isn't that the truth? Now, how can we stop using filler words? These disfluencies in our speech definitely get in the way of the meaning, and they undermine our intentions. We want to stop using them where we can. And truth be told, it makes you look not quite as smart as you are. How do we stop these filler words? Here's a trick that I use. I use mindfulness. I identify the word or the phrase that I want to change, and then for whatever reason, it sticks. Remember in the beginning of the interview, I told you about the one filler word that I hate and makes me insane? It's the word so. And part of the reason why I detest this filler word so much is because I was using it all the time, every time that I used the word so and I heard it come out of my mouth and into my ears. I made note of it. Now it took a while for me to remove it from my conversation. And frankly, it's still in there. I still use the word, but the difference is every time I say it, I know it. And when I'm more prepared, when I'm speaking, I. I can get ahead of myself and I can eliminate it before I speak it. Believe it or not, it works. It's like the parenthetical rubber band trick. When someone's trying to stop a habit, they'll snap themselves with a rubber band. It actually works. The next trick is recording yourself. If you record how you speak. For instance, if you have a podcast, go ahead and listen to it. If you have a recording of you on a conference call or on a video chat, go back and listen to it. And it may be painful. And frankly, it might be boring as well. You've already lived through that meeting. But listen for your filler words. There are apps out there that do this for you. There's one called or, it's spelled O R A I and I'm going to put this in the show Notes. There's another one called like so, which is a great name for a filler word app. But both of them give you feedback on your use of filler words. But they also give you feedback on your pacing, your energy level, your pauses, and your overall clarity. These apps are very helpful when it comes to understanding how you sound when you speak. So go ahead and download those apps and give them a try. They will tell you how many filler words you use. Another trick is to tell someone if you share your quirk or your filler word with someone, then you will be aware of when you're using it, especially when you're speaking to them. Look at it as a filler buddy. It could be a colleague who's a very good or very confident speaker, or it could be a friend or a spouse, or it could even be your kids. But just check in with someone and ask them to tell you how often you use that filler word. And again, when you recognize what the word is and you hear it, you will stop using it. It does work. Another trick is relaxing and taking a deep breath when finishing a thought. Focusing on your breathing will make it more difficult to introduce any type of wayward expression or word. And breathing. And mindfulness when communicating is helpful in all aspects of your communication. It prevents you from saying something stupid. It will prevent you from being too breathy when you speak or too fast when you speak, and there won't be a discordance between what you're trying to say and what you're actually saying. And the last one is substituting silence for verbal fillers. This could be awkward at first, but you know what? If you use it and you use it well, this is a powerful communication tool. I tell a lot of my students and a lot of my clients this trick when they're speaking, that silence has a lot of power when you speak and then you stop. People will hang in there with you. They want to know what you have to say. So use it to your advantage. Use it to help you think of what you're going to say next. And then whatever it is that you say, make it big, because everyone is listening. Now that you've listened to this episode, are you thinking to yourself, ugh, I say all of these words. Don't worry. No one, and I mean no one, is immune to the filler. Every single person uses them. Just some people happen to use them more than others. Verbal tics affect both genders and people of all ages. Although I do think women tend to use some fillers more than men, especially those qualifiers or disclaimers. Those fillers are something much deeper than just trying to think of what to say. It's how they position themselves. But that's for a separate podcast down the road. Like all habits, the use of filler words is behavioral. It can be fixed with awareness and practice. And I mean this, it works. Just think about the word and it will be eliminated from your speech. Let's get real here. Lax verbal habits affect how individuals are perceived and may undermine the potential for success. If you are a person that uses filler words and filler phrases too often, you are transmitting yourself as someone who is not confident in what you know and what you do and how you speak. The excessive use of these filler words and phrases are weakening the speech, watering down the meaning and distracting the listeners. Think about it the next time that you see someone give a presentation, whether it is in front of a room, at an office, if it's in a boardroom, if it's before a presentation for an event, at work or at school, or someone getting up to accept an award. If they look prepared, chances are they won't be using as many filler words. But you know how it looks. When someone comes up and they don't know what to say and they're looking around the room, they're not paying attention to time, then you can almost guarantee that that talk or that speech is going to be filled with filler words. And these poor verbal habits can make anyone sound unsure, inarticulate, and even incompetent. And we don't want that for anyone. Especially you. So what did you think of this episode? I can attest to all of the tips and the tricks in this episode because I use them. Because not only do I use filler words, I hear them all the time. So I am constantly trying to remove them from my speech and my conversation. And I hope that some of the tips that you learned today can help you as well. Before I let you go, don't forget to subscribe to this podcast on itunes or wherever you listen to your podcast. If you learned anything today and you feel that you're going to use it, that's awesome. And the best way to keep getting more tips is if you subscribe. Every week you will get a new episode from me so I can help you to communicate with more confidently. Thanks again for tuning in. I cannot wait to continue the conversation next time.