Lamplighters Lead with Love

Welcome to the Lamplighter Effect Podcast. I'm your host, Noelle Russell, and I am so excited to be here with you. We are going to be talking about the Lamplighter Effect and what that means. It really is a collection of 12 principles: love, ambition, mindfulness, purpose, leadership, imagination, gratitude and harmony, trust, enthusiasm, resilience, and success. And I'll On this podcast, we are going to bring all of them together to show you what it takes to be a truly authentic leader in this world. We are so excited that you're here, and I hope you enjoy the episode. Hey everyone. So today I'm really excited to bring to you one of the first episodes, an early episode anyway. Sometimes we launch launch these in different order, but today we're going to focus on the first principle of being a Lamplighter and the concept of a Lamplighter and the Lamplighter Effect. Now, I have had an opportunity throughout my career to be able to kind of see this in action, and I think it's pretty exciting. One of the things that I like to do is, you know, I like to be in a room and be able to show people, and, and really my hope is that I'm able to go and demonstrate something that they'll be able to see and feel long after I'm gone. And that's why these terms kind of are all part of being a Lamplighter. It's like that lamplighter back in, you know, the 1800s or early 1900s where they'd go and light these oil lamps on the street. And I remember reading in this book, The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin, and then again in another book by a man named— oh, I think it was Frank Bedinger or something like that. But the name of the book, for those of you who want to go look it up, is called How I— oh goodness— How I Became Successful, or How I Rose from Failure to Success in Selling, or something like that. Feel free to Google it or ChatGPT it, as the case may be. But in this book, it talks about how he would look outside his window. This is Frank, as a kid, he would look outside his window and he would see these lamplighters and how fascinated he was that even though, you know, as they move further and further away, even though he couldn't see the human, he could still see the lights that they would turn on as they went. And it always gave me goosebumps whenever I read this part of the story because I knew that that's who I wanted to be, right? I wanted to be that person that even though you couldn't remember my name or you couldn't remember where we met, you would remember me by the light that I shed on some idea or some topic. And so these principles I've pulled together to form an acronym, LAMP Lighters, but they are all things that help me, I think, shine a little brighter in this world. And let's face it, we all could use a little more of that. So today we're going to focus on the first principle, the L, which is love. And love in its purest form is more than just an emotion, right? It's a guiding principle. It's a compass that directs our actions and our decisions. And in leadership, love manifests in a few different ways. Now, as a leader, but also in the world, I've seen, you know, I've read in the Bible, I see these different forms of love expressed. And so I want to go through each one of them with you. One of them, the first one is philos. And philos represents the love we share as family, right? Philos, or Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love, right? It's that brotherly love or sisterly love or family love vibe. It reminds us the importance of bonds and connections. Now, the next type of love is eros, um, and this you probably could hear this word in words like erotic, though we're not doing that today. This is more about your relationship with that very special person in your life. In my case, my husband, right? My partner, my, the person, my ride or die, as I always like to say, right? This is associated with romantic love and it speaks to the passion that we bring to our relationships. One of my favorites though, of all three, is agape. Agape is love for humanity. It drives us to act with kindness and compassion towards everyone. And let's face it, sometimes people in our lives, whether good friends or casual acquaintances, whether people who manage us or we manage them, they end up maybe not being easy to have affectionate feelings towards, right? Maybe just like a quote I always like to, to quote or use from Bessie Anderson Stanley. It's called What Is Success? You know, often in the middle she talks about the betrayal of false friends. And sometimes people will betray us or gosh, I don't know, consistently, I suppose people may betray us. But what can we do to always, regardless of how people are treating us, how do we come from a place of love? It's a very discipline-driven activity, behavior, cognitive skill. Character skill, but it does require, I think, for you to think very deeply about, you know, where are you coming from? Not so much who hurt you and how did they hurt you and why did they hurt you, but more who are you going to be in this moment? And I think that's really a, a difference that a lamp lighter type of leader can make and be in an organization, because no matter what happens to me, no matter how bad someone treats me, I still wake up, I have a smile on my face, and I try and help every person I work with. Now, that doesn't mean I'm a doormat and that I let people walk all over me, but it does mean that I lead with love, that I choose love as much as I can. Now, as leaders, it's important to kind of think about how we might embody these forms of love every day. I typically like to journal. Today, actually, on LinkedIn, I, uh, posted a little bit of information about how to join a pledge that is hosted by the Martin Luther King Jr. Foundation, the King Center, I think it's called. They have a pledge called the Be Love Pledge, and I absolutely love it. I won't read the whole thing to you. I encourage you to go out to Be Love and sign the pledge yourself. However, I really think there's pieces of it that I want to share with you. And again, you can go out to LinkedIn and see this. You could probably look it up on my, on my feed. But I'll share with you just a little bit of that pledge. I pledge to allow love to drive my thoughts, words, decisions, and actions, and honor the humanity of every individual. I pledge to speak the truth to power in love. I pledge to focus on defeating injustice and not destroying the person. I pledge to support leaders who demonstrate love for humanity. I pledge to promote unity and refuse to perpetuate or magnify division. I pledge to demonstrate a life of courage, care, and compassion as I boldly confront anything that stands in opposition to love. Man, that makes sense to me. I love it. I say it all the time. I have a book called Be Love that has my— I read it to my kids, and, and it's cute because it actually has a girl on it that looks just like my daughter, and we talk about it We say that pledge and we look for love so much so that we— okay, you know, I'm just gonna share this with you. We find heart-shaped things everywhere. In potato chips, we found a heart-shaped chicken nugget. I have a heart-shaped birthmark on my thigh. Like, I'm just telling you, like, if you look for love, you will find it. If you lead with love, it will serve you well. And I think this pledge is really important. So It'll be in the show notes. Please feel free to take a look and, and do your best. Now, I do think that it takes more than just talking about leading with love. Obviously, it does take action. One action you can take is taking this pledge, but it's also about living in a con— living in a concept known as congruence. And I don't know if you've ever heard that term before, but congruence, in my mind, it actually relates to this concept I learned in church a long time ago called the Trinity. Trinity, right? Father, Son, Holy Spirit. In New Thought religions, they map that to thought, word, and action. And congruence is very much— do you think what— well, whatever you think usually ends up turning into the words that you say, which usually transcends into the actions that you do. But the beauty of being in this human experience is that you get to choose what you think and then choose choose what you say, and choose how you act. So you get to create this congruence that I say a thing, I make a promise, and then I speak words that are kind and supportive of whatever I think, and I do the things I say I'm going to do, which is a really powerful leadership quality. And shockingly, I don't see it as much as I wish I did. Now, to lead with love is also to value people over products. It's one of my mindful leadership virtues. It's about fostering an environment where compassion and empathy aren't just words but actually actions. And it's about living in congruence with not just what you think, say, and do, but with your core values. How do your core values show up in the way think, speak, and act on a daily basis. Now, I also have this concept I came up with a few years ago called being a love fluencer. You know, kind of like influencer but with love. And being a love fluencer, I came up with this idea, it was really funny, I think I woke up on a Sunday morning and when I woke up I was like, oh my gosh, I want to be a love fluencer. The word just popped into my head and I immediately knew what it meant, or at least how it felt, which meant that I would not be afraid afraid or ashamed to tell good stories, happy stories. I would not be afraid to tell a story of maybe betrayal or maybe of a leader that let me down, but tell it always with a happy ending. How did I get past it? I don't usually like to talk about something in the messy middle. I'm not saying I don't have a messy middle. I just like to wait. I like to play it out. I like to see how things go, and I am so confident that that will turn into a positive experience. I then like to share that with people, and I feel like there's— I would love to see more love fluencers in the world, right? Those that want to influence people with loving experiences that they've experienced themselves and they can encourage others to experience as well. Now, a love fluencer, typically they know who they are and they're fully present in their life experiences. At least this is what I try to do. I'm also, you know, authentically trying to stake my claim on the vision of the world that I want. So every day, as part of my morning routine, I write down my goals. You know, I want to have a $3 million revenue year in my business. I want to be able to employ 5 more people. I want to be able to have, you know, clients that I love, that that are congruent with me and my core values that I can serve at the highest level. And then I also think through, you know, how do I help the world be better? How do I help it be more accessible? How do I help it leverage technology in a responsible way? These are all things that I care about, and I write them down in my journal every morning. I actually write them down twice, once in the morning And again, those same goals in the evening. And a love fluencer is someone that lives and breathes the concept of love. Like, how do I influence others through being a demonstration, an example of these types of actions? Now, another principle of love as it relates to kind of lamplighter leadership is the concept of forgiveness. Now, forgiveness is a tough one because many of us get, you know, I recently, for example, was hurt by someone. I felt it was a huge injustice. And I kind of had to take a step back and think about how do I handle this? You know, in my— in the moment, I wanted to like throw, throw something down and be like, oh my gosh, this is unfair. You know, you're being really mean. You know, you're not treating me very nicely. You're lying. You know, like I have these emotions around like, gosh, you're terrible. Noelle Russell said, how could you do that? And I think it's okay to have those emotions, right? I personally let myself— I always say feel the feels, and I usually give myself 90 seconds, maybe, maybe a day if it's significant, maybe longer if I need it. But I give myself a few seconds to kind of feel the feels of that anger and bitterness and resentment and all those emotions that come up when someone hurts you. And, you know, and you feel like an injustice has been, you know, executed against you. And then once I get past that, I always say feel the feels, then make a plan. Like, don't get stuck in those feelings. Don't get stuck in that place of where, where the problem, the challenge, the injustice defines you. Use it as an opportunity to launch yourself in a new direction, to get into a solution architecture mindset. How are you going to architect a solution to solve this problem in a new way? Because the path you're on isn't working, right? I always call it the— sometimes you get the cosmic 2x4, right? Where you get whacked off your path and you're like, what just happened? But then you take a second, you feel the feels, and then you make a plan. And that plan always, in my experience, and I'm telling you, doesn't and dozens of times without fail, my plan leads me to a higher, better, more service-oriented, higher impact place than where I was before. I just need to be willing to forgive. And in that moment, I forgive myself for any of those feelings that I might have had that are not in really true alignment with who I want to be. I forgive the person who was you know, who basically caused me to feel that way, or I felt caused me to feel that way. And then I even think broadly about like systemic bias and the challenges in humanity and why people are just mean. And I forgive the world. And the benefit to that, you know, is that once you start moving in this direction of forgiveness, you can move past it. I think it was— was it Tony Robbins? Someone— one of you can reply to the podcast and tell me. I think it was Tony Robbins, but it might have been like Marianne Williamson. But they— I remember someone saying, you know, that holding a grudge or being angry at someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick, right? Like, you're the one holding on to this thing, and it's actually hurting you to hold on to it, as opposed to when you let it go, you can now move into that plan. You can do something. You can solution architect a solution that solves for that problem in a bigger, better way. So I am a big believer— again, I don't say that you should not process something. I'm not encouraging— I am not by any means a psychologist or counselor. I'm simply sharing with you what I, I do. And I take a breath, I feel the feels, I might even cry and, you know, be really upset. But as soon as I can, and really maybe even slightly before I feel I'm ready, I move into that place of how do I make the world better because of what just happened. And that, I think, is a pretty powerful place to be. So forgiveness is key. Now, another leadership principle associated with love is around patience and kindness, the strength of love. Now, I'm sure you've probably heard the quote at a wedding or maybe at church where in the Bible there's a quote in Corinthians, "Love is patient, love is kind." I have the entire quote over. It's actually in our dining room area, right over where everyone sits. And every so often, one of my younger kids will read through the whole thing, and I just love it because it says so many important things, so many things that we often hold on to that keeps us from leading with love. Holding on, wanting to be proud, wanting to take credit, wanting to, you know, be first and best. All these things that deteriorate our ability to move forward and to have relationships. Now, I will tell you, though, like injustice in my world is often about people not giving credit where credit is due or dismissing my value. And in those moments, I am not thinking love is patient, love is kind, I don't boast. Like, I'm going to— I'm going to let the world know what I'm good at. And I'm going to deliver the best possible service and products that I can into this world. But at the same time, it's really important to realize that with love comes patience, because not everyone thinks the way you do. Not everyone thinks or is growing or is, you know, jumping into new opportunities in the same way that you do. So I think it's really important to be aware that not everyone's going to grow at the same pace. I have 6 kids, right? And they all are so drastically different. I have some that really struggle with mental health. I have others that are so bright and, you know, like bubbly, kind of like me. And they're all very, very different. And I need to honor them exactly where they are and be patient with them and with myself as we learn to grow together. Now, one of my favorite aspects of love in the Lamplighter methodology is being a light of hope. I used to say that I'm a hope dealer, right, as opposed to a drug dealer. I deal hope. And the reason I would say that is because I would often go into schools like the one I grew up in, inner city schools, underrepresented schools, marginalized schools, and I would talk to them about a path that they could have in artificial intelligence or in technology. And I would see in their eyes this thing would happen right around halfway when I started demonstrating things that they already knew, like Roblox or, um, VR. And they would be like, wait, I, I could work on that? I, I could do that? And their mindset immediately shifted because it wasn't even accessible or available to them is really incredible. So being, you know, the light of hope, being willing to go to places that maybe aren't an amplification of who you are but are a shadow, uh, where you can go to the place you were 5 years ago, 10 years ago, and help bring people along that are looking for someone that looks like you, sounds like you, to go, yeah, you could do this. Look at me, I'm just like you were 5 years ago. This is your future. This is what you can have. And being someone willing to love people enough to take a step back and go to those places and bring them along is a huge opportunity. Now, one of the other things I also think about all the time, especially in that quote, uh, there's another quote that I like, uh, and I guess most of these are biblical I don't know. It's not specific. I do read the Bible often, but when it comes to love, I think I've grounded a lot of my love in biblical terms, but I don't think they're uniquely biblical, right? I think I find the same sense of love in Buddhism and Judaism and Sufism. So, you know, just to name a few. For those of you who don't know, I went to the Parliament of World Religions years ago. I was even offered, or I took an opportunity to sing on stage in front of the Dalai Lama. It was crazy because I'm not that much of a singer, more of a talker really. But, but it was such an interesting experience. I still have pictures of it. It was really, really interesting part of my life. But one of the things that I've come to realize is that love as an emotion as an action, it never fails. When my kids are having a really bad day, or one of them has just lost a game and is really, really upset— you'd be surprised how upset they get these days, um, really upset, crying— um, it's amazing what a little love can do. I, I always— I've watched myself and my reactions in dealing with certain things, and sometimes I'll irritated, right? Like internally, I won't say it or express it, but I'll be like, that should not bother you. Like, look how many things are happening in this world. That one thing like that is nothing compared to the things you should be worried about. And then I, then I flip into that space of love, of compassion, of empathy. And I don't have to do or say anything. I'll just put my hand on his, you know, on his leg or put my arm around him and pat him. Or brush his hair. And that show of affection, that show of, I understand where you are and I know it seems painful, no matter where someone is, that kind of comfort. And again, it doesn't have to be physical comfort, right? I'm sure some of you are familiar with the book Five Love Languages. This is true not only in relationships like husband and wife or partner relationships, but also in work relationships, right? Everyone has a way that they like to be communicated to, especially when they're hurting. And so knowing that about your team is critical. Now, one of my favorite quotes from the Bible says, "Love never fails." And I do feel that way. I do feel that, you know, as we wrap today's episode, that it's important to remember that love in all of its different forms, right, in philos, eros, agape, love. It's the foundation upon which all great leadership is built. This is my experience. I resonate with it as truth. It may not be true for you today, but I hope that you will see that if you can embody a loving perspective for the people who work for you, for the people you work for, for the company you work for, for the core values you're trying to represent and bring into the world. And if you are an entrepreneur like myself and you own your own company, you're a business leader and you own your own organization, you have an opportunity to lead with love. You have an opportunity to lead with compassion and empathy. You have an opportunity to learn from the people who work with you and give them a voice within your organization. Organization to do things you maybe have never thought to do. And those very things could be the thing that changes the trajectory of your business, that leads you to a new high within your organization. And all you have to do is turn with a loving eye and just say, "I hear you. I will listen." And take the ideas that are offered and do with them what you can. Thank you all for joining me on The Lamplighter Effect today, and remember, as we journey through these principles, it's not just about learning them but about living them. Thank you for tuning in to The Lamplighter Effect. I'm Noelle Russell, and it's been a privilege to share this time with you. Remember, each step we take in our leadership journey brings light not just to our to ourselves, but to those around us. Join us again on The Lamplighter Effect, where we'll continue to illuminate the path to mindful, inclusive leadership. Until then, keep shining brightly and remember, you have the power to light up the world. If you're ever hoping to be a guest on this podcast, don't hesitate to reach out to us at requests@ailleadershipinstitute.com. See you next time.