How to Speak to Waitstaff

When you go to a restaurant and it's time for the bill, are you the type of customer who looks around the room, makes eye contact with your server, raises your hand a little, and then in the air writes out a check and says, bill, please? Or are you the customer who darts your eyes around the room, finds your server and yells, check, please? This week on the Confident Communications Podcast, in honor of National Waitstaff day, celebrated today, May 21, the day we go to publish here, how to communicate with waitstaff so you get exactly what you order every time. And for you servers out there, all the things you wish the customer knew about your job to make your job easier. Foreign. Welcome back to the Confident Communications Podcast. I am your host, Molly McPherson. Ooh. I had such big plans for the podcast this week. I wanted to celebrate National Waitstaff Day because I frequent a lot of bars and restaurants and I appreciate all the servers that I work with. And of course, back in the day, I was also a server, and I have kids that work at servers and know a lot of people in the industry and. And I think they deserve a day of celebration. So I brought my podcast equipment, went out with friends, and we went to a restaurant. We were in Newburyport, Massachusetts, and I got a lot of great examples on tape from servers, from bartenders, from young servers, old servers. It was great. I had quite the mix. However, when I went back to play it, I thought if I played this on the podcast, it would sound as if you were all in the bar with me and it was very, very loud. If you had headphones in your ears, it would blow your eardrums out. And my editor and I had to make the decision to squash the in person interviews, but I did compile the list to find out all the things that your servers are thinking when they're serving you. I travel a lot in my work and I go to a lot of restaurants, so I have to keep track of all my receipts. So the waitstaff, the servers, they are key personnel for me because they're the ones that help me keep track of everything. And they're very great about splitting checks and working with colleagues if we have to be obnoxious and ask for split checks at the end. So I wanted to do a podcast in honor of them. It's hard work. I see the work that they're doing, and I know that my kids as servers are putting a lot of work in as well. So let's focus on how to make their jobs easier for this podcast. Okay, before we start off on the list of all the things that your servers wish they could tell you. Some things to keep in mind. Waitstaff typically vetted before they're hired to make sure that they have the necessary people skills needed for the job. They usually receive training on how to work with customers who are unhappy, so their communications back and forth are on point. However, in many cases, restaurants just need bodies, and they don't really have the time to sit down and educate and train the servers on how to communicate most effectively in a restaurant. It would be great if they did, but for anyone that runs a restaurant or worked in restaurants, they know how busy and chaotic it can be in there, and they're just looking for people with good customer service skills and a whole lot of common sense. Now, half of the communication process is on the customer, and the other half is on the server. So what can we do when you have a customer that lacks the communication skills and the context to be able to communicate their needs in a way that's appropriate, helpful, and, frankly, polite. So today's podcast is about how we make life easier for the server. Now, according to data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, waitstaff earns about 1047 an hour, or just under $22,000 per year. Let that sink in for a bit, that's $10 an hour. Not only that, but that waitstaff, they work early mornings, late in the evenings, holidays, weekends, all the time you're out enjoying time with friends, families, and colleagues. They're working. They're on their feet all day long carrying heavy trays. And they're required to remember a lot of information under very hectic conditions. They really do have to be on at all time. A server can't have a bad day, and when they do, it could reflect in their tips. So here we are, May 21st, National Waitstaff Day. So I hope that we can all work together to make their lives a lot easier. Now, being a waiter or waitress can be a thankless job, and it's often underpaid, as I mentioned. But as part of the service industry, they are paid to serve. That's their job. But they can't read your mind when it comes to knowing what you want and how you want it. You have to communicate it effectively. So today, let's talk about how to speak to your waitstaff. And this is information that you can take and use with when you're talking to anyone in the service industry. So whether they're at a hotel, a spa, or a restaurant, this is the list of basic skills that your server wants you to know as A customer. Now, I'm saving the number one comment for last because it's the one that was the most often repeated. I'd heard it over and over and over again and honestly, I never thought about it. But now every time I go into a bar or restaurant, I'm going to think about it. So here's a list that I compiled through research, but also speaking to people face to face. When I've been going out to restaurants over the last couple weeks, I've been compiling a list. The one time I had asked a server what is the most annoying thing a customer can do to make your job more difficult? And my 16 year old daughter replied, asking questions for a podcast. So touche, Kathleen, Touche. All right, here's the list. 1. Greet your server pleasantly with hello, a smile and eye contact. And that's a biggie. Eye contact. Because a server, they're trying to figure you out as soon as you walk into the restaurant and they lead you to a table or they see you at the table, they're sizing you up. Are you going to be easy to work with or really, really difficult? So a please and a thank you go a long way. Many people, I think, have lost this art of the common courtesy, especially when talking to someone in the service industry. A lot of servers would tell me they feel invisible or they feel that they are constantly being talked down to. Next. It's when someone is incredibly impatient and condescending. People assume that if you're a server or you're a part of a waitstaff that you are beneath the station of the person sitting at the table. And many times that's not the case. They could be a server for many, many reasons. You know what? They can also be the owner of that restaurant. They could be making a lot more money than the person sitting at the table. So your server notices that. One time I was at a restaurant with someone in the, I'll call it the traditional age, the traditionalist age group gener. That's just above baby boomer. And when the server was trying to give the menu, he had an accent. He was originally from another country. And the person across the table kept saying, I don't understand you. I don't understand you. Speak English. Ugh, that was awful and mortifying. You don't have to have English as your native language to be a server. Next, get your server's attention appropriately. Servers hate when people snap their fingers, shout, wave wildly, or grabbing their elbow. Touching a server is a no, no. Instead, be patient and make eye contact with A slight raise of the hand to let him or her know that you need them. They're looking for eye contact. That's the perfect way to, to reach out to a server, is with the eyes. Let your server know if you need the bill split before you place your order. And I am guilty of this one. I do this all the time. At the very end, I'll mention we need to split the bill because of expenses. Not back when I was in our 20s and there'd be 10 of us all going out to eat at the same time. And some of us would write a check, you know, for $4 and 17 cents. But. But now when you all have different expense accounts and you all need an itemized receipt. So this is one that I learned, and I am changing this on the next time, the next time I go out on the road, I will never, ever do this again. All right, the next tip. Ask questions about the menu before ordering. When you change your mind midway through your order, it annoys the crap out of them. And you're also increasing the risk that your order is going to be wrong. Ask the questions from the onset. Servers love to answer your questions and they'll get it all figured out before they have to write it down. They want you to be very clear when you order. If you have allergies or food sensitivities, be sure that you are explicitly clear on that matter. And remember, a lot of food items are prepared ahead of time, like sauces and soups, so your special request to omit the onions may not be possible. And if they tell you that, accept it and be okay with that. And here's another tip that they mention a lot. There's a big difference between an allergy and a food preference. Food allergies are a very big deal in a kitchen and they require special treatment, which also means requires extra time. Sometimes they have to clean the surface and it takes the kitchen staff's time away from other orders at the table. Now, many restaurants I know, and I know this from personal experience, I can't eat gluten. I have celiac's disease. I hate the fact that I have celiac's disease. And more often than not, when I walk into a restaurant, I'm already annoyed because I know I cannot eat most of the things that are on the menu. And most restaurants do not have gluten free items where they can guarantee that they're gluten free. Now that's changing significantly. But most restaurants are there. So just forewarning, if you have a restaurant And I happen to be a town and I go to it and there's a special gluten free menu. I am the happiest person in the room. I always appreciate when restaurants do that. But I also take the time. And I do recognize reluctantly that not every restaurant is going to bend over backwards for someone with an allergy. I do understand that. So make sure that you clarify, is it an allergy or just a preference? Because it all comes down to how much extra time they have to put into that food prep. Now, if your order is wrong, you need to be understanding. State the issue clearly and calmly and give the server time to offer a solution. Yes, some people get impatient. Yes, some people are angry. Many times you're hungry. But mistakes do happen. It's a busy restaurant and more often than not, it's not the server's fault. So keep in mind that your order is one of many that the server has taken during the day and that everyone is human. Someone made a mistake somewhere down the chain and it's okay because it could also be that the kitchen made a mistake and the server is overworked and probably never noticed. Just give them a break. Next. Remember that it's not the server's fault if your food is taking longer than expected to come to the table. If you are dining during a peak time, chances are the kitchen is slammed as well and they are working as fast as they could to get the food out of the fryer and onto the table. Next. And this is a biggie too, that I should say didn't come up as much as I expected it to and I had to prompt it a little. But it's all about the tipping. So keep in mind that tipping is a common practice in the US and, and often abroad as well. And you need to Google to figure out exactly what you are tipping. That's, that's key. If the service was good, tip 20%. 20% is the standard at most restaurants and it's what servers expect to get. If the service was good, if the service was just adequate, or there were little glitches there where you felt it was on the server. You can tip 18%, you can tip 15%, but don't tip less than 15%. If you do that, you're sending a message to the server. And you always want to tip based on the regular ticket price, not happy hour, not what your bill looks like. After you buy one, get one coupon. You want it to be on the full price. Now the next one. And I did ask the follow up on this one. What about the tax servers? At least the servers that I asked, they said they expect you to tip on the tax, but they understand when people don't. So even if you're someone that doesn't like to tip on the tax, I get it. Your server does understand that there are people out there that aren't going to do that. But if you do tip on the net bill, and you tip at 20%, then you're going to get in that 18% range anyway, and your server's going to understand that, and that's okay. Next. Sometimes the service is terrible. It does happen. But if that's the case, rather than complain to your server, talk to the management as you pay or as you leave the restaurant. You are more likely to have your issues resolved if it's with a manager or the owner of the restaurant. Because, again, think about your server. Their job is to run around the restaurant and serve the customer. If there's a disconnect at the restaurant from the kitchen side, the operation side, you don't want to take it out on the server because it's not their fault. Okay, another point, and this one was told to me by a server that said she just wants people to remember that she's a person, too, that sometimes they have bad days just like you. Sometimes they're hungry, just like you. Give them a little grace before getting angry or upset about something that might have gone wrong with the service or with the meal. They are human. They're not made of steel. They don't like getting bad feedback either. Okay, now the big one. This is the response that I received from everyone, whether it was a bartender, a server, whether it was from the owner of a restaurant or a runner who was 15 years old, and this was their first job. This is their number one pet peeve that they don't want you to ever do again. And when it happens, they get annoyed and it ruins their day. Do not make the server go back multiple times because you only want to ask for a request separately. How does that look when the server comes up to your table and you say to them, oh, could I have a glass of water, please? Sure. They go and get a glass of water. They come back, someone else says, could you grab the ketchup? Sure. And then they have to go back and get the ketchup. And then they drop the ketchup on the table and someone says, oh, could you bring the mustard as well? That, I found out, was the number one pet peeve of all servers. They want you to figure out what your needs are collectively when they are standing at the table. So picture this. You've all seen it. The server comes. He or she places the last plate of food to the person and stands there and looks around the table and asks everyone, does everyone have what they need? Everyone at the table, collectively, you need to look up, make eye contact, and think for a moment, do I need anything else? And tell your server right there and then. And let's say they go back and they come back with something and you forget to ask it. They say they want you to apologize or at least acknowledge, oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to mention this. That makes it a little bit different because they, at least they know that you're acknowledging that they could have done it better the next time. All right, so there's the list. If you're a server, what did you think of that list? Did I cover all of them? There was a lot of research. There's a lot of restaurants I needed to go to to get all that information. And for the rest of you that frequent restaurants and you're a customer, I hope you learned something to give your wait staff, your server, your waitress or waiter a little bit of a break. And remember that their job, it's not an easy one, but they want you to have an amazing experience at their restaurant. Being an effective communicator is critical in all areas of life, from talking to your spouse to your colleagues, to ordering a special drink. Developing skills to be an effective communicator is key in the modern age. And so I did want to let you know that in the next few weeks, I'm going to be rolling out an online learning platform to. For learning how to communicate your message, no matter what it is or where it is. And I would like to invite you to be a part of it. It's not open to the public just yet, but it will be soon. If you want to be notified when this online learning platform is open, go to Molly McPherson. Learn to sign up. As soon as we're ready to launch, we're going to send out a first wave with a special rate for our founding members. It's going to be a lower rate for you to try out the program, try out the learning modules, to give us feedback, to let us know if it's helping you and what we can do to make that experience even better. So sign up now. Molly McPherson. Learn to get information on this new online learning program. I promise you it's going to be helpful for you. That's all for this week. Thank you. So much for listening. And remember, tip your servers. Bye.