103: 3 Signs Someone Is Trying to Bait You (and How Not to Take It)

Did you watch the first presidential debate between President Donald Trump and Vice President Joe Biden? You know, the one where the two men on stage completely erupted into a chaotic fight? It seemed like it happened a lifetime ago, but it's only been a few weeks since it aired. Now, you may have forgotten many of the particulars of the debate, but one tactic produced a lasting and loud impression on me.

I'm not going to answer the question because the question is the question. Supreme Court Justice Rat, the left. Would you sh. Gentlemen, I hate to raise my voice, but I see it seems to be, why shouldn't I be different than the two of you with you.

Wait a minute.

You get the final word. Well, it's hard to get any word in with this clown. I'll tell you what, somebody's got to do something about Antifa and the left, because this is not a right wing problem. This is a left direct. This is a left wing. That's what. He keeps trying to rile everything up. He doesn't want to calm things down. Instead of going in and talking to people and saying, let's get everybody together, figure out how to deal with this. What's he do? He just pours gasoline in the fire.

Now, someone was certainly on fire during that first presidential debate, and it wasn't Vice President Joe Biden, and it wasn't even the moderator, Chris Wallace. There was a lot of talk about this debate. Commentators and reporters were gobsmacked by what appeared to be a train wreck, but not me. Not me at all. I sat and watched the debate and knew exactly what was happening as soon as Donald Trump started to speak. Some may have witnessed it as a loud, belligerent, interrupting candidate, but what I saw was a shrewd play by Donald Trump to get under the skin of not only Biden, but of the moderator, Chris Wallace. Trump spent much of his allotted time baiting both Biden and Wallace. And I kept telling my kids, watch. Watch what he's doing. He is not crazy. He's crazy like a fox. Trump's goal, it appeared, was to seize control and never let it go. Now, many of you recognize the tactic in toxic and manipulative people. It comes up a lot in personal relationships. These are the people who want to overpower someone else for the purpose of them or to elicit either an angry or emotional response. But outside of personal relationships, we can see it anywhere from the boardroom to the debate stage. You could see if you were watching that Donald Trump was continually trying to bait Joe Biden. He wanted to rattle him and get him to burst with an expletive or lose his temper. Trump wanted Biden to appear out of control. Remember when Biden said, will you shut up, man? It was only 18 minutes into what would become a 98 minute verbal bait and assault by Trump. More Examples Remember when he brought up Joe Biden's late son Bo? Baiting Remember when he brought up son Hunter's discharge from the military? Baiting Remember when Donald Trump turned to Chris Wallace to argue because he didn't want to stop talking? He felt he needed more time. Baiting later on a Fox News broadcast, I was watching when Wallace was reflecting on the debate and he said it was clear as the night went on that Trump was determined to butt in and throw Joe Biden off. Baiting so today on the podcast three Signs Someone is trying to bait you and how not to take it. But before I give you the signs, let me explain what baiting is. It's an effective maneuver and one that can happen in countless places, like I said, from the boardroom to the debate stage. But it can also happen in a business negotiation. It could happen between two colleagues. It could happen between a boss and their worker. It could happen during an interview, a media interview. It could happen when an activist is trying to get under the skin of a CEO of a company. The goal of a baiter is usually to get the other person to start a confrontation. That way it's easier to turn the tables. It's a tactic that's used to gain an advantage in an argument or an exchange. Now I work, as you know, if you listen to this podcast, I work in media response training, public relations, crisis management. Baiting comes up all the time as a tactic to throw you off in your response. So I tell my clients who work in the areas or industries where they need to deal with activist groups either organized at a small level or even at a national level. I had a client that's dealing with a huge national activist group or even these little micro activists, just a handful of people. Many times they're there just to rile you, to mix things up. They're baiting. That's a tactic. So the bottom line for these people, these manipulative or these strategic baiters, they are identifying and defeating an opponent. That's their tactic because they want to feel better about themselves or their cause. Now when you're baited, you are forced to react quickly, so your powers of reasoning will be diminished. You will find it harder to assess the risks and rewards of this conversation, of this negotiations, because you Are so frazzled, and frankly, you're probably pissed off that you can't think straight. You'll say, what were we talking about? And all of a sudden, you're back on your heels. You thought you were having a normal conversation. Suddenly someone's attacking you. What happens? You experience anger. Suddenly. You may have thoughts of vengeance, like, I'm going to kill this guy. Or a feeling of a surge of energy to do something, to say something. Because when we fight, we switch to a different part of our brain that's geared more towards survival. It's that fight or flight response. I'm sure all of you have heard of it. It's a protection measure. It takes over your brain. Logic, Phew. Out the window, okay? But if you rise up and get angry and explode. Ah. The baiter wins. Or not. So for the rest of this episode, I'm going to share three signs someone is trying to bait you and what you can do to stop them dead in their tracks. All right, the first sign someone is trying to bait you. Number one, they lob an accusation at you, sometimes completely out of nowhere. This is a classic baiting move. They accuse you of something, usually out of left field, like, where the heck did that come from? And these accusations, or j', accuse, as I say in my house to my kids all the time, are designed to leave you off balance and struggling to defend yourself because you're defending yourself after something you had no idea was even an issue. And the baiter, they've already moved on, and they're finding other ways to manipulate you and screw with you. It's a distraction. So they're trying to bait you into defending yourself for something that you don't even know, while they are turning the tables on you and acting as the victim, which is number two. The second sign someone's trying to bait you is they play the victim. They. They're always the victim. No matter what they did to bait you into your response, they're always going to be the victim and the role of the wronged person because you did something to them. You caused the problem, not them. Maybe it's with a colleague or perhaps a vendor you hired. If you approach them or with a. With an issue or problem, like, hey, you know what? You're not doing your job, or, this didn't come through, or, can we discuss this? You might hear in return, I sent you 22 emails that explained what I needed, and they'll give you lots of details. Baiters love details. They'll throw details at you because they want to Confuse you with the details. Another example may come from a reporter who says, how do you expect me to do my job if you won't tell me more information in this interview? Why did you even agree to sit down with me? You're wasting my time. If they're playing the victim, chances are you're the victim of a baiter. And three, someone who is baiting you is never going to concede the point that they are the one causing the problem, that they are the ones who started the argument. So if you find yourself in a situation where one person is deliberately trying to elicit a response from you but you're still in the wrong, it's a good sign that you're being baited. So if you're disagreeing with someone, you do not see eye to eye. Maybe it's on a project or on an issue, or you're finding that a business relationship is suddenly going sour for no reason because everything feels like it's just going nowhere. If that other person at some point agrees with you or owns part of the problem, they take partial blame. Well, then chances are they're not baiting you. Because baiters are never, ever wrong. Ever. All right, so now you've learned what it looks like when someone's trying to bait you. Here's how you don't take it. The bait that is, number one, recognize what baiting looks like. Now, this makes me wonder, when I was watching the debate, did his handlers. Did Joe Biden's handlers and anticipate that Trump would bait him? Now, I'm certain that the handlers discuss the topics that Trump would bring up with Biden during the mock debates. But I do wonder if they hired a psychologist or an expert to inform Biden on what baiting looks like or how to react when he spots it. I'm wondering if they brought him into the mock debates. So instead of trying to defend yourself against an accusation, just try to figure out why they would accuse you of that in the first place. Okay? And then you can dismantle their baiting by punching holes into their thought process. If you've ever faced an adversary and it has the potential to get heated, watch for the bait. It's always going to come. Two, don't argue with a baiter. On the same note, don't try to appeal to their senses of logic or reasoning. Either they're just trying to bait you or all they want to do is fight and distract you. Fight and distract you because they want to distract you from the truth, which is often the place they never, ever want to go, so don't even argue with them. And three Stick to the truth. Stick with the facts. If you know the facts behind the argument or if you know the reason why you're there, know the facts and know the truth. And know your boundaries. You can let that bait dangle right in front of your face and have no risk of taking it. If you know the truth, be assertive in sticking to the fact. Don't fight the baiter's charge that they lob at you. Just focus on the facts they are overlooking. If you are falsely accused, politely, briefly and calmly state the truth of the matter and state it one time only and then end the topic of conversation or end the conversation altogether. Remember, baiting is not easy to combat, but it is easy to spot once you know what you are looking for. If it's happening to you, it's because the person is trying to control you.

How?

By getting you off balance, by causing you to become emotional, and by removing the focus off of them, and by skillfully outmaneuvering you to gain the upper hand. The Takeaway if you find yourself toe to toe with someone trying to bait you, chances are they're trying to control you. It means they are not satisfied with the status quo and they want a change. So they have resorted to conflict or baiting as the most effective way to get what they want. Don't take the bait. That's all for this week on the podcast. Remember, you can find me at Twitter. Molly McPherson share a baiting tactic that you've witnessed or that you've fallen for? Or even better, that you haven't fallen for? I want to hear about it. Thanks so much for listening. I'll be back next week. Bye for now.