Sorry, Not Sorry: Apologizing in the Age of Digital

It was a week of apologies from a prime minister to one of the newest SNL cast members or former cast member. So here we go again. Resurface material shows up online. Person dressing up in blackface at a party, photo taken, photo lands in a yearbook, photo is lost in the archives for years until the person becomes a high profile politician. Racial slurs and offensive comments made on a podcast find their way onto the Internet. Let's take a look at the art of the apology. What works and what doesn't when you craft and deliver an apology that is sure to go viral. Sorry, not sorry. We're sorry, not sorry. Apologizing in the age of digital. This week on the podcast, let's talk about this again, the apology. Will it work for Justin Trudeau, the prime Minister of Canada? And why it did not work for recently hired and then quickly fired comedian Shane Gillis from Saturday Night Live? And what makes these incidents any different than that of Governor Ralph Northam, the governor of Virginia, and the controversy with Megyn Kelly when she was employed by NBC? So let's start with a little background on the prime minister, Justin Trudeau at the time of this recording. It is Friday, September 20, and we have seen three instances in which he wore blackface or brown face makeup. So this may change over the course of the weekend until publishing date on Tuesday. Now, some of the photographs, One, there was the much tweeted photograph of the Arabian Nights party, which every time I see the word Arabian Nights in print, I have the music spinning in my head. From Aladdin, of course, where he was in brown face and a turban. He was around 29 when that happened and when that photo was was taken. And then he also had to admit on that he dressed up in blackface again while performing Dayo, I have to prevent myself from singing it, the Jamaican folk song, of course, by Harry Belafonte. And then there's another video of him. They're saying it's brown face blackface, but it's a very quick video, no words, no sound where you can see Justin Trudeau clearly with a colored face. So here we are. Now, he has apologized, he has expressed regret, and he did say that he didn't think it was racist at the time, though he now knows that it is racist, which is a very common theme for anyone that gets outed with these photographs. Now he is gearing up for an election in less than five weeks from the time of this recording, and he has created an image where this does not align quite well with what he's trying to put out there as a Liberal Party member. He was elected by landslide in 2015, but we're going to see what happens in October. Now, Trudeau, his story, he's still in limbo, but I'm going to go out on a limb with my prediction on his fate. But I'm going to say that at the end of the podcast, but I will add here that last Thursday there was a campaign appearance in Winnipeg and he could not rule out the existence of even more examples of photo or video. And he was quoted as saying, I am wary of, of being definitive about this because the recent pictures that came out, I had not remembered. That tells me, that tells us, it tells the press that there's probably more out there that he has. He's not sure, but it's likely that someone, we're leaving the door open that someone could find something. Now, none of this is good for Trudeau. In fact, it's very, very bad. However, I have a signature process that I use with my clients. I use it in talks that I give and I also use it whenever there's a story and in the press. I apply it, it's a three step process to stopping the swarm. You know, the swarm of viral press, online media, the people, public pressure that happens online. And this signature process, I'm telling you, it rings true and works every single time I apply it. Now, there's three steps to the process, and if you apply it, you get a bonus in the end. The goal is not to self destruct. Here are the steps, and you've heard me talk about this before on the podcast. Step one is always to acknowledge, accept and apologize. This is a key step. The first step is always a key step because you are owning up to whatever it is that happened. And you have to do this first step because that's what people want to hear. Step two is when you get your say it's context. Here's your chance to explain the why. Like why the hell you did it in the first place, why it happened, was it in the past? Was it during a different time? Whatever it is, the why is critical because that gives you your chance to explain what happened. And then step three, just as critical, what are your plans, priorities, promises for change? There has to be some change, because if you're in a crisis over something that you did or something that a brand did, that you represent, you're going to have to change. And now you need to tell the public what you're going to do about it. Now, if you hit each step then and Only then can you make your landing. And that's where you get the bonus. And it's like a bonus stage where you get the ask. You can ask for forgiveness, ask to stay on the air, ask to keep your job, whatever it is. This is the only time that you can do this. However, if you miss any of the steps you will trip up and you will fall. Now most people and brands who fail or falter on the steps, they usually do it on the first one. They skip step one many times. They nuance the language to get close because they know they have to acknowledge it. And they get very close to touching an apology but they don't want to come out and say they're sorry in many cases and this is the excuse I all the time. Well for legal reasons we don't want to admit to anything. Well everyone knows that you don't need to put yourself in legal peril or jeopardy. However, there's many other ways that you can say the same thing that will come out sounding like an apology. The people who fail are the ones that don't take responsibility and they lay blame with someone else. It's the attackers, they are the cause of it. It's usually the press, liberals, conservatives, it could be any the online haters. Look for the people who attack and that's the tell that they are not going to survive the crisis. Case in point, examples of missing that first step one is Bill Cosby. We all know all the problems that Bill Cosby had. Bill Cosby did not want to admit to anything. Now of course he's not going to do it for legal reasons and he did. There was a case where he apologized to the family of one of the women of many that he was accused of drugging and assaul. He did that on a case by case basis but he never came out and did any type of apology acknowledgement. The outcome he's behind bars. Senator Al Franken, the former senator from Minnesota, the state of Minnesota after multiple accusations of inappropriate content. He was a touchy, a touchy feely guy. His downfall was swift and surprising to many. A lot of people thought he was going to come through it. I was not one of those people. I had mentioned on the podcast that I did not think that he was going to make it. And the reason why again it came down to the apology. He refused to apologize and it was a non apology. It's where I'm going to sound as if I'm apologizing but I'm really not. His quote, I am a warm person And I hug people. And in some of these encounters, these pictures or meetings, some women and any is too many have felt that I have crossed the line and I am terribly sorry about that. Again, the nuance there is he wasn't apologizing for everything that he did. It's just for the women who spoke up for the 20 or so women. Another example, self help motivation speaker Tony Robbins. He was accused of inappropriate conduct with staffers and participants in his seminars. He also I mentioned him in episode 31 along with Senator Al Franken. Buzzfeed definitely did a number on him. They did a multi part story about the accusations against Tony Robbins. Tony Robbins again probably brought in the legal team, brought in the reputation management counsel and they told them admit to nothing. And he certainly didn't. What he did is jumped over step one and immediately attacked the press and BuzzFeed News in particular. He targeted them specifically that they were just on a witch hunt out for him. Now you may be thinking, hey, but Tony Robbins, I still see him everywhere and he always pops up on my news feeds because he's selling these, this online teaching program. Now it's true, he's still out there. It's not as if he's not being booked. However, if you were to look at the books of the Tony Robin business, I am sure that there is a steep and dramatic drop off in his revenue after that story came out. There wasn't anything to fire him from. Like he didn't need to resign from being a speaker. He didn't lose anything. He lost some book deals, but he wasn't on a program. There wasn't any type of appointment viewing where we would see him that he would have to step down. Where he's going to feel it, he's going to feel it in his wallet and also in relevance. He's probably going to lose a lot of relevance as time goes on. Now the more recent example that I had mentioned, Shane Gillis, he was one of the three new cast members for the upcoming fall season for Saturday Night Live and it was slated for its 45th season. But before he could even step foot in front of the cameras, he was fired over racial and homophobic slurs on a podcast. This is going to be the new place where people take a dive, is on podcasts because they're going to be more open and they speak without abandon there. But one of the insults was aimed at Chinese people. And one of the incoming SNL members, Bowen Yang, is Chinese American, the show's first one. So it, so it was bad so he had to go. So Lorne Michaels, he's. He sent out a message discussing that they were not. They weren't aware of his prior remarks, that his surface over a few days. And it does make you wonder, like, what is the vetting process when it comes to these programs? Whether it's news programs or entertainment variety programs. You wonder if there is a vetting process. And I think there is. But there is an alt theory that I have that some of these brands and organizations, TV programs, whomever, that they kind of know that something could be there. Because again, with every crisis, there's an opportunity. And sometimes I think it's beneficial and sometimes I wonder if some of these are set up. Who knows? But it is an alt theory that I had. Now, when Gillis first responded, he did go to. Naturally, he's younger. So he went to Twitter. Wasn't exactly repentant over the firing or what he had done to cause the firing. His statement was, I'm a comedian who was funny enough to get snl. That can't be taken away. Of course I wanted the opportunity to prove myself at snl, but I understand it'd be too much of a distraction. I respect the decision they made. I'm honestly grateful for the opportunity. Well, that was a great statement until he said, I was always a mad TV guy. Anyway. Mad tv, it's another program that competed against snl. Makes me wonder that. I think he. He vetted that statement with all his comedians. And one comedian pal said, you can't go down. You're bending into the man. You got it. You got to add, you know, some piece of comedy in there. And he added that in the end, it didn't work. Now, his first apology, and here's the reason why I think he did not survive this and he got fired. It was on September 12th. It said. And it came out at 10:43pm I'm a comedian who pushes boundaries. I sometimes miss. If you go through my 10 years of comedy, there's context, most of it bad. You're going to find a lot of bad misses. I'm happy to apologize to anyone who's actually offended by anything I've said. Zing. There you go. And that is the reason why he fired, because it was an apology, non apology. Gillis pulled a. He did the exact same thing. It was an apology, non apology, where he only apologized to the people who were actually offended. You know what? He can't do that. Now, again with context, he said that being a comedian requires risk, which is true. I mean, they have to do that. They have to push the envelope. And humor has certainly changed in the past few decades and our tolerance for certain type of humor. But in the environment that we're in, it's not so much about what he said, even though that's bad, because people can unearth anything from as far back or as far recent. But again, it comes down to the apology. Now, when we talked about blackface, some of you may have thought of Megyn Kelly, and Megyn Kelly, she may seem forgotten. But in 2018, Kelly was criticized for her on air remarks that she made on the Megyn Kelly Today Show. And she was talking about blackface and Halloween costumes. And she had recollected in her youth that it was okay as long as you were dressing up in character, because she was defending one of the housewives on Bravo TV of using blackface to portray Diana Ross. So she, she defended that position. Now, she ended up losing her job. So she did do an apology, certainly, and it was tearful and it was heartfelt. However, the problem with Megyn Kelly was one, when she was defending blackface, she was a little too indignant on the air. She was defending the use of it with a timestamp. She said, well, back then in the 80s, it was okay to do that. And many people watching the program, I was not one of them watching, of course, I never watched that show, but I was watching the replay of it. I'm the same age as Megan Kelly, and I remember clearly there would be no way in the 80s that I would ever think it would be appropriate to dress in blackface for Halloween. So that was one of her problems. And the second problem is that her ratings were tanking. Well, not even tanking. They just, they never got going on the Megyn Kelly Today show. Her Sunday show never took off. So. So me personally, I think they were looking for a way to get rid of her. And she absolutely opened the door right for them with that blackface controversy. Now, the last example, and I've mentioned this person, too, and I mentioned him in a lot of my workshops, and that's Governor Ralph Northam. Now, in 2019, earlier in the year, February 1st, Super bowl weekend, there were images from his medical school yearbook that were published on a political site, a far right website political site. And the photo showed an image of unidentified guys, guys in blackface and in a Klux Klan hood. But it was on Northam's page in his yearbook. So whether it's him or not, that's still not good. So the, the medical school did confirm that the image was. Was in there. But he, as soon as this story broke, he apologized for appearing in, in the photo. And he, his statement, he had a. He had a statement that was drafted, that was sent out, but also there was a video statement as well. And he put it into context. He talked about that there was a photograph that was published, and he said, this behavior is not in keeping with who I am today and the values I have fought for throughout my career in the military. So that is all the context, because the context came after the statement. I am deeply sorry for the decision I made to appear as I did in this photo and for the hurt that decision caused then and now going on, he recognizes that it will take time and serious effort to heal the damage this conduct has caused. And I'm ready to do the important work because he hit all three steps. One, he accepted it, he acknowledged it. He acknowledged that it was him. And then he backtracked on that. More on that later. And then the second step is he was able to put that into context by saying it was a long time ago. And then the third piece is that he was talking about plans and priorities for the future. And that allowed him to the bonus section where he could act to stay in office. And it worked. And they even did a poll of voters and they looked specifically at African American voters, and his numbers went up. Now, he did backtrack a bit because it is claimed that he really didn't know if that was him or not. Now, that could be true. We don't know that. But he went away. He went ahead with that statement anyway and acknowledged it and apologized for it. And that's the reason why I think he's still in office. Whether it's him or not doesn't matter in this case because he admitted to it. So he's laying claim that it is him. But he apologized for it, and that's why he's still in office. Now let's look at JT's playbook. So what Justin Trudeau did is he acknowledged it right away, and he has been apologizing over and over and over. And that allowed him to go to step two, which is context. Now listen to the initial excuses in this news clip about the photographs and video. Beyond that, the liberals have not had much to say about why he was wearing that racist makeup in those images. They've explained the other images were theatrical. That one was a play, that one was a themed party. But they have refused to elaborate on what he was doing in this video as to why he was in full blackface from head to toe. So that's a big question that remains, remains at this point. Okay, we hear theatrical, we hear a theme play. We hear once it was a party. Those excuses, those are contextual excuses. We're putting it in context why it happened. And it's the old adage, it happened a long time ago. I haven't, you know, I've changed so much since then. So then he went a different route and he was filmed an impromptu press conference in a plane. And this is what he was quoted as saying.

I think this is something that, like everything that you have to evaluate on a case by case basis, this is something that I take seriously and I take responsibility for. I'm pissed off at myself, obviously disappointed in myself. And I'm apologizing to Canadians why this statement works.

It's very authentic. And the part that was bleeped is he said he was pissed off. I wish I hadn't done it, but I did it, and I apologize for it. Those are emphatic, authentic apologies for what he did. Now, he was also pressed to disclose if there were more instances. And he had to hedge on that because he probably knew that there were. And sure enough, CBS News located that photo of him performing in the show in blackface. Mr. Trudeau, you've mentioned the incident high school, and we just found out about the photo tonight. Do you want to tell Canadians about any other instances where you would concerned that you were racist or that you had black face around?

I think, I think it's been plenty. The fact of the matter is that I've always, and you'll know this, been more enthusiastic about costumes than is somehow is sometimes appropriate. But these are the situations that I regret deeply.

Now, another piece of context that he was using, I think this is where reputation management, professional person came in, is when he spoke about privilege. And that privilege comes with a massive blind spot. Again, a little bit of a weak excuse, but it adds another layer to. It's like he's also admitting that he grew up in a very protected class. So I think that in the end it really helped him.

I come from a place of privilege, and I have endeavored in my life to put. Put the advantages and the opportunities I've been given to serve this country, to fight for people's rights. And I have to recognize that I let a lot of people down with that choice. And I stand here today to reflect on that and to ask for forgiveness.

Why do these things happen? Why does someone blow up on social media in the press because of something that they did. When so many people do other things, well, it's people. One whose name happens to be in the news. But it also has a lot to do with timing. Now the timing is particularly damaging for Trudeau because he's facing an election in, in a few weeks. So you're going to see an occurrence of resurface material that happens more frequently because it is used as a tactic. There's an opposition party out there. You have opponents out there that are trying to bring someone down. The same thing happened with Governor Northam. Prickly political. The opponents are looking for the fissures. They're looking for any crack that they can get in and they can dismantle something. The same thing with NBC. The ratings are down. That left an opening for Megyn Kelly to be fired. It's a new season of snl. And this is why my alt theory is they're looking for publicity. What better publicity for your new program is when you can someone going into it. That's why I'm 50, 50 if they knew about it. So to wrap it up up, here's my take. The pressure is going to pile up on the Prime Minister. So Justin Trudeau is still going to get slammed all through the weekend and we may even hear or see more video uncovered. Something else may be coming to the surface. It's, it's likely at this point, but I think he is going to steadfastly refuse to resign. There's no way that he's going to do it because already he's been praised for his honesty and his sincere apologies. And really that's where the magic happens is in the apology. If you get that right off the bat, you will be able to get through it. Case in point, right before recording this, I was watching a live interview. He was speaking in Toronto and he was announcing a policy to prohibit handguns. Talk about wagging the dog. One issue and moving it for another. So he was creating a gun buyback program. It's a distraction and it happens, but it works. He was asked a lot of questions during that presser and some were leading to speculation that there could be more incidents of, of racial undertones with him. When they had asked if he if his fraternity was ever involved in anything, it was a quite leading question. But he was able to push it off because he said I wasn't in a fraternity when I was in school. So that's the reason why I think he's going to survive it because he had solid footing in step one. Because folks Anyone can have a crisis and there are lots of people out there who make money making crisis plans. But remember, in this day and age, there are the unknown unknowns lurking out there. You can never plan for an unknown unknown. There was not an Aladdin theme party crisis playbook on the shelf of the office of the Prime Minister. There's no way that he could plan for this. That a crisis is only bad if you don't survive it. And believe it or not, it can actually make you stronger. Think about it this way. When someone or some brand is thrown into the fire, it's how the people respond to being thrown into the fire. How a company, how the leaders react is all that matters. Think about it like metal. If you put metal into the fire, when you forge it, you can move it, you can reshape it, it's in. But there you're going to get flexibility and you can bend to be able to handle any unknown unknowns. And then when you come out, you're even stronger. So I guess that means I'm speaking like a public relations alchemist. How can you forge reputational resilience when it happens again? So when you're thrown into the fire, you come out stronger because you are wiser. And that's how you manage a crisis in the age of the unknown unknowns. And that's how you become indestructible. The three step plan, you have to apologize, acknowledge, accept what happened. Number two, it gives you the chance to put everything, your side of the story into context, where you can frame it. And that will lead to three, which are your plans, your promises, any priorities that you have in the future, how you are going to make change. If you land all three of those steps, then you are allowed that bonus. And that is the bonus, being able to rehabilitate your reputation. Reputational resilience. If you follow it, you will always have that resilience. That's all for this week's edition of the podcast. If you want to learn more about reputational management in the digital age, you can join me over at the Confident Leader Network. Our theme for the month of October, talk about timing, is reputation management online reputation management, what to do when the critics come a calling. So we're going to extend this conversation a little bit longer over at the Confident Leader Network. So check that out. Confidentleader.network. thanks again for joining me and I hope to speak with you next week. Bye for now. Sam.