MBA1313 Guest Teacher: Anne Grady- Stop Reacting to Office Drama

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Hey everybody, this is Anne Grady. Thank you so much for joining me today. Today we're going to be talking about office drama and what you can do to stop reacting, to start being deliberate about the way you navigate it. And we're going to figure out just a couple of ways to do that. First, we'll talk about reaction and what that looks like. Next we'll talk about the neuroscience of drama and why we're attracted to it and what happens when we're in the middle of it. And three, we'll talk about emotional intelligence and ways that you can cultivate some skills to so that whether you are just observing the drama or whether you are part of it yourself, you are able to navigate it more effectively. Now I have people come to me all the time and say everybody else around me is so negative or everybody brings me their drama. And the thing I want you to think about is what is the common denominator. If everyone around you is the problem, then chances are some of this stuff is self awareness. And we will talk about that. But first reaction. So if you've ever looked at your phone call and seen the number on the caller ID and just went ugh, or you've ever gotten an email that shifted your entire mood or seen someone walking down the hall and actively tried to avoid them, you know what it's like to react all of us do. It's a normal human thing. But here's the deal. Anytime you are reacting, you are relinquishing control. You are letting other people dictate your mood, your response, and the outcome. So the first step to understanding how to navigate and work through office drama, or any kind of drama, is to figure out what you can do on the front end strategically to try to stay out of it. Because if you wait until you're in it, it's too late. If you can try to identify some things that you can do prior to that. For example, maybe the same person brings you their drama or their gossip. It's having a conversation with them, saying, look, I love talking with you. I think you have great ideas. When you bring these things to me, I get sucked into it and I'd really rather stay on topic or stay focused on a solution. Or you can think about times that it's most likely to happen. Maybe there's a time during the day when everybody gathers around the water cooler and just starts talking and gossiping and creating drama, and you avoid that proactively. But remember, anytime you are reacting, you are relinquishing control. So stop reacting and start creating a plan so that you can minimize it. Next, the neuroscience of drama. Our brain is fantastic. It's an amazing organ. It does all kinds of wonderful things, but it will sabotage our success if we let it. So our brain has gone through three levels of evolution. The first, most primitive part of the brain is called the reptilian brain, snake brain. It's responsible for heart rate, breathing, respiration, things that you don't even think about. The next evolution is our limbic system. And this is the emotional center of our brain. It's where your amygdala, the fight or flight center of your brain, live. And anytime you experience a threat, that part of your brain lights up and shoots cortisol and adrenaline and noradrenaline into your brain and body, basically preparing you to fight, freeze, or run away. And our brain did this as a protection mechanism. If you think about saber toothed tigers chasing at us when we needed to be able to make very quick decisions without having time to really process it. The challenge is, as we have evolved, your brain still does not know the difference between a perceived threat and a real threat. Your brain doesn't know the difference between a saber toothed tiger charging you and a snarky email from your boss. It takes every single threat the same way. And anytime we are involved in drama, that place in our brain lights up the third level of Evolution, our neocortex that surrounds the outer part of our brain, specifically the prefrontal cortex, right behind our forehead. And that's the part of the brain responsible for rational thinking, decision making, problem solving, creativity, working through challenges, and being deliberate about how you do it. Well, the interesting thing about your brain is that the emotional center, the limbic system, works 80,000 times faster than the logical part of your brain. Meaning every single thing that happens goes through the emotional center of your brain before it gets to a place of logic. What does that mean for you? It means that you have to be aware of your triggers, start paying attention to physiologically and psychologically what happens to you when you are engaging in these conversations or in the office drama. Because what most of us don't understand is that every time we engage, we get what's called a dopamine squirt. Now, I know that sounds dirty, but it's really. Your body is flooded with these positive neurochemicals, and it sounds counterintuitive. I don't want to be in drama. Why would I get a positive neurochemical? Well, because that is what our brain does as a way to engage us, protect us, keep us safe. And so the question I would encourage you to ask yourself is, what am I getting out of it?

Right.

If you are constantly finding yourself in these situations, whether it's personally or professionally, where there's drama, what's the payoff for you? It's obviously doing something. And when you can get to the root of that, again, it goes back to the first step. You can start proactively creating strategies to minimize it. Third, your emotional intelligence is the strongest driver of your success. In fact, 70% of the time, somebody with an average IQ will outperform someone with an exceptionally high IQ. I mean, we all know that person who is incredibly brilliant and has no social skills. And if you don't know that person, there's a good chance it could be you just saying. Your emotional intelligence is the strongest driver of your success. And it really boils down to four areas. One, self awareness. Am I aware of how I am perceived by others? Am I aware of my strengths and my weaknesses? Next, social awareness. Can I read social cues? Can I see when people are getting uncomfortable or when it might be time to wrap up a conversation? Three, think about self management. How do I regulate my emotion? Now, emotion is a neurobiological process. You cannot control the emotion, but you can control the way you react and respond to it. So how are you interpreting the situation? What are you doing to Regulate your emotions. It's like, don't hit send when you have been emotionally hijacked and that amygdala has flipped because you cannot think rationally and emotionally at the exact same time. Your emotional intelligence is about relationship management. How do I manage my relationships? It's one thing to form them. It's another thing to maintain and develop them. And so those are really the four areas of emotional intelligence. And the question is, how am I perceived by others? And most of us would say, well, ask for feedback. But the problem is that when we ask for feedback and we don't like it, we justify and defend our behavior. Well, you came across a little strong in that meeting, Bob. No, no, no. It's just because I'm really passionate about this particular issue. Okay, well, you came in late three days last week.

Oh, no.

It's just my kid is sick and I had to take him to daycare. People don't want to give you feedback if you are not willing to listen. My grandmother used to say, annie, if enough people tell you you're tired, it is time to take a nap. Now, she also used to say, if you act like an ass, don't be surprised if people try to ride you. But that's for another day's lesson. Bottom line, if you want to stop reacting to office drama, there are three things that you can do. One, figure out how to mitigate it by being proactive, strategic, and deliberate about the decisions you're making. Don't engage. That is a choice. The drama might be there, but you don't have to go to every party you're invited to. Next. Understand that your brain may be working against you. Our brain has a negativity bias, again, protection mechanism. But it means that our brain is like Velcro to negative and Teflon to positive. That's why when you have a performance review and you've done nine things amazingly well and you have one opportunity for improvement, your brain focuses on that. You can offset this by being very intentional about the things you're looking for. Instead of looking for the drama, look for positive, fulfilling relationships and gratitude. And what you can do to show appreciation to others and finally build emotional intelligence. Be aware of how you're perceived. We all have blind spots. Things about us that other people see that we don't get. Those are three things that you can do to get out of reaction and be deliberate about the way you handle a lot of the drama and the situations that you come across. All right, guys, this was Anne Grady. If you want to continue to learn more about office drama, neuroscience, building resilience, you can visit www.anngradygroup.com. you can even go and find a Resilience self assessment and get signed up for these tips, tools and tidbits by texting the word strength to 555888. Thanks everybody. Have a great day.

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What a practical lesson by Anne Grady Listen, all of us who work in a team, we are not immune to drama. Doesn't matter how good of a leader you are or how motivational you are or how positive you are, you're dealing with different personalities working together. It's bound to happen. You have to understand why it's happening, how to avoid it and not just react to it. To have a strategy in place so you know what to do when it comes to you when it comes into your company. A lot of people think businesses waste a lot of time and money because of poorly used resources. In my opinion, the biggest time waster and money waster is everything other than the business, everything other than the work. Whether it's logistics, whether it is poor communication or things like this office drama that take the time and attention away from your team. Getting a handle of this is going to help your bottom line. It's also going to set the standards. It's going to let the team know that hey, this is the standard for our business. This is how we operate. This is how we deal with these situations. This is what's acceptable. This is what's not acceptable. Don't Forget to visit angradygroup.com Ann Grady's website and don't forget to check out her free Resilience self assessment. You can get that by texting the word strength to 555888 thanks for that gift and grading. Thank you for the amazing lesson that wraps up today's episode. Thank you so much for listening and thank you for subscribing. If you have not subscribed to the show yet, hit subscribe right now on whatever podcast app you like to use to listen to podcasts. By hitting subscribe, you make sure that when the next episode is available, it's ready on your device. Now, before I go, I want to leave you with this tension and drama is not necessarily a bad thing. It means that there's some emotion, there's some feelings, there's just different personalities at your team and you can't avoid it. You can't just have this like friction free team at all times. Some people think, oh, if I replace this person or change the personnel, there won't be any drama. No, there's drama because you allow it to happen. You don't have a plan in place and you haven't taken on some of the tips that Anne Grady talked about today. Accept that this is a part of working with other human beings and understand that it's your responsibility to make sure it doesn't affect your team. That when it gets activated, when it gets to be a part of your team, there's a plan in place. You know how to deal with it. You know how to talk to people. People understand what's going on, what's acceptable, what's not. What I also want to say is that disagreement is not drama. It's good to disagree. Opposing views is how we innovate. As long as it's done with respect, it's a healthy thing for your team. Celebrate your differences and understand you're all trying to achieve one common goal. Thank you so much for listening and I'll check you in tomorrow's episode. I'll see you then. Take care. Of.

At Capella University, learning the right skills could make a difference. That's why our business programs teach you relevant skills you can take from the course room to the workplace. A different future is closer than you think with Capella University. Learn more at Capella Eduardo.