Being taken for granted at work (HOW TO FEEL VALUED)

Being taken for granted at work. How to feel valued. So if you're like me, you really crave that validation from other people. Like, you want someone to say you did a great job. You want someone to say thank you. You want someone to say we couldn't have done that without you, that was amazing. We don't want to admit that we want this or that we need this, but most of us do. In this video, I'm going to teach you how you can have that feeling without what other people say. It doesn't matter what they say or don't say. I'm going to teach you how to feel validated just by using your brain. So stay tuned. So I've worked with a lot of clients, and I know that it is completely normal to want external validation. So we want our boss to say thank you or good job, we couldn't have done it without you. And this is from when we were kids, right? Like, we want our parents to say that to us, our teachers. That's what we're taught to grow up and believe, is that we need that external validation from other people in order to feel good, in order to feel like we matter, like we mean something, like our work in the world was a contribution. So the problem with this is, is that when we grow up, we realize that this doesn't happen nearly as often as it probably should. Right? So I'm with you. I agree that we don't spend enough time celebrating our accomplishments. We don't spend enough time complimenting other people or pointing out the other things that people do that are truly valuable or truly made a difference, right? We don't do that enough. Nowadays, we're more like, yeah, that was good, but you know, you really missed the spot over there. Really should have done this better. You know, why didn't you do that? And they tend to ignore all the great contributions that you made or all the great things that you did. In the workplace, quite often this happens. And myself working in HR, I hear about this all the time, right? Like someone worked on a great, really big project, impacted the company a lot, and they feel like, you know what, it would have been nice if my manager would have acknowledged me. It would have been nice if my manager would have come and said, thanks for your help on that. And that doesn't happen nearly as often as people need it to. But I want to introduce to you that that's actually not what makes us feel good. It's actually not. Your manager might come to you and say, you know what, good job on that. But if you just thought it was part of the job, or if you didn't think it was that big a deal, or if it was really easy for you, say you made a copy on the photocopier or something, and they were like, oh my God, thank you so much. It was such a good— you did such a good job with that photocopy. Thank you so much. You might be like, yeah, whatever. I just did my job. You have to believe that the validation and the words of affirmation are sincere them to actually mean anything. And I know that for me, a lot of the time someone has said to me, you know, you did a great job, or that was amazing, or thank you so much. And I've dismissed it in my brain. And I've thought, yeah, they're just being nice. Like, they don't really mean that it was a big deal, or it was no big deal. Like, that was just me doing my job. And so this proves that it's not what they say to you. It's not what anybody else says to you. It's actually what you think about your own accomplishment, or your own contribution, or what you did, right? So what actually matters is what you think. So you're the one who can actually give yourself that validation, right? And you have to give it to yourself first before what anyone says actually has an impact on you. Say, like, say you tie your shoes and they're like, oh my God, you did such a good job for tying your shoes, good job, like, thank you so much for, you know, tying your shoes. You're gonna be like, huh, whatever, like, obviously you might even feel insulted by it, right? So it just goes to prove that it's not what they say to you It's what you actually think about whatever it was. And this is actually really good news because it means that we don't have to wait around for other people to validate us or for other people to think that we did a good job and tell us. And when we're focused on waiting for other people to give us the validation, we are missing out on our capability and showing ourselves what we're capable of. And counterintuitively, Counterintuitively, when we do that, we rise to the occasion, we grow as people, and we accomplish more when we are able to show ourselves what we're capable of. If you're waiting around for other people to validate you, for your boss to tell you you did a good job, for your coworkers to recognize you, you could be waiting around a long time. And if they haven't been doing it, they're probably not going to do it. I mean, if we could change them, if we could get them to validate us more, I would be all for it. But the truth is, if they don't want to do that, if that's not in their nature, they're probably not going to just start doing it because you asked them to. They might try for a bit, but if that's not who they are, they're not going to do it, right? And we don't need that. We need to show ourselves what we're capable of, because that's what's ultimately going to make us more successful, which is what we want, right? So it's good news that we don't have to wait around for them. So what I want to teach you is how to be confident in your own abilities, how to build that confidence in your own abilities, in yourself, without anybody telling you that you did a great job or that you, you're appreciated or valued. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't ask for more money or you shouldn't ask for more compensation if you have been doing the work of 3 people and you're only being paid for 1. I'm not saying you shouldn't ask for that. I'm saying you need to validate yourself first in order to get to the point where you know you deserve more, and you can either ask for it or go elsewhere for it, right? But the work is actually within yourself. That's what I want to offer to you, is you don't need anyone else to validate you. You can actually take a, a good hard look at the work you've done and you can see the impact. The results that you created, the thought process that you had to get to what you did, and you can actually say, yeah, you know what, I'm pretty good. I'm pretty good at what I do. And that is what's going to drive you to get even better and to actually reach goals that you didn't even think of yet. So learning how to identify what you've done, as a significant contribution. And learning how to point out your accomplishments to yourself is what's actually going to make you unstoppable in your career. So think about the people who are— who you admire, who you think are really amazing, who do really amazing work. Like, they know that they have a value, and they know that they're good at what they do. Because the alternative is waiting for someone else to tell you how good you are, waiting for someone else to thank you. That leaves it in the hands of other people and you feel powerless, right? You're like waiting for someone else to say something before you can feel good. And if that's where you are right now, then you're waiting around for something that may or may not happen and you're missing out on your life and you're missing out on what you're capable of. Because you're waiting for something that's not within your control. So it's really good news because validating yourself means you can just move forward faster. You can learn more faster and you can contribute more faster. You can do more and make more money because you know your worth. So that's a big thing I work on with clients, right? And once they start to realize their worth, they become unstoppable. They're like, yeah, I am. freaking good. And it's amazing what they can accomplish. I'm so proud and so excited for them. So that's what I want to offer to you is you don't need somebody else to tell you you did a good job, right? I'm going to show you how you can validate yourself with a few simple questions in just a minute. So how do you create that value within yourself? Right? How do you create and cultivate that belief that you have contributed something really impactful? So I've got some questions that you can ask yourself And if you want, you can journal them out or write them out or however you want to internalize this that will help you to kind of reflect on the work that you did so that you can start to see what you're really capable of. And it's pretty exciting. First question is, how did you figure it out? So say you were working on a project, you were given a task, and maybe at the beginning you were like, I don't really know how we're going to get this done. But at the end you did it, or you gave it a valiant effort or a good try. You met the goal, you got close to the goal. How did you figure it out? Answer that question for yourself. See what you come up with. Then I want you to ask yourself, what was the most difficult part about this? What was the part where you were really having to think critically and really having to ask people, research, do— like, what did you have to do and how was it the most difficult part of getting to the result? That's where your brain is growing. That's where you're learning the most. Third, What result did you actually get? So what are the facts here? Did you meet the goal? Did you get the monetary value? Were people happy? Did you actually meet the goal or the quota or whatever it was? Did you come close to it? So whether you did or you didn't, it doesn't mean anything personal about you. It's just what you need to learn or, you know, the lessons that you need to grow. But ask yourself, what were the results? What were the facts? And then what are you most proud of? So maybe you Somebody came to you and they were very dissatisfied. So maybe there was a customer and they were very dissatisfied and they, just a random example, and they, you know, they got really upset with you and maybe you didn't take it personally or snap back at them. You just handled it very professionally. You can't control their behavior, obviously. What's going on with them is what's going on with them. But maybe you just kept yourself very composed. Maybe it was a stakeholder in a project. Maybe it was a customer. Maybe it was a coworker or your boss. And you just kept yourself very composed and you were very professional about how you handled it. That could be an example of something to be proud of. And then come to terms that you really have 2 choices. You can either wait for other people to validate you, and since we can't control other people, they're going to do what they're going to do anyway. You can either wait for that, may or may not come, you're not in control of what they do, or You can choose the path of yourself and what you control, and you can choose to ask yourself the questions. Really get curious about what you learned, about how you evolved, how you grew, how you became different as a person because of the result of this project that you took on, the experience that you got, and what you were able to accomplish, what results you got, what was hard for you, what you were proud of in the end. And when you reflect on that, You have all the answers there. You don't have all the answers when you're relying on somebody else. And when you're relying on other people, people tend to get frustrated, discouraged, stuck in the fact that it's unfair that they're not getting recognized. It's unfair that they're not getting the monetary reward that they would have liked or promotion that they would have liked, thinking that things are basically unfair. That's the result there. And that leaves you powerless because you can't do anything about that, right? When you're on this side and you're focusing on what you did, how you evolved, how it made you a different, better person, what you're most proud of, you can then take that and if necessary, you can use that focusing on that and journaling that and having that very clear in your mind. You can take that to somebody who is going to pay you what you deserve or is going to give you the monetary compensation that it's worth versus waiting for people to acknowledge you or give you the raise or promotion, right? That's not going to be within your control. So I urge you, I encourage you, focus on what your opinion is of your project, of your accomplishments, of what you did. And maybe you think you need to improve in some areas. That's completely Completely normal too. You probably do. You can— you probably see areas where you could be better, but that's good, right? That's you evolving your brain, going for what you want, living your life without waiting for validation from anybody else. And the counterintuitive thing here is that when you focus on what you can control, when you focus on what you can do and what you're proud of and what you could improve on and what you think about what you did, you end up getting the validation from other people because if you've ever heard before, people are attracted to confidence. They love people who really don't care what anyone else thinks of them. They're just going for it, they're just doing their thing, and they're just rocking their own house down. And when you do that, automatically people start to get curious about you and what you're doing And how you're doing it, and they start to want to be like you. Focus on yourself, keep your eyes in your own lane, and what other people do is up to them. So I hope this video has left you feeling more empowered, more in control, and I thank you for watching. And if you'd like to hear more from me and get more help, you can click one of the links below. I have a free workshop, and I have free resources and free guides. And you can find me on my website at www.nataliefisher.ca where you and I can get on a call and I can help you personally for wherever it is that you would like to go. And if you like this video, give me a thumbs up. If you didn't, give it a thumbs down. Subscribe to the channel if you're not already. Thank you so much for watching, and I will see you next week. Bye.