How to overcome fear of rejection and failure (brand new unique process to stop feeling rejected)

All right. So today's video is all about how to overcome the fear of rejection and failure. And I'm going to teach you a brand new unique way to do this so that you can learn how to become rejection-proof. I've been through this myself, my friend. So I hear ya. It's, it's kind of sucky at the beginning, but it's possible. So stay tuned. So I want to talk to you about how rejection can really limit you if you give it too much weight. And of course we do. That's the normal thing to do is we get rejected and then we feel bad, right? But the thing I'm going to show you and that you're going to understand by the end of this video is that rejection is really a necessary part of success for anybody. And you don't often see that. We just see the people that are successful and have now made it. We don't see how many times they got rejected. So that's what I'm going to show you today in the video. And you're going to have a completely different view on rejection and how you can start to move through rejection without feeling, without feeling so bad about it anymore. It's not actually such a big deal. So the first leg up I want to give you is to tell you that it's just part of the journey. And that you can expect that right now. So if you're embarking on a journey, or maybe you've taken a few steps already, this is just part of it. It's totally normal. There's really no way to get around it, and it's okay. I'm going to explain to you why. So an analogy that I love to explain to my clients is, say you have this $100 bill and you go out on the street And you offer this $100 bill to a stranger, and they say, "No, I don't want that." You're not gonna think, "Oh, there must be something wrong with the $100 bill." Is it dirty? Like what's like why don't they want it? Right? You're not gonna think there's something wrong with it. You're probably going to think that they are confused. You're not gonna think that there's something wrong with the $100, right? Because the $100 has. Still has value no matter what. No matter if it's been sitting in a drawer for a few months, no matter if its edges are tattered, no matter if it's been torn in half and taped back together, no matter if it's dirty. Whatever, that $100 bill is still worth $100 no matter what. And if you offer it to someone and they don't want it, then that is on them to not see the value in it, right? So they're suspicious or they're confused or they didn't understand. They are not seeing the value in that $100 bill. When we go out and we go for an interview and we get rejected and someone says, no, we're not going to hire you, we automatically assume that there's something wrong with us. We're not good enough. We couldn't do the job. They didn't believe us. We automatically think that there's something wrong with us. But I would offer you that you are just like that $100 bill. Haven't lost your value, haven't changed in any way, are no— are completely capable, but just they didn't see it, right? And it was in their ability to see your value that caused them to reject you because they couldn't see it. Now, yes, there's definitely things that we could do to make your value stand out more and help them see it. And I do believe it is the candidate's responsibility to show the value. So if we were going to take that analogy farther, we could clean up the $100 bill and we could put it in like a case or like a container or something to showcase it better, right? We could do things like that if we really wanted to get someone to accept it, right? You can do the same thing as far as talking about your value in a better way and learning how it works in order to accentuate your value, which is what I work with clients on. I really help them to kind of see their own value because it's not something that you often see yourself. A lot of the times you're just doing your job, you're just going along with it, and you don't really even realize the impact or the effect that you're having because you're just working away, right? That's what happens with a lot of my clients. I call it the flippant effect, and I have a podcast on that if you want to check it out. I will put it in the link below. That's what I want to offer you, is that If you are rejected, it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with the person who interviewed you and their ability to see your value. And yes, there's probably a way to communicate it better. That's what I want you to see is don't automatically make it mean that there's something wrong with you, because that's what we do. And then that spirals us into a very confused, disappointed, depressed state when we do that. But that's optional. And not everybody is going to see your value. Not everybody's going to want your value or be able to compensate you for your value. And therefore you don't want to work for just anybody. A great example that my mentor gave was, say there is an executive chef. Say he's won awards. He's a fantastic chef. And if he was working at a high school cafeteria, no matter how great he was as a chef, He's never going to get compensated appropriately for what he does, no matter how great he does things or no matter how amazing he makes the spaghetti, right? He's not going to get compensated at the level that he deserves to be. But if you put the same chef with the same skills in an upscale New York restaurant where customers come in and they expect the best, they want to pay for the best, Then he's going to get paid and valued accordingly. So it's just in the matter of the high school cafeteria can't see his value, but the New York upscale restaurant can, right? So you need to find the place that can see your value. And not saying you don't have to make your effort to communicate it really effectively, which is what I work with you to do, but you also have to know that you have to find the place that is going to see it and value it, and that that place 100% exists for you. And along the way to finding that place, newsflash, you are going to get rejected a whole bunch of times, probably. And that's okay. It doesn't mean anything about you. Second thing I want you to ask yourself is, what do you want to make the rejection mean? You get to choose. So you get to choose that you make it mean that you are not good enough, that you are not valuable, Or you get to choose, they didn't see my value. What could I do to communicate it differently next time? And this is part of the process. I need to find somewhere that can see my value, and it is my responsibility to communicate it, right? Nothing has gone wrong. This is just how it goes. The mistake we make is we make that negative emotion of being rejected mean that something has gone wrong. We make it mean that we need to Stop, right? And our flight or fright response in our brain is like, stop, that sucked. We do not need to do that again. But that's a choice, right? And that's actually when you do need to keep going because you've actually just taken an important step in putting yourself in a situation where you are now required to evolve and get better. Not stop and go back and hide, right? But that's what most people do. But you don't have to do that. And if you do, you just slow yourself down. You don't ever get further, right? So if you fail, if you get rejected, I want to tell you that's a good thing. You're a lot more farther than a lot of people who have been afraid to even get to that point. All right, third thing: we think that rejection is worse. than sitting around and not doing anything or not going into the position where we get— where we could get rejected, right? Because when we go into the position where we could get rejected, we at least are giving ourselves a chance now to succeed. And that chance to succeed is uncomfortable, but we're at least giving ourselves that now. So I offer you that you have the choice. You can either choose to be uncomfortable because you're moving forward and giving yourself the chance to succeed as well as the chance to be rejected, or you can sit and do nothing and be uncomfortable because you're not doing anything. And that's very uncomfortable for you too because you know you want more and you know you want to move forward and you know eventually you're going to need to, right? Or maybe not. Maybe you'll stay in the job you're at. Maybe you'll stay there for the rest of your life, but If you're watching my videos, you're probably more of an ambitious person, and you're probably going to need to move forward. So it's just a matter of of the speed at which you choose to do it. So the faster you can, you know, take this heads up and be like, okay, I'm gonna get rejected. This is part of it, and understand that the discomfort of getting rejected is not a bad thing. It's actually better. It's a superior level of discomfort than the discomfort of sitting and doing nothing. Then that's when you get to move forward faster, and that's how you get your better job in 30 days. You choose discomfort either way. I've been through it. I know it's definitely worth it though, because when you get to the other side, you're like, "Okay, I can handle this. This wasn't so bad." Because honestly, the worst that can happen is a feeling, right? So you feel some disappointment. You feel disappointed, and. Being a human, we get to feel all the things, right? So we get to feel disappointment, and when we finally come through and get our job offer, we get to feel excitement and joy. But we get the whole spectrum because we're here alive on Earth, right? And what we're trying to do is avoid all the feelings that don't feel good, right? We're trying to avoid them, be like, oh no, no, I don't want to go there because I might get rejected again and that would suck. But by, by avoiding those uncomfortable feelings, we never give ourselves the chances that we need to get the success and the joyful feelings and the excited feelings. So again, you choose. It's going to be a little bit of discomfort either way, right? The one just keeps you stuck for a lot longer, right? And you can never move forward if you're stuck there. And the longer you stay stuck, the less you want to take action and the harder it is to get moving. So when we accept the discomfort, the possibility of rejection, the better off we're going to be, the faster we're going to do it. And I will mention, you won't die from a feeling. You might think you're going to die, but you won't die. So I had a laugh with one of my clients a while back where I said the worst that could happen is a feeling. And she burst out laughing. And I said, why is that funny? And she said, because feelings Cause you to do things, and sometimes they cause you to do things that are dangerous or impulsive or, you know, not very smart. She's like, so you could die from a feeling. And I explained to her, that's not what's gonna kill you. The feeling is not what will kill you. It would be the action that you take, right? When you're feeling disappointed, you can take action from that place. Or you can think a different thought and think, okay, I got rejected. It's part of the process. How much more productive are you going to be when you're feeling neutral about that rejection or even fueled by it? Like curious. If you're feeling curious about that rejection and you're thinking, okay, I wonder what I could have done differently. How could I have communicated my value better? What could I do next time? What did I learn? From this interview that I didn't know before, how am I going to collect that information to really come back stronger the next time? Right? How much more advanced are you going to be if you think of it like that instead of the alternative, which is I'm disappointed because I think that I must have done something wrong. It shouldn't have gone like that. I should have known better. Basically beating yourself up, right? Notice that we are meant to feel all the feelings, but that we can control what we feel with how we think. So you decide, how do you want to handle this? Know it's coming. I'm giving you the heads up. Don't say I didn't tell you. How are you going to handle it? Okay. Point number 4, your brain is trying to keep you safe. It's trying to keep you safe because it doesn't want you to have to go out there and experience another rejection and feel disappointed. So it's going to give you all sorts of reasons why you shouldn't. And these reasons are going to be very logical and they're going to make a lot of sense. It's going to say things like, you know, I think I changed my mind. I don't think I want to do consulting anymore. I think I might want to go back to school and become an aerospace engineer. Or your brain might say, you know what, I didn't get that job, but I think it's because I need 4 more certifications or maybe just 1 more. And once I get that certification and I put that on my resume, then I will be able to go out there and interview again because I will have that. And that will, that will be the difference. That those reasons, you got to really be onto yourself because they're all BS. Because the truth is, no matter what you do, you could go back and get 70 more certifications and a degree in aerospace engineering, and you will still be faced with needing to communicate your value in an interview effectively. And if you still cannot do that, you will still have to go through the rejection because there will be a certain amount of rejections you need to go through until you get your joyous dream job. And those are unavoidable, but your brain is going to try to want to avoid them, and it's going to give you some very, very good reasons as to why you should. So just be on to yourself because they are BS. So Again, another heads up. All right, point number 5. As I mentioned in the beginning, rejection is necessary for success. And I can prove this to you over and over and over again. Everybody successful has been rejected a whole bunch of times. And those justifications we give ourselves about needing to go back to school, or the fact that it's taking time away from our family, or the fact that we've changed our idea about what we really want to do, All those stories are based out of our fear of not wanting to go back out and get rejected again. And we are going to need to face that fear one way or another. And the faster you realize that, the faster you can get through this, get that lesson under your belt, and then achieve anything you want. Because rejection is going to be a part of your next goal as well. And my favorite thought about rejection is, it's not a big deal. What can I learn from it? So you can get to the point where you are rejection-proof. The only way that you do it is by getting rejected, by putting yourself in situations where you get rejected. So I have an ideal story about one of my clients who was an amazing saleswoman, and this was just her day. So imagine if your day was, you knew you were going to have to go knock on 80 people's doors, and that because you knocked on 80 people's doors, With a smiley, cheery attitude, and you did your pitch that you were going to get 20 customers. So she went door to door to get people to switch their internet and phone providers, and she knew her numbers. And it's just like this when getting a new job. She knew 80 doors, 20 new customers, roughly give or take. She knew that, and that was her day every day. And this is why her company had a system. They already knew this. They had several employees doing this. And they already knew what was, what it was going to take to get results. And so that's what I offer you when I work with you. I know what it's going to take to get you the results of your next career move, the job you want at the pay you want. I know that because I've walked people through this process and I've got it down to a science. And I know what you need to be thinking and what you need to be believing in order to do it, to get yourself to do it. So imagine if you understood exactly what it took and you were just willing to do it. Then it becomes easy. Not only does it become easy, it becomes possible when right now you might not see it. I have some inspirational stories for you about how several people that you might have heard of have been rejected a whole bunch of times. So the first one, Stephen King, his first thriller, Carrie. Guess how many rejections? Less than 5? More than 5? Any guesses? 30. He received 30 rejections. He threw it in the garbage can. He said, that's it, I suck, nobody wants my work. His wife pulled it out, made him go back out there, and it became one of the most successful movies of all time. How many times are you willing to get rejected? And what's the alternative? J.K. Rowling, guess how many times she was rejected? 12. She had given up on her first one because she was like, I can't believe they don't want it. It was her belief that fueled it, right? Her belief in the fact that her story was good, amazing, could touch lives, could change the world. Her belief that got her to keep going, got rejected 12 times, and now look at— now look at it, right? It's the same for you. What's your belief in you and your value and your ability to do this role and get paid what you want to get paid? What's your belief? How strong is it? How many times are you willing to get rejected? And then we all know about Thomas Edison. How many attempts did he try to get the light bulb to light up? 1,000? It's kind of a randomly even number, but 1,000 tries that he learned how not to make a light bulb light up. And then we have Colonel Sanders, who was rejected the most times out of anybody. I don't know about you, but I kind of do love KFC. I know it's not healthy, but it's really good. 1,009 times. 1,009 times he was rejected for his recipe. Nobody wanted it. But now look how many people want it and look how many people still buy it. After this video, I might go out and get a bucket. But do you see, like, the world would be missing out if these people just gave up and said, oh, Nobody wants me. I suck. The world is right. This one person is right. These 12 people are right. These 1,000 people are right. No. What's your belief in you? And so these are all famous people who I've mentioned, but my clients, they do it every day. They go out there and get rejected every day, right? I get rejected hundreds of times a day because I put offers out there that nobody wants, right? But I know that I'm also helping a whole bunch of people too. Right? The people that do want it. And when you are doing something like this, when you are giving value and you are trying to get to a certain point, this is just how it goes. You get rejected and then you also get accepted because the people who do need you need you to keep going so that you can find them and offer your services, offer your value, right? And it starts with you. So I hope this has inspired you. And I hope that you kind of have a high-level overview of what rejection is all about. And the fact that it's not a big deal, doesn't have to be. So I had a client who was going through this process. He was doing really well. He was getting rejected and he got to the point where he came to the coaching call and he's like, I think there's something wrong with me because I don't feel bad about that rejection. I'm just getting ready for the next interviews and using the information to prepare. And I offered to him, I'm like, That disappointment serves you in no way, only slows you down. And yes, it's a muscle. You got to build it up, but it's part of your evolvement. It's part of how you become the person that you become in order to get that role. And then it serves you in the role too, right? You become a lot more successful because you're a lot more resilient. All right. So there you have it. This has been a long video. I don't know how long, but I think it's pretty long. Anyway, give me a thumbs up if you like it. Thumbs down if you didn't like it. Subscribe to the channel, leave a comment, and I have a training for you. It's called Get a Better Job in 30 Days. Sign up below for that training and you can get everything you need to know: how to find opportunities on your own, create them for yourself, be 100% in control of your job search and your career and your promotion. I'm going to talk about interviews and everything you control in the interview, how to ace it, and then I talk about salary as well. Well, as setting yourself up for a promotion. So I will see you over there. Thanks for watching. I'll see you next week.