91: How to Avoid Writing a Social Media Post You'll Regret Later

The political meme posted to Facebook, the tone deaf tweet, the clip of your video rant. The indiscreet post. If you're on social media, then the odds are not in your favor that at some point you've posted something regrettable. In today's volatile environment, with political and cultural issues everywhere, more and more people are are making regrettable posts on social media. Not only is it embarrassing, the social media backlash can bring shame not only to yourself, but to your spouse, your partner, your kids, your friends, your colleagues, and your place of employment. Today on the podcast how to prevent a regrettable social media post and if you do it, how to fix it. How many times in the past few months have you looked at a post of a friend and utter a noise like oof me. In the past few weeks alone, a number of times. Yesterday I received a call from a potential client who was in distress, from an internal stakeholder who posted provocative remarks on Facebook. I could sense it in their voice, the stress about the incident. It was as if they were almost out of breath discussing it. The post, the content, the fallout caused a physical reaction to the person who was calling me. And this person wasn't the person who even posted it in the first place. Because, let's face it, who's the person holding the bag when someone at a company or organization posts something stupid or insensitive online? Well, again, it's the communicators. So whether the post was personal or professional, it's now a part of a permanent digital footprint for not only the person who posted it, but for the organization dealing with it. And undoing the damage isn't as simple as simply hitting delete. One post can spread like wildfire. And if an online vigilante believes you deserve to be publicly shamed, chances are you will. So on this episode, three ways to avoid regrettable social media posts and how to fix them if you do one. Why you should think twice about delivering your personal opinions and let them be known on social media. 2. How to stop yourself from posting a potentially damaging post or being involved in one. And three how to avoid or handle regrettable posts. In other words, how to quiet the storm. I think many of us would agree that social media is an awesome thing. You can learn so much from social media from posts from your friends and people you follow around the country, around the world. It can help your business. Sharing news is always helpful. There's absolutely, positively no doubt that social media can bring joy in our lives, if not just professionally, also personally. That is, except when it doesn't when it brings stress and regret. There was a study by YouGov Omnibus and it was a survey granted from a few years ago, but I think it hit the nail on the head for this episode. Americans in the survey were asked the single biggest social media regret. 36% indicated that they didn't properly consider a response and sounded foolish. Men appear to be more worried about the effect of these blunders on their career. They come in at 20% where women are 8% respectively. Now that was in 2015. These blunders, they stem from comments and what's changed since 2015? This is five years ago. The environment is more volatile online. The list has grown of areas of regret. People posting sensitive content about alcohol, illegal drug use, sexual content, religion, politics, personal and family issues, negative and offensive comments, arguments, lies and secrets, venting and one area of regret that people don't think about. But this is where people do get into trouble. I thought it was funny. So number one, why you should think twice about sharing your personal opinions and letting them be known on social media. Now with the cancel culture, a part of our culture, posting about political and cultural issues, including race, all lives matter, mandatory mass and feelings about that. You get the idea. The tentacles of social media and opinion. The reach is lengthy and the damage can be sustaining. It's not uncommon to see stories in the news about people who were publicly shamed or employees who were fired for making online posts or behavior captured on video off color. Racist, sexist and inappropriate comments can get you fired. It's especially problematic if your place of employment or your connection to that organization or business is made public. Any offensive comment could potentially be an issue if it goes viral. And nowadays it's likely to go viral, at the very least in your community. But at worst, it goes everywhere. Now, no business or organization wants to deal with the distressing PR that comes along with a poorly worded or offensive tweet or Facebook post. For example, you may have heard the story about Daniel Maples. Does that name sound familiar? If it doesn't ring a bell, this clip may jar your memory.

You're six feet away from you. You're harassing me. I'm not harassing you. You're coming closer. You're coming closer. Dad, threaten me again. Back the up. Put your phone down.

Does that exchange sound familiar? Now, it was recorded on June 27, 2020 at the Gulf Coast Town Center Costco in Fort Myers, Florida. The person filming the exchange was not the person who was being yelled at. Now that's telling. Because it says that anyone can record anyone's behavior in public. The same applies to written social media posts. Anyone can share them. Now back to the Costco in Florida. Now the person Maples was yelling at had asked them to comply with Costco's mask policy. Once this video went viral about a week later. That was the first time I saw it. I saw the day it was released and the day it went viral and I was waiting 3, 2, 1 to hear from Maple's employer. That employer was Ted Todd Insurance in Fort Myers, Florida. They brava tweeted their response. So Ed Todd agency on July 7 threatening behavior and intimidation go against our core mission to be trusted advisors in our community. We are also committed to immediately reviewing our internal existing culture. And at TTI we ask that further feedback be sent to hrtedtod insurance.com Nicely done. Sign Charlie Todd, the CEO of Ted Todd Insurance. The follow up tweet. Thank you to everyone for their comments and messages raising awareness about a former employee. Former Their behavior in the video is in direct conflict with our company values and their employment has been terminated. Now, your company likely has a social media policy. I hope they have a social media policy. Not all do. I certainly do trainings where people will indicate that they do not have one. Now's the time to have one at your organization. I'm asked about them all the time. You know, where do you find one? What should be in a social media policy? Well, the answer is only one Google search away. Now, the social media policy should reflect what happens in an employee's poor judgment and behavior that can negatively impact the company online. Now, when something does happen online, apologies, boy. They're expected. They have to happen. But people are no longer expected to get their job back if something does happen, something you've said online, your employer will likely cut ties before you even get around to deleting the post. That's just how it is nowadays. So in the case of a video being shared on social media, like in the case of Daniel Maples and and the many before him, viral videos are permanent videos. They are a part of your permanent record now. So if it happens, good luck finding a new job. The only way you're going to be able to do that is if you have an apology already out there and ready to go. Now number two, how do you stop yourself from posting a potentially damaging post or being involved in one if you don't want to be filmed doing something stupid? Well, don't do anything stupid. If you blow up in public, you will likely blow up Online and blow up your reputation. People are now wired to go for their phones when they hear or see anything unusual. People are just wired now to do it. So that's why we see so many clips end up online. Now, it's true there are times a clip can be used and it can go online and go viral, and someone can rightfully say, I was taken out of context. They can use that as a defense. For instance, a few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with my mom and we were discussing a video clip from the golf cart parade at the villages in Florida. Again, Florida, there was a video clip, in case you saw it, of a man in a golf cart during this parade who shouted white power. And President Trump tweeted the clip approvingly and then took it down. My mother happens to be a resident of the villages, and she is often put in the position of defending living in the villages to her family. So, that being said, when this conversation came up, I was all ears. And she told me, but Molly. And that's how she talks to me. The media doesn't show. No one ever shows the entire video. There was a woman from Connecticut who was harassing this man. Now, I have no idea how she knew this woman was from Connecticut. So it tells me maybe she knows some of the players. I don't know. But my mother believed as many, many people do. I hear it all the time. Almost every training I give in person, someone will tell me the media takes information out of context. There's fake news. They only take a portion of the clip and they air it. Now, yes, that does happen. But I had mentioned to my mom that the tweet was a viral video. And yes, on the tweet, the video was condensed. It was just a clip, but it wasn't a news story. It was a part of the video that was shared. But when it did get picked up, it got picked up by the news, by credentialed news outlets who shared more of the video. And it did indicate, at least from all the videos that I saw, that people outside of the cart, yes, were harassing the Trump supporters in the golf carts. But this is something that can only happen in a retirement community, I guess. But the Trump supporters were in the golf carts, but the people outside of the golf carts were Biden supporters. They were holding Biden signs. So what was happening, what were we seeing online was a political argument happen. So it was a political protest slash golf parade. But I ever so gently told my mother, as I tell people in my courses when we discuss this it doesn't matter how much of the clip was shown. It doesn't matter if it was, quote, unquote, taken out of context, because it was the 1.8 seconds of the clip that mattered. The man in the golf cart yelled, white power. And I said to my mom, you could show me eight hours of that video, but you can't take white power out of context, okay? There's no acceptable, plausible reason. White power isn't racist, okay? So whether two minutes or two seconds of a video clip context or not, some events are irrefutable. Now, since the man was at the Villages, he was likely retired, which meant it's doubtful he was fired from anything. I'm sure he'll live to see another golf cart parade. But if he was employed, he would likely be, quote, unquote, retired.

Where's your wife, Roy?

There you go. White power. You hear that? So that leads us here to the next portion, how to stop yourself from blowing up online. The first rule, never post in a hot state. People often regret things they posted in highly emotional states or while under the influence of alcohol or drugs. So it leads to a lack of concern for the consequences. People sometimes make regrettable posts when they are in a positive mood, when they are feeling full of themselves or full of the event at hand. Now, I experienced this when I was posting like mad when my daughter Kathleen's soccer team won the state championship. She scored two goals. She assisted in the others. And I was posting and tweeting away because I was so excited. And I did have an awareness for this hot state, my hot state, being an excited soccer mom. But I also knew it was a little over the top. So I held back. And I didn't mention that Kate was the leading score on her soccer team, because how obnoxious would that be if I said that? Well, ha ha. The unintended consequence of positive emotional states while posting is that people will think you're obnoxious on Facebook. So if you don't post it on Facebook, no one will think you're obnoxious. However, if you say it on your podcast, it's up for grabs. But no one loses a job for bragging on social media. It's the combustible posts. These combustible online incidents, they never happen in one phase. So here you go. Here's the breakdown on how we can identify why these happen. First of all, there's a trigger, a thought, a resulting action, and then a consequence. And yes, whether you are aware of it or not, there is always a consequence. You may not be aware of it, but there is one. Now here's how to stop yourself from writing or sharing something stupid online. Take a mindfulness approach. This means having an awareness of your thoughts to break the habit of saying something stupid online. And this works whether you absentmindedly grab for a donut in your weight loss journey or hit reply on a social media post. One Watch for the trigger and what is the biggest trigger on social how do you identify it? It's usually connected to stress. You see, hear or read something and your blood gets heated on a way to a boil. Next, when you find yourself in this hot state, this highly emotional, agitated state, your chances of posting something you regret that increases when you listen to the two clips that I shared. Both happen under stressful conditions. If you watch any of these quote unquote Karen clips shared online, they're usually filmed during a stressful altercation with the stress we're all experiencing right now in the middle of this pandemic. Masks, Race, Schools Going back or not. Politics. It's time to assess the stress. What triggers you? Is it your child not going back to school? Is it that someone is telling you that you need to wear a mask? Seek to remove yourself from the trigger. When you are reading something online that riles you, whether it's an article or a meme, put down the phone for a bit and take a break. If you are doing nothing with your time but sitting on social media all day, well, now it's time to take a break and do something else. Write. Resist the urge to write. But if you must write to get it out of your system, this by the way, applies to those angry screens you want to pen in an email when someone really ticks you off. Write and then hit close and wait. Take a breath. Take multiple breaths. Because we all know the emails and social media posts that you regret. The ones you wish you would not have written. You likely sent those as soon as you typed in that last period. Instead, think to yourself, what is making you feel this way? If someone is sharing information online about unhealthy it is to wear masks or commenting why mail in voting is wrong. Is it really about the masks? Or is it your conservative views masked in an online discussion when the truth of the matter is that you feel that these mass and social distance policies are impinging on your rights as an American citizen? Or if someone is commenting on social media about the brutality of police officers and that police department should be defunded, are these strong feelings exaggerated against police because they themselves these people are going through situations where they feel oppressed. And the biting commentary about the police is more about an abuse of power. So the posts about going back to school, the masks, police officers. Think about the police officer on the other end of that post, or the spouse of a police officer, or a child, or your customer who has an illness, who has a comorbidity that would die if they came in contact with COVID 19. They're going to take serious offense to that. So remember your thoughts that led to your feelings. Those feelings are going to lead to your actions. If you don't try and break the cycle, it will lead to that same action over and over again. Now granted, it's not always easy to recognize that your thought is driving you to these unwanted consequences. Now the consequence during the past 10 years, social media networks have played an increasingly important role in the lives of people, affecting the ways in which people relate, communicate and share opinions with one another. These conversational platforms are filled with people with common interests, relationships, politics, and passions. And when they gather online to discuss, share, and exchange ideas. Well, with the frequent changes in social media algorithms, people cross into other spaces where they don't typically tread. So in other words, you may normally see posts pop up in your newsfeed, but all of a sudden, boom. You're going to see a highly volatile post and your friend has commented on that post. This results these differences of opinions and these algorithms result in these flare ups. Now three how to Avoid or Handle Regret how to Quiet the Storm Now Social Media Users Savvy social media users often employ strategies that help protect their privacy to avoid a regrettable post or alleviate the negative impact, at least on a regrettable one. According to careerbuilder.com 18% of companies have dismissed employees for something they've posted online. I made those two comments next to each other for a reason. It's the people who are protecting themselves online are the ones that are less likely to get fired for something they've said online. The riskier the behavior is, usually from people that don't quite have a handle on privacy settings. It's a common misconception that people can say whatever they want online and they shouldn't be fired for it. That's not true. Employers, private employers, anyone can take anyone offline for something they said if it brings back something negative or has crossed the line based on a social media policy. So don't assume that you're going to be able to post whatever you want online without repercussions. Now how can you prevent, avoid, or handle this Regret one There's self censoring. When you feel like you're pontificating. When you feel like it's getting hotter and hotter online, it's time to get out of there. Self censor. Either calm down your posts or take them off altogether. That's the act of self cleaning. Deleting posts, untagging people from posts, untagging yourself from posts. You can do that even if you don't make an inflammatory remark and someone else has tagged you. Simply untag yourself from the post. Also, often just delete. Now people can screen grab and take something that you've posted and it will still be there. It happens all the time, but in personal accounts it's not quite as likely. So as soon as you know something has been posted and it's ill advised and someone is telling you to take it down, take it down, delete it. Next, you can also apologize, especially if you're a public figure. Which means if you are known in a business or work for a business or people know what you do for a living, you may have to apologize if that post was leaked and if it goes viral. Next, you can play along with conversations. You can get into them, but you don't have to post. You can be on social media, commenting, liking, disliking, sending an emoji, but you don't have to get into the conversation. Don't feel like you always have to share. Just watch. Next, decline or ignore friend requests from people you don't know or sort of know. Your leakers could be someone you don't know well, or someone at work. Just because you work with them doesn't mean that you have to friend them. A question that I get can someone tell if I've deleted a friend request? No. Or a follow request? No. You can just leave it be and you can delete it. The only way they would know is that you just didn't accept it if they were to check it. Next, select an appropriate communication channel. If you are starting to chit chat online about topics, it could be safer to do it, let's say on a Reddit where your name isn't on there doesn't mean that you should say something bad. It doesn't mean that you should say something offensive. Offensive or sexist or racist. Tucker Carlson's head writer was just fired because that's what he did. He was. He wrote for Tucker Carlson, but he wrote horrible, horrible things on Reddit under a pseudonym and he got fired for it. Next, use your privacy settings. Be mindful of them. Know who can see things. Know that if you post a political meme and you run an organization, you run a business and your posts are private, well, anyone's going to comment on you. So don't be surprised if someone calls you out and you don't even know who they are and you say you don't even know me. Why are you saying this? It doesn't matter. They know you online. And if they follow you online, if you have a public account, well, fair game. Next. And here's the last one. I don't always advise this, but you can do this in the social media world, which is the use of fake names. Now you don't want to use fake names. As I just mentioned Tucker Carlson's writer, he was using the pseudonym to hide insensitive off color sexist, racist comments. We don't want to do that. But you can use accounts with names that don't have your full name on there. Teenagers are Gen Z folks. They have mastered this on Instagram and they're called FINSTA accounts, which stands for fake insta. So in other words, on social media, Gen Z usually typically they will have a front facing account that will be on Facebook and Instagram that parents or people in the community, teachers, coaches may see. But then they'll have an alt account for their friends and it will have a different name. Now right now you may want to delete your account after everything that you've heard. But wait. There is a benefit to social media. Literature has shown a positive association between Facebook usage and psychological well being. As we use social media more and more in business, it includes increases your social capital. Plus, with the pandemic causing social distancing and cancellations, social media is not only a social lifeline for your social life, it is for your professional one as well. Many organizations are using online and social media to connect with customers and consumers and members. User regret. Well, it's not unusual. It's going to happen. And when there are sensitive topics to discuss, there will also be emotional comments and unintended audiences who will see it. But navigating it safely is critical. You don't want to leave regrettable digital breadcrumbs. So to sum up, the key to not posting something you'll regret on social media later. 1. Why you should think twice about making your personal opinions known on social media. Well, because off color, racist, sexist and inappropriate comments can get you fired. Especially problematic if your place of employment or your connection to it is public. How to stop yourself from posting a potentially damaging post or being involved in one. Remove the triggers while you are on social media. Don't log into social media when you are in a hot state. And lastly, how to avoid or handle regrets. How to quiet that storm. You may have lost your mind on social media, however, be mindful about how you're going to fix it. From self censoring to the delete button, take action when you step out of line online. That's all for this week's podcast. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast. I often release bonus episodes with thought leaders and authors whose work I believe can help you, the listeners. This week I'm releasing a bonus episode with the author of eight Essential Practices for Finding Meaning in Work and Life. I love this book. I read it in one summer afternoon. So press the subscribe button now and you will be able to hear this bonus episode as well as the past bonus episodes that I've released within the year. Now here's something that you won't regret on social media. Follow me on Twitter. This week I plan to pose the question, what is the most regrettable post you've made on social media? I would love to hear your answer. Thanks for listening. That's all for this week. Bye for now.