54: What's in a Greeting and Why Does it Matter?

Hello. Morning, everyone. Hey. Hello, My name is Mr. Burns. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. You had me at hello. You had us at hello, Renee. You didn't. Jerry Maguire. And hello to you. Greetings, and welcome to the Confident Communications Podcast, a place for boosting your confidence in all areas of communications. This episode is all about the hello. How you doing? It's all about greetings. Today we live in a global world where it's easy to communicate with, interact with, and do business with people anywhere at any time. But are you offending them right off the bat with the way you greet them? Are you starting off a relationship, business or personal, on the wrong foot because you went in for the handshake Instead of a kiss on the cheek? Or likely the other way around, how about you're at a conference or meeting a colleague you haven't seen in a long time? Do you hug? Do you kiss on the cheek? Do you shake hands? Am I the only person who thinks of these things when you walk into a room? So today I'm going to explore the history of greetings and why you need to be in the know. And I also want to talk about what to do when you're unsure about how to greet someone. Now, the evolution of the greeting. This episode was inspired in part by a story that I found online on npr, a shockingly short history of hello. Now think about it. What do you say when you pick up the phone? You say hello, of course, which changed a little with iPhones and caller id. You can see who's calling you. And that adds a new little wrinkle because you know who's calling you. But do you say hello like you don't know who's calling you? Now, when you speak with a friend and you know the friend is on the other line, you may say hello, or you may be in more informal how you doing? Whatever, even say their name. And you'd think hello was the standard English language greeting, since English people have been speaking. But that is not the case. So there is a book called the First Telephone Book. The author, Amon Shea, said hello is not necessarily the first word. It only goes back to 1827. And Ammon says that in the 1830s, people would say hello only to attract attention, as in, hello, what do you think you're doing? Or to express surprise. Hello, what do we have here? The hello didn't become high until the telephone arrived. And the dictionary says it was none other than Thomas Edison who put hello in common usage. And he Is the one who urged people to use the term hello when answering the phone. Now, his rival at the time. Do you know who that would be? I'll put a pause here for you to think. If you answered Alexander Graham Bell, you'd be correct. He thought the better word would be ahoy. And now here's where my kids intersect with the story. Because my kids, when we answer the phone or we call someone, we don't say hello. Sometimes we do. We'll say ahoy. Ahoy, hoy. So ahoy, as it turns out, has been around around longer than the hello. And it was also a greeting. It was a nautical one, and it's derived from the Dutch of hoi, which means hello. So this is how it landed in my kitchen. Ahoy. Ahoy. No, you have the wrong number. This is 5246. I suspect you need more practice working your telephone machine. Not at all. Oy. So if you're an avid watcher of the simpsons, you know that's how Mr. Burns regularly answers the phone. Ahoy. Ahoy. So that's how we answer it in my family as well. Now, the hello was originated as a way to show the other person that we aren't armed, which, if you have a cell phone in your hand right now, it could be even perceived as a weapon if you have a video on there. The handshake was actually a way to demonstrate allegiance and provide comfort in the 8th century BC and it was also a symbol of farewell in early Greek times. But there's really no way of knowing what greetings look like before recorded history. So that part of the history and the evol. But we hear about the greeting. We hear about the hello and how it came to be and where we are now. Now talking about greetings altogether, it's a way to say hello or recognize someone that you see across the room or running into them if you're getting coffee. And of course, in modern day, it's a form of goodwill. And you all know that a warm greeting with a smile goes a long, long way. But it does set a baseline for your personality and what kind of relationship you have with that person. The routines we do out of habit, for some, it could be just a handshake, but for others, it's always going in for a hug. So depending on your culture or depending on where you live or where you originated from, it could be a kiss on the cheek or a slap on the back. Now, growing up in Minnesota, it's always a rather chilled hello. And I'll blame that on the Swedes and the Germans who homesteaded starting in the 19th century. So hello. Yeah, you don't touch people when you say hello, Minnesota. But when I moved to Boston and met people from the east coast and people from New Jersey, then you would get the hello with a kiss. So hello. When this happened, I knew I needed to add kissing, you know, on the cheek to my greeting and a hug. But you know what, it broke down a lot of barriers. It kind of warmed up the relationship from the chilly formal hello. Even if you don't speak to or formally greet someone, or in the case of strangers passing at the gym or in the same aisle at the grocery store, there still is a greeting. It's a nod of the head or eye contact or a flicker of recognition. Now, my new favorite greeting was formalized today. Early this morning I was at the gym working out on a mat because I forgot my Apple watch and I couldn't record my workout and get credit for my rings. Anyone that owns a Apple watch knows exactly what I'm talking about. I am one of those people. So there I was working out on a mat and I had to come up with all these other workouts again because of the rings. And I was working out next to an educator in town, kind of like a big deal educator in town. And I'm, I don't know, 12 inches away on the ground, lying down, sweating. Right. It deserves some type of an acknowledgement that you know the person next to you. But that's when I recognized and it really affirmed my faith. Favorite new greeting. If you are wearing headphones, not just headphones like an AirPod, you can do a silent head nod. It's not my new favorite greeting, it's the airpod nod. It's if someone's wearing headphones, you don't even have to speak, you just give them the nod. So this is now my new favorite greeting. It does show recognition, shows that you're there. It shows like, hey, I recognize that you're next to me and you're sweating and you're working out, so am I. But there's nothing more that needs to be said. So according to researcher, it's a Canadian American sociologist, Irving Goffman, I found this information. They make our day to day interactions more manageable. The rituals that even the most remote tribes or cultures have. But the most important part of the greeting, if you think about this in your day to day life with people that you know, but also in business, is that it helps strengthen relationships. Think about it, when someone meets you and they greet you by name and they look you in the eye. Compared to someone that just goes, oh, hey, how do you feel about the person whose greeting was warmer? I don't know if it's an age thing, I don't know if it's an experience thing, but I appreciate the greeting now more than I ever have. And as I mentioned, it does rent a little more space in my head than in previous years. Because in my work, I am constantly meeting new people. I'm constantly going to new conferences or I need to walk into a room and introduce myself as a trainer or a speaker. Going to conferences where I'm a participant. And you are always meeting new people. One, you have to remember names. You need tricks to remember name. I have my tricks, but it's in the greeting and it's in the repeat greeting. If you've nailed it, it's going to help you a lot. In life and in business. The etiquette behind how you greet someone depends on so many factors, business or professional. Do you know the person or not? And what's the context that you're meeting them? Are they a friend of a friend, someone you met on a plane, or is it that annoying colleague? What's the geographical culture? Honestly, in Raleigh, North Carolina, that greeting is going to be much different than meeting someone from Madison, Wisconsin. It just is. I've done both, and there's a difference. Not that there's anything wrong with either one, but you can tell. Now, the question is, who should you greet first? Well, if it's an event, the host should always greet first. That's just how it is. And the person who makes eye contact first, right? Think about it. If you're coming up to a person and you're the one that's already locked eyes, then really you should be the one that should make that first greeting. Now, how do you make the greeting in a business setting? So whether you're or not you're a man or a woman, you should stand. Now, most men would stand up at a table, like when a woman would come, if you ever watch Madman, but nowadays, really, women should do that as well. It's just, it's a nice thing to do. Make eye contact. And that is key. When you lock eyes with someone, not only is it gonna be a signal of warmth that you're, you know, that you're a kind person, that you're an honest person, but also it's gonna help you remember who that person is. And they're gonna notice if you're not making eye contact. With them. If you start to shift your eyes, they may think that you're a shifty individual. Offer your hand to shake first. You can never fail with a handshake, unless you're shaking President Trump's hand and he's a bit of a germaphobe. And also, keep in mind, don't want to shake hands. That's a a weekly issue. If you go to mass, I can know I can speak as a Catholic. When you have to give the sign a piece again, I always think about whose hand I have to shake. And sometimes you can just put your hands in your pocket and again, you can nod. You can't wear your AirPods in church, but you can do the nod. Or you can shake hands, introduce yourself, and always say your first and your last name together. And if you're a parent and you're meeting your kids, you know, other parents, you say your name and then also say whose child that you are, and then repeat that other person's name if they offer it and ask if they don't. Because people nowadays meet so many people and we don't have the memory that we used to when it comes for remembering names. Why is that? If you had to write down the cell phone numbers of your immediate family, would you be able to do that? I know I can't. I can't tell you what my kids cell phones numbers are. I can't tell you anyone's cell phone number because I don't have to remember those things. It kind of goes hand in hand with the names. People don't do as well remembering names for the same reason. Now, moving on to body language. Eye contact is incredibly important, as I mentioned. And how do you preempt the hugger? Let's say you come from a cold state like Minnesota, figuratively and literally, and you're not much of a hugger. What can you do? You can smile at them and offer a handshake. You can walk in a room with your hand extended. Today. Men, I hate to say this, but you should never initiate a hug with a woman. I know, I know. But, you know, times are way different from way back in 2018. Time's up, right? It's better to be safe than sorry here, guys. Trust me on this. Okay? So how do you know which greeting is the best for each interaction? Do some research in advance of travel or meeting someone new and know the customs and expectations. This is, of course, if you're traveling internationally. But even if you're going to a conference or even if you're going to a meeting. If you're flying in from the north and you're going down south, there's going to be a different way of how you greet people or how they introduce you, and vice versa. Read the room to see what others are doing and if you're a guest, allow the host to take the lead. The easy cheat on this the hack, the life hack for greetings is always just let the other person take the lead and you can never go wrong. It's safer that way. You've mastered the greeting. Now what about the conversation? Don't worry, I won't leave you hanging. I have a free download called Power Speak. Gives you all the tips you need to become a powerful speaker. Just text 33777 and type the word POWER SPEAK. All one word P O W E R S P E A K and I will send you a link for a free download on how to be a powerful speaker. Also, you can follow me on twitter@mollymcpherson.com or Instagram Molly McPherson to continue any conversation that you hear on these podcasts. Thanks for listening to the Confident Communications podcast. You say hello, but now it's time for me to say goodbye. Sam.