MBA1433 Must Read: Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss

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Visit Dell.com deals. Hey O welcome to the Hundred Dollar MBA show, the business podcast that gives you the knowledge you need to grow the business you want every day with our daily 10 minute business lessons for the real world. I'm your host, your coach, your teacher Omar Zenholm. I'm also the co founder of the Hundred Dollar mba, a company business training and community online and today's episode is a must read episode on our Must Read Episodes. I share with you a book that I've read that has influenced me as an entrepreneur. I share with you its takeaways, its insights and why you should read it too. Today's must read is Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss. Never Split the Difference argues that emotion, not logic, determines the failure or the success of a negotiation. Many of us try to convince people of our arguments of our side of the negotiation or side of the deal with logical reasons. But the truth is we make decisions, especially buying decisions, based on how we feel based on emotion. And this book is all about how to become more emotionally intelligent and intuitive so you can get the most out of your negotiations. In other words, this book teaches you how to get what you want by having a deeper understanding about what they want. This book is very popular, but it's also very controversial because it goes against the idea of a win win situation he also goes against a lot of the traditional negotiation techniques you've heard of in the past. He goes against what a lot of us try to think of us as human beings, as rational, common sense type of beings. Instead, he argues, no, as human beings we're highly irrational and emotional, and if we don't utilize this knowledge and this understanding, then we're really going to lose a lot of negotiations in our life. This book literally has thousands of five star ratings on Amazon. This is why I was so intrigued about it and had to check it out. We're going to get into all the insights, my takeaways, some really amazing gems that I've never heard of before in any other book, all that and more. So let's get into it, let's get down to business. Never Split the Difference is not a touchy feely book. Even though it's about how we use emotions to make decisions, it's actually a very tactical book about how humans make decisions. The goal of Chris Voss, the author, is to make sure you win every negotiation. And he believes the best way to do that is to understand how human beings trust one another so they can start learning about what they really need and want out of life or out of this situation. And from there you're able to get the best deal again. He really emphasizes in the book that we are emotional, not rational creatures. We like to think that we're very rational and calculating and very precise in the way we come up with decisions. But the truth of the matter is, is that it's just simply not true. Here's the truth, and there's a really good insight in this book I want to share with you right at the top of this episode. The truth of the matter is, is that as beings, we want to communicate and connect with people that understand us, that are somewhat similar to us, who make us feel less alone. No matter how introverted you are, this is true. At some level, you want to feel included, you want to feel you're part of something, that you're understood. What does this have to do with a negotiation? Well, if you want to get the other person on the other side of the table to say yes to you, it's a lot easier to say yes to someone you feel comfortable with, somebody you feel understands you, that understands your perspective, understands your way of thinking. So as you can see, you already see there's an element of trust here. People have to trust you. At some level, people are a lot more likely to see your side of the negotiation and say yes to your needs. And yes to what you want. If they just simply like you, if they simply feel like you get them, versus trying to convince them with arguments and facts. So Chris Voss, the author, says at the top of this book that empathy is your best weapon. Being able to empathize with other people will allow you to win more negotiations, or in his words, to turn emotions to your advantage. So how do you get to this point where people say, hey, I want to work with this person and are willing to kind of sacrifice to make it happen? Well, the first strategy he shares is active listening. People want to feel like you are listening to them, that you hear their views, that you're actually internalizing what they're saying. You can show them that you're actively listening by not rushing them when they're speaking, allowing them to speak freely, to express themselves, and don't interrupt them. If there are some moments of silence, confirmation of what you just heard will show you're actively listening, that you're actually paying attention to what they're saying and not just waiting for them to stop talking. The next tactic he shares is mirroring. People are drawn to what's familiar. So, for example, if I say to you, I can't believe you were so insensitive, and then the person across the table said, I'm really sorry that I was so insensitive by just literally repeating the same exact words. It's comforting to me, even though you're apologizing, because it makes me feel like you're actually listening to what I'm saying. And again, we don't like things that are unfamiliar by nature. We resist change. This is by imitating speech patterns without patronizing, of course, and the language the person uses. You start to put them at ease and start to make them feel like, hey, you get them, you're like them. Now, obviously, all these strategies are supposed to be done from a good place where you're really trying to get to a point of resolution. You're not trying to trick anybody here. You're to trying. You're really just trying to put people at ease so you can build that relationship a lot quicker so people can trust you faster. Another strategy that I thought was very interesting and counterintuitive to what you've heard in all the sales books and movies about sales and autobiographies. He says, you want to get the other person to start saying no to things. Now, usually you hear the advice, get them to say yes. Get a yes out of them. But he says by getting them to say no, they're identifying what they don't want. These are the problems they have. It makes them feel like they're in control, that they're not being pushed around, that they're standing firm at the position and understanding of what they want and don't want, but more importantly, what they don't want. Now, what's great about this is this sets you up to be the problem solver and really have an upper hand by saying, okay, you don't want xyz. Here's how I can make sure that doesn't happen. This is how I can make sure that's solved. So I'll give you an example. Say, for example, you're giving a webinar, and on that webinar, you're teaching people how to get started as a snowboarder. Right. It's a beginner course. And how would I get them to say no? Well, I would ask them questions that would get them to answer no. Like, do you want to spend your first day snowboarding constantly on the snow, falling down? No. Right. You want to hear no? Do you want to spend, you know, hundreds of dollars getting to this destination, getting to the slopes, renting your equipment, taking all the time off, and then it's a miserable day and it's a complete waste of time? No, I don't want that. Do you think it's easy to just kind of pick up snowboarding by yourself with no guidance? No, I don't think that's easy. Now, after you've got them to say no and they know what they don't want, or really being clear about the no's, you could say, well, since we're all in agreeance that these are all nos, how are we going to solve this? Well, let me show you how. And this is where you show your expertise. His next strategy is all about the phrase, that's right. And this is, I would say, a replacement to getting a yes out of them. You want to make sure people understand that you're hearing them and you understand them. And when people start saying, yeah, that's right or that's correct, they're confirming, hey, this person's listening and gets me. And they're going to get closer and closer to your side of the table, your side of the negotiating table. So a good way to get them to say, yeah, that's right or that's correct is to summarize, do I have this right? And you summarize what they've said, and they'll say, yep, correct is exactly what I mean. You want to try to get a Few of these in your conversation to really drive a home that, yes, I understand what you want, what you need, I'm on your side. The next one is critical, and it's about reframing the discussion. A lot of people forget that people are motivated more by the fear of losing something than the hope of gaining something. This is often a strategy used in negotiation and sales and, and especially when you're trying to close a sale, whether it's one on one or on a webinar, in person, on a phone call, it doesn't matter. People are afraid of losing more than they are looking to win or looking to gain something. So you can reframe your offer to make sure you press those buttons. One way to do this is, let's say, for example, you're making a sales offer. And a lot of people say, hey, at this point of this webinar or the sales offer, you have a choice to make. You can either do absolutely nothing and continue to have the same bad results and continue to be frustrated with your business, to be frustrated with your health, to be frustrated with whatever you offer. Right? Fill in the blanks. You could do nothing and regret it later. You can do nothing and feel sorry for yourself. You can do nothing and blame everybody on your team and then finally blame yourself for the results you've had. Or you can take action. You can go ahead and give this a shot to buy my program or buy the product or buy the service. You can do something different and get a different result. This is extremely powerful because you're really emphasizing the loss of time and money and agony that they're going to go through if they don't make the right choice. That is a lot more motivating than, hey, by buying this program, you'll feel successful, you'll feel good, you'll make some money. You might be able to buy that dream car. That's good and all, but it doesn't really feel really as strong as losing something. But what about when you hear something in a negotiation that you would want to say no to? Your knee jerk? Actually, no, I can't do that. Instead of saying no, what are some other things you could say? And he makes some really good suggestions. One of them is, what are you trying to really accomplish here? Another one is, how would you like me to do that? They might ask something that's totally not doable, so throw it back in their court, hey, how would you like me to do that? How do you want me to pull that off? And they'll realize, okay, maybe that's a stretch. These strategies actually work not only in business, but in life. And the author, Chris Voss, was a former FBI agent. So he was negotiating hostage situations, kidnappings, bank robbers, you name it. So as you can see in his line of work, there's no such thing as a win win. You gotta take all the chips when you're negotiating with a bank robber. Can't say, hey, you could take one of the hostages if you give back some of the money. No, that's not how it works. So he's a winners take all kind of mentality. So keep that in mind. He's trying to get you to have the same mentality and use the same strategies in the business world so you can get what you need for your business.

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To wrap up today's must read episode, Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss is a no nonsense negotiation book. If you're in sales, if you're in business, if you're in marketing, anytime you have to communicate idea and convince someone of something. This book is extremely helpful. It's very tactical, it's very cutthroat given you know, his FBI background. But there are a lot of great insights and things that make you scratch your head and say, hmm, never thought of doing it that way. And I love a book that challenges the way you see a topic, challenges the way you think about something or your approach to a certain area in your business. This keeps your ideas and your strategies fresh and allows you to keep evolving and improving. Highly recommend you check out Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss. I just kind of went through some of my favorite insights. There's so much more in the book, but I'll let you get into that when you pick up the book and read it. Thank you so much for listening to the $100 show make sure you hit subscribe on whatever you use to listen to podcasts. Whether it's Spotify, Stitcher Radio, Apple Podcasts, Overcast, Himalaya, whatever it is, we're on them all. By hitting subscribe, you make sure when the next episode is available, it's ready on your device. It's that simple. And it also allows you to have access to all our archived episodes. These episodes are not available anywhere else other than if you hit subscribe. That means you can listen to over 1400 episodes from episode one on. So do that right now. Before I go on, I'll leave you with this Some people love a good negotiation. They love that feeling of getting a win. But some people don't. If negotiating deals are a part of your job, then this book is super helpful because it breaks things down and makes you understand that this is not rocket science. It's really all about emotional intelligence and how we can allow people to trust us and build a relationship with us so we can bring them over to our side of the argument. Thank you so much for listening and I'll check you in tomorrow's episode. I'll see you then. Take care. Foreign.

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