TikTok's Pajama Drama and Entitlement: A PR and Psychology Breakdown

Welcome Back to the PR breakdown with me, your host, Molly McPherson.

This is the podcast where I dig into the public relations strategies behind the headlines and scandals that shape pop culture and the news. This week we're diving into the psychology and public fallout of entitlement from a.

Launching point of the pajama drama blowing.

Up on TikTok while also breaking down how entitlement manifests in both high profile missteps and our everyday life. Joining me on this episode is Dr. Abby Metcalfe.

She's going to bring in her expert.

Insights on how entitlement manifests in both high profile missteps and in everyday life.

We're going to explore why over explaining.

Is a sign of something and why managing these certain types of feelings might help you keep control of any situation, including a PR crisis. So whether you're a PR pro, a curious observer, or just tired of these bad apolog, this is the episode that is going to give you insights for how you can apply it to your own life and career.

Dr. Abby, thank you for joining me.

So happy to be here.

Our theme, if you will, of this therapy session is all about entitlement and I thought a great launching point would be a drama that is spilled all over TikTok. I just posted to social media my nine reasons why this video response fell short. And I'm referring to the influencers hawking $98 pajamas or pajamas depending on where you are from in the country. So before we get in, I want to welcome you. Hello, Dr. Abby Metcalfe.

Hi. I'm so happy to be here.

So we're going to talk about this pajama drama. I did a video on why the PR response fell short. I'll touch on a couple of those points. But but this video and this drama really smacks of entitlement. So Abby, you are going to give us some insight about entitlement influencers Cecily and Samantha Bachman. They're facing backlash for releasing a new line of holiday inspired pajamas that were originally priced at $98 a set. Now, the two influencers, they're like many other influencers out there. They rose to fame on social media talking about their family Family Day. They're both sister in laws. They have this line, this new nightwear line called for the MEMs. They want it priced for everyone. However, the price point was almost $100. The quality when customers receive them fell short. What also fell short was their video response.

Here are some portions of their video response posted to social media.

Hey guys.

Hello.

You guys know that we started for the Mems and it was inspired by our family's desire to together to create special memories, to coordinate, to match. And that all originated with Christmas morning.

And so that's when for the Mems was born. Something that would be high quality, that we could love, but also that you guys could love too.

Obviously neither one of us has ever had any experience in the clothing industry.

When it comes to building a clothing line from the ground up. That specifically, I mean, I worked in retail. But when it comes to building a clothing line from the ground up, it is completely different.

We didn't have any experience in designing, producing, selling, especially when it comes from something from the ground up. We wanted to make it more accessible and we've decided to lower the prices on the pajama sets across the board.

On the website we saw your guys comments about being so excited for this drop and we are so grateful for you being a part of the excitement with us. But then your disappointment of not being able to have it within reach. And that's why we wanted to reduce those prices. We will be funding your portion to the new price that is reflected on the website.

Yes.

Aware of the risk that we are taking in doing this. And we are also aware that some people may even take more time out of their day to try to shame us from not doing this in the first place.

This is something that we admit to and are completely okay with correcting, learning and growing. Thank you guys so much for letting us be honest with you. We love you and are so, so grateful for you.

Yeah.

So thankful to just be able to come on and candidly share our hearts.

Yeah.

Love you guys.

Love you. Bye.

And this is where I start and say that the PR response failed because instead of my pr, my indestructible PR framework, I've only explained it promise that they just start with number two where they explain it. And I thought this was a mistake. Stake is where they said, we're also aware that some people may even take more time out of their day to try and shame us from not doing this in the first place. So many of them felt like they were entitled. So Dr. Abby, just give us just the overview on entitlement and anything you can share about entitlement online.

So I think number one, you know, when I think of entitlement, there's all kinds of ways we can talk about it. You know that it's people who think they deserve something no matter what. Right. It's the belief that you deserve like special treatment or privileges without necessarily earning Them in the way that us, maybe common folk would think. For me, I think of something we used to say in my neighborhood growing up, which was, oh, this guy was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple, right? And it's really fish that don't know they're wet. So people sort of come in and think like these women. And so that, that's it. And so to me, it's a very closed. That's the problem with entitlement. It's very close. It's so self centered that you're not even thinking that other people would think of this differently. And then you get indignant. We're like you, we're like the moms, we're all together. And then they're pricing something that most people are like, that's a lot of money for jammies. Like, what are you doing right? And so. And then they're ashamed. So they don't. I think your first thing in your framework is own it, which I love because it's really the therapy. First thing in your framework is you have to own it. Not with a. But not with a qualification, not with a justification, not within anything.

Yes. And so I offered nine reasons why it fell short. And my number one reason at the top of the list was a lack of a genuine apology. They didn't apologize for anything. And the first step of owning it really is. I don't even say it has to be an apology. It just has to acknowledge where you fell short. Now apology is absolutely nice, especially if you've done something wrong. But the second piece, which you absolutely hit on this is my number two, Abby, is the self justification and the blame shifting. When I spot when a PR response will fall short, as soon as I sense any, any form of blame shifting, they have to blame it on someone else or some other thing. And then my number three, I presented this in the TikTok as a riddle. It's a word that appears in almost every single poor response anyone sees from a PR perspective. Yet you never spot the word in the response. And that word is contempt. It's defensive phrasing that shows contempt. You're right for the audience, the stakeholders, the followers. And if you are an influencer, you create a community. So this is now my number four. It's the failure to align with your followers values. Because influencers have a community, just like here on Patreon. I have a community on my podcast. It's a community of listeners. They follow you, they have an expectation. Part of that expectation is created by a value system.

I think it's really true. And I think that word contempt, you know, it's funny, you know, the, the research we have in couples when they, when you know it's over, like there's one thing and it's contempt and, and sometimes again, it's very below the surface, there's this contempt. And I think that that is a real thing. I think what happens is this projection right out. We call it projection when you put what you're feeling on someone else and then they sort of act like you're the one acting entitled. Like, well, these cost money to make and we didn't know and how should we. And you know, and even that you're like, well then don't go into the clothing game. Then maybe this was a money grab anyway and maybe you should have thought differently about it.

That apology also gets into an area where that I call just from a PR point of view, they're qualified apologies or conditional apologies. They are only apologizing to the segment of the people they assume that they offended, the people who they offended. But even when they say that, they don't mean it. It's typically said in a very snarky way. Now, other ways that you've hit my list of nine, it's the overuse of explanation. Tell me if I'm a therapist here, but when I hear too much explanation.

That was a lot of explanation too.

Yeah, a lot of explanation. I don't have a PR sixth sense for this. I have just a human being, female, mother, sixth sense, you know, relationship, whatever. Wife, girlfriend, we all have it, right? When someone over explains, there's typically a reason why they're over explaining why is.

That usually a lie? Think of when kids over, well, you know, what happened was I was outside and then Johnny came over and then, and then he said it was okay to do this thing and then we did this thing and then we went here and that's why your lamp fell and broke. And you know, it's usually a lie.

What does it sound like when you.

Have a relationship in there and someone is over explaining?

Well, what I know is really at the corner again is that they're ashamed. We intellectualize when we get really ashamed. It's a defense mechanism. It's. It's a defense mechanism, like humor, like, like being just defensive, like being angry, you know, it's a defense mechanism. And so even like women, we tend to over explain a lot just in general in our lives. It's from low self esteem and shame, like somehow we're not worthy enough of what the excuse really is. So we give more to make it like, see, this is why it had to happen this way. So it really is from this place of kind of real ickiness. And when you're in that, when you mix it with entitlement, it gets really ugly. You know, for women in general, usually we're not entitled, we're the opposite. And so it just comes across like we're over explaining because we're trying to justify our being in the world. You know, men do it too, not just women.

Women often over explain when they say no to things because they think they should say yes because of conditioning sham, which is shame.

Yeah, exactly what I'm saying.

Those of us out here now, I oh, I struggled with saying no for years and I think I'm better saying no. Is that really shame why people don't say no?

It's shame underneath it because we don't say no because we want people to like us. We don't like them mad at us because right then they'll reject and abandon me because deep down they should because you know, I'm not worthy.

Well, that's so interesting. Let me just finish my final three for the response and why I fell short. One was tone. There's a lot of self praise there. Statements like how proud we are of the quality of our pajamas and quote, how grateful we are for everyone who has supported us. Self congratulatory in a way rather than acknowledging accepting any issues. Like a tone mismatch. Yeah, so they're followers. People expect more humility in a crisis. Not, you know, self praise, a missing emotional connection, influence. Many times they love love you guys, you know, we love you guys. I love you guys. But this didn't need we love you guys.

This is.

We fell short. And then also addressing the financial aspect too poorly. They went into the finances and it was too much finance. Again over explaining when they got into the math of it is that they were lowering the price to have zero profits. They were going to offer refunds, which I thought was good, but it was so much a part of the explanation that they wanted to be patted on the back in a way difference.

Look how great we are.

We're giving refunds for doing this and.

We'Re lowering the price because we're so selfless.

Yes. And then finally it was an explanation that was just too scripted which falls into the context of what you're saying. It's really the over explanation which can come from entitlement.

And that is always the thing. I so good like, it's all I talk about, really, in everything. I'm like, how do you feel? That is how you will know everything. As you sit for a minute and think, how do I feel right now? Like, if. If someone is putting something up on social media and you feel like you need to tell them how crappy it was, you take a minute. How do you feel? What. What are you hoping to get from this exchange? What, what are you hoping. Would you say that to that person, to that person in person? Would you go out of your way to tap them on the shoulder and go, by the way, that was really stupid what you said. Not most the time. And so this thing that people have, you know, online, especially with this, and it's huge entitlement, I will tell you, is a problem because yes, you are entitled to your feelings, but your true feelings. And most people don't understand their true feelings. They are react. If your reaction is anger, rage, hopelessness and helplessness, that's not your true feelings. That is what we psychologists call your top feelings. So if my. If my feeling is that you upset me and now I'm going to punch you in the face, I'm not entitled to that. I'm not entitled to punch you. So I'm also not entitled to scream at you and abuse you in some other way I can have. What are my real feelings? I feel abandoned by you. I feel rejected by you. I feel sad. I'm feeling shame that you're calling something out. I'm feeling a lot of things. So you are entitled to that and say it as will. Absolutely. I feel like you've completely abandoned me in this. I feel like you don't have my back. I feel. Well, it's not a feeling, but do you know what I'm saying? But those are not your true feelings. If you just want to scream at someone, that's not your right.

But you called them top feelings. Yeah, I like that. Because let me break it down from a public relations perspective. Usually when a public response falls short is when they're responding through their top feelings.

It's true.

It's true. Rather than. What do you call it? True feeling.

Is that what you say? Your true feelings. Understanding and identifying your feelings is a skill that you have learned since the day you were born and you started crying when you were wet or you were hungry.

What psychological mechanisms are at play when people feel they can say anything to anyone online without any consequence?

Powerlessness. If your mother, you know, criticizes you all the time and you can never say anything or if you hate your partner or you don't like your job, or you feel that somebody's taken your. Taken your job from another country, whatever your thing is, you get to put all that rage outward. And the anonymity just makes it so easy to do.

We all may have a touch of the entitlement, if you will. So how does it breach into more. More reasonable people out there?

I think sometimes all of us have, you know, maybe you've been driving and, you know, the line for the exit is really long, and you're just in such a rush that day, and you might go around to the front of that line. You might walk into a store and there's a long line, and you just have a quick question for the cashier, like, so you don't want to wait. So you might.

These are good examples.

Go up and say something. I've done it. I would never cut in line, but I would walk up if I. What aisle is. Is the deodorant in? I might interrupt for that. But that's putting my needs in front of. People now have to wait five seconds longer.

And now you've showed us how really people who assume that they're being quite reasonable in their interactions, we found that we can be entitled.

Complaining is really that about things outside your control?

There are people who create conflict, correct?

Yes.

Like, of course.

And what do they get off? And when I'm thinking, I'm thinking online commentary, I'm thinking political commentary. Why do people want to create conflict? What's driving them?

That's. Again, they're looking for control and power.

Now let's go in the world into entitlement. You and I had discussed some known names and people in the public eye and celebrities who. Where have we seen entitlement on full display?

Some of my favorites. There was a little one recently with. I loved it. Victoria Beckham. Remember, she was in their documentary, I think it is. She was saying how working class I come from. Working class. We're so working class. My father was working class and. And her husband is yelling from the other room. What car did your. Did your father drive? Right.

And it was a Rolls Royce with David Beckham coming up with that, because.

He really did come up from nothing. You know what I mean? So for him, he's like, oh, don't even try it. Don't rewrite history. I'm sure they had some back conversations about that, but God bless them as a couple that they could have that kind of talk out loud.

Another celebrity where I think, you know, at the Time really, really showed entitlement, and in a very bad way where she couldn't back it up is Chrissy Teigen. She's a model, she's an author. She's married to John Legend.

Yep.

She was becoming a brand. Like, she had a line with Target. She had a book line. She had a fashion. Like all these things for working for. But then someone exposed on then Twitter. Now X. I remember this very harsh comments that she made about Lindsay Lohan and Courtney Stodden, which is not a name you hear anymore. She was married. She was very, very young. Like a child bride. Yeah, child bride, too. Oh, my gosh. I think his last name.

I know I forget his name, too.

But it's not David Hutchins because he was in excess. But I'll come up with. Come up with it. But he was the prison guard in the Green Mile with Tom Hanks. It destroyed her career. It was the entitlement that she had to talk down. And she said, you know, really horrible, horrible things about horrible things to her that she. It was Doug Hutchinson, that was Don's husband when he was 50 and she was 6 when they got together. But she essentially, if I remember, she told her that she needed to kill herself.

Terrible.

Yeah, it was horrible.

And there's this poor woman who got groomed, this young girl who should have had empathy and compassion and was being groomed by this older guy.

And then Chrissy Teigen blocked her when she started getting backlash. But Chrissy Teigen, she got there because of John Legend. She was a model, but she didn't have a talent per se.

No, no.

And that's where I think she really got in trouble, was the entitlement to say those things, to tweet that, but then to double down. And that mistake, the big mistake, was entitlement.

Yep. I agree.

I agree. Okay. So, Abby, if you were to wrap up just entitlement from the perspective of just human behavior, PR for people, how can you help people spot entitlement but also manage their frustration with entitlement?

I think it is all about noticing when we're so again, the feeling, you know, I should have gotten that promotion at work. I've been here a long time and coming up with all the excuses why somebody else got it. That doesn't. Being at work a while doesn't entitle you to promote the things that we say to ourselves when we're frustrated with things outside of our control. Take a look. That's all. Take a look. Could say if I'm complaining about things that are outside of my control. If I'm frustrated with things that are outside of my control, just stop for a moment. When verb is around, you're in trouble. Communication has stopped, has stopped. Any kind of interaction has true feeling interaction has stopped you or them acting.

Like a victim, victim entitled, entitled, thinking.

You can read their mind or that they should read yours. I know what he's going to say, so I'm not going to say it or whatever. He should know what I want for our anniversary, right? And the B is blame. If they're blaming you, if you're blaming them, you are in trouble. You are not going to be in a happy, healthy place in your relationships or with yourself. And that is like those should be the little bells in your head that stop you in your tracks.

Well said and something to absolutely think about in ourselves and when we view other celebrities names like Victoria Beckham, Chrissy.

Teigen, also Bethany Frankel, Gwyneth Paltrow.

Those are often names that you'll hear brought up when the topic of entitlement is mentioned.

Their actions remind us of how entitlement can be glaringly obvious or quietly simmering beneath the surface.

Special thanks to Dr. Abby Metcalf for.

Joining me on this edition of the PR Breakdown, not only on the podcast, but also live on Patreon. Portions of that conversation were included here in this episode.

Some key takeaways Entitlement isn't just a celebrity or an introvert influencer issue.

It shows up in everyday interactions as well over explaining often mass deeper feelings of shame or low self esteem. The most common PR mistake failing to genuinely own the issue.

And finally, emotional maturity and self awareness.

Are critical for managing conflict and avoiding entitlement pitfalls in your life and in your PR drama. Even if it's a pajama drama. If you want to watch my 9 reasons why the Pajama Drama response Fell short, you can check it out on my TikTok at Molly B. McPherson. I also have a link in the show Notes. And don't forget to connect with Dr. Abby for more insights on relationships and emotional well being@abimedcalf.com you can subscribe to the PR breakdown for weekly episodes that.

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