96: How to Get People to Admire You (Without Being Obnoxious)

People like people who like them in return. It's true. Ask yourself, do you dislike anyone who likes you? Do you despise anyone who has made a point of telling you they admire you? Of course not. Being liked is akin to building capital for your reputation. If you're in the public eye or you operate a business, the more people like you, well, that's better for business. But being admired? Ah, now that's even better. Because if you hit a reputational speed bump, a PR crisis, people are more likely to let you get through it, but also thrive once you make it to the other side, if they have even a modicum of admiration for you or your work. Vincent van Gogh once said, admire as much as you can. Most people don't admire enough. On the podcast Three approaches for getting people to admire you without being obnoxious, let's build your reputation capital. After a few weeks of settling on the more unfavorable side of communications, I wanted to impart uplifting advice to add to your communication toolkit. Admirable aspirations never hurt anyone in our fractured world. Being liked is good, but being admired? Well, it's even better. The PR benefit Let's say you find yourself in a reputational pickle. An admirable person will fare much better than a generally disliked person on this episode, I'm only sharing three approaches on your quest to admiration Anymore would be haughty. I'll add. This list is less US Navy Admiral Bull Halsey of Hit Hard Hit Fast Hit often fame, but more of the Admiral Halsey of the if I had another look and I had a cup of tea and a butter pie fame. Light with a side of pep, but it keeps you humming. Three approaches for being admired. First, be kind. Not in the Ellen DeGeneres kind of way of kind. The do as I say, but not as I do type of kindness. Just be kind to your family, friends, employers, employees, your customers, your members, your fans, your voters. You may think that negativity, snarkiness and having a fight in you goes a long way in today's volatile climate. But I'm here to tell you, kindness goes a lot further proof. You know the actor John Krasinski from the office? Married to Emily Blunt, he created the Feel Good web series Some Good News. It was a smash hit when he debuted it during the early weeks of the Pandemic. If you remember, he had a virtual prom with Billie Eilish and the Jonas Brothers for students who were not celebrating their prom this spring. Krasinski also had the Hamilton cast Zoombom a girl named Aubrey who couldn't see Hamilton in person on Broadway. Lots of people couldn't, but it made for wonderful web television. And that web program. He sold it to ViacomCBS following a massive bidding war. See? Kindness sells. All right, second swap I for we. Talk less, use we more. If you use we instead of I, even if I meaning you is more accurate. We means team. We means even if you are the leader of the team, people will recognize you are in step with everyone else that you want to share more the wealth. Also, studies have shown that people tend to use the word I more frequently when communicating with people they feel are more powerful than them. The more superior a person is in someone's presence, more likely they'll be intimidated to use the word I. So want to level the playing field. Monitor your use of I. The people you're speaking with will view you as more powerful. Read admirable without ever knowing why. You didn't even have to tell them. You just showed them by using we. And the third approach? Don't be a fake. Everyone has something that they have gone through in their life that's admirable. Everyone. So always remember that challenge, what you went through, how you overcame it. Remember who you were and use that experience to form your values of today. People will notice your reputation starts from your experiences that brought you to where you are right now. Don't fake or force other admirable qualities that aren't admirable. Don't tell people how important you are. If someone writes and asks if you're available for a meeting and you reply, I have another important presentation with the head of blah blah blah. If you have to tell people why they need to admire you, then they won't. People admire people who understand their place and then lower it. People who overcome a challenge don't mention the challenge, but then rise from it. The people who struggled and survived and thrived and then carried on, those are the people who are more likely to be admired. The takeaway Admiration can only be granted from others, not from oneself. If you try, it's fake and people can smell it a mile away. You're not fooling anyone. And people cancel people who are fake or disingenuous. So whether the relationship is in a public space or a private one, admirable people seem to survive and thrive when they hit a reputational speed bump. Fakers get run over. So remember, be kind. Swap I for we when you can and build your reputational capital by starting from the beginning. Remember your challenge. Remember. Remember the struggle that brought you to where you are today. You won't need to tell people to admire you. They just will. Thanks for listening to the Confident Communications podcast this week. Share what you admire in people on Twitter. Follow me Molly McPherson and let me know what makes you admire someone else. We'll see you here next week. Bye for now. Sam.