196: Words and Phrases to Avoid in an Official Apology

24 summers ago, President Clinton addressed the nation on his grand jury testimony, admitting indeed that he did have a relationship with Ms. Lewinsky. That was not appropriate. Millennials Google for the scoop. It was so good they even made it into a bingeable anthology on fx. For those old enough to remember watching the testimony live, you might remember hearing his apology.

But I told the grand jury today, and I say to you now that at no time did I ask anyone to lie, to hide or destroy evidence, or to take any other unlawful action. I know that my public comments and my silence about this matter gave a false impression. I misled people, including even my wife. I deeply regret that.

Regretfully, for former President Clinton, there wasn't one, which meant the Lewinsky matter was not going away anytime soon. Welcome to the Indestructible PR Podcast where we use current events and past ones with tested media and PR strategies to help prevent or manage a crisis and build an indestructible reputation. Bad apologies, Non apologies make headlines this week on the podcast how to craft an effective public apology by identifying the words and phrases to avoid which undermine your reputation. Nowadays, it seems like every day we go online someone is attempting to apologize for something. Think back to the late 90s, the Clinton era where apologies weren't easy to come by. Statements were made for newsprint, radio or television. The Drudge Report. It was just coming online. It's the political news gossip aggregator that was considered and refreshing, the feed that was fast breaking news. Nowadays, at some point, almost every person in the public eye or head of a business, politician, anyone, they have to apologize guys for something. Every company makes a mistake. But nowadays these mistakes require an apology to an individual or a group of customers or employees or their business partners or just the public at large. But more often than not, nowadays organizations and these people do not apologize effectively, if at all, which can severely damage their relationships with these stakeholders and their reputations. Especially if these incidents that they're apologizing for become public and well publicized. Online apologies aren't easy, but an easier way to get to the apologies is to remember this. It all comes down to words. The choice you use in an apology for a word determines if that apology is effective or not. Many episodes on this podcast have been devoted to botched apologies. We've talked about alec Baldwin, Ellen DeGeneres, you know all the names. A lot of pop culture names, politicians, I discuss them all the time. I know that this name has been brought up many times. Wow, this really is a throwback episode. But the BP CEO Tony Hayward his apology for the oil spill, you know, really kind of came at a time too when social media was just kind of grabbing hold. So I think that's the reason. It's not like his apology was the worst of all time, or his statement of wanting his life back was the worst of all time, but it was the timing of when he said that comment. But he needed to. What? You don't remember as much. Everybody remembers him wanting his life back, but nobody remembers really the apology. And his apology for making that comment was pretty good. He stated this and important to note via Facebook, and I feel like I remember way back when writing about this. So I don't know if I was blogging about it or whatever, but I do remember noting it. He did it on Facebook and this is what he said. I made a hurtful and thoughtless comment on Sunday when I said that I wanted my life back. When I read that recently, I was appalled. I apologize especially to the families of the 11 men who lost their lives in this tragic accident. Those words don't represent how I feel about this tragedy and certainly don't represent the hearts of the people of bp, many of whom live and work in the Gulf, who are doing everything they can to make things right. My first priority is doing all we can to restore the lives of the people of the Gulf region and their families. To restore their lives, not mine. And that's a good one. Think of the predicate choice because it's a factor when people apologize. Do they say apologize or do they say regret or sorry? Think back. Oh my gosh, again, the time machine. This is just the time machine episode. Let's go back to 1988, when there was a preacher accused of having sexual relations with a prostitute. Many times. Do you remember who it was? Because there were many to choose from. Right? This one is Jimmy Swaggart. He took to the pulpit for those of you who remember and said these words. I have sinned against you, my Lord, and I would ask that your precious. Conveniently, the word apologize, it's a verb. It is an act, a literal act of apologizing. The words regret and sorry and I have sinned, however, are less direct. They only imply an apology. It expresses a state of being or constitution of regret, or an emotional one of being sorry. But without accepting any of the responsibility, it is simply evading admission. Going back to President Clinton for a moment, going through his testimony when he needed to address the Monica Lewinsky issue. Some of the words that I pulled out from President Clinton are very, very deliberate. Take A listen to some of the statements he made in August 1998. I misled people, including even my wife. I deeply regret that. August 1998. I'm having to become quite an expert in this business of asking for forgiveness. It gets a little easier the more you do it. September 1998. I have acknowledged that I made a mistake, said that I regretted it, asked to be forgiven. September 1998. It was indefensible, and I'm sorry about that. September. September 11, 1998. It is important to me that everybody who has been hurt know that the sorrow I feel is genuine. December 11, 1998. I am profoundly sorry for all I have done in words and Deeds and February 1999. I want to say again to the American people how profoundly sorry I am for what I said and what I did to trigger these events. But what former President Clinton did not say, I apologize. So here are the words and phrases that lead to regrettable apologies. If you need to draft one for yourself or for the head of your company or organization, don't use these. Okay, here's the list. Do not say or write it is regrettable or I regret or it is unfortunate. Those approaches make it about you and what you feel, but not about them. The group, the people, the stakeholders who you offended. I deeply regret the fact that Ellipsis is not apologizing the ifs and buts. I am sorry if you were offended. I am sorry, but I was acting. But Janet Jackson, remember, she was on stage with Justin Timberlake, who skated by this crisis, if you remember. And Janet Jackson, undeservedly, is the one who took the hit. Her response, I am really sorry if I offended anyone. That was truly not my intention. It was never my intent to. Or the people who know me know that I X. Those are denial statements. Those are shifting statements. You're shifting the blame off of you when you hear embedded in the apology. It's time to move forward. Let's look ahead, let's turn the page. Let's start a new chapter. That was a different time. A lot of these me too statements or any of the incidences that are coming to light now that were problematic years ago. But they need to respond to, you know, I'm thinking, to Marta Kaufman, who was the creator of Friends. Twice she's apologized recently. One for her utter lack of diversity in casting. In Friends, it was purely a white, casted, Caucasian, casted sitcom. And also for the character of Chandler's father, who was a transvestite. Back then, she was trans. And Kathleen Turner played the role of Chandler's father. She said back then she apologized for mislabeling that character. And it's commendable that she did that because, well, one Friends is such a popular show nowadays. Then it, gosh, it's, it's almost equal to its power, you know, back in the 90s, but with so many younger, younger generations watching it, it's when people were noticing the lack of diversity. So she had to apologize for it. And she didn't use that formula of just going back. It's a different time. She certainly said it, but she was explaining it. And then she made it, she made her reparation for it, which is, you know, commendable. But you don't want to skate an apology by saying, hey, let's look forward, everyone, more language. It pains me. It distresses me. I'm paying the price. I am hurt. I was wrong too. These are all the why me approaches. I'm hurt as well. You're making it about yourself, okay? You're not looking at the other people who were offended. So when you hear someone using those lines, it's often like another group where a person was offended. It's children or teachers or women or Jewish people, black people, Muslim, Christian, lgbtq, trans. You want to lump yourself in as being hurt right along with them. And in most cases you can't because you're not in that group. Then there are the blame shifting comments and phrases like the real party at fault here. You're just shifting again. You're not taking admission of it. And lastly, and this is a big one lately, definitely we, within the last year, it has a term, it's called semantic satiation. And it's the phenomenon in which a word or phrase is repeated so often it loses its meaning and then the meaning becomes a meme. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's when people are killed, when there are mass casualties, when there's an accident that happens and it's the fault of the person or the organization or the company, what do they say? What are the two words tethered together that have been in so many statements, thoughts and prayers? When you have a phrase that is officially a meme, it's a joke. Don't use it. It's a platitude that will immediately dunk your apology and make it completely useless, ineffective, and harm your reputation. In every episode, I add an indestructible PR tip. It's the one big takeaway to remember to help you build that indestructible reputation. In the event of the incident or of the moment where you need to apologize, make sure that you do and use the word apologize. That's all for this week on the podcast. Thanks so much for listening. If you want to check out more of my takes on the apology, you can check out my TikTok mollybmcpherson I changed the name because too many people. Well this sounds, this sounds like somewhat of a self aggrandizing comment here, but I'm receiving a lot of feedback on TikTok, which is fantastic. And people are saying, oh, head on over to Molly B. McP or she calls herself Molly B. McP. And I thought, you know what, I don't call myself that. So I don't know why I would do that on TikTok. And regretfully I did not take Molly McPherson when I had the chance and I had the chance and now some Molly McPherson out there has it. So but definitely check me out because that's where so much conversation is happening and I would love to have that conversation with you on TikTok or Twitter @Molly McPherson. I nab that one. That's all for this week on the podcast. Thanks for listening. Bye for now.