136: Learn How to Make Your Reputation So Powerful It Can't be Canceled by Anyone

This week on the podcast, I'm going to let you in. I'm going to let you in to a part of my life that I'm not as public about, but I felt at a time when I am promoting, discussing, just really living in this brand of indestructibility. After all, it's the name of my book. I haven't been living my title, and now's the time I think I need to. So I'm going to bring you along because there's something in it for you, a communication lesson, because that's, after all, what I do for a living. I want you to take a listen. I began writing what they call a mission statement. Not a memo, a mission statement. You know, a suggestion for the future of our company. A night like this doesn't come along very often. I seized it. Welcome to the Confident Communications Podcast, where I help communicators create the right response at the right time and deliberate in the right place. I say it every week because that's how I show up. That's how I serve my clients. That's how I serve my listeners. At my core, I'm an educator. I actually was on my resume as well. I was an adjunct professor at a college. I work as an executive trainer. I just did a training session yesterday. I'm a parent of teenagers, so I think any parent realizes that, like, every day, you are an educator. But I'm also a communicator, a crisis communicator. I'm also a podcaster, an author, a marketer, a mother and a wife. At least I'm trying not to be one anymore. And for those of you who've been listening to my podcast for I've been on for a while now, you've probably heard that there is a. A certain tone, a certain feeling that when I speak, I'm speaking about other things. I speak in metaphors. I speak in analogies. I speak from the heart. And when I discuss what the last year has been for all of us with COVID 19 and coming out of the pandemic, it's been a struggle for everyone. Everyone. I have never done a test that determines if I'm an empath or not. I would assume that I am. I feel other people's pains. I have very good intuition. I think it's the Irish side of me. The Irish are known for being very intuitive. I'm an incredibly intuitive person. But what I also am is a very trusting person. And when I'm not looking for it, I can be taken advantage of. And that is something that I have been struggling with for almost two years now, being taken advantage of. But I keep fighting and fighting and fighting to not have that be the case. But I share all this because I know many of you feel the same way. I know just talking to people, I'm not the only one struggling in my life right now and struggling with something that is truly out of their control. It's like completely out of my control. However, my reaction to it is not so. I just came off of a call. I'm in a weekly mastermind of authors, and it's a group of just incredibly amazing people. And it always resets me. And I needed it today because today was another. It was a bad day. I had calls scheduled at the same time I had a phone call where I thought I was just talking to one person. It turns on. It turns out I was on a speaker. I was on a speaker where I was speaking to numerous people in the room. And just. And if you saw my email this week about the launch of my webinar coming up on June 4, Friday, June 4, about, you know, creating the best response for social media, you will know that that first rollout was a disaster. It was a complete disaster. We had, you know, we sent the email to everyone to register. The link wasn't in the email. So we sent out an oops email with the new link. The new link had the wrong time. The zoom call had the wrong time. The website had the wrong. Everything that could possibly go wrong with it did. It felt like, oh, my gosh, what a mess. And I was telling people on my team, you know, they're like, is this cursed? And I said, no, not at all, folks. This is just my life. This has been my life for as. Oh, my gosh, at least the last 21 years, without, without a doubt. But I tell them, I said, here's my superpower. I have a superpower, and my superpower is resilience. Ask any military spouse in particular, someone who's had to uproot and change and sacrifice and. And start over and grow and build and just deal, right? They're resilient. It's a resilient group. And that's what I was for a number, a number of years. And. And then coming out of that, I worked for FEMA as well, as many of you know, but through marriage. The reason why I had to let go of that job is because I had a spouse who needed one. And I let go of it, even though on my official bio, I let go of it because I Started my own business. But I had no choice. I had to start my business. I lived in a part. You know, I have kids that I had to take care of and a spouse at the time who now deployed again in a job that I looked at was my job. And the sacrifice continued. The point behind this podcast today is coming off of this call. I was, I was telling this group, I said, I'm not living what I tell people to do every day. And that is to be authentic. Like, you can use the power of yourself and your brand for authenticity. Because raw authenticity is what helps people get out of the messes that they're in. It helps a brand get out of a crisis. It helps a person get out of a crisis. Spinning, coming up with words that are the right words that you think people want to hear. We are all so savvy to the spin. Not just communicators, not just journalists. All of us know spin when we see it. At the dinner table, when my kids and I were talking about the Friends reunion and the story that came out about Matthew Perry in the promotion where he was slurring his words and days later it was revealed, it was revealed that he had a dentist appointment and he was coming out of dental surgery. And that's the reason why he was slurring his words. Even my teenagers know spin when they hear it or when they see it. We're all immune to it now, so that's why you don't want to use it. But how do you get around that? How do you get around that? The producers of Friends, HBO and, you know, and hbo Max, they have the reunion show that's coming out today. I think they can't have Matthew Perry struggle with either a pill or alcohol addiction. They can't have that. And it's not because there's anything wrong with being an alcoholic or being an addict. There's nothing wrong with that. But if it's public that he is struggling, well, then they are in a position. The producers and HBO Max are on the hook for taking advantage of someone who is. Who's struggling. And that's can't happen, okay? The public doesn't tolerate that anymore. And I'm not tolerating it either. And either should you. If you. If you invest in me every week, if you're investing in my webinar, and if you're investing in my upcoming masterclass, you need to invest in the idea of indestructibility. That's what I offer people. How do you become indestructible in the Climate that we're in. It is a climate where people want to bring each other down. Right. That's what we always hear. The cancel culture. A mob of people trying to bring us down. The liberal woke mob bringing us down. I was told that I was trying to cancel my soon to be or never to be ex spouse if I never have my way. And I thought, isn't that interesting? And how unique to be told that I'm a part of the cancel culture. The cancel culture is a movement. Yes. It's a movement of people. You. Yes. But it's a movement of people who aren't going to tolerate something anymore. They're saying, no more. No more to your power, no more to your abuse. No more of you oppressing whatever it is. Kevin Spacey. No more are we going to allow you to have your career when you are, it appears to be, a predator, a sexual predator, a sexual harasser. Chrissy Teigen, we are going to cancel you. And Target will cancel you and Bloomingdale's will cancel you and Macy's will cancel you. Because you're abusing people online. And it doesn't matter if they're D list or C list, you're abusing people. You're taking your power and you're abusing people with it. Rachel Hollis, you built your empire on your relatability. You built your empire on people's weaknesses, primarily women's weaknesses. Stay at home moms, military moms, Christian moms. People who didn't feel that they were worthy. You spoke to them, you sold them, you became a multimillionaire off of them. So when you get on Instagram and you do a video talking about the woman, the lady who comes into your house to clean your toilets, you know what, Rachel Hollis, that is relatable because that's who you are. The cancel culture is exposing a crisis in character. That's all it is. It comes down to character. We are at a time in our culture and in our climate, thankfully, where people no longer tolerate a crappy character. People no longer tolerate people who manipulate, manipulate the public, manipulate the system, manipulate the job, manipulate the government, manipulate workers, comp. Whatever it is, manipulate their employees. People don't tolerate that anymore. They're saying, enough. And you know what weapon they have to do that? It's called social media. It's called a voice. People have a voice. The public has a voice. And the public, they're going to use that voice. And when I say public, the term general public doesn't really exist because the public is made up of publics, of different stakeholders. I did an exercise on this training yesterday, and this is what I ask people. Like, I have them draw like a visual depiction of their stakeholders. And some will say, oh, our customer, our students, our banking customers, you know, whatever it is, they just think in the marketing term, which, if you're in that headspace, that's what you're thinking. But someone who's a little more astute to it and listening for what this exercise is like, what I heard yesterday, someone said, these are the people who love us. This was an education institute. These are the, these are the, are the alumni who love us. These are the alumni that don't care about us. These are the alumni that give us money. These are the alumni that, that don't give us money. These are the alumni that complain. These are parents who complain. These are students who do this. This is the press who does this. That's the exercise is figuring out who your public is. What are the publics that make up your audience. The more of those that you speak to with authenticity, and not just authenticity, but raw authenticity, the truth. That is where the magic happens. That's how you build your brand. That's how you boost your brand. That's how you get through a crisis. People are drawn to authenticity. People are drawn to truth. People are drawn to rawness and vulnerability. People are drawn to people who are telling them the truth. That's where we are. The day of the carney, the day of the snake oil salesman, it's coming to an end. It's coming to an end. If you are a person who leads with your character first, that leads with who you are first, and that character is not yourself, you're gonna be fine. You will survive anything. You will survive any crisis that you deal with. Because the public, they forgive, they give a passion, they allow you to go home, to pass go. That's what I wanted to say. They allow you to pass go because you're being authentic. That's the cost, right? That's what you have to pay if you're just who you are. But if you lie, if you cheat, if you scam, if you deny, if you blame, if you manipulate, if you spin, if you are not a decent human being, if you think that you are giving one side of the story, and that side's the best side of the story, it's not going to work anymore. If you're opportunistic, people are going to call you out on that. That's the culture that we're in. And that's why the cancel culture exists. You should want the cancel culture. You should demand the cancel culture, because all it does is it's canceling people who deserve it. That's what it means. And it doesn't mean they're gone for good. They can come back. But what they have to do, they have to come back on our terms, which is you have to follow my response framework. You have to admit, you have to acknowledge, you have to accept, you have to apologize, you have to show accountability for what you did. And if you do that, then you can go to step two and you can explain why it happened. I'm damaged. I was scared. I didn't know what to do. I was bamboozled. Someone told me to do this, whatever it is, but it has to be the truth. And then you go to the next step. What are your plans? What are your promises? What are you going to do about it? Do you deserve to come back? If you can do all of those three steps and mean it truthfully, then you'll come back. You will survive the crisis. Whether it's a crisis in your business, a crisis of culture, a crisis in your personal life, you'll survive it. But you have to mean it. You can't just expect it. Because everybody thinks you're great, everyone thinks you're nice, everyone thinks you're a great guy. But you know what? People know that you're not. They always do. 2021 was the year that people are no longer allowed to go through life being an asshole. It stops. It stops. The key to indestructibility in between the lines of this book that I wasn't. I didn't have the guts. I did not have the guts to write the book I wanted to write. I do now. Part of it is this podcast. But if you are someone in life who is oppressing someone else, if it's your employees, if it's your directors, if it's your customers, if it's your family, if it's your spouse, if someone is oppressed by you, you're not a good person. You're not. And people know that you're not. They know that you're not. Even if you want to convince yourself that you are. There was a time you could be like this. That time was the 90s, the 80s, the 70s, where you could get away with things. That time's not now. It's not now. The key to indestructibility as a leader, as a communicator, as a human being, is being decent, is being honest, is being open, is being Kind is being a person who cares, who genuinely cares about other people and shows it. Being indestructible is being selfless. It's living for others, working for others, because you will get yours in the end, good and bad. That's what indestructibility is. It's being you, but it's leading with compassion, for doing the right thing. If you lead from your heart and if you lead from your strength, and if you lead from your values and if you lead from your mission, people will follow. People will follow you and they will build you up. And when you come down, when you're knocked down, perhaps by something not of your doing, maybe something within your company. Last week I talked about the 10 types of crises. If one of those crises befell your business, your life, you were part of some collateral damage. If you are a person who leads that way, you are indestructible because people will bring you back up. Part of the indestructibility is not putting yourself together. It's having other people put you together as well. Whether that's the public, whether it's your customers, whether it's your family, whether it's community, whether it's your children, people will put you back together. That is indestructibility. And that is what I do for a living. But that's what I need to do in my life, and I haven't been every week. I am going to make sure in this podcast that there is going to be a lesson in indestructibility. How can you be a person who lives and breathes it every single day? Because indestructibility is not just about protecting yourself. It's about protecting others. It's about protecting the people who you need to protect, the people who are relying on you. And you could be that person as the CEO, you could be the head of marketing and you could be the head of communications, you could be the head of hr, you could be the head of the team of part time students, you could be the dean of students. Doesn't matter. Someone is relying on you to be strong, to be indestructible. Every week from here on out, I am going to promise to give a lesson in indestructibility. And my hope is that you're going to follow it. Because my goal, my goal now in my life is changed. Right now, my goal is to be indestructible in my work and in my life. Because if I am, I can help people. I can help you, I can help my kids, I can help my Friends, I can help anyone who follows me. I can be a leader of people I know and people whom I've never met. But my. My goal is to help you do that as well. So thank you for listening today to the Confident Communications Podcast. This is a day. This is not a screed, even though it may sound like it, but it's really who I am. It's really what my brand is, and it's what I give to you. If you're a wife or a mother listening to this, or even if you're a woman who's. Who's charged with taking care of people. So many of us do it selflessly, every single day. We don't sleep, we don't eat. We put everyone in front of us. I know I do. I do it every day of my life. But I'm willing to do it if I know it helps, if it helps. And I hope this podcast helps you every week, because that's why I do it. That's why my team does it, that my team does it to help me. My team helps me help you. Thanks so much for listening to the podcast this week. I promise you, each week from here on out, I'm going to give you a tip on indestructibility. So tip one comes today at the end of the podcast. The key to indestructibility is knowing that if you lead with your heart, with your values, with a mission, and if that mission is in alignment with your business, with your brand, with your. With yourself, you are indestructible. No one can bring you down. And if you feel that you're toppled, you feel that you've been destroyed, just look. Look to your publics. Look to your stakeholders. They'll build you back up. They'll bring you back together. They will make you indestructible. That's all for this week. I'll talk to you again next week. Bye for now.