MBA1678 Guest Teacher – Molly Fletcher – How To Negotiate With Confidence And Ask For What You Want

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Hi, it's Molly Fletcher, founder of Game Changer Negotiation Training and author of a few books. The one I want to talk a little bit about today is a Winner's Guide to Know Negotiating. I was a sports agent for almost 20 years and worked with some incredible hundreds of professional athletes, coaches and broadcasters. And so for almost two decades, I pretty much negotiated every day, almost all day in what is a pretty competitive environment like most of our worlds. And so doing that for almost two decades, you begin to see a process that worked. And I transitioned out of that business about 10 years ago and now, you know, speak and write books. And of course we have this training company, Game Changer Negotiation Training. And what I've learned is that most people assume negotiation is really just reserved for certain jobs, you know, sports agents or lawyers or salespeople or whatever. But negotiation is increasingly a part of everyone's job. And the reality is we must, you know, master this skill to be able to grow business, to be successful and continue to evolve in our own business careers. And yes, you may or may not negotiate deals, but I would encourage you to sort of expand the thinking around the word negotiation and recognize that it's about negotiating resources and vendor contracts. It's about our time, our energy, who's on your team and not on your team, what projects you choose to take on or not take on. And then of course, things, yes, like your comp package and the list goes on and on. But to me, the opportunity to negotiate exists all day. You know, it's all around us. There's several opportunities every day, irregardless of the role or regardless of the role that you're in. So, you know, but, but here's the problem, right? Most people aren't trained in negotiation and so they're left with kind of anecdotes and gut feelings to guide them through the negotiation process. And, you know, as a result, I think people lack confidence and. And leave negotiations feeling frustrated, you know, because maybe they didn't get what they wanted. And so what I want to do is walk through some of the mistakes that I often see. I'm going to give you guys three today. Some of the most common mistakes I see people make and really what to do instead. I have a list of about five. If you go to five negotiationmistakes.com there's more, but I'm going to just break down three today. So to me, number one is not knowing who you're negotiating with. Not knowing who you're negotiating with. Most people think and spend a lot of time, you know, thinking about how they show up and what matters most to them, and not enough time worried about how the other side shows up and what matters most to the other side. And so, you know, I'll give you an example. I negotiated, you know, for decades with a general manager, and every time we did, he was always really difficult to connect with. He was just. He was tough. And I'm sure there's people listening that. That have people in your life that you negotiate with that are tough to deal with. And this guy was that way. And every time we'd have these conversations, I just felt like we were missing each other and we were a little bit disconnected. And, you know, in retrospect, after doing the work that we do now and looking back, what I've realized is he came to the table kind of as a financial guy, right? That was the way he showed up. He was only worried about the financials. All he cared about was what was his payroll look like right now and what he was going to have to pay my guy. And what we were worried about is, yes, that mattered to us. But what mattered even more at this stage in this client's career and this athlete's career was the direction of the club who was going to be the manager of the club. I mean, there was things like that that we were a little bit more worried about. And so we kind of found ourselves disconnected, particularly in this one particular negotiation that I remember so vividly. And that was because he was showing up worried about one thing, and we were showing up worried about another. And when we can better prepare and better understand what matters most to the person that we're negotiating with, the more that we can drive connection. And the truth is, the more that we can connect, the more that we can keep the conversation going and hopefully come to a resolution. And what we've learned and what we teach is that there's four styles of negotiators. There's financial, strategic, logistical and relational. So we all show up as one of those four primary types. We all have a little bit of all of them. But you know, no different than you didn't decide to be left or right handed. You know, this is, there's no right or wrong, it's just maybe our default setup. So you know, the financial person's worried about money and the bottom line, the strategic is kind of worried about the long term benefits. The logistical is worried really about terms and conditions. Right. The relations, worried about the people. And so you probably can recognize and think, yeah, you know what, I'm pretty much show up in one certain way and maybe spend some time thinking about some of the people that you most often negotiate with and what do you think their sort of common default mindset is? And so understanding how you show up and what your default, if you will, are you one one way or the other, more one way or the other, and then learning to listen for the things that matter most to the other person, that can create an opportunity to find kind of common ground inside of these conversations and go back to what matters most to them. But also be fully prepared to, to navigate the conversation and adapt at times to drive connection based on the person that you're negotiating with. You know, to me, the best negotiators are really curious problem solvers and they know who they're negotiating with and they know what the other side values. So spending time and energy getting clear on how the other person shows up, how to adapt to drive connection, how you show up, how to adapt and drive connection. So I would just encourage you, challenge you to pull back and say, you know, what do you think your default setup is and how you show up? And then think about some of the people you negotiate with most commonly and how do they often show up? Negotiation mistake number two is not knowing what you want. I mean, this sounds crazy, right? But too many people go into negotiations without really being clear on what they want. And the result is they ask for what they think they can get, not for what they want, and they end up with a deal they didn't even want. So we have to spend time and energy getting really, really clear on what we want. And you know, your ass doesn't need to be ambiguous. You know, consider everything that's on the table and know what you would be happy getting and what you would be fine walking away from. You know, ask for what you want, not what you think you can get or what you think the other side will give. And the other thing that I think is incredibly important when you ask for what you want and given. Hopefully you've built a strong relationship in advance of your ask, but is make your ask and then pause. You know, one of the mistakes people make is they. They don't pause. So ask for what you want and then sort of zip it. Right? But the worst thing that can happen is the other side says no. But if you've built a strong relationship, it's okay. They're not gonna walk away. Right? Think about no as maybe the start, not the end of the negotiation. If you go to gamechanger360.com, we have a resource there tab, a resource tab. And there's a tool there called the Ewok. And it's not the Star wars character, but it's E, W, O, C. And it stands for everything. What we want, what of our options, and what are we willing to concede? But you can go there, download the tool, and it's a deal preparation tool, really. And what will allow you to do is to get really clear on everything that's in play. What do you want, what are options, and what are you willing to let go of? But getting clear and knowing what you want, not what you think you can get, but what you want, is incredibly important and sounds fundamental, but I see it all the time and have seen it all the time. We probably find ourselves in those conversations where we're disconnected with someone and the conversation keeps evolving, and you say, what are we even arguing? What is this all for? We got to know what we want. The Ewalk tool is a really cool tool. I encourage you to check it out, and hopefully it'll help you. And then, you know, one of the other most common mistakes is. Is being too transactional. You know, negotiation to me is a conversation. It's a. It's a relationship built over time and so. Or in a window of time. But resist the urge to treat the negotiation like a transaction. You know, it's easy to get into kind of task mode, and I want to check the box and I want to move on, but it's so incredibly important to ensure that you stay relational, not transactional. Inside of these conversations. I'll tell you about a mistake I made. I was negotiating Billy Donovan contract, who was now in the NBA, but at the time was at the University of Florida, and Billy was, you know, Wanted to go to the NBA. And so to make a long story a bit short, he wanted to go to the NBA. He was at the University of Florida. And so after we signed him, a little bit of time goes by and we get word that the Orlando Magic job is going to open up. And this feels like a good fit for Billy for a lot of reasons. And Billy wants us to pursue it and so we do. And we starts on about a Sunday and the agent that I worked with on my shelf come to terms by about three Thursday. So from like Sunday to Thursday, we're just going back and forth with Billy and his wife on the base and the bonuses and all of the terms of the deal and, and, and we would just call each other up and these deals aren't crazy complicated, honestly. Right. They're slotted a little bit based on what other NBI NBA guys are making. And so for, for four or five days it's just back and forth on base and bonuses and terms and all the stuff, perks, etc. So by Thursday we've come to terms. The team wants to do a press conference, the Magic, and we fly down and Billy does a terrific job. And the press conference on Friday afternoon and we fly back Saturday morning, Billy calls and says, you know, we've executed a press conference, we've executed six original agreements. Billy calls and says, hey, listen, I don't want that Magic's job, I don't want that Orlando job. And of course we wanted to get really clear that that was how he felt and that was what he wanted, that he wanted to unwind that deal.

But wow.

So we had to unwind that deal. And of course, you know, it's a bit of a long story, but I tighten it up and I share that because the mistake that I made was I was way too transactional. That whole four or five day period was all about the base and the bonuses and all that stuff. It wasn't about, you know, are you ready to walk into that locker room and say goodbye to those athletes? Are you ready to walk in and do an exit press conference, say goodbye to the fans, Are you ready to walk in to the athletic director who Billy loved and say, I'm out of here. Are you ready to do all that? Making sure we're relational, not too transactional is important. And to me that takes a little bit of discipline. Maybe make a sticky note on your desk and put relational, not transactional. Because we live in a world where it's easy to go, go, go and ensuring that we stay relational and focus on people, human beings, not just the deal, is incredibly important. So those are some of the. Those are a few of the three most common mistakes that I see. But again, go to 5 negotiation mistakes.com, that's five the number five negotiationmistakes.com and you can grab a few more. But also if you go to gamechanger360.com and go to the Resource tab, you can get that eWalk tool that I mentioned that will hopefully help you as well. So again, I wish you the very best. Know that these are three. There's five, but there's more, right? And so check out those resources, most importantly, so that I hope that they help you. They help you prepare for difficult conversations, they help you close better deals faster, but most importantly, strengthen the relationship along the way. Thanks so much. Again, it's Molly Fletcher.

Thank you.

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Building a portfolio with Fidelity Basket Portfolios is kind of like making a sandwich. It's as simple as picking your stocks and ETFs, sort of like your meats and other topics, and managing it as one big juicy investment. Mmm. Now that's pretty good. Learn more@fidelity.com baskets Investing involves risks, including risk of loss. Fidelity Brokerage Services LLC Member NYSE SIPC I really loved Molly's guest teacher episode because again, it's to the point. I love how she emphasizes getting crystal clear on what do you really want. I found that often when I just point blank tell the other person, this is what I want, this is what I expect, more often than not, they are okay with that. They're like, oh, I could do that. That sounds good. And they tell me what they expect in return, this makes things so much easier, less confusing. There's no beating around the bush. So I can vouch for the fact that if you show up to a negotiation knowing exactly what outcome you want, this is what I want out of this negotiation. This is the result I'm looking for. And if you voice that, it's going to go a long way. I Also agree that you should limit how much you talk when you're in a negotiation, especially when you're asking for what you want. Limit to at least 30 seconds. Okay, if you can, make it less, even better. But the point here is that just ask for what you want. Don't talk on forever. Don't ramble. Just say, this is what I want. This is what I expect. And then, like Molly said, zip it. Close your mouth, let the other person respond. It's okay to have some silence, some awkward silence even. And this forces the other party to fill the silence with a response. And by the way, it goes the other way around. You don't need to feel the silence. When they stop talking, you can stop and think for a moment. But if we keep talking, talking, talking, they're going to forget what you said. They're going to forget what you actually want. As soon as you say what you want, stop talking. Let it hang there. Let it hang out there for them to see, to consider, to chew on and say, you know what? We can do that. This is what it's going to cost. This is how long it's going to take, but at least you know where you stand and you actually put it on the table. This is what you want, rather than just settling for what you can get, like Molly mentioned. Now I'm going to add a little bit of a tip when it comes to negotiation that I do that I find very effective, and it's just very honest and transparent, and that is laying out the options for the other party. You could do this if you're in business, if you're haggling a price for something in a shop or whatever it is. Let me give you an example. Let's say I'm hiring a freelancer to do a particular job for me. Has a very narrow scope and I need them to work for the next month. And I'll tell them, this is what we're looking for. This is how much I want to pay. Does this work for you? You have a couple options. Either you can take the job, add us to your portfolio, enjoy the process, and get paid accordingly, or you can just flat out tell me, hey, this is not going to work. I'm going to pass. It's good for you to lay out some options in front of people so they can say, okay. They can weigh it out easily. You could spell it out so they don't have to think about it in their head. Now, obviously, they can counter offer. They can say, you know what? I'm going to say yes, but can you make it this price? And that's okay, but put that on them. It's not your job to negotiate for them or to read their mind on what they think they need or want. You say what you want, they say what they want, you get it. Just the other day, I was haggling at a warehouse rug store. I needed a rug for our bedroom. Is a pretty nice rug. And he said the price was 450. I said, can you do 400? I'll pay you cash and I'll take it off your hands right now. And they were having a clearance sale. They're trying to get rid of their rugs because they're moving and all that kind of stuff. And I laid out the options, like, hey, listen, I can either just take this rug from you right now, I could pay you cash $400, and it's off your hands, or you can say no and you can lose the deal off $50. Sometimes when you lay things in black and white, people see their choices and they understand that you see these choices, that this is an option for you to walk away from the negotiation or to go somewhere else. It's not like this facetious thing like, hey, I'm leaving the table, storming out. No, it's like, this is the reality. I need a rug. This is my budget. And if you can't do this for me, I'm going to walk away and find somebody who can do that for me. I'd prefer not to. I want to pay you cash. I want to take this home right now. I don't want to waste my time, but walking away is an option for me. Loved today's episode. Loved the tips shared. If you loved it, share this episode on social right now. Send them a link, or even just take a screenshot and show them on social, whether you're on Twitter or Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn. Whatever it is, pay it forward and share the episode. Before I go, I want to leave you with this. You can negotiate with a smile. You don't have to be super serious. You don't have to be mean. You can smile while you give them the options. You can smile while you tell them what you want. It doesn't have to be an unpleasant experience. You could be nice and get what you want and be firm and be flexible if you want to. That's okay, too. It's okay for you to be a little flexible if it means getting the deal you want. But smiling is also a great way to ease the tensions and make you feel better. About the whole procedure, the whole experience. Thanks so much for listening and I'll check you in tomorrow's episode. I'll see you then. Take care. Of foreign. Introducing Fidelity Trader plus, the next generation of advanced trading from Fidelity. Customize your tools and charts and access them seamlessly across desktop, web and mobile for faster trades anywhere you go. Try the all new Fidelity Trader Plus. Learn more about our most powerful trading platform yet@fidelity.com TraderPlus investing involves risk, including risk of loss. Fidelity Brokerage Services, LLC Member nyse SIPC.