118: How to Deliver Bad News

Is there anything worse than having to deliver a message to someone when you know they don't want to hear it? Not only is it one of the most dreadful conversations you can have, it can lead to lasting pain if not handled properly. Today on the podcast how to deliver Bad news and not be left in a position where where the recipient wants to shoot the messenger, you Whether it's an official statement to the press or sharing bad news with employees, here are three tips for how to deliver bad news. Welcome to the Confident Communications Podcast, where I help communicators create an indestructible response with the right message at the right time, in the right place. Speaking of a message that no one wants to deliver at any time or in any place, Bad news these conversations can be quite unpleasant. Emotions can run deep. Tempers can flare. Walls are built in a defensive posture. One of the reasons people fear the task of these conversations is because there's a fear of a permanent strain on the relationship. People try to dodge the bad news or stifle the sting by randomly adding other bits of information. This byproduct of stress makes it even more difficult to deliver the news effectively. And I know you and I both know bad news rarely comes out in the net positive for the person sharing the bad news. After the shock of the message wears off, the recipient could end up turning their ire towards you, thereby shooting the messenger. Now did you know? Shooting the messenger. It's not something that just happens in the movies. Studies show that people do tend to take a dim view of the bearers of bad news, even when these people are simply innocent messengers. So is there a way to soften the blow? Well, you are listening to the Confident Communications podcast, aren't you? I don't know if you're like me, but I do a much better job at this stage of my life when it comes to delivering bad news than I did when I was much younger. I remember trying to break up with a boyfriend in college. He was a great guy. I liked him a lot, but not enough to want to continue to keep dating him. And I felt like I liked someone else. You know, it's college. So I thought I was doing him a service by breaking up with him. I didn't have much plan going into the conversation. I just thought, well, I'll let him know how much I care about him because he's such a good guy by telling him that I don't want to be with him. So I came in too little by way of a plan and too much confidence. What I thought would be quite easy turned out to be awful. Every time I tried to say something nice about him, he yelled at me that I was making it worse. And then the tears and he accused me of cheating on him and he didn't believe me when he. When I said I didn't. I mean, it was awful. So delivering that bit of bad news, honestly, it scarred me. So here I am decades later and whenever I see him pop up on LinkedIn or Facebook, I dangle my finger over the reply to stop myself from writing, I didn't cheat on you. But that. That was decades ago. But the point is it left an impact. So I have moved on from that experience, but the pain of it because I didn't communicate it properly still lingers. So here are three ways to deliver bad news like a pro and that you can just move on from it. All right. 1. Be compassionate, but calculated. You'll be tempted to sugarcoat bad news, but don't. Instead, get right to the point, but in a calm, kind and compassionate manner. Deliver the news. Don't fidget. Don't be nervous. Take a breath and show kindness to the person to prepare them for what you are about to say. Telegraph compassion when it lands. Be direct. Don't lose sight of why you opened your mouth in the first place. So use compassionate gestures, a tone of voice that shows that you care, that sounds like you care, and that you're concerned. But don't let your voice waver and keep your eyes focused and direct because you want to focus on that outcome, the news. Remember to stick to the point. The compassion comes from the lack of deviation. 2. Frame. Frankly, what that means is how are you going to frame the delivery of the news? Framing is a tactic to set up a space for where you are coming from. You can use this delivering bad news. You can do this in a press statement. What you're doing is you're defining the boundaries, the dimensions of what you are messaging. You're just putting it in a box and you want to contain that message in the box. So you need to decide in advance. You have to prepare for how you will frame this news. These are some of the questions you can ask yourself. How bad is the news? What is the impact of the news? Is it a crushing job loss due to firing a person or or is it a person who's ready for a new opportunity anyway? So framing sets the stage for you to deliver a message in an honest way, but to frame it for how you want them to receive it. So which components of the news should you deliver to shape that news? And which ones should you toss aside? And here's where you need to recall facts Preparing the statement is key Preparing any statement is key, but go in into any negative conversation. One where you're delivering something tough and always have three ideas in your back pocket. Because three. It's a magic number. It's easy to remember the three points and it's going to help you deliver the message and stay on the message. You're not going to forget the three. You can always focus on the three. And two important questions you have to ask yourself when you're creating the framing. Decide how the person will weigh the news. How are they going to think about it? How are they going to ruminate on this news? And is the news something they can handle? To quickly determine a solution, make sure the solution is baked into your delivery. Give them a place to go. Either you tell them the solution or lead them down a path where they can easily retrieve one. That's a way of getting out of the conversation to end it. 3. Keep in control without control, there is chaos. If you are delivering bad news, you do not want to fall apart. You don't want to get emotional. You don't want to let the person end up consoling you. Conversely, don't get angry if they are angry. Stay calm. Losing your temper can scare others. It can damage your credibility. So you want to keep your emotions in check as the statement unfolds. Don't allow the conversation to become a negotiation when it isn't. 1. Don't get caught up in the but why? Why is this necessary? But why me? Don't fall for the but whys. It will cause you to stray from your point, and that is to deliver your message. Now. If you are delivering bad news to a narcissist, then they will likely try to bait you into a narrative, another argument on the side, and then try to turn the tables on you. They're going to strategize how you get around that. Stay on message, stay on point, stay only as long as you need to, and then end it. Because in the end, everyone wants to deliver bad news in a dignified way with the least amount of collateral damage. If you find yourself being the bearer of bad news, remember, be compassionate but calculated. Prepare the framing of your message and stay in control at all times. This is not a time for chaos. Now I have some bad news. I feel awful telling you this, but this is the end of this week's episode. But I'll be back again next week with a brand new episode to help you create an indestructible response with the right message at the right, right time and in the right place. Okay, thanks for listening. Bye for now.