23: Annoying Communication Habits You Need to Stop Immediately

Here's the thing. I think technology is awesome. I love how it makes my life so much more organized and interesting. I mean, who doesn't love a great podcast? But have you ever tried to catch a flight and you can't quite get to the gate because you have to walk through a sea of people looking down at their phones? Is that annoying to you as well? If so, then this is your episode. You know the old saying, you never get a second chance to make a first impression, and that first impression is so important. But just being able to shake hands and mingle isn't going to score you any new business deals. You need people skills, and for many, you need to learn social skills. People consume online communication so quickly nowadays, but it's the opinions about the people that form quickly. And I'll admit to being judgy online. Well, not to pick on people, but I categorize them based on how they write, what they post, the lexicon they use, the word choice, the image, the meme. Do they get a hang of this online world or are they just tolerating it now? The reason why I do this is because I want to set a baseline for a future client. I want to know what I have to do to go in to help them in their business. Because growing in business means you need to grow in your understanding of online communications means you also need to network. And networking now takes a little bit of skill, especially if you're doing it online. Because a lot of people out there don't feel comfortable networking in a crowded room or operating in that handshake world. And this applies to me as well. As a woman, I can't really network like a guy networks. I'm not going to go out to dinner with a bunch of guys. If I work in a male dominated industry, it's different. Me too kind of changed that. But it doesn't mean that people or women need to be out of that place. You can do a lot of great networking online. If you feel that way, then I know this episode will help you. Many of you I know want to look the best you can online and you are terrified of making mistakes. And you might be ashamed to ask people how to do this. Which is one of the reasons why I created this podcast, by the way. Because I get these questions all the time from people and they're always offline or they're outside of the conference room when it's just one on one and people will tell me, I don't know how to do this. And these are people at the top of their game. And that's why I'm creating another program to help a lot of my clients and to help you, the listeners. I'm going to be launching the Learning Lab soon and what that is. It's a monthly program that will offer trainings on all the relevant social media platforms. And we'll get you up to speed on how to effectively communicate in the 21st century. You'll learn how to use social media platforms like a boss on networks such as LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter. You'll also gain insights on how to get more visibility online, how to engage online, how to mitigate a crisis and manage your reputation, both professionally and personally. And you'll be able to do it from the comfort of your home or office in a language you will understand. It will help you be heard, be seen, maintain your relevancy. So I hope the Learning Lab can help you. You can sign up now to get information about when we're going to go live. So just go to my website, mollymcpherson.com learninglab that's mollymcpherson.Com learninglab okay, back to learning about communication etiquette. A Harvard University study found that only 15% of the research reason someone gets a job or promotion is because of skill and knowledge. So what's that other 85%? Well, it's the people skills. It's who you are, how you present yourself both in person and online. These are the skills that people pay attention to you. Nowadays, because we spend so much of our time with our heads buried in our cell phones or hiding behind a computer screen, we are disconnected from our colleagues, some of the colleagues that share the same office with us. Technology is our first go to when we communicate. Now, there is nothing wrong with using technology to interact with others because it helps you, it saves a lot of time. I love email. I love text. I love to catch up with people on social media. But there is a right way and a wrong way to communicate. By email, by phone, by social media and elsewhere. And I think many of us have forgotten some of the social graces that we picked up as a kid and that we can now translate into the social world. Because phones are convenient. Because with technology comes convenience. And with that convenience comes sloppiness or not paying attention to the other person on the other end of the email or the phone call who is receiving your message and do they want what they receive? These new gadgets have changed the way that we communicate and behave in public. But sometimes it's not for the better. Okay, here's an example. And this in general is the gist of the show. In trainings a lot I will get an exasperated person that just says to me, I do not understand why millennials. And they always blame the millennials, why they don't leave voicemails. They'll call and then they will hang up and I'll see that they didn't leave a message. Why do they do that? It's so rude and they're so selfish. And then I will admit, recently I stopped leaving voicemails. And it's not to be rude. It's simply because with technology I just assume that people understand that I'm trying to reach you. If I want to send information, I'm going to send it in a text because I know for the receiver, it's easier to read the text than to take the time to pick up and listen to a voicemail. So one person's gripe is just another person's shift. So that's what this episode is. It's a mix of shifts and gripes. So see if any of them feel familiar to you. Now, you don't need to write any of them down because they're easy to remember. They're going to stick with you. Either it's going to relate to you or it won't. Now, I know that some of you are die hards and you hate technology. You live off the grid and that's fine and. But you might be able to overcome some of the hurdles that you're experiencing in your non techie world if you listen to some of these examples. And you may even be able to look at technology in a different way. Okay, so let's get started. The first one is an important one and it is a cell phone. But I'm going to go to the point of origin of the cell phone and talk about a gripe with me that started well before we had cell phones. It always annoyed me when I would drive. And this started when I was 16, when I first got my license, when you would drive in the left hand lane to pass and there'd be a car in front of you going the speed limit or under, not moving. They're using the passing lane as a driving lane. Now, this gripe has never left me. Decades later, it still annoys me, but the new layer of annoyance to this is you. Usually the person that I now have to pass in the middle lane. And when I look to the left, of course, to give the look, I don't look at the person in the eye because they're on their cell phone, they're texting or they're fiddling with their phone and they're not paying attention. Texting and using your phone while driving is my number one gripe. One, because it's dangerous. Two, because it's against the law in many, many places and you're not supposed to do it. You. But three, again, it's very, very dangerous, but it's very distracting as well. So put your phone down. And this goes along, of course, with don't walk or drive or bicycle while you're texting. It can be very, very dangerous and you don't want to do it. But it also sets a horrible example to young people that if they see adults do it, then they're going to do it. So just remove it and don't do it at all. Okay, next, I'm going to stay on cell phones here. But it's this peeve of mine that I notice that people are becoming more addicted to their phones, which I think is just a way of life. However, they make the phone more important than the person. It's that person that is always looking at their phones during a meeting. They have it at the dinner table or at a restaurant. They take and make phone calls in a middle of a conversation. And you can't say, oh, wait one second, I gotta check my phone. It doesn't matter, it's still annoying. Save all those chats that you have on your phone for another time. When you're not face to face with a person, don't stop talking to someone you're with in person to answer your phone or read a text message. It's rude. The person you're spending time with at that moment is always more important than the person who's on the other side of the phone. It's okay if you're a parent and you have kids, but you know what I'm talking about. Now for a place of business. Remember, if you own a business or if you have someone that's working for you in customer service, the customer in front of you that you're looking at their eyeballs, they are more important than the person on the phone. Remember, a person on the phone is likely doing something else. They can sit on hold. So make that a policy in your business to always wait on the person in front of you. And nowadays I think most people expect to be put on hold. Heck, I'm always surprised when I hear a person pick up a phone at a business, hear a human on the other end. It shocks me. So don't lose that Face to face contact. And last, with all the communication methods that we have today, less people are using the phone for conversation. So just be aware of it and don't take it personally. If someone doesn't leave a voicemail, it just happens. People stop. I made that shift because I feel like I'm bothering people if I leave a voicemail. I only leave voicemail if it's really, really important or if my voice needs to be a part of that conversation. Okay, moving off of phone communication, but we're going to stay on the phone and talk about texting. Texting is a great way to avoid a long conversation with someone. But before you jump to a text, remember, sarcasm and wit, they don't come across that well on text, no matter how many emojis that you use. And sometimes it is better to pick up the phone. But if you're using a text, use the emoji to help tell a story when you can. It always puts a context in there. And for those of you that don't know what emoji is, that's when you look at the smiley face on the bottom. And then it will, if you press it once, it will give you all these options of emoji. Emoji is a different language that you can use, and younger people mostly understand what every emoji stands for. Now, you may not know that a lot of these operating systems for your phone will allow you to send another type of emoji within the text. For example, if someone sends you a text that says thank you for sending this information, if you press down on that text for like a second, a second layer of emojis will come up. It will be a thumbs up, a thumbs down. It will say, ha ha, there'll be a heart there. And it is a way for you to end the conversation without continuing the text stream. So it's a wonderful way to jump in and jump out. So it's a new piece of technology because one of the gripes in group text is that no one knows how to end the conversation. And these kind of add in emojis help end that conversation. Now, speaking of group texts, most group texts are annoying unless it's a formal group text. For instance, if you have a family group text, it makes it very easy to speak to everyone at once, or a group of friends, or a group of parents, or a group of colleagues that are all working together on a project. Then you can have a group text. But the gripe and the annoying habit that comes in is when people use a group text when they're thinking they're making something easy, but they make it quick, quite difficult and cumbersome and annoying for people to use because a group text. Many times people are held hostage in a group text and they cannot remove themselves from it. Depending on which cell phone carrier you use, sometimes you're allowed to remove yourself and sometimes you can't. This recently happened to me with my youngest daughter who was playing a sport with a neighboring town. We had to combine the teams together and the coach started using a group text. Now, why this was annoying is because, one, we already had an online app that everyone was using. But I think he thought it would be easier and more personable if we had a group text, which is fine. However, no one could get out of these texts, and half the people in that text, group text were people I didn't even know. How do I know? This is because they didn't come up in my contacts. So what happened is I was held hostage in this group text. And so when the sport ended, the group text continued. So remember that some people use their cell phone sparingly. They might look at it once or twice a day. Some people, like me, use it as a mobile office, and I'm on it all day and I conduct business. So I don't want to get a million texts about who's going to bring the orange slices or who's going to pick up the hockey sticks, you know what I'm saying? So be very mindful of when and how you use a crate. Group text. Moving on to another form of communication, and this is a big one. It's the email. We all use it personally and professionally. Some practices avoid using all caps, even when you're angry or trying to prove a point. This just came up with a client yesterday where he forwarded an email to me where someone was using caps. I was like, geez. And they used it specifically to show anger. You don't want to put that in an email. All caps means that you are yelling or screaming at the person. Once I had someone in my training tell me that he had no idea. He said for years he had been sending emails at his business in all caps. And it wasn't until a younger person in his office said, do you happen to know that means that you're yelling at people? He had no idea. Next, not understanding the CC or the bcc. Now, the cc, if you don't know what that means, chances are you're younger. You're likely a millennial because you never used a cc, which is a carbon Copy. The BCC is the blind carbon copy where they put a sheet behind a piece of paper, a messy one where you can make a duplicate. So with every email that we send we're allowed to use the to the CC or the BCC fields and every once in a while you will get that person that will hit the reply all in the CC field and everyone is going to get that email. Do you remember in Utah they had a reply all fiasco when someone wanted to send an email to just a few people in an office about a small potluck and the email ended up going out to 25,000 people who would hit reply all every time they replied to the email. So the the PIO officer there in Utah for the Department of Emergency Management refer to the fiasco in a press release as Reply All Gate 2018. That's pretty funny. But be very mindful of how you use the reply all and not just for a potluck, but if you happen to be a little snarky or maligning someone else. I've heard this many times. I'm sure many of you did as well where someone is a part of the reply all and you didn't think that they were. So that leads into the next tip. Try and figure out as quickly as you can how to retrieve that email back. I use Google G suite that allows me 30 seconds to retrieve that email. That is valuable and I'm going to tell you I've used it on multiple, multiple occasions. So look to see if your email provider software gives you that feature. It's an important one. Also with email, be aware of people's time. Just because an email or text is quick and easy way to communicate with people doesn't mean that you should do it constantly. Every ding a person gets is an interruption. Some people may not be using email a lot, but some people live on their computers all day and an email will interrupt them. How I cut down on it. I only check my email a few times a day because I'll just get bogged down when I check my email too much. Next, when you're sending dates. This is an annoying habit that I still see. It's people who will write about an event and they'll want to schedule it, but they'll scatter the detail of the events around the email. I know a lot of people don't realize based on the emails that I get is that operating systems on computers and email programs will be able to pick up and understand someone is sending you an event or information about an event that will easily allow you to transfer it over into your calendar. An example of a well written email. The meeting is scheduled for Wednesday, April 17th at 4pm that sentence is going to allow the operating system to pick it up as a calendar event and then it will give you the option to easily transfer it into your calendar. A bad example. Let's meet about this thing next week. How about the third? Around noonish? Your operating system isn't going to pick that up. They're not going to know that you're talking about an event. So when you send an email, put all of the information together about that event and that person is going to love you for it. Now continuing on with some of my peeves. If you are a business that still uses paper to communicate a thought. If you're communicating with paper and then you're emailing it. So if you're printing out information and then copying it and then scanning it and then putting it into an email to send to people, please stop. Stop this right now. There's someone in my universe that does this all the time. And truly it makes me insane because people cannot do anything online with a PDF or a scanned document. Some documents you can. I mean, it's a certain document that they could fill in. But most people that are scanning things don't know this technology. So remember that if you send a scanned document, it's just information on a page. If you're sending people to a date like I mentioned or a website, it has to be a part of the email. You can't list a website in a scanned document and allow people to click it. What they have to do is type in the www and put in the email. It's annoying, as you can tell, so don't do it. Now. When you're writing emails, remember, be concise. Get to the point. People don't want to spend a lot of time on emails unless there's information to learn. Avoid filler words, filler phrases. Those are the statements that kind of fill up and cloud your emails. Not sure what they are? Listen to episode number two where I talk all about filler words and choose the right email method for you. Use the one that you're most comfortable with and you're most comfortable with finding out information about. If you don't have questions, then you can just google it and find more info. A system that I use that I love. I just implemented it recently. It's called yesware. And what it does is it tracks your emails and it tracks emails and you can see when someone opens it you can see if they never saw it. You can track a campaign, you can track your schedule. You can do so much with it. I'll include it in the show notes, but it's called yesware and yes, I love it. Okay, moving on. We're going to talk about social media here. I could spend, oh, I don't know, five days on this topic because there's so many annoying things that annoy so many people. But let me focus on the day to day, the ones that pop up a lot more often than not. Do not post videos or photographs of friends, family members, co workers on social media without their permission. It is a violation of privacy and it also could harm your relationship. And never post a photo that could cause someone embarrassment or get them in trouble at work. Now, Facebook is constantly updating their privacy settings and they do have a setting for this. Now for the taking feature, if someone is tagging you on a photo, it will not automatically post to your Facebook page if you don't allow it. So go ahead, go into the settings and see if this feature is set up for you right now because it gives you the options of filtering out any photo that you don't want to be tagged on. It's important, so take the time to check it out. Next, don't rant about people on social media, especially if you know they're on social media. How many times have you seen that happen? I mean, that has personally happened to me. Now I'll admit it. It is fun to read other people's rants or complaints on social media, try and piece the puzzle together to see who they're talking about. But the same applies to over sharing, over commenting, over bragging. You know, people don't want to hear it or see it. Keep in mind that people judge everything that you post. They want to get to the real story. They want to suss out what's going on. Next, don't complain about your job. Don't complain about your clients. Don't put too much information on social media. So many people forget this and they lose their jobs. Even if you think you're only posting something for a few people to see or only a few people will get it, a lot of people are going to get it. And anything you put online stays online forever, even if you delete it because people will grab screenshots. And also when you're complaining about your job, know that most people end up losing their jobs when they complain or they post something negative on social media about their jobs. Because a lot of companies are creating social media policies and they can can you right on the spot. So go ahead, Google how many people have lost jobs over social media and you'll get a general sense of it. Be careful about oversharing personally and professionally. If you're having an argument with your partner or a bad day with the kids, if you have very strong political views or you think you have a great sense of humor but it's slightly inappropriate. Always think about what you post because next thing you know you're going to engage in a heated debate with friends and family and social media makes it an easy, easy place for things to explode. This last one, now I know a lot of people are going to share this one with me because it's so annoying. Do not extend the life of a hoax by posting it on your Facebook page. Now here's an example of one I'm sure you've seen this. Hi, I actually got another friend request from you which I ignored. So you may want to check your account. Hold your finger on the message until the forward button appears. Da da da da da. And there's a lot of iterations of the same hoax. Know that it is a hoax. There is absolutely no algorithm within Facebook where they are checking what people write in a post to decide how they are going to friend someone else or if they're going to get increased or decreased visibility in a newsfeed. It doesn't exist. All it does is let people know that you fall for hoaxes. All right, now we're going to move on to another piece of technology and this is just one area. It is the volume. Do not speak too loudly on your phone in a public place. If you have earphones in or earbuds, you want to keep the noise low because other people's media is the type of sound that people can't unhear. You know what I'm talking about. You can't tune it out if you're in an elevator. Don't keep talking on the phone. Now, I will admit that I break this rule a lot and when I do it, I'm fully aware of it. But it is annoying for other people. And I'm sorry. Also, it's when you're playing music too loud or if you're using technology in a public place and you don't use headphones or you don't use earphones so everyone else can hear. This happened to me recently. I was at Boston Children's Hospital. My daughter was having a procedure there. So I was in the waiting room for a few hours and in walks A family with their iPad, and they set it up on the table right next to me to watch Netflix. The two of them together. Now, I understand it was a children's hospital and the good Catholic in me, I didn't want to have bad juju and say anything or be upset about it. So first I put my headphones in to try and tune it out, but again, I couldn't. And we all had to sit and listen to them watch the Walking Dead. It wasn't even a cartoon for one of the younger kids, but it was incredibly, incredibly rude and annoying. But I also don't think they had any idea that they were annoying all these people. It wasn't until the clowns came into the waiting room to distract people. And I was so grateful for the first time in my life to see a clown, because traditionally I don't like clowns. But they came in and they were asking people for requests and jokes and they wanted to know why everyone was there. And I only made one request. I said, could you clown around with that couple over there so they stop using the Netflix? The clown laughed and the clown did his job. So I now love clowns ever since that. But just be mindful of the volume. Okay, moving on. Speaking of volume, when you're communicating with someone through technology, be mindful of what they are hearing. In the case of using Zoom or Skype or any other virtual video communication, be aware of the background noise. And that noise can be amplified on your microphone. So if you're making a video call or a call with a group of people that is on a speakerphone, it is incredibly distracting, especially if more than two people are on the call for other people to hear that background noise. Just yesterday I was on a Zoom call and the Amazon truck came up. I was working from home and my dog went crazy because the Amazon truck was coming and I couldn't stop it. So I had to find the mute button there, but I couldn't find it, so it took me a while. So on this recorded call, you can hear my dog in the background. Also, be aware of what's going on around you and what's happening behind you on camera. Are you professional looking or is there an unmade bed and dirty clothes behind you? If you have a home office, be mindful of what is behind you. Remember the optics. Always. Do you remember the video, the news story of the father who was doing a live interview on the BBC and his kids video bombed him when they walked into his room and he was trying to conduct the interview while shutting the door. Oh my gosh. That's a great viral video, but it's happened to many people. So that's the list for now. These communication ticks and triggers will always change with technology, but I think it's good that we checked in right now to see what is happening out there that you could be doing that could be awfully annoying to other people around you and you may not even know it. So maybe next year we'll do a whole new batch. So let's review. The list was kind of long, but here are some of the takeaways. 1. Remember the person on the other side of the communication. Where are they in the communication journey? Respect people where they are. You don't necessarily need to change, but just be mindful of that person. Are you helping them or are you hurting them? Are you helping your communication and helping your brand, or are you hurting it? Next, don't rush to hit, send or post. Take your time. Think about what you're posting. Think about what you are writing. A lot of reputations have been ruined by sloppy information or rash posts or thoughts or choices made online. And lastly, if you keep up with technology, it may make your life a lot easier. So before, before you judge it or criticize it, check it out and see if it can help you. So are you guilty of any of those communication faux pas? I admitted that I was, but were you? And if you are, I hope that you were able to maybe see it in a different way or take notes. If you change your communication style, I recommend that you focus on shifting just one or two that you might be doing wrong right now. And then you can start going back to the bad habits one by one by one by one. Well, that's all for today's episode of the Confident Communications Podcast. Thanks so much for listening. I hope you found these tips helpful and took them in the spirit that they were given to help you communicate more effectively and more confidently in the modern age. I just want to teach people how to feel good about what they're putting online, both professionally and personally. And remember, I do have a new program offering monthly trainings to help you stay relevant and confident with communicating on all social media platforms and in all the areas of technology. It's called the Learning Lab. It's going to help you be heard, stay seen and maintain your relevancy in the professional and personal space. So you can sign up now to learn about our launch, which is coming up soon at my website. It's mollymcpherson.com learninglab that's mollymcpherson dot com learninglab if you sign up as soon as we have information about the launch, you will be the first to know. And for more tips you can always subscribe to this podcast on Apple, itunes, Stitcher or wherever you listen to your podcast. Remember, I want to help you become a modern age communicator in your industry and help you build a crisis proof reputation for your business. Thanks for listening. Bye for.