151: 10 Sure-Fire Ways to Appear Easygoing When You're Nervous

A crowded meeting, a conference lunch, a speech where you're standing on stage at one time or another, everyone. Everyone has had that moment in their life when they feel like the nerves are taking over. I'm so nervous. If I'm not funny, I won't be able to live with myself. Well, then you'll have to get another apartment, won't you? So whether you are fuzzy or your mind gets fuzzy when the nerves start to flare up, you need help. And even if we plan ahead and rehearse what we're going to say, our bodies tend to react in a way that overtakes the calm. And everyone sees your nerves. Is it possible to trick your body into thinking that not only are you not nervous, you are calm and easygoing? Of course there is, because there is a hack and a podcast for everything. On this episode, I'm going to share 10 surefire ways to help you be able to calm yourself down enough to make it possible for you to get through any situation, no matter how nervous you are, and to appear easygoing instead. All right, tip number one. This is my most effective tip. I'm putting it at the top. I've mentioned it a number of times before. I use this every single time I get up in front of a room or get up on stage. I learned this speaker hack from one of my guests. It was Tedx speaking coach, Gina Raison. She was in episode 18. I've included a link in the show notes, and she is the one who gave me this very obvious tip that I've never thought about before. And that is taking a breath. Breathing deeply is the key to calming your nerves. So instead of breathing from your chest, like that top higher breath, try breathing from your stomach because you want to increase the amount of oxygen that gets into your brain. This trick tricks your body into believing that you're calmer than you actually are. But it also, you know, helps you sidestep that nervous system. So any type of sweaty palms, if you stutter, if you're jittery, if you take that deep breath, it's going to calm your body and it's going to happen immediately. The other reason why this is such a great hack, there's a visual hack attached to it, and that is if you take a visible deep breath, your audience sees you do that, they in turn will take the same deep breath. It's like a yawn. I just mentioned this in the last episode. So, number one, take that deep breath. Number two, manifest your best. So what that means is to picture yourself when you're at your best. Think for a moment about the time when you are at the top of your game. You are humming, you are buzzing, you are flowing, you are feeling great. When is that moment? Whether you're speaking on stage or you're speaking in a group where you can sit and take in all the feels, being at your best is about two things, okay? It's bringing everything you are to that moment that you find yourself in, and it's also getting rid of all of those doubts and pesky fears that you have and all those nerves that seem to trip you up. So this state of being when you are at your best is right inside of you. It's right there. And if you're on TikTok, you see these manifest videos a lot. So just picture it and it will happen. Number three, admit the anxiety. This is where you allow yourself to tell yourself that you are anxious, that you are stressed. When you label that feeling and you allow yourself to feel it, to express it, the anxiety seems to go down. If you're getting ready to speak, you know there's going to be some nerves that are going to hit you. When you plan for it, it doesn't happen. All right, next, stay confident in your delivery. If you don't believe in your message, if you have difficulty engaging with people or delivering that message in a slow pace or a convincing way, people will have a sense that you're not being authentic. They'll know that you either don't believe what you're saying or you haven't prepared what you're saying. So if there's any type of fear that you're expressing your own thoughts or you are unprepared, the audience is going to smell it. So, for example, say that you're tasked with giving this presentation. Like, for instance, I'm hopping on a plane tomorrow, and I'm going to be speaking in front of a room of people, a room. I've never spoken or met anyone in this room before. So a good way that I can ensure a good delivery and that I know that I'm gonna nail it is because I've given this talk before, okay? I've practiced it, I've delivered it. I've delivered it in different ways. I've delivered it in different rooms. I know that. I know this talk. So that's why I'm confident. And every time I deliver it, I'll get feedback that, wow, you're a great speaker. Wow, that was great information. Is it because I'm necessarily a fantastic speaker? No, but I'm confident When I'm speaking, particularly about something that I know, and I know it well. Next, focus on persuasion. Not perfection there. I had to focus on the word focus because every time I say focus, I trip up twice. One, I kind of slur my Fs, and two, whenever I say focus, I say it like I'm standing right in the middle of the Twin Cities focus. So when you're presenting, your main goal should be to persuade your audience to think. Like, you don't think about just presenting an idea. You want the room to come into your brain, to come into your passion. You want them to think like you, to believe in what you're saying. The most boring talks are the ones where they're just rote, where it's just information. And it's usually boring because the person delivering it doesn't look like they believe a word that they're saying. So once you spend your energy on the excitement, the persuasion seems to follow. So commit to it 100%. All right, the next hack. And this is like a true hack. And even if you don't want to do it, you should do it. Drink water now. Don't drink water that they have on stage waiting for you. You know how you always have bottles of water? And I notice that when people drink water while they're speaking, it's a nervous hack. It bothers me. It's like a. It's like an audience pet peeve of mine. When they do it, I look at them and think, now, why did you do that? You didn't need to drink any water. You did it because you were nervous. I sound so critical, but that's the first thing I noticed. So you don't want to drink water when you're speaking unless you're having a coughing attack or your mouth is really dry, because an adrenaline rush does cause your saliva to. To dry out. So you're going to get dry mouth. And it's very difficult to speak with dry mouth. So you want. Oh, God. Just so it's important to stay hydrated. You'll be able to speak more fluently. People will be able to understand you if you have more of that fluidity in your voice. All right, the next one is a tip that I learned on the podcast. It was with Allison Shapira, and It was episode 124, how to speak with Impact Tips for Commanding the Room. In this one, I've had people tell me that they listened to it and they took their advice and that it took her advice and it helped them speak. And that is Speaking slower than usual. What Allison says is speak with intent. How I interpret that is to speak slower than usual. Ever since I interviewed her on the podcast, I try and make that mental note to speak with intention, which is speaking slower. When you speak quickly, it's usually an indicator of nerves. Sometimes, you know, people just get excited anyway. But if you take that. You take that beat when you speak, when you land a sentence and then pause, people will follow you. People will hang on what you're saying. So decrease the conversation speed because it does calm you down. It allows you to breathe more easily when you're talking, but it also gives your brain more time to process what you're saying so you can carefully craft your choice of words. I'll be honest, I use this as a hack a lot. Like, if I don't know what I'm going to say next, I will always line up the big speak with intention. Because when you do, when you speak calmly in an easygoing pace, your audience will have a much, much easier time understanding you and listening to you. All right, number eight, this is where you want to be the moment, and that is just release your anxiety. Release any of the stress that you have. One of the best ways to do this, and I almost always do this whenever I speak, is I will go for a walk or run in the morning if I can. Like, if the time allows and I haven't gotten in too late. If I can't get a run in, I will usually do. If I'm traveling, I will do. I'll put. I'll open my Peloton app, and I'll either stretch or work out or I'll do something. I want to get the physical activity going. It releases serotonin, and that helps calm you down and you just feel better. You don't want. I mean, usually if you get too revved up, like if you're using a punching bag or something, that's probably going to carry with you. But anything that can decrease your stress and kind of kick in those endorphins, those happy drugs, that is going to help you be more at. At ease. This next tip, number nine, this one, I'm thinking, like, if you're in a room, you're not necessarily giving a talk. Here, you want to appear easygoing. So let's say you're at a conference or you're in a room and you're mingling with people. Nothing can be more stressful than mingling when you don't know people. I was at a conference a week ago, two weeks ago, I can't even remember, but I had to come down to my hotel room to go to lunch. And I'm thinking as I'm walking down to lunch, who am I gonna sit with at lunch? Who am I gonna meet? You know, it's a little nerve wracking, right? And you wanna appear easygoing, but when you're looking around like you don't wanna be the last person sitting there, one of the things that I do that just calms me down, I didn't do it then. But if you are doing this like any type of a conference, I've noticed if you head into the room that has music or if you have to walk somewhere and you just put your earbuds in for a moment, you know, turn on Spotify for a. Listening to music is going to change your outlook. It's going to make you calmer because you're going to be thinking about something else. It's going to be that distraction that's going to give you a beat and it's going to give you movement. And if you're going to listen to music that's going to kind of get you going. Me, alt, college, 80s rock. That always sets me in a different mood, A confident mood. I don't know. College, Molly, whatever was confident. But get that music in you and you'll always feel better. Okay, the next one, the last one. Number 10. Change your focus. Focus. If you are nervous, if you are stressed, whether you're on stage or you're in a room and you're just getting filled with anxiety, leave the situation. Just look in another direction. Walk out of the room, go grab yourself a drink, go get something, go to the restroom, Just shake it up a little. Move into another location. That's going to calm you. You don't do your best thinking, you don't do your best engaging. When you're anxious, it's. You have more of like a survival thinking. That's when you're more likely to say something stupid or put your foot in your mouth is when you're nervous. But when you're calm and you take it easy, maybe even step outside and you come back, you are going to be more at ease and more fluid in your speaking. Okay, you heard your 10 surefire ways to appear easygoing when you're nervous. So I know what you're thinking. Molly, what is the indestructible tip for appearing easygoing when you're incredibly nervous? I'm going to tell you what not to do. The way to appear indestructible when you are speaking or when you are engaging in public. When you are nervous, as all get out, is to keep it to yourself. Never get up on stage and say, I'm nervous. When you're in a group of people, don't say, I get really nervous talking to people. If you tell people that you're nervous, they're gonna label you as nervous. I know, I know. I always talk about authenticity. I always talk about honesty. I always talk about transparency. But this is one of those things that you can keep to yourself unless it works as part of the reason. You know, like if you set it up like I'm. I'm nervous to talk about this topic because if you're introducing it as some part of a problem and you are providing a solution, then by all means. But you don't want to get up on stage and look around and say, I'm nervous. Everybody be nice to me. No, that is not being indestructible. So that's it. 10 surefire ways to appear a little more easygoing way when you are nervous. So give it a try next time you find yourself in a situation that calls for a little more calm confidence. That's all for this week on the podcast. Thanks so much for listening. I'll see you here next week, same time, same place. Bye for now.