139: How to Make Pride Month Matter in Your Communications with Anthony Hayes

It's that time of year. Happy Pride. We've been taught that silence would save us, but it won't.

I can't live my life straight because you're straight.

I can't.

I just gotta live my life for me and do it for me, because this is my life.

I've done my hair down, I've worn the dresses, I've done things that aren't natural to me to please other people. You need to just stop.

Like, can you just not step on our gowns?

You need to calm down. There have been moments in history when someone has had the courage to stand up for what they believe in, and that one action changes everything.

It's so important that we keep fighting for the right to be who we are, the right to love whoever we want to love.

Like all civil rights movements that have gone before, we're not going to give up. Welcome to the Confident Communications Podcast, helping communicators find the right response at the right time and deliver it in the right place. All during the month of June, there will be parades and events and rainbows, lots of rainbows, as the LGBTQ community and their allies put Pride on full display. But what about putting pride on full display in your company? My guest, Anthony Hayes, is returning to the podcast to discuss how to create genuine and impactful communications about Pride Month and celebrating the LGBTQ community all year long. Take a listen. Anthony, welcome back to the podcast. I am thrilled to speak with you again.

So happy to be back with you.

And I said on the last time that you were on the podcast, you. You were back on the podcast in January, right around the time the inauguration. And we were discussing what executives should know about speaking out on politics and social issues. That was episode 116. But in that conversation with you, we talked about minority groups and, of course, immediately. I don't even know if I asked you on the podcast or offline. I said I have to have you come back in June to discuss Pride Month, because in my career, I mean, at my age, it's not a category that I've had any company talk about or ask advice on how to communicate. And so, sadly, I still think it's like a new idea. So I wanted to bring you on and talk about why it shouldn't be a new idea, but it should be an idea for the future and be here for good. It should always be there. So welcome.

Well, I'm happy to be here. And happy Pride to you.

Well, and, Anthony, happy Pride to you as well. I'll start right there. Is that the official greeting, Happy Pride.

Happy Pride is exactly how you should, if, you know, really I think everyone should during Pride Month, you know, wish each other Happy Pride. Because it really demonstrates, like, you know, that you understand that this month is a month about celebrating, you know, a very difficult fight for equality in this country. And I think it gives you an opportunity to just sort of demonstrate that you're aware that every single June, you know, if you see your favorite product with the rainbow in their logo, we know whether that's Tide or whether that's AT and T or, you know, your local bakery, you know, you understand what that means. You understand that people are both celebrating and reflecting and, and looking forward in terms of actual equality under the law.

Anthony, as a gay man, when you see a brand or an icon that has a, that has now rainbow graphics in the month of June, what does that say to you? What are you thinking when you see that?

Well, one, it's a sign of a lot of hard work, number one. And I think that, you know, my brothers and sisters in sort of the fight for equality, for LGBTQ + equality in the United States and around the world have fought long and hard for representation. And so on some level, it's welcoming, it's wonderful, it's decades of a lot of work. But I think sort of as we have progressed, you know, when the Supreme Court of the United States ruled that, you know, marriage equality, gays can be married in the United States legally and have the same rights and protections as, as their straight counterparts, you know, when we have these major landmarks of repealing don't ask, don't tell, so that gay members of the military can serve openly and be out, which, by the way, this year is the 10 year anniversary of the repeal of Don't Ask, don't Tell, you remember what we were fighting for and why we wanted that visibility. But the reality is, you know, those brands need to understand that the fight is not over. And I think that that's one of the real challenges is all of the visibility doesn't equal equality under the law or at work.

Okay? As suspected, there's a lot more there. So there's. We've come a long way, but there's a lot more work to be done.

Agree 100%. And I think there's always going to be both on a city, state and federal level, because I think that a lot of times we think, oh, well, gays can get married. And there's Will and Grace and Ellen and, you know, you sort of have all of these really Confident people, even in sports. You're seeing more and more sports people come out that visibility doesn't equal equality for them.

Very, very good point, Very good point. So this episode, I wanted to, to help spread that message of pride and love and help communicators and business leaders understand one, the importance of communicating it. But I especially wanted to speak to what I think is such a large amount of people out there who have never done it. They've never noted it in their professional communications at all, but they know they need to. So a lot of work has been done in the past year as it relates to Black Lives Matter, certainly the comfort level. And this is just my, from my neck of the woods, I feel people are more comfortable with it, it's more accepting. But I think we have a long way to go with Pride and big brands. You see them all over social media right now. We see rainbow icons everywhere. But would you agree that there's still a lot of work to be done just from mid size, small sized businesses, that they should be acknowledging it as well?

Oh, sure. And I think a lot of times you see, you know, I mentioned earlier, you know, your local bakery, you know, the reality is if, you know, if you're in sort of a small town or a medium sized town, you know, I think you do see some businesses who may put up things in their, in their business saying happy Pride or, you know, we love our LGBTQ customers, you know, just so that part of what the rainbow signifies is that you're welcome here. And so as a gay man, you know, you know, I moved to New York City in 1998, you know, I'm, I'm in my 40s at 45 and came of age when, when you would travel as a member of the LGBTQ+ community, you would look for the rainbow because then you knew you were safe. So the, the rainbow, you know, I think everybody sort of views it as just celebration, but it was a real sign of significance. Yeah. And so, so for these businesses, especially if you're in a small or medium sized town. And again, I grew up in Oklahoma, which is very conservative, needless to say. And you know, in the 90s when I came of age, you know, it wasn't as open or visible as it is today. And so those, those things, you know, even if it's just sort of in a smaller place putting up a sign or saying our LGBTQ plus customers are welcome, or saying everyone's welcome, welcome, you know, those messages, it's a sign that you're safe.

Oh, that is so powerful. It's. It's like the Green Book, you know, the movie that came out. But oh, my gosh. So, so starting right there, if you have, let's. Let's talk about, like, the external communications presence. So, you know, on site, if you have a flag there, if you have a sticker, if you have some sign welcoming, it's not just come in and buy a bagel, but you're also saying, we employ. You are safe here. Anyone LGBTQ plus safe here. Now that, I assume then translates when you see it in a company's external communications. Yep. It's the same way. It's not just that we will serve you, but also you can work here. We encourage you to do business with us, correct?

That's correct. And I think sort of for the larger outfits that listen to your show, you know, the bigger, bigger brands out there, you know, part of it is too, is it's not just messaging to their customers, but it's so that their employees feel like, oh, gosh, you know what? I am so proud to work here because they understand that there's still work to do. They understand that representation matters, and they understand that all this visibility is assigned to people of our values.

Yeah, you. In our. In our first interview, when you. In our first discussion, you set that in my head, and I have never forgotten that it's not. Your external communication certainly are for your external stakeholders, but just as important inside your doors, your employees and your. Not just your employees, their families, their friends, you know, that you're. That everyone is welcome. Oh, this is wonderful. So let's discuss then, some do's and don'ts. And I am, we're speaking to. We're not speaking to Tide. We are speaking to small to midsize businesses. They're running their own communications. They have their own shop. There might be a communicator that really, really wants to acknowledge Pride Month. A communicator, who knows. We shouldn't just limit it to a month. You know, we should always have this in our communications. How. What are some of the do's when it comes to communicating Pride?

I think the biggest thing is just to communicate about LGBTQ plus, certainly during the month of Pride, just to demonstrate, you know, that number one, if you are looking for employees, that LGBTQ are welcome. So in your job posting, you can say that you can talk about, you know, again, we, we really wanted to say happy Pride to all our LGBTQ customers. You know, it doesn't have to get into the weeds about, you know, the fight that is existing on the state level. You know, we, we work with this great woman, Emily Tish Sussman on her podcast, your Political Playlist, which lifts up women who are, you know, at the center of policy. And she interviewed the GLAAD ce, Sarah Kate Ellis, who is really saying, you know, the LGBTQ community, there's an extraordinary backlash at the state level, and there are over two anti LGBTQ bills that are coming forward in about 30 states, largely targeting the trans community. So you don't have to get into that when you're a small, mid sized business running your own communication, but what you can do is say that, hey, listen, LGBTQ employees and customers are welcome here, and we're not afraid to talk about that.

So on the one hand, I think if you, if you can go deep and you can go into the weeds, if you have a business that wants to feature a local pride festival, you want to write about politicians and sponsors and other allies of the community who. And you want to show that type of support, you can certainly do that, especially if that is the type of business you. Absolutely, you have. But at the baseline level for a company is June 1st, and do you not just do it on June 1st, like you want to do it more than one day?

Yeah, I mean, I would recommend, I would always recommend, you know, a cadence during, during the month. You know, you can decide based on sort of your communication cadence already on your social channels in particular. But you could do, you know, something every week and it could just be a fact about sort of LGBTQ history or, you know, who was the first soldier wounded in the Iraq and Afghanistan war, happened to be an LGBTQ member of the, of the military. You could find different ways to communicate just facts about the LGBTQ community that, you know, people just may not know.

Okay, well, okay, so that. All right, so now let's talk about the actual writing itself. Talk to me about the, the terminology.

Yeah, listen, as a member of the community, I am the first one to sort of acknowledge that it is, it is a challenging, you know, and I think what I always tried, you know, because you have to remember, I was also, when I worked for the Human Rights Campaign, which is the nation's largest LGBTQ advocacy organization based in Washington, D.C. i was going to elected officials meetings who, you know, would call gay people an abomination. So I have a very different lens when, when there's someone who's sort of being or wanting to be an ally and they are a little bit awkward.

Right.

I respect that. And I think as long as in my big, big, big encouragement to really anybody who's listening in these small and medium sized businesses just to sort of, you know, I believe, truly, maybe I'm just wrong, but gone are the days where you're like, I don't know any gay people. You know, I just don't think that's true anymore. I think because everybody has gratefully started coming out more and more and if you don't in fact know any gay people, you know, you should reach out to your local LGBTQ organization so that you can get some guidance or you can sort of reach out. Right. There's the LGBTQ Chamber of Commerce, which would welcome any business reaching out saying, listen, we really want to prioritize this and haven't in the past and want to do it authentically. You know, one great example is one of our clients, New York City Football Club, which is a Major League soccer team. You know, they partnered with athlete Ally, which focuses on raising up LGBTQ plus equality in sports. Right, right. So they know they're a sports team, they know, they don't know this, but they wanted to partner with people who could help them enter into this authentically based on what they do for a business.

I appreciate that you're using the word authentically, right. Like that's, that's raw to me. So, you know, you had mentioned it, right, when I had asked about the terminology that people can be awkward. Here's an awkward question. Lgbtq, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender queer. Correct. And then you said, plus, I tend.

To sort of stay in that space because I think there are a lot of intersectionalities that exists, okay. Whether that's gender non conforming, whether that is, you know, non binary. I think there's lots of things that you can sort of include and I think demonstrate that you're open to any, anyone. However they, you know, however they present themselves, however they come into the universe, they're welcome either as an employee or a customer.

So when you are writing, speaking, posting, you don't want to use the word gay or homosexual. It should always be lgbtq.

That's. I, I think you can sort of, it's. Listen, I think it depends on sort of what is being referenced, right? Because there are, you know, like, I'm a gay man. So like, if someone was to say, you know, and for gay men, they, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, I don't know what that would be, but, you know, it wouldn't be offensive. But I think, I think the goal is to just demonstrate a real understanding, again, those intersectionalities that exist in the LGBTQ community.

Okay. Okay, good. So now, should there be any other communications? Well, let me just answer that. Of course there should be other communications outside of the month of June. So what could a company, of course they're communicating their support and allyship in June, but what could they do in the middle of October, for example?

Yeah, I think that's a great question. And I think there are lots of different opportunities where you can look at what maybe you might be communicating. Maybe that month it's about, you know, I've mentioned veterans, or maybe there is, you know, something that you would want to communicate where you saw that an LGBTQ+ person in your region, your city, you know, they accomplished something, they did something great. And so maybe you share that on your social media to say, you know, we love that this person, you know, accomplished this, or, you know, I think there's, like, different ways that you can lift up voices and amplify sort of the work that, you know, members of the LGBTQ people are doing either at your firm directly or elsewhere.

Is it ever pandering or is there ever a way to do it wrong? Sure. What would that look like?

Of course, I think, not digging deeper, I think one of the things that the Human Rights Campaign did long ago was put the HRC Equality Index, which is a very powerful tool. It still remains powerful today, and it really sort of set a guidelines, especially for bigger companies. But I think really, companies as it relates to sort of their support of LGBTQ issues. So I think you can sort of look at how are we communicating? Are we just putting up a rainbow flag? Is that all we're really willing to do? Like, why are we uncomfortable, like, putting out a written communication? And you just have to explore that, and you have to understand what that means for your business. Because it is noted to me, when I see representation, especially, you know, like, for instance, Delta Airlines, I think, does a very good job of demonstrating, you know, gay couples traveling. Yeah. You know, and so. But that. But so, like. But I noticed that. And I also don't think they are pandering because I've seen other things that they have done. They've consistently shown up to your point of view. You know, when there have been really difficult challenges, either on a city, state, or federal level, and businesses have signed on to letters, you know, as. As saying, we support this legislation that will help expand the rights and responsibilities of LGBTQ people because they're being denied those. You know, that's. That is another way where, you know, in your Local area. If you start to Understand there's anti LGBTQ + legislation or budget item and you wanted to join the cause, you know, that is how businesses joining the cause. Because one of the things that moved the needle on marriage equality in this country, certainly in the state of New York, which I was intimately involved in, we had two fights, two times that we went for it 2009, and we lost in 2011, and we won, and there are countless people who worked on it. But one of the things that moved the needle was employers going to the governor saying, you know, I'm going to lose my ability to recruit top talent that are LGBTQ plus that we need. They won't come to New York.

Yes, interesting.

And so just as a business, you know, you have to figure out how you. I think one, the customers and employees that you do have, just making sure that you acknowledge that LGBTQ are welcome and that you. You love the community and you want everyone to come to your store or buy your product or your employees to feel safe about sort of identifying as lgbtq. You know, that. That to me feels like the base. And I think if you do that authentically, you have to understand and decide how you want to advocate. And if you have LGBTQ employees, you know, you better expect them to start coming to you if there in fact, is anti LGBTQ+ legislation in your city, state, or federal government, regardless of the size of your business.

You know, Anthony, when. When you discuss being an ally to the LGBTQ + community, I just hear different levels. Right. Like, you really can go deep as a company if you want to, and there'd be so many benefits, not just from the external, but from. To your employees, to your customers as well. But even, let's say you're doing a lighter touch. And you mentioned the Delta ad. Every time I flew, I would note that. I would note that Delta took the time to take a photo of two men traveling together. Now, I also thought that one was overdressed. Like, he was wearing a very heavy sweater, and the other one was just wearing a shirt. So every time I walked by, I thought, where are they traveling to? That one half of that couple is freezing in the other half. But I noted that, right, like, and I went, good on you, Delta. Okay. Is there anything, like, obvious don'ts out there?

Yeah, I mean, I think to me, one of the obvious don'ts is, you know, if you openly stand up and start to, you know, support anti LGBTQ legislation or things like that. Yes, that's an obvious. But I also think it feels Lacking to do nothing. I think it doesn't represent or it doesn't. People don't understand the importance of the visibility piece. And sort of companies, whether it's small or big, seeing them, it's like, I hesitate to sort of encourage people just to do like, one pride message and a flag, but I would say if that's all you can do right now, because you're. You're going through sort of operationally. Right. This isn't a comms problem. This is an operations problem, because you're trying to understand how you want to communicate your values around LGBTQ + community and employees. Customers. Then put out one message. But I think not putting something out, it is noted. Like, I note when people don't do it right, and I don't note it in, like, a mean way. I just am more. To be quite honest, I'm stunned. I'm like, you can't even do the lowest hanging fruit right, like putting a flag out and just sort of saying happy pride. I mean, how is that a problem for you and your business and communicating your values of inclusivity?

Unless their values are not okay. Yeah.

Well, and so. But that's not a communication problem. That's an operations problem, which it turns into a communication.

You're absolutely right. You and I know this. Oh, we. Boy, do we know this. Okay, so I think that's a good one to end on, too, because silence, again, I feel like I say this a lot. Sometimes silence can be the loudest message of them all.

Well, it's a message.

It is a message. Absolutely. And it's a message to your customers, but it's also a message to your employees. And we know, too, you know, in this environment, we hear it all the time. People can't find employees. They can't find good employees. Maybe one of the reasons why is your employees don't feel welcome there.

Yeah.

Oh, gosh. So tell me any tip that you could offer. You know, my brand now is all about indestructibility. It's about, I do say, like I. I offer tips to help communicators, help business leaders feel confident in their communications and putting themselves out there. And part of it, too, is speaking to being confident to speak to your values, you know, show your mission statement. Is there some tip that you could offer that would really help someone struggling with. We want to be, you know, we want to communicate pride. How can we do that? What's an indestructibility tip?

I believe these opportunities, again, if you haven't done it in the past. I think it feels really uncomfortable, or you feel like you're opening some sort of Pandora's box. I can't promise that you won't sort of have, you know, a comment here or a comment there on social media, but I can almost promise that the majority of it will be overwhelmingly supportive. You will be surprised how many people will sort of say, gosh, this is great. Thank you for posting this, or reshare it, especially if they're really identified with what your company does or your employees will feel good about it. But I think the biggest thing is don't view it as a problem. View it as an opportunity. And I think, you know, obviously today we're talking about Pride and LGBTQ and how to communicate that you have an opportunity every June. If that's all you can do, every June, you have an opportunity to communicate to that group of people, whether they're employees, customers, local, community, and take the opportunity. I think that a lot of times people let the opportunity pass because they're just too worried. And I don't think that that is effective communication. I believe in engaging communication, even if, like, you have to sort of have the one person, two people who sort of come in heavy and say, I don't like when companies bring politics into this. You know, that's an inevitable part of communicating your values. Because I think a lot of times what we've witnessed with Black Lives Matter and other things, is that it. It is about communicating your values in a way that your employees, customers, et cetera, know where you stand. Because, by the way, all those people I just mentioned, employees, customers, are all expecting you to speak up.

Anthony, that's it. That is the indestructible tip, is if you don't do it, people are going to note it. And if you do do it, you're going to speak to so many more people than you ever expected. Excellent advice. And also for one, from someone who is just honored. I saw Crain's New York business had a second annual list of notable LGBTQ leaders and executives, and Anthony Hayes, you were on that list.

Yes, I was. I'm very, very honored by the. By the recognition. We love cranes and do work with them all the time, and so it was nice of them to include me on the list. There's a lot of great people on that list.

Well, and there was a lot of great information that you shared on this podcast. Of course I could. I could talk to you about this topic for hours. But thank you for sharing your insight, and you helped me, too. You educated me. Like, I. We're always learning about these things and.

Absolutely.

And trying to, you know, June is that interesting month, right? It's. To me, it's like the month, like, how do we help people oppressed, how do we help minorities, how do we give everyone a voice? And June just seems like the month to do it, but we can't just do it in one month. And you have been so poignant in your words on how to encourage businesses to do that. Thank you, Anthony.

Oh, thank you again. It's an opportunity. It's an opportunity.

It's. And it's a very good opportunity to do so much good. Anthony, Happy Pride.

Thanks. You have a great pride, too. Happy Pride to you.

My thanks to guest Anthony Hayes for discussing how to do Pride month and mean it. For more information about Anthony, you can find him@the hayesinitiative.com you can also find him on Twitter, his company Hayes Initiative, or Anthony. He's at Anthony J. Hayes. That's all for this week on the podcast. I'll see you back here same time next week. Bye for now.