In this solo episode of the Own It Podcast, host Nicole Hollar explores why many people pursue external achievements and possessions yet remain unhappy. She contrasts the conventional "path of life"—having → doing → being—with her "path of mastery"—being → doing → having. Nicole introduces a three‑energy model: creation energy (being), transformation energy (doing), and completion energy (having). She argues that true fulfillment arises when actions and goals align with one’s core self (the "being"), rather than using material acquisition to fill inner voids. Through anecdotes about retail therapy, a mis‑aligned marital financial dynamic, and her coaching practice (creating an avatar and purpose statement), she illustrates how misalignment creates conflict and dissatisfaction. The episode concludes with a call to reflect on personal alignment, encouraging listeners to prioritize being first, letting doing and having flow naturally, and invites feedback and engagement via ratings and social media.
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Welcome to the Own It Podcast with me, Nicole Hollar, where we're gonna talk about stuff to help you get out of your way, take charge of your life, and well, other stuff too. Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of the Own It Podcast with me, Nicole Hollar. Have you ever been in a relationship or maybe you know people who one of them is really happy and the other one isn't? And the one who's happy, they say, is happy because they've got so many things. And the other one is like, well, that's cool, we have all these things, but I'm still unhappy. Or maybe you're somebody who feels guilty that you have, you know, you've been successful enough in your life. You have a home, cars, toys, can take trips or whatever, but, and you can spend a bunch of money and you feel guilty because you still don't feel like happy or content or at peace inside. Well, when I'm coaching people, I call that the path of mastery versus the path of life. And what happens is, Especially here in our Western culture, we spend a lot of time figuring out like how to have things. We've got all this technology. You want, you want the newest phone or a nicer car or a bigger house or more or bigger or better. We retail therapy. You know, it's, it's almost a joke. I need to do some retail therapy. I used to do retail therapy years ago, but I was pretty confined with it. And telling you this as a sidebar, I used to have an aquarium. And my retail therapy would be I would redo the aquarium until one day I murdered all my fish by accident. But that's another topic. But I understand retail therapy, right? In that moment, like, it brings us joy. You're like, I got something new. I got something that I wanted. But how much are you going to spend on it? I mean, I limited mine to, you know, changing out a treasure chest in an aquarium. But what that does is it gives us these temporary feelings of joy because inside we just aren't in a place That we feel good or happy or centered or grounded. And in this path of life, which most of us do as Westerners, we try to do things to fill these voids, meaning like have things, buy things. And then at some point, most people get to this place in their career where they're like, you know what, I'm less interested in having so many things and I wanna, I wanna do more. I wanna have more experiences. Maybe they wanna travel more or have something that gives them a different— Experience. Type of fulfillment. Maybe they wanna volunteer. And then at some point they may or may not graduate to this place of like, I just, you know, I don't need all this stuff and I just wanna kind of be content where I'm at. You know, they could, all these tiny homes, how many people can live in a 10 by 10 forever? But they've gotten rid of all of the things because they've just finally gotten to this place where they're just content in their, in their being, in their existence. So that would be the path of life. We go from this having To doing, to being. But the path of mastery is really that our being is the foundation and everything builds on that. And so if you think about energies, and I talk about this in Feeling Stuck, in fact, in 10 at 10, when I ask people to create a purpose statement, we actually go through creating this avatar. And it's something that's a foundation for my coaching after we do a breakthrough session as well. Because we want to make sure that everything is aligned with who we are. And when you think about energies, there's only 3 kinds. There is creation energy, that's your being. There is transformation energy, that is your doing. And there's completion energy, that is your having. That's like your goal. So there's your who I am, what I do, and what I have, if you think of it that way. Say you wanted a bunch of money, and I'm like, well, hey, you should know that the, the guy down the street. I know he's out of town for like a month, and there's a safe in the house somewhere with, I hear, hundreds of thousands of dollars. If you break in there and steal all the money, you'll have the money you wanted. So, right, that's good. You should just go do it. Imagine there was no consequence, like you weren't going to get arrested. Would that feel right to you? If it wouldn't, that means that having doesn't align with your being. If it would align with you, that means it does align with your being, right? If you watch somebody walking down the street and $100 fell out of their pocket, are you excited that you just came upon $100, or are you excited that you got it so you could give it back to them? Neither is right or wrong. I'm not making a moral judgment here. Y'all can do that on your own. It's the thing that feels right to you. Hopefully that makes sense. What I encourage clients to do is really find that place in, in being centered, because when you're centered, the other things will filter out from that. If we keep trying to have in order to fulfill our being, it's almost like it's an empty pit. When I talk about the being energy, there's sort of a spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical component there. And all of those things really want to work together. Like, who are you spiritually? Who are you mentally, emotionally, and physically? Once you can define who that is, make sure that whatever it is you're doing is in alignment with that. And that can be really as you go about after who you are. Your doing and your having can be in any of these areas of self. It could be in career or relationships. I use an example when I work with my breakthrough coaching clients. We go ahead and we create this avatar and like, you know, I'm spiritually connected, I'm mentally open and available, wanting to learn more about other people. I'm emotionally open and eager to learn. I'm physically healthy in mind and body. And that would be my being or my creation energy. And from there, the doing or that transformation energy is that I want to continue in the context of career. I want to do things that allow me to open myself up and to help to create an environment where I can help other people to be more fulfilled and joyous and, and grow as well. That's part of my doing energy. And then whatever goals I have can come off of that. If you've ever been in one of these positions where you're with your spouse, I'm going to be a little sexist here for a moment. Maybe he's working his butt off, right? And, and she works but doesn't earn as much or whatever. So there's like a different kind of financial power struggle there. And he keeps saying, you know, I work my butt off, you don't appreciate all these things that we can have so that you can be happy. We have all these tote— Toys like boats and things. And she's going, but I don't care about all of that. I want to spend more quality time. I want to have more experiences. I want to feel like you are present and here and aware when we're home. And he says, but I keep doing all this for you. Like, there's a disconnect there. Because he's living in a having world and she's living in a being world. Hopefully that makes sense. And when couples are misaligned, it can be a conflict because both aren't looking for the same goal in that way. So while this isn't a relationship discussion, it does affect relationships. It affects all relationships, including work even. So I would encourage you, whatever it is you're looking to achieve in your life, sit down with yourself and decide if it really fits with who you feel that you are. And whoever that is is absolutely fine because you are who you are and who you are is great. But make sure whatever it is you're doing aligns with that. And then whatever you have, you'll be okay. So if you can conceptualize this path of life, like that idea, maybe you've been there already or you're approaching it like I've worked my butt off to earn all this money so I could have things, but now I want more experiences, and now I just want to be happy. Imagine flipping it. Imagine having, I just want to be happy, content, solid, and grounded, and the things I do come from that, and what I have will work backward, and I will be happy, content, grounded. I'm gonna leave that today. I'll let you marinate on it. If you like this podcast, go ahead and give it 5 stars. You can also leave a comment. I would love to hear feedback from everyone. You can follow me at Nicole Hollar Coaching At most social media handles. And of course, on my website, nicoleholler.com, where you can learn more about any books I'm writing, book me for speaking events, or suggest a topic or guest. And remember, this is your time.
