You Should KNOW What I need! – Friendship Myths #6 Purity 1338

To see today's photo, go to mt4christ.com or follow me, M.t. Clark, on Facebook or Twitter. Good morning. Today's photo of a tree set against a peaceful blue sky and the green fields that run parallel to Freedom Road in the distance comes to us from yours truly as I captured this scene Saturday afternoon as my canine friend Harley and I went a little further along the clearing that lies at the end of our favorite road to discover this one tree and and the relatively clear view it gave us of the grasslands beyond. On Sunday, Harley and I went down the same road only to discover what I believed to be a wolverine in the distance, or a porcupine. Looked like a bear until I saw its face with its long quills or whiskers, and I called on Harley to look at it, but his nose and gaze looked every which way but in this unknown mammal's direction. I kept drawing closer to it out of curiosity, but when I saw that alien face, I freaked out and decided that it was best to just get out of there. I don't recall exactly what I said to the oblivious dog, but even though he didn't seem to have seen what I had seen, when he heard the fear in my voice and the command to leave, he was immediately obedient and went sprinting away from me back the the way we came. Oh my hero, I thought as I picked up my pace from a curious stroll to a determined stride to put distance between me and the Tasmanian Devil. For a second I thought the thing was going to run after me and thought about how when you are chased by a predator you don't have to be the first in the race to escape, you just don't have to be the last. My pal Harley had no worries. He was gone. And as I realized the thing wasn't chasing— charging after me, I relaxed and laughed over how I couldn't make the dog look in the right direction. But he sure knew how to run away from me when he sensed danger. It just goes to show that we can't assume our friends know what we're thinking or how we are feeling unless we adequately, adequately express it. I tried to tell Harley what was up, but he didn't get it until my emotional outburst caused him to run for the exit. That brings us back to our current series on friendship myths, those destructive beliefs about friendship that can cause us mental anguish or relational dysfunction. This series was inspired by a recent prayer ministry session in which the subject was led by the Lord to recognize some lies they were believing about friendship. And this is also inspired by a 2022 Psychology Today article by Sarah Epstein, a licensed marriage and family therapist, that I found while researching the topic. My encounter with the unknown beast on Freedom Road reminds me of the next destructive belief that Epstein wrote about, which was: friends will just know what I need, and if, and if they don't, they're a bad friend. That's ridiculous, of course, and Epstein helps to debunk this friendship myth. She writes, friends, like family or romantic partners, cannot be expected to mind-read. When one member of a friendship is feeling hurt or needs to set a boundary or wants to discuss something important, they need to say so. Even a friend who has known you for 20 years cannot be expected to know your needs without your guidance. Friends should orient themselves around this truth and practice opening up about their needs. Amazingly— and that's all from Sarah Epstein, thank you Sarah— amazingly, this phenomenon that people expect you to just somehow inherently know what what they are thinking or feeling is way too common. Not only does it play out in friendships, but may even, may even be more prevalent in our relationships with our significant others or family members that we have quote-unquote known all our lives. And I think this is where the root of this destructive belief lies, in the family. Our parents or other close family members have been with us for all our lives, and they have become familiar with our body language, attitudes, and emotional tendencies. Because they have so much exposure to us, and us to them, we can have a pretty good sense of where they are coming from and what certain postures and attitudes might mean. And so we have become accustomed to not having to spell everything out when it comes to our needs. Or at least this is how— at least that is how this Mind-Reading Destructive Belief develops. Most of the problems we have with our spouses, family members, or friends come from unmet expectations. And this destructive belief that those who really love me will just know what we are feeling or what we are— will need only increases the likelihood of our disappointment. When we hold this belief, we even— we will even test our friends and loved ones by withholding information. Or by just remaining silent while we observe what, what will they do now in response to our quote-unquote clues. While there is some fun in the mystery of getting to know one another, the flip side of being mysterious is being hurt. And ironically, with this false belief, the pain is self-inflicted. I marvel to think about how many relationships, marriages, friendships, and family relationships have been strained and broken by this destructive belief. I've heard this lie spoken and repeated so many times throughout my life. They should just know. He doesn't know what I need. She doesn't understand me. Well, how about you tell them? They aren't Nostradamus. You have to tell them. So yes, that's why family and family and marriages therapists around the world will Most people tell you that communication is the key to healthy relationships. We need to know what one another is feeling and thinking about to meet one another's needs and wants. So instead of shutting down, try opening up and speaking about what you are thinking and about what you are feeling. Let people know that when A happens, I feel B, and I would like it to do C. For example, when you tell me to get over it, I feel you are ignoring my feelings and I need you to see, acknowledge my pain, help me to process it, take a break or cope with it before I can quote unquote get over it. You know, so there's your example. You do this, I feel this, and I need you to do this. Just an idea. When we let people know how we are reacting to situations or what they are doing, we can avoid misunderstandings and learn how to be a better sister, brother, son, daughter, spouse, or friend. So speak up and be kind to one another. You just may see how many quote-unquote good friends you have when your feelings, wants, and needs are no longer a mystery. Today's Bible verse comes to us from the Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling by John G. Crewe. This morning's meditation verse comes from the section on death and eternal life, and today's verse is John 3:16 from the New American Standard Bible. Jesus said, for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. Uh, today's verse is the second of four passages of scripture that fall under the 19th point of our Counseling Reference Guide's resource section on death and eternal life. And that 19th point is: All who believe in Jesus will have eternal life. Today's verse is the verse that we can use to share the gospel. People hold up signs at sporting events proclaiming John 3:16. Because it is a one-verse message of God's love, our eternal hope, and the truth about Jesus in one single statement. John 3:16 tells us that God is not mad at us, He loves us. Jesus is God's Son, the one and only, and that He came for a purpose. And that purpose? To save us. With Him, we live forever. Without Him, we perish. That's all good news. It was contrary to the other religions out there who teach that we can't know for sure what God feels towards us, and that we must perform in some way to be approved by Him. But that wasn't true, and that's why Jesus came to tell us that God loved us and loves us still, that hell is a real thing to be avoided, and that He was the truth— He is the truth, I should say. He is the truth, the way, and the life, because there is no other way to have peace with God. So rejoice if you have faith in Jesus, because your name is written in heaven. You are a child of God, and you will not perish. If you don't know him, read John 3:16 again and ask God to reveal himself to you. Pray a simple prayer to make Jesus your Lord and Savior, and maybe one day you can share its truth with somebody else who needs it. As always, I invite all to go to mtforchrist.com or org, it don't matter, it's all the same place, same site, where I always share insights and prominent insights from prominent Christian theologians and counselors to assist my brothers and sisters in Christ with their walk. Today we continue sharing from According to Your Word: Morning and Evening Through the New Testament by Stephen F. Allford. And today Allford prompts us to read Acts 9, and from Acts 9 he shares a portion of Acts 9:11, chapter 9, verse 11. It's not an emergency, but the quote from that verse is, "Behold, he is praying." And Alford, Stephen Alford, writes, it would seem that Saul spent 3 days without sight, food, or drink, yet praying all the while. What happened during these hours of prayer changed Saul into the great Apostle Paul, Prostrate there before his Lord, Saul was emptied of all self-righteousness, pride, and arrogance, and filled with such a burning love for Christ that nothing could dim until he finished his course. Um, and then he writes, behold, he is praying. This was the attitude Ananias was to find him in, one of utter humility and self-ab— negation. It was only when Paul had voluntarily and deliberately assumed this position and attitude that he could receive these three. One, sight. What a spiritual sight Paul had. Two, the filling of the Spirit. Paul could write about— write from experience, saying, "Be filled with the Spirit," Ephesians 5:18. And three, strengthening. He finished the race, 2 Timothy 4:7. And Alford concludes by praying, "Oh, that I might have just a portion of Paul's experience, Lord. Amen." Amen. If I could just have an— I think I got a portion of Paul's experience. Yeah, you know, and if you don't, go get it. I mean, you know, this is a ministry of encouragement here at the blog, the podcast, or whatever incarnation of this message that gets to you. We are our number one— I don't know if it's number one, it's a, it's, yeah, it's our number one instruction is to seek the Lord. And what does that mean? It's a simple statement that just happens to encompass everything. Seek him in how you live, seek him in what, you know, seek him by seeking knowledge, seek him by trying to be sanctified, by repenting. We seek the Lord, you know, so seek the Lord. And, um, Paul, Paul sought the Lord in the Old Testament scriptures. He knew the scriptures just like many of us, you know, basically we knew what the Bible said to some extent, but we didn't really know. We didn't know God. Um, and Paul had a very dramatic, very dramatic, uh, conversion. He knocked off his horse and blinded Okay, he sat in the dark for 3 days. I don't know why preachers don't preach on that. You know, can you imagine losing your sight and being in the dark for 3 days, having heard the voice and seen, you know, something, um, Jesus, you know, having that, you know, having, having that mystery revealed to you that, oh, by the way, um, you know, Jesus is the Lord. 'And you've been going about things the wrong way.' And in Paul's case, he was persecuting the church. He couldn't be more wrong, and he thought he was right. And when he discovered that, you know, he was obviously humbled and prayed. And not for nothing, he really had no right to assume that he was ever going to see again. Okay, you know what I mean? He's blinded. You know, we're talking Old Testament time, or, you know, early church times, there was no— there's no, you know, healing for blindness. Even today, you know, there's no healing for blindness for the most part. I mean, there might be some miraculous things going on, but, you know, and some new technologies, but for the most part, you're blind, you're blind. And Paul had no right to expect that he would ever, ever see again. And the fact that the Lord struck him blind You know, he could, he could have very easily assumed that he was going to rightfully stay blind the rest of his life and that his ministry would be on the side of the, the side of the street collecting alms and telling people that Jesus was Lord. And he would have been pretty content with it because he would have known the truth and, and been saved. But the Lord had other plans to miraculously restore his sight and set him on a you know, missionary journeys where he would spread the gospel and write a third of the New Testament. Whoa, that's a big ministry. And, you know, that's our ministry too, is that we might not write, you know, we can't add to the Bible, but our testimony should go forth. And we can tell people how we were taken out of the dark and shown the Lord's magnificent light and set free from the darkness to go about the earth and share the gospel. And that's why we, that's why we share this message every day in one way or the other, because the Lord saved a wretch like me. And not only did he save me, he led me into repentance and set me free from, you know, all the darkness of my past. And so that's what we offer here. We offer hope and encouragement. And not for nothing In the near future, we'll be offering Christian life coaching and prayer ministry to assist our brothers and sisters in Christ with their walk and to get free and to know the freedom that they have. So yeah, I don't have to pray Alfred's prayer that I would have a portion of Paul's experience because I've had my portion and I continue to have my portion every day. As I try to walk in the Spirit and follow the Lord in all the things I do. So I don't— I'm not a perfect person, and sometimes I assume people know what I need, but I'm learning to speak about that and let people know, you know, this is what I'm feeling, you know. That's number 2. And I would say that's the, you know, number 1 is seek the Lord, number 2 is tell the truth in all things, and Tell people what you're thinking and feeling. Transparency. Um, you gotta be wise and discerning towards that, but you gotta let people know what you're going through, especially if you're in friendship or close relationship with somebody. They gotta know what you're thinking and feeling, and, um, that way you're not a mystery and you're revealed and you're honest and open before God and before man, and you have nothing to be ashamed about. That's where sin can't come in. When you're living a transparent life, sin can't go out there because you'll throw yourself under the bus. For instance, I had a rotisserie chicken yesterday. Now, while my carb count was good, calorie count was a little high. We sort of, you know, that's an acceptable loss, or so we think. But yeah, so I confess the embarrassing things about me, like running away from a wolverine. It was probably a porcupine, I don't know, big one. If it was a porcupine, it was a big one. I don't know, is it a porcupine upstate New York? I don't know, looked like a bear. Anyway, the Lord protected me from the bear, and he protected me from Satan and anything else that would harm me. So I, I don't worry and I just move along. So, um, however, I still have to work, so we should, we should pray and get along to that. Um, let's do that. Lord God, Heavenly Father, thank you for another day in your kingdom. We thank you so much, uh, for all you do for us, Lord, for setting us free, for giving us freedom, and, uh, giving us a ministry just to tell other people all about you. Lord, we thank you. And Lord, we thank you for anyone who's listening or reading today's message. Lord, we pray for them to, um, we pray for them that you would bless them and come alongside their prayer requests and their walk of faith. Lord, we all need your help, and I need your help too. So Lord, we just pray for you to go before us today, open our eyes to the things you want us to see, and lead us in the way we should go. Help us to do a good job, and you know And whatever, whatever that means today, uh, Lord, because we definitely need your help. Because all we want to do is represent you in your kingdom on this earth, and, um, I need your help. I'll say it again. Uh, Lord, we thank you, we praise you, and we love you. And we pray all these things in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.