[Bonus Episode] From the Nicole & Kate Can Relate Podcast: Overwhelm: Can I make it go away?

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Hey there all. Omar Zinham here and this is a bonus episode. It's actually a bonus episode and an exciting announcement wrapped in one Nicole Baldinho, the producer of this podcast, the $100 MBA show, and my partner in business and partner in life, just launched a brand new podcast with her co host, Kay Erickson. Kay Erickson is the other half of Entrepreneurs on Fire with John Lee Dumas, and they teamed up to create a refreshingly honest podcast called Nicole and Kate Can Relate. And this bonus episode is episode four from that podcast. It's all about Overwhelm. If you're a busy entrepreneur and you struggle with feeling overwhelmed with all the things you have to do day in and day out, you're going to love this episode. And of course, if you love the episode, you're going to love all the other episodes that they have and continue to publish Every single week. They cover topics like Do I want to start a family? Vulnerability and sharing confidence and more. So subscribe. Follow Listen to Nicole and Kate Can Relate on your favorite podcast app. And if you want to join their newsletter to learn more about the podcast, go go to canrelatepodcast.com now. Before I fade away and you listen to their episode on Overwhelm, I just want to say how proud I am of Nicole and Kate for launching this podcast. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there to be vulnerable and share your thoughts on topics that not a lot of people talk about. It's also a huge service helping similar people with similar thoughts or worries or concerns, making sure they feel comforted and make sure they know, hey, it's okay, they can relate. All right, I'll pass it on to Nicole and Kay now so you can listen to their episode on Overwhelm. Can I make it go away? Let's find out.

Hey friends, it's Nicole and Kate. Your girls from across the globe. Sydney, Australia and Puerto Rico, to be exact. And we're so excited to be sharing this time with you.

Get ready for a candid convo with us, Nicole and Kate. Throughout this podcast, we'll be sharing our own experiences with and thoughts in the hopes that you'll realize that, one, you're not alone. And two, that open and honest convos can lead to awesome discoveries, shifts in perspectives, and energy to move ahead with confidence.

Because that's what real friends do. They provide love, support, and space for one another to share without judgment, speak without hesitation, and to learn from each other even when we don't agree. And with that, let's dive in. Oh, boy. Friends, do we have a massive topic for you today. It is overwhelm. And overwhelm is such an important topic because no matter how efficient we are, no matter how great of planners we are, and regardless of whether we have kids, a business, a job, we're taking care of, family members, or all of these things put together, we all have those feelings of overwhelm creep up and take over from time to time. The bottom line is, we can all relate to overwhelm. And Nicole and I are so excited to chat today about what causes overwhelm, whether we believe there's a solution that can help us rid ourselves of overwhelm once and for all. And we're going to be quite candid about times in our lives that overwhelm has won and how we handle that. So, Nicole, give it to me straight. What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think about overwhelm?

Well, first of all, let me catch my breath, because as soon as you're talking about overwhelm, I get this breathlessness feeling like, breathe, breathe, exhale. For me, overwhelm is. And I still can't believe I do this. I feel like I have to do everything, and I have to do everything in life and business, and I have to do it now. That is what overwhelm is for me.

Yeah, like, your. Your tasks are going to run away from you. You're not allowed to do them later.

Yeah. What is that?

Oh, my goodness. I can totally relate to that. I can totally relate to having, like, so many things on your list and thinking like, well, that's important, that's important, that's important, that's important, that's important. And, like, it never seems to end. Right? I don't know. That's the thing. Yeah. I feel like I remind myself constantly on a daily basis lately, just because I've become so obsessed with this topic of overwhelming time management and how do we handle this? And can we rid ourselves of overwhelm? And so I'm constantly reminding myself that this is actually very simple. When we break it down and we look at the root cause of overwhelm, and it's when we have too many things to do and not enough time to do them. And when you think of it like that, it seems so simple, right? And I've experienced this so many times where I go on these streaks where, like, I have a wide open calendar. I don't feel overwhelmed at all. I'm accomplishing things, I'm working towards my goal. I feel great about it. And then all of a sudden I'll hit a week where I open my calendar and I'm like, what did I do? And I feel that, like, pull out the paper bag. Like, I'm you feeling overwhelmed. I don't know why I booked myself like this. And I. And I can't figure out if we know that it's so simple as don't overbook yourself and don't schedule too many things because we have a finite amount of time. I don't know what, what's the problem?

Yeah. Well, I feel like everything is important. That's where I think I trip myself up. I give everything equal weight, equal priority, equal importance. And it almost feels like, why would you do that, Nicole? Like, what is it in my nature that makes me feel like, you know, responding immediately to an email? Because I get it, one email, like seven inboxes later, you could be an email all day, right? Like, literally.

Oh, my gosh, all day, right?

To two things that really, I know, big goals in our business, in my life, that. And, you know, every things that I will do that will actually move those things forward, those goals forward. How is that, you know, of equal priority? It almost seems like it doesn't make sense. It almost seems like, you know, like.

But do you think that it has something to do, though, with. I mean, when you talk about, when you compare, like, replying to an email or being in your inbox to working on something that's going to get you closer to your business goals, I mean, I would say that probably the reason that we find ourselves doing that, even though we know that it is the wrong route to take, is that the inbox is so much easier. Like, you don't really have to think when you're in your inbox, right?

Oh, okay. Is that what it is? I just want to do the easy task. You're so right. You're so right, though.

Well, because oftentimes when we're thinking about, like, these big important goals and things that, you know, we want to work towards to achieve the things in life and in business that are most important to us. A lot of the times it's not super clear what those actions are. Right. And I think that we get tripped up and we don't know where to start. And that's. That is overwhelm is feeling like, I want to do this, but I don't know what to do. And yes, I think we use that as a crutch too, though.

Yes, I would just. You made me think of how I used to do my to do list. It's really funny. It's like you said, you know, there's this big thing I've got to do, but what are the actual little steps in between? So I don't know. I used to write my to do lists as the item would be actually 15 things in one. I'm trying to think of an example, but like one. Yeah, that is how I used to write.

I don't get it. I don't understand.

All right, well, this is like a big. I'll talk.

Like, do you mean that you would have like one thing on your to do list? So you're like, oh, it's just one simple thing, but that one thing is actually 15 things. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I've been there. Everyone's been there. Everyone does that, even if it's like, subconscious. I feel like everyone does that at one time or another.

But I think that. But until you realize is overwhelming because there's no way, if that one task is actually you 10, 5, 10 things broken down, then reasonably, like, rationally, you're only probably going to be able to do, you know, five out of those 15 things in your morning block or whatever, like, however you break up your day. So it's unreasonable to expect that you're going to do that other task and then four other things as well that you've got on your list or 10 other things that you've got on your list in an entire day. You just. You're just setting yourself up to fail. So.

Yes, and when I think about this too, I think like, that type of lesson has to become part of your daily routine to reflect on what happened throughout your day. I know we're going to be talking about daily routines in another episode. I'm very excited for that because I think it can make such a massive difference. But I've actually A part of my daily routine in the evening is I reflect back on My day. And if I didn't accomplish everything that I set out to do, I have to tell. I have to answer why. And so that would be a great example of, okay, I didn't accomplish everything that I wanted to. Why? Because I tried to show myself that I had one thing to do, and it turned into five. And so when you, when you ask yourself that and you force yourself to answer that question, then hopefully it's going to help you in not repeating it. Right Then the next time you're going to be more conscious of the fact that that one thing is actually four or five. Don't set yourself up for failure. Take on one or two of those things today and you could do three, four, and tomorrow.

That's interesting that you do it at the end of the day. I don't. That's a really. That's a good strategy, actually, to. To reflect at the end and then ask yourself why I find myself doing that in the morning. So, yeah, and like you said, we'll talk about daily routines, but it's in the morning that I. Before I actually look at anything. And that's where I kind of feel like the way I've started to deal with Overwhelm is to be proactive. I refer to it as being proactive rather than reactive. Because if I. If I just go straight into an email inbox or looking at my notifications on my phone, whether it's like, you know, the team notifications, that just causes me to react and respond to everything. And it's in my nature that I want to respond and immediately do everything. Because remember, that's what I think, you know, I have to do. I have to do everything right.

Everything's important.

Whereas what I've done is what I say I call. I'm being proactive is before I even look at anything like that, any of any of those notifications or any. Anyone else's requests on me, I look at my list, I look at what's ahead of the on the day, and I say, okay, well, what can I get done today? And I do all the things that I need to get done for myself first, whether it's my morning routine. That's super important for me every morning, and we'll talk about that. But I make sure I get those things done first. And I look at that to do list and I make sure it's organized and it's realistic before I look at anyone else's requests on, you know, that come from whatever that is.

Such an awesome habit. And one that I think we all can work on, right. Is that not being reactive? I hear a lot of people talk about it as other people's agenda. You know, work on your agenda before you start working on other people. People's agenda. Because once you get into other people's agenda, that's where you stay. It's very hard to pull yourself that it is, because like you said, I'm the exact same. I feel like it's in my nature to want to be supportive and helpful. And when I see someone asking a question that I could answer quite quickly, like, I want to do that. But then you get into, like, what I call text emailing. When, like, you email someone, they email you back and email again. Then they email again, and then. Then you're like, oh, my God, yeah. Oh, totally.

Seven tabs open after just going into one tab because there was a link in there and then in that link there was a link to something else. And then all of a sudden, how did I end up here? It's so easy to do that. It requires so much discipline. Like, I'm not. Yeah, I'm not. I say that I'm like, proactive. I have this morning routine and I am pretty disciplined about it, but there are so many days where I, Yeah. Trip up. Well.

And as the day goes on, I feel like that discipline kind of gets beat down a little bit. You know, your focus starts, Wayne. After a while you're like, ooh, link. But, Nicole, you have talked about sort of having like a ranking process or prioritizing. So when you are going to your, you know, you've done your personal stuff in the morning, taking care of yourself, health and wellness, all of that. I love that. I do that, too. It's the first thing that I do because there's nothing going to interrupt me from doing that then. Well, there are probably some things, but you know what I mean? And then you sit down and you're looking at your list and you're making sure that you're going to be proactive instead of reactive. Are you doing. So do you prioritize your things at that point? So you have 10 things on your list, but you're like, okay, if I'm being realistic and everything, I'd probably get to four of these, let's say. So then are you, like, ranking and prioritizing which of the things you're going to get to in what order at that point?

Yes. And I'm also looking at reminding myself of what. What are. What are the bigger goals? Like, what are the bigger business goals? What are the bigger life goals that I want to it done. Because that's another thing that's really helped me deal with a to do list that honestly can be endless and can never get done, like by the end of the day. So I look at like, well, what do I want to achieve? So let's say, for example, like, I'm on a real health and wellness kick right now. If I actually put workout on my to do list and because that is one of the things that I need to do to move that health health kick goal forward, then if it's not on the list, it won't get done. Or if it's not on the calendar, it won't get done. And we can talk about how much we are in love with our calendars.

I'm so in love with my calendar. Yeah, I'm like, nicole, I will send you an invite.

I know how many times have my friends have looked at me, like, I think depending on what kind of space you operate in, if you're like not in, you know, in our kind of, I mean, look, there's lots of different spaces where calendars are really important. Okay. I'm not just going to say entrepreneurs are the only ones who use calendars. But I've looked at my friends and I said, okay, I'm going to put our weekend walk in the calendar. I'm going to put our dinner date in the calendar. And have looked at me going, can't you just commit that to memory? Like, what's wrong with you?

Sometimes I think of, like, I think of offering to send people an invite and then I'm like, oh, maybe that would sound kind of weird. Weird. You want to do happy hour? Yes. I'll send you an invite. Don't forget.

But if it's not on the calendar, it's not going to happen. Or if it's not on my list, it's not going to happen. So, yeah, so for me, going back to your question about prioritizing, I look at the goals that I have, the things that I want to achieve, and if that, if there's a task on that list that is moving that goal forward and it's, yeah, it's important, then I don't want to say, yeah, it's important because a lot of things are important, then I'll make sure that it's bumped up on the priority list.

I think that's a good check in for when you think about, okay, if you have a list of 10 things and all those things are important, how on earth are you going to like rank or prioritize them. But I think that your goals are a great check for that is if you think about your main business goal right now or your main health goal right now, or your main relationship goal right now, then you can pretty easily look at A list of 10 different, different things that you want to do and say, which one of these things is going to help me move closer to that? So totally on the same page. I do that with everything. I love the category thing. I do categories for my goals so that I don't feel completely overwhelmed from a question of like, what do I want my life to look like? You know, I can say like, what do I want my health to look like? What do I want my relationships to look like? What do I want my business to look like? And it's kind of makes it like a little bit easier and less overwhelming. And then like you said, I am just like, I. My calendar is so important to me because I feel like I would constantly be overwhelmed if not only be for trying to like hold memories in my mind that don't need to be there. Like, I feel like we try and hold so many things in our mind. Right. Like hold a dinner to memory that's happening five days from now. No, not going to happen. I will forget that in five minutes if I don't put it in my calendar. Because my priority is being present and keeping in my mind and letting my mental bandwidth and my emotions be live right now. So I'm not living at our dinner on Saturday night wondering what I'm going to order. Like, I'm thinking about the conversation that I'm having with you. And so I think that that visualization of having things in your calendar, it has been such a huge tool for me to prevent overwhelm. Because when I can go into my calendar and visually see the time that I've committed, it makes what I say yes to and what I say no to so much simpler. Otherwise I'm just gonna over obsess about it and spiral thinking about whether or not I should say yes to no or something.

Yeah. And that's why I'm like a little bit, you know, there's a bit of goal bashing talk sometimes. You know, goals are overrated. People shouldn't have goals. What's it all for? Be in the present. And I'm like, well, overwhelm is pretty horrible to deal with, right? We don't like it. Like, you know, right at the beginning I'm like hyperventilating. And it's like, if there's a solution to that. And it's a four letter word like goal. Yeah. Then I'm gonna have some goals or.

However many letter word calendar is.

Exactly.

Just use it.

And when you're talking about calendars and dinners. I would get so annoyed with my brother sometimes when he would double book. Like, I don't get how people can double book. If you live by a calendar, if you respect the calendar, you will never double book your. So I do not agree with anyone who double books themselves.

Try it, friends. Google Calendar. All right, so Nicole, I mean, we talk, of course. Both of us are very focused on ditching overwhelm, on trying to constantly improve our time management skills with things like calendars and sticking close to our goals and prioritizing and reflecting and learning what we've could maybe do better tomorrow that we didn't do so great today. But of course, we've both been in positions where we have felt massively overwhelmed. And you know, you talk about the pain of dealing with overwhelm and that is so true. I've been in situations many times and I'm sure those who are listening have been in situations many times where overwhelm can be quite, actually debilitating. I think both of us can probably share an experience where overwhelm has quite taken over. But what I'd really love to. I mean, I'd love to hear about that time for you, but I also love to hear kind of how you dealt with that.

Yeah, I think I've been thinking a lot about. I've been thinking a lot about travel these days because we have obviously not been able to travel as much. And I was, I was looking through photos the other day. That's what I was doing. I was looking through photos from 2017 when Omer and I decided to do an eight week while traveling experiment. So the idea was to travel for eight weeks and not skip a beat with the business, not take time off the business. Yeah, that lofty. Very lofty. I knew what we were setting ourselves up for.

It all sounds so magical.

It does, right? The digital nomad. And you know, for all intents and purposes, I mean, someone might think that's. That's ridiculous. How can you travel for eight weeks and keep working? Well, we run a remote business. Our business is online. Our team is distributed around the world. All we need is a connection to the Internet. So how lofty is that? Like, why is that not possible? And look, it was possible because we did it and Omar documented it on the Hundred Dollar MBA show podcast. There's a whole eight part series. Oh, so long ago.

I think I'm excited to tune into this. I don't feel like I ever listened to that and I want to listen to it now so bad.

It's crazy because it's like over a thousand episodes ago.

Oh, my gosh.

Yeah. He wraps it up in NBA887 so you can listen to his conclusion and go back, you know, those eight episodes. If. Yeah, it's great because every time we moved cities, he would say, you know, where we're, where we're at and what. And he's still going ahead with the show because he's. Because guess what? We're still working. Right. So he's still recording the podcast. Whether we're in Milan, Rome, Florence, Berlin. You know, we just, we kept doing our meetings with our team. We kept doing, you know, checking our inboxes, being there for, you know, the things that we had to do and for the people that we had to be there for. We did interviews. I actually remember John interviewed us as well. We were. When. Yeah, yeah. So as I said, yeah, it was.

It is pretty incredible that you, like, yeah, I'm in Florence right now and I'm running my business and I'm enjoying the city. But I mean, I could quite understand that. That could maybe feel a bit much when you're like, I, I want to be at this church and looking at the cathedral and the historical stuff and learning all these things and seeing beautiful views and drinking wine and you're.

Yeah, drinking wine and not being able. And that's the thing. That's the thing. It's like, in the end. And I didn't like it in the end. It was too overwhelming to actually try and do both. And I came out of that experiment. I came out of that experience. Sure. I have great memories, as I said. I was looking at the photos and I was like, oh, look at us in Venice. Oh, looking. Look at us here in the Swiss Alps. How amazing. I have those fond memories, but I really still remember how much I didn't enjoy trying to do both things. Trying to be there in the city experience, like you said, the museums, the cafes, all of that stuff, all those great immersive experiences and still try and be fully present in the business. I do think in the end there's a lot of things probably that also contribute to whether something like that is going to be an absolutely successful experience and great. And you come away with it going, yeah, we crushed that. We did a. We traveled and we worked at the same time. Because in hindsight, I suppose you could say we did do that. But how do I feel about it? How was I feeling throughout? And I did feel overwhelmed. I felt like it was this pressure cooker of trying to do everything I had to do for the business and still make sure that I was having an amazing time. Because when you're traveling, you're supposed to be having an amazing time. Right. And so in the end, it was too much. I realized that that is my, I guess my unhappiest place when I'm trying to do those two things well and perfectly.

And.

And I realized I would rather just be either completely off from work or at least not set the expectation that I'm still completely on, you know. Yeah, then try and. Then try and do both. But you know, Omar has maybe a different take on it, but you have.

A listen, you'll have to tune in to 880, $700 MBA.

What about you?

I know I will be. I'm excited to listen to that episode.

Yeah, it's a good one.

Oh, man. For me, I would say it was when we moved to Puerto Rico in 2016, John and I were living in San Diego. It was maybe like mid January, and we had been toying with moving to a zero tax state because California is one of the highest state taxes in, in the US and so that combined with federal and we were generating a lot of revenue in the business and paying a lot in taxes. And so we're like, we could check out a 0% tax state and see what it's like. And we love to travel. And so we were like, no big deal. We'll still be moving around, you know, running our business location independent, that digital nomad lifestyle. But then we had someone reach out to us. Actually, it was so random. This guy who had taken some photos for John before, for Josh Rossi phoned him up and said, I am living in Puerto Rico right now. And they have this incredible tax incentive if you move your business down here and you have to live here half the year and there are a few other things. Why aren't you down here? And John was like, I don't know why I'm not down there. Kate, let's move to Puerto Rico. And I was like, oh my goodness. So that happened in like mid January, May 1, we moved to Puerto Rico. So it was like a very fast, like speed to implement implementation. My entire family and my life is. Was in San Diego. You know how I feel about San Diego. It's like it's my home.

Yeah.

Everything is yeah, yeah. Everything. Yeah. It's where I grew up and my family and my sister, my niece, my nephew, my parents. I love the beach. I love. I love so many things about San Diego. So that in and of itself kind of felt like just a really fast timeline, but John is like a very fast mover where I'm kind of like, let's think about, like, all the different possibilities and make lists and spreadsheets and John's like, let's move to Puerto Rico.

What about just visiting? Was that an option?

Oh, no. I had literally never been to Puerto Rico before. The moment that we landed here with eight suitcases, we sold everything, moved with eight, or put our life in eight suitcases. And it's been such an incredible journey. We're in. We're still in Puerto Rico five plus years later. We love it here. Our community's incredible. Incredible. Yeah.

You have a great life there.

So much. Yes.

Yeah. And I could see how happy you guys were are there and. And just the community around you. So obviously it worked out.

Yeah, immensely. But that whole. I mean, just like the move and coming here and trying to get everything set up and finding a place to live and not knowing the island and not having a community here, all of that did feel quite overwhelming. And it was kind of an exercise in stretching myself and, you know, challenging myself to take that on, because it was all quite new for me, doing a move so well. You know what? Actually it wasn't because it's what I did when we. When I moved to Maine as well. I didn't really know the area. I didn't have a community, any of that, but I had John. So this was a bit different. I was coming here and not knowing anyone and not knowing the island and not really knowing what to expect, and all of that can be quite overwhelming. So there are times when. When I think back and I'm like, you know, I don't really think I would have done anything different of the way that we moved and everything. So, you know, I think that there are just tests in our life where we're thrown something and the universe is like, let's see how you do with this. And I feel like that was one of those things, and I'm incredibly grateful for it. And. And even though I did feel overwhelmed at the time, I'm very happy with our decision to come here.

Yeah. Because you do learn, don't you? Like. So even though I might say that, someone might say, well, didn't you? Are you completely ungrateful or unhappy with the decision to see all those places that you saw on your eight week trip? No, of course not. And I feel really, I learned a lot about what I like and what I don't like or what I can handle or what other factors around my might, you know, contribute to maybe making that situation a little bit more difficult and another time it might not. You know, if you have different people in place to help, delegate, to help to take responsibility, then that, you know, eases the burden on, on you. So yeah, like, it might be overwhelming, but you can always step back and go, well, what did I learn from that time? You know, and there's always something that you can and you can sometimes like in your case, I think you, you must have realized, wow, I can just like I was joking when I said you what? I wasn't joking actually. Why not try to visit Puerto Rico before you go and live there and then look at you like you've made this massive transition without doing that and it's worked out, which is, which is awesome.

It makes you realize how resilient we are. Right. And how adaptable we are really to. I mean, you spent those eight weeks and maybe the first week felt like really off and weird and awkward and you guys didn't really have the hang of it yet. And then I'm sure weeks two through eight, we're like, this is what we're doing now. And, and I think it's the same of like here I am in this brand new place kind of more or less, you know, trying to find my way and find my community and find my new home and all of these things and you figure it out.

Yeah.

But I do think that mindset plays such a huge role in that. And I mean, that's also something that I remind myself of when it comes to overwhelm all the time. Is that when I do have those moments, like I mentioned earlier, of like, I'll have an open week and I'll feel great and I'm accomplishing so much and I'm focused on my goals and I'm being really disciplined. I'm holding myself accountable, I'm reflecting, I have all these lessons learned. And then there are other weeks where I'm like, what hap? But like, I feel like someone threw up all over my calendar. Not in a very bad way. But I, I, in those moments, I continue to remind myself in the hopes that I will learn this lesson that I will continue to improve. Which I do feel like I am, is that I'm the only one in control of my time. Nobody Else is like forcing things on my calendar. Nobody else has access to my calendar to put those things on it. Every single thing that's there is there because of me. And we have to start. I have to start being more conscious of that. And. And if I don't want a calendar that looks like that, then I need to be a little bit better. When I'm in those moments of, like, being asked to commit to something or when an opportunity comes along or whatever, it might be that, you know, I really need to check myself, what I'm saying yes and what I'm saying no to. Do you find it hard to say no to things?

Oh, yes and no. I feel like sometimes, yeah, we'll feel that. That sense of fomo, of. So, for example, I always felt this way when I was living in the States that if there was a conference that we're being invited to or, you know, that was that, oh, we have to go. You know, you have to go to that conference. But I learned later on that, you know, and especially when we moved to Australia and then, you know, kind of conferences became a bit off limits due to pandemic and all of that, that how much traveling constantly or the how, you know, going to a conference can really take a lot out of that week, that month. And so I'd always have to remind myself, hang on, like, this is going to take a lot out of me. If I say yes, I might be feeling this inclination to go because of this fear of, I know it's going to be so amazing and there's going to all be these people there and I'll be able to catch up with so and so. But when we did start to say no to things like that and just put that, you know, FOMO aside and check in with yourself, like, is this really, you know, a good idea? It did feel really good to finally say, oh, I'm glad we didn't go. And I think the more you do that. Yeah, the more you do that, you realize, oh, okay, it becomes something you have to practice. And then the more you do it, then you feel like, okay, that feels really good. I reclaimed my time. I said no to something. It was hard, but, yeah, I'm survived to say it's okay that I didn't go to that conference. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, beyond, like, thinking about, I mean, conferences are a big one, right? Because as you said, it is such a time commitment. And, you know, oh, the event is from the 24th to the 26th. That's only three days, but you have travel days and then you're prepping to be gone and then once you get back, you're playing catch up and all a of of these things. What are like, what if I were to ask you like, well, okay, not me because I know you would say yes, but what if, what if you received an email and somebody's like, nicole, I love what you guys are doing. We want to run a series of eight webinars with Webinar Ninja and, and we want to promote the software to our users. It's your ideal user base. So like, there are a lot of reasons why you might say yes to this. There are also some reasons why you might say no. What's kind of do you have like a checklist that you go through? Like what are you kind of thinking of when you are deciding whether to say yes or no to something?

Well, there'd be a lot of like discussion like who's involved in the, in, in those situations. So if it's not just me, it's, you know, it's Omar and who else is involved on the team? So I think sometimes we forget about how other people get involved and other people's time, time get sucked into it and that kind of exponentially, kind of grows the commitment of, of that task, that, that, that, that request, that project.

I mean, it's also like about goals too, right? I mean, if you can think about like, oh, is it a goal for us to like be in partnerships right now or is it a goal for us to get in front of a new audience right now? And, and that can also be incredibly helpful too, right? Just checking back in with your goals.

I think that's one of the things that I've really committed to. And you know, again, it goes back to, I don't like it where people go bash because it really is helpful with determining what you decide to pick up and what you decide to say yes and what you decide to say, say no to. So if it is something that we've committed to that we know is going to move the needle in one area or it contributes to that goal, then then it's a hell yeah. I love Derek Sivers. I don't know if you know, Derek Sivers work. He' I think it's a book. Hell yes. Or it's a blog. I don't know. I've looked at like a few the blog posts on his, on his site. If it's not a hell yeah, then it should be a no because there are so many things that will Feel like that's important, that's great, that's a great idea. And so many things can be a great idea, but we just have to be realistic and in the moment it's hard to catch yourself. It is. You've really got to be disciplined to say. And that's where visualizations of like a calendar can, can, you know, be helpful. Who else is involved? Don't make just a decision and say yes to something when you realize there's going to be other people that are impacted by this.

Yeah, definitely one of my favorite kind of like scripts or go go tos because I always, I find myself feeling bad or like awkward about like how I'm going to answer. And sometimes when you're face to face with someone especially or even like on a phone chat or something, it can of like an awkward moment when you're suddenly like it's silent and the next response presumably is you either saying yes or no. And saying no would be like really weird or even feel that way sometimes. Right? Oh, yes. My, my strategy, my script, my go to is let me check my calendar, which is what I'm actually going to do because I live by my calendar and get back to you on that. And I think that that can be so helpful to create that space because there are times when we' the right mindset or the right mode or the right frame of mind and to really be answering that question because we might be really excited about like whatever just happened. And so we're like, yes, I want to continue this feeling and I'm going to do this and da da da. Or we might, you know, just be feeling completely overwhelmed. And so we're like, I'm saying no to everything right now. So, you know, I think that that's like, yeah, one of the. To just be able to say, you know what, thank you so much for the invite the opportunity thinking of me da da da da. Let me go ahead and check my calendar and I'll get back to you. It gets you off from feeling like you have to say yes or no right then.

I love that you made me think of like one of my guiding principles. Now it's not, it's maybe not on the positive side, it's maybe on the negative side. But there's a. One of my favorite acronym is HALT H A L T and it came out of the boron letters by Gary Halpert. I love this was like the best thing I ever read. One of the best things I've ever read. And it's referring to making Big decisions and never making a big decision when you're one of these things, which Holt stands for when you're hungry, angry, lonely or tired. So when you said like the mindset that you're in, in that moment, so in that moment you're excited, you're having a great convers, someone's asked you to do something, this is, you're caught up in that moment, you would be inclined to say yes, let's do it. And this kind, this is one of my guiding kind of men, whatever guiding principles is recognizing what kind of a situation. I mean, it's very simply like if you're going to the supermarket and you are actually hungry, think about the things you'll put in your cart versus when.

You'Re not like $700 grocery shopping trip because you're starving.

So I love that because to me, overwhelm is that letter T in Holt, it's mental fatigue. So if I'm mentally exhausted, if I'm, if I'm overwhelmed, it's a form of like mental fatigue and I'm not going to make the best decision. So really like checking in with yourself and having that self awareness of what am I saying yes to or no to in this moment because of my current state of mind, that's been super, super helpful.

Yeah, I can see that. I'm going to start using that for sure. Well, speaking of best things we've ever read or things that we are obsessed with, I would feel remiss to not mention a book that I have probably read about 13 times now called Essentialism by Greg McKeown. And I could talk about this book forever and ever and ever. But just so you know, it's best book. I would highly, highly recommend it for time management. Overwhelm Essentialism by Greg McKeown.

You have read that book, but I know you've read it like how many times?

So many times. I really do think I've probably read it 11 times. Every time I'm feeling like that really anxious, really overwhelmed feeling, I pick that book up and I might not necessarily read it cover to cover, but I will, I'll just jump in because I can always pick up that book and find like a quick tip or the motivation or inspiration I need to be like, get back on track.

Yeah, you've inspired me to pick up that book again because I have only read it once. But there's a, there's a visual in there. There's a few illustrations in that book from what I remember. You can correct me if I'm wrong. But there's that one illustration of the circle with I think it's energy in the center of it, and there's the arrows pointing out and there's the really long arrow going out in one direction, you know, extended, versus these little short arrows that kind of poke out from the circle. I don't know if I'm explaining it right, but that was such an important visual. It's a great, very, very simple visual to illustrate how, you know, the level of energy and proper attention you can give to so many things versus one thing. Now, I know that's a kind of an extreme. I'd like to actually hear what you think about that because I do believe you can have multiple things going on and are people that thrive with having lots of things going on. And there's people that say, oh, focus on just one thing and that one thing, you'll do it really, really well. I think that's a whole area to discuss and a whole other discussion. But it is powerful and it is very true in that, you know, when you are spread too thin, that's when we feel overwhelmed because we only have so much energy and if it's directed at so many different things or maybe too many things, that more than maybe what we can hand handle, we're not really probably doing our best work or giving it our best or we're tired or we will be left, you know, angry, upset, frustrated, just from the exhaustion. I don't know. Do you remember that? Do you remember that illustration?

Absolutely. And I think it actually makes me think back to the beginning of this episode when you were talking about looking at a to do list and feeling like everything was important, that everything had to happen right now. I mean, that really is a perfect illustration of thinking that, you know, everything has to happen right now versus prioritizing and finding the most important thing right now and then being able to accomplish so much more because of that. Right, because you're not trying to think about four different things at the same time. You're thinking about one thing. And in thinking about that one thing, you will be able to get to those other three things. And that's. Yeah, I mean, my. My biggest takeaway from the book and the thing that I remind myself all the time. And he does such a beautiful job of laying this out through many, many very relatable, like everyday examples. But in essence, essence, essentially it is that when you say yes to something, you are saying no to everything else you could be doing with your time. And I just think that's an incredibly powerful reminder, and especially when it comes to talking about what we say yes to and what we say no to. You know, you really have to check yourself of what you're committing to because when you commit to something, you're saying no to everything else you could be doing with your time. And that space face, that's huge.

Oh, we could talk about this for hours.

Oh, yes, days, days, days, days, days. Oh well, Nicole, as we close out today's chat on Overwhelm, we hope that you picked up a thing or two that you can carry with you today and moving forward to give you that extra boost of confidence and support when you need it the most.

And friends, if you're enjoying the podcast, we would love for you to leave us a rating and review on whatever app you're listening to this podcast on. It would mean the world to us. Give us your thoughts. Let us know what you think of the podcast. Thank you so much.

Totally agree. We can't wait to hear from you. And until next time, here's Cheers.

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