The 12 secret stages of the Hiring Process & how to move through them faster

Hello, hello, and welcome to the Get a Six-Figure Job You Love and Thrive podcast. This is episode 135, um, the 12 Secret Stages of the Hiring Process. Hello, hello. So I'm excited to talk to you today. Um, what's going on with me? Lots of exciting, lots of exciting stuff happening over here. Um, the CNBC article came out, uh, just a couple weeks ago, and I'm working on my next one, so I'm I've officially become a regular contributor for CNBC. Um, the article was a hit. Um, I've got like a contributor profile up there and it's amazing. So that's the first exciting thing I wanted to share. If you didn't know, I made some posts about it on LinkedIn, but you just never know who sees the post. Even though, you know, a lot of people might see it, they might not engage. So I just wanted to share that with everybody. And today I want to talk about kind of a revelation I had about why we're getting so like caught up with this, you know, ghosting happening, people not responding, companies having like fake job descriptions up when they're not even really hiring, like just a lot of like wishy-washy, um, non-committed, just things not moving forward, right? And the candidates You are, if you're looking for a job or if you're in that stage, you're like, okay, well, what am I supposed to do when nobody's really making decisions? Nobody's really, maybe you think people are not even really hiring. They're not even really serious. Like, so I had a revelation because my clients, they are getting offers and they are moving through the processes and they are connecting and they are making an impactful, meaningful interaction as they move through. So This is kind of how I figured out how to explain it in a way that kind of shows you why you are on the other end of a lot of ghosting, a lot of wishy-washy interactions, a lot of things that are going on that, you know, can leave you frustrated, right? And I'm not saying like we're like that my clients are immune to this, like this happens to them too. They just put so much less attention on it that they don't even talk about it or bring it up, right? Because they're just like moving forward with the people who are serious, and there's lots of those people too. So one of the most awkward things, like, we're starting— if we're starting from the beginning, from the process of hiring, one of the most awkward things is to ask somebody you just met for a job or feel like you need something from somebody that you're just meeting. Right? That puts you in a needy state. Um, the CNBC article that I wrote, that was one of the first things I mentioned was the reasons why you don't get offers but you get interviews. You could be in a needy state without knowing it, right? So the thoughts you think will put you in a needy state, like, I have to get this, um, I'm screwed if I don't, I have to perform— like, that stuff puts you in a needy state. Like, I need this, I've got to get this, right? Yeah. And

so

it's really awkward when you are in an interview and you're feeling that way, right? So insert forced transactional encounter. If you're networking, for example, a lot of people confide in me their fears about not wanting to sound transactional when they're networking, right? So it's no wonder most people start out when they're looking to change companies, they get anxious talking to new people because they don't wanna sound transactional. Right? They don't want to sound a certain way. They don't want to sound too braggy. They don't want to sound like this or that. And when you feel like you're just going through the motions to get a referral, or you're just going through the motions to get hired, and you're just taking whatever interviews are coming along or whatever's happening, it's not going to feel very good for you, right? You're not going to feel in a very empowered state. You're not going to feel like you are showing up as your best. You're going to be showing up like somebody who needs something from somebody else, right? And so this doesn't work. You have to show up in an empowered state that's somebody offering something. So you have a lot to offer. You got to get clear on that. And that's what we go through in my program is really getting clear on, you know, what you offer, how you offer it, and being able to communicate that with such focus and make it relevant to the people that you're speaking with that You will either get that offer or it won't be a fit. So this is how I kind of thought to explain it. And it occurred to me because there's this zoologist behavioral scientist named Desmond Morris, and he came up with this idea of the 12 stages of intimacy. And this is gonna get a little bit, a little bit offbeat from what I normally kind of talk about, but this is, it kind of, it works in the same way for interviewing, for hiring, for connection, for humans that it does for animals. Okay, so stay with me here. There are 12 steps that are needed for an animal to kind of know that the other exists, the animal of the opposite sex, and from knowing it exists, from seeing it, to then mating with it and having sexual intercourse. So that's like the process of meeting, knowing they exist, and then having sex. So

I'm just

kind of gonna elaborate on how this works with a commitment to hire you. So instead of sex, it's an offer. It's a commitment to say, hey, I want to hire you. It's like— and it's like in dating saying, okay, I want to enter a committed relationship, right? So in this context, you know that— like, so if we're looking at it from a job purpose, it's like you can go from knowing someone exists on LinkedIn, for example, to making like go to making a commitment to hire this person on LinkedIn, right? So let's use social media. Let's use the modern world right now and apply this example. There's 12 things that have to happen. And what happens is we try to just move through those things so quickly. And that is why companies are so nervous to extend an offer. They want to make you go through 5, 6 interviews and then do a take-home assignment that's going to take 5 hours and then talk to somebody else and then wait for 2 months and then maybe call you back. They have this really big long process because they are nervous to hire the wrong person, right? And it's like when you're— it's like getting married. You'd be nervous to marry the wrong person. You want to make sure that you are dating and that you've explored your options and that you know what you want and that you have the same life priorities and all that. It's like a scary— it's a big commitment and it's kind of scary to say, okay, that's it, that's the person, that's the thing, right? And we try to rush through this in the hiring process so fast that that's why companies try to slow it down, right? And meanwhile, the candidates are kind of known as the desperate ones who are like, oh, well, hire me, like, make a decision, hurry up, don't ghost me. Like, but really, the candidates are just in a powerful position, just like the employers, right? That, like, both have a decision to make. We are both— you are both on equal playing field. But that's a shift that needs to happen. You need to have that shift. So the problem with the hiring process is it tries to skip a bunch of these 12 steps that are required for someone to feel comfortable To reach the last step of extending an offer, which is making a commitment. And that's why companies struggle to hire so much. This is why they want you to do all that stuff and take all that time. This is why they want you to interview. And like I said, so because they're not comfortable in that big decision. So to give you a sneak peek of what this can look like and how you can move through these, I'm gonna give you kind of a A rundown of how you can do it so that— because your goal is to make them feel comfortable before you even get to the interview, which is going to be with a referral, or somehow they know you already, somehow they're already familiar with you, or you know somebody that they know. Like, that's all going to help them become more comfortable already before you end up in an interview with them. So to do it in a way that feels natural and proceeds comfortably is the goal, so you don't get messed around or waste time with the wrong people, and you can identify right away if somebody is not a good fit or if that company's not a good fit. So there's a process to doing it that's very laser-focused on the things that you can do and the ways that you can communicate to show that you're serious. And you will attract more serious people. You will see more serious people. You will just become somebody who is more focused and more ready to move forward and help this— the right organization achieve their goals, get working, start moving, right? And that's where you want to put your attention versus the opposite, which I see a lot of people doing, is complaining, venting, having like a story, like typing out a big long story about how they were ghosted and stuff on social media and wanting to get a bunch of reactions and validation for why that's wrong. And while I fully agree that that's wrong and it's no fun, it's just putting attention there, right? And just putting energy there just to write that out, just to get those comments, just to engage in them, just to get validation. It's like It's not serving you, right? So it's just a waste of time in my opinion. So here's the sneak peek. This is gonna be the process as it would work if somebody was gonna hire you really comfortably without having to worry about whether they were hiring the wrong person. Okay? So they, you check out someone's profile on LinkedIn. Step 1, it could be that. 2, they check out your profile on LinkedIn. Step 2. So now they've seen you, you've seen them. Right? That's the basis of the first interaction. Step 3, one of you makes a comment on a post that the other person did. Right now, see how slowly this is moving? It's like, okay, like, and it— this kind of the equivalent of like if you're in a bar and you see somebody across the room, you see them, they see you, eye contact, right? So, and actually this is The, the zoologist, he has a whole framework like this. I'm going to see if I can actually look it up because I can translate it exactly to, to this framework that I'm using for the job. So the first one is eye to body. Okay, so eye to body, one person sees one person's body. Then 2 is eye to eye, so you both know each other exists. You're both locking eyes. So that's you check out someone's profile and then they check out your profile. So you both know they exist, you each other exists. Then, um, voice to voice, you speak, right? One person speaks to the other person. So in the world of LinkedIn job searching, it's one person makes a comment on a post, right? And then number 4 is hand to hand, right? So the other person— I put the other person makes a comment back. Now, this is not exactly— I'm just kind of creating my own version of it. But then maybe— so hand to hand, right? Then 5 is arm to shoulder. So in this case, maybe a DM is sent and responded to by the person. So now you're like, okay, now we're having a dialogue. 6 is Meeting. A meeting is set up so that both of you will talk and you'll both show up. 6, arm to waist. I'm not sure if these are matching up exactly, but you can kind of see where I'm going with it. 7, the discussion goes well. A solid connection is made. And in the animal world, that would be mouth-to-mouth kissing. For dating, that might be a kiss, right? A kiss is still a fairly low commitment, right? A discussion, a solid connection is made, still a fairly low commitment, but we are moving through the phases here and you can see exactly what's going on. Okay, so 8 is hand to head. Okay, and then 8 means— and this actually matches up really well— it's like when you're holding somebody's head, that's a pretty intimate experience, right? And number 8 in the job searching world is you are now going to introduce somebody to someone you know and maybe do a referral and say, hey, this person is really great, you should interview them and consider hiring them, right? And that is You know, a vote of saying, "Hey, I'm gonna vouch for this person." Then number nine, hand to body, and then number nine would be an interview happens or a good word is put in. Then ten, mouth to body, and maybe a second interview happens. They meet the team, right? Number eleven, hand. To mouth, um, or, you know, exotic things are happening, it's getting spicier, it's getting— it's heating up. Um, maybe that, that means the interview is going to the last stage where they now want you to talk to the executive as a formality, right? Where normally companies have that process where they hire everybody through a set process where maybe you talk to the recruiter, then you talk to the, um, the hiring manager, then you talk to the team, and then there's sometimes that last phase where you just have to have a quick half an hour chat with executive, and then they will say, like, everybody else has already agreed, everyone else has already given you the thumbs up, and then the executive chat is just kind of like sealing the deal. So that could be step 11, and you're like, okay, um, that's it, that's just the formality. And then step 12 is the commitment, which in the animal world is the sexual intercourse, the commitment of the offer being extended, right? So do you see how how this process is very— humans need and animals need time to warm up to each other, right? And they have a specific set of steps that needs to happen here before that can move forward. And we are trying to just rush it through in a meeting. People I see a lot on Instagram— or not Instagram, LinkedIn— people are like, well, they just need to decide. They just need to get on it and decide. It's like, yes, that's true. Making quick decisions will lead you to good hires and stuff like that, and you don't lose bad— like, you don't lose good people when you make quick decisions. But also, I can understand, having come from hiring myself and having hired for my business, I don't want to make a bad decision, and I want to make— take my time to make sure that I am going to have the best possible chance at hiring the right person and that I feel comfortable. And like, just like to have sex, you have to feel comfortable, right? You have to feel emotionally comfortable. You have to— you have to be in a certain state to be like, okay, I'm ready for that, right? And it's like It's just the same with making an offer. Making an offer is commitment. It's a very costly commitment.

So

we want to make those steps as easy as possible for the people that can hire us and want to hire us and need us, right? And we want to respect them. And that's one thing that I would say at the end of interviews is I would always say, look, if there's any— I understand that this is an interview and that you've only met me this one time. And if there's anything I can do to provide you more information, or if you can Like, if I can help you make that decision, I understand that it is hard to decide, right? And I understand you just met me. And I like really empathize with them on that. And because I was on the other side and I totally get it. And I think I went a little bit too far one time because I was like, look, I have these references. Like, I've already asked them. They're happy to speak with you. And here's some work samples. Like, I was very proactive about it. And I remember that my former boss who ended up hiring me. He's in the interview, he was like, me offering that all up front, he was almost kind of like, okay, well, she's obviously the real deal because she's, she's bringing it all before we even need to ask for it. And he just said to me, don't worry, you're very trustworthy. And at a second I thought he was just saying that to appease me, but he did end up hiring me, so obviously he did believe me and that did help. And I would also say things like, um, Regardless of who you decide to hire, I just want you to know that I appreciate your time and I appreciated the discussion and learning about your company. And that was genuine. So we just need to have some empathy and some, like, some understanding for, for the people on the other side. And I'm not saying it's okay for them to ghost you or it's okay for them to not get back to you, but a lot of the times they don't know what they're doing either. Like, they don't know how to interview. They don't know how to ask the right questions. They don't know how— like, they might assign you a take-home assignment. They don't They might not know what exactly they're looking for from that. They might never get the result they want because it's too hard of an assignment. I had to do one of those once. And I was just like, I don't understand anybody who's going to get a really good— it was a ridiculously long Excel assignment. And I was just like, who's going to spend the time to do this? They would have to learn Excel to do this assignment. And it would take a long time. And I was just like, I don't know who's going to spend the time to do this. She might never find the perfect person she's looking for. She doesn't know how to screen for candidates. They just don't know what they don't know. They're doing their best. They want to make the best hire, and they're making those decisions based on what they think is gonna give them reassurance and security around making the best hire. So in the animal world, it starts with eye contact and ends in sex. And in the hiring world, it starts with maybe a LinkedIn profile view, or if it's a resume that they see, then it's a phone call. Like, it'll start In however way it starts, and it'll end in an offer or it won't. But what you can do to make it easier for them is to is to connect on LinkedIn and have more touch points so that they know you a little bit more beforehand, right? So if they've seen you interacting, if they've seen some of your comments, like even if they're just friendly comments supporting people, or maybe you say something funny on one comment that really stuck with them, they're gonna see you around. And that's why commenting on LinkedIn is so so impactful because. you think you're just making a comment, but it shows your whole network. And then it shows to that person's network who you commented on, right? And they are seeing a little bit of your personality. So when you're engaging on LinkedIn, they kind of already know you. So if somebody has seen you commenting a few times, they already feel closer to you. They already feel like they might know you a bit, right? And so if you then get on a talk, get on a call with them, then they're going to feel closer to you. And that's going to move through those stages of intimacy, for lack of a better word, or like getting to that commitment a lot faster, and it's going to make it a lot more comfortable for them. So the problem is we're all trying to move too fast, and hiring managers are trying to slow things down because they're scared of commitment. Candidates are not scared of commitment. They want the commitment immediately. So it's like if we were to— If we were to play with this for a minute and use stereotypes, it's like the The— it's like, and I, I'll just switch it around because I don't want to make it a gender thing, but like, it's like the needy man going after the, the woman, and he's like, oh, come on, like, like, let's just date right now, let's just be in a relationship. And she's like, ah, she's like, I don't know, like, we've only been on one date, that's a little fast, don't you think? Like, so Mm-hmm. like, we just need to respect that both sides. And when we do see that they're being flaky or whatever and they're just not moving forward, it's not a problem. We just don't put our attention on that company, right, or that person. We just leave our options open, just as if you were dating, right? You comment on lots of people's posts, you check out lots of people, you start conversations with lots of people, you start having fun and enjoying the dating flirting process, right? You don't just be like, that's the person, and I'm just sitting there and I'm waiting for them to get back to me, and if they don't, then I'm just gonna harass them and keep messaging them and following up. It's like, no, that's creepy. We don't do that. Don't be weird. Just have fun, engage with lots of people, and continue to offer your value. So I have a training series coming up where I'm gonna be, I'll be touching on this, but I'm gonna be breaking down all the breakthroughs that I've had over the years. So now it marks 8 years of coaching for me, 8 years of helping people get their amazingly crazy dream offers. And now I'm actually helping people move into into thriving in their role. So this has been kind of going on for a while. People have been asking for coaching on how to uplevel, how to get promoted, how to move forward, how to lessen anxiety in their roles that they do get.

And then,

and so I'm going to be, I'm offering a mastermind for that as well for the next stage. For this training upcoming, I'm going to have a 3-day training. It's going to be March 8th, 9th, and 10th, and it'll be at 2 PM Pacific time. There's going to be a link in the comments, in the show notes. For you to sign up for that. Mark your calendars. It's going to be the simplest training I've ever done. It's going to be those main ideas that have gotten my clients through to the finish line. There's just a few mindset shifts that you need. Okay, I'll be teaching lots of tactics and strategy as well, but the mindset is my sweet spot. That's where it all starts, and it all kind of cascades from there. So the simplest, easiest, most doable training today that I've ever done. I could not be more excited about it because of how simple it's going to be to implement. You're going to be able to take action on it immediately. Um, already had great reviews from all my trainings if you've ever been to one. Well, not all of them, not the very first one I did because I had really bad tech issues. But anyways, I've done a ton of them since then and they get better every single time. And so you want to be there. So if you're new, if you're new to my audience, if we— if you haven't been on one of my trainings before, you're going to want to join. Um, we're going to be covering all the things that you need to do to thrive in your career. Focusing in on the 3 required skills to thrive in your career, uplevel where you want to, and not have to compromise the things you really want in your life. Because that's another big thing that I stand for with my clients is you do not have to compromise those things, right? Like, we decide what you want and we go get it. I don't tell you like what you should have or not. Like, I believe that you can have what you want. I believe that desire is there for a reason. So That's what I have to share with you today. I hope you enjoyed this recording. I'm, I'm doing the video too. So I am trying this new thing where I'm recording the podcast and doing a video so that I can have it on YouTube so you can see me and maybe you can hear me and see me, maybe both. And I will see you on that training. So get signed up now. I've got lots of stuff coming. There's going to be a workbook. I'm working on it now and it's going to be the best training I've ever done. So. If you want to get into a new dream role,

ideal role

this year, in the next couple months, and you want to do it a lot easier and a lot faster than you thought, come and get those breakthroughs. Okay, I will see you there.