MBA2731 Why People Turn Against You When You Start To Succeed

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There's something nobody warns you about when you start doing better in life, when you start growing, when you start succeeding, when you start changing. People don't always clap for you. In fact, some people start to turn against you. Those jealous bastards. No, in all seriousness, this is a real thing you're going to have to deal with. And if you're not prepared, it can be really shocking to you. It can really throw you off, it can be confusing, it can be painful. And honestly, it could slow you down and make you start to question yourself. So today I want to talk about why this happens, what to look out for, and most importantly, how to handle it without losing yourself, your dignity. Because honestly, this isn't being talked about enough. And it should be, because you're going to experience this if you have any level of success. Welcome Back to the $100 MBA Show. I'm your host, Omar Zenholm, where I deliver practical business lessons three times a week, Monday, Wednesday and Friday to help you start, grow and scale your business. We read every single review. Seriously, it's how we know what's helping and what to dive deeper in on. The next episode. So if you got 20 seconds, leave a quick review and tell me what you want more of. I'd love to hear from you when you start succeeding. Something Very important happens. You change. You don't just make more money or get better results. You start to think differently. That's why you got the results. You start to spend your time differently. Your priorities start to shift. Your standards change. They start to rise. That's not a flaw. It's called growth. But the uncomfortable truth is not everyone in your life signed up for this new version of you. They signed up to be friends with the original you. Some people only knew the person you used to be and only liked that person. The old version. I've seen this play out over and over again, not just in my life, but Nicole's life, my friend's life, that are in entrepreneurship as well. People that have really exceeded everybody's expectations. This is a fact. This is going to happen. It's just a matter of when and who. And it usually shows up in a few very specific ways. The first reason why people turn against you when you start to succeed is you disrupt the version of what they're comfortable with. People build mental models of who you are. It's just easier that way. You're the funny one. You're the broke one, right? You're the creative one or the starving artist. I know this guy. He's the one that never follows through. And when you step outside that box, it creates a sense of discomfort for them because you're not doing anything wrong. But it's because you're no longer predictable. It's because you're no longer the archetype they have in their head. You're no longer playing the role that they have for you in the story of their life. Remember, everybody is playing the main character in their own story. You're a supporting character. If all of a sudden one of their supporting characters, a close supporting character, starts behaving differently, starts doing different things differently, it starts to make them feel uncomfortable. And when I say uncomfortable for many people, it's threatening for them. It threatens them for many reasons that we're going to discuss in a moment. The second reason why people are going to start to turn against you and reject you is that your success quietly removes their excuses. I'm going to say that again. Your success quietly removes their excuses. Their excuses are not valid anymore if no one ever says it out loud. When you succeed, especially if you come from the same background, the same town, the same school, the same circumstances, you become living proof that change is possible. And for them, that hurts. Now, for a lot of you, this is probably really close to home. Maybe that person grew up in the same household as You. So it's even more of a visceral feeling for them. How could they be so successful and not me? And they have to face up with the truth that it's not the circumstances. They can't blame their circumstances anymore. It's actually them. And that's why you're successful, because you didn't make excuses. You just said, hey, this is my responsibility to be able to follow my dreams and succeed. And I want to touch on that whole dream thing when you succeed. In their head somewhere, whether it's conscious or subconscious, they now see that the dream that they didn't chase is not just a dream. It's actually a decision that they didn't make. It becomes more than, oh, I wish I could have done xyz, but I just couldn't. No. Now it seems like, wow, I made the wrong decisions in life. So instead of asking themselves, what can I learn from this? Some people ask themselves, how can I protect my identity? How can I make sure that this is not my fault? And unfortunately, that personal confrontation, that internal turmoil causes them to distance themselves from you, whether they want to admit it or not. Now, I also want to say that sometimes this happens unconsciously. They are acting in a certain way. They get angry. They're maybe a little bit cold and distant. Not consciously because they recognize all the things I just mentioned, but because subconsciously they feel something uncomfortable and they just want to just not deal with it. I should make this clear. Sometimes this is just not malicious. It's just emotional. Now, the third reason why people just start to reject you start to distance themselves is that simply growth creates distance. You start spending your time differently. You start doing things differently. You start talking about things differently. You start caring about different problems. You might stop going out as much because you're prioritizing your business or your health or your life or other things that maybe you want to achieve. And that can feel like rejection to a lot of people, even when it's not. It's not who you are anymore. It's not an alignment with who you are or who you want to become. But they feel like, oh, you're too big for us now. You're too good for us. You don't want to hang out like we used to. And the issue here is that they don't see that it's not about them. It's actually about you trying to transform yourself. But as you could see, it could feel like abandonment. And neither side is evil here or doing anything wrong. It's just the reality sometimes in life and I would say more often than we think. No one's right or wrong. It's just how it is. People start to grow apart because people start to change. We just have to be okay with that.

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Now let's talk about the most important part of this episode of this lesson. And that's what do you actually do about this? Because pretending that it doesn't hurt you or hurt them is not the answer. And cutting everyone off at the first sight of friction or disagreement is also not a good look. We want to get practical. We want to get real. The first thing I think you should do with every relationship that you have a bit of friction with is ask yourself this question, is this relationship worth your time? Not everyone deserves access to you at every stage of your life. But some people do deserve. Honestly, they do deserve your time. If this is someone you care about, someone who has a history with you, start a conversation with them. A calm conversation, a human conversation. Let me give you an example. Hey Sarah, I'm sure you noticed that I am growing and I'm changing, and I know that might feel a bit uncomfortable. I want to make it super clear that I still care about you a lot and I still value our relationship. But I'm not going to stop growing to make anyone else feel comfortable. It's important for me to become something new and to change and to improve. And I believe that takes courage. I think you're a great friend. I don't want to remain friends, but I don't want to feel like I have to be something I'm not anymore so that we can hang out. I would literally just stop There, and let them absorb that and let them speak. Give your thoughts. You don't need to ramble on forever. Short, sweet, to the point. The second thing you need to work on is your internal boundaries. And this is absolutely huge and something I had to work on a lot. You have to separate criticism from feedback. Very important. Criticism is not the same thing as feedback. And you have to understand that just because you're uncomfortable doesn't mean that it's danger. So if you're in uncomfortable situations with a friend, it doesn't mean that this is a bad thing. It just means it's something that's just not comfortable. That simple. Just like you're sitting on a uncomfortable chair. And then lastly, this one takes a bit to understand and to absorb. But you need to really internalize the fact that other people's emotions, how they feel about you or anything else is not your responsibility. You can't control how people feel, and you can't be responsible for how they feel about you. As long as you're not doing anything wrong, then you are in the clear. Someone being uncomfortable with your growth doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. Okay? It means you're changing and that's okay. And if you're building a business, if you're creating something meaningful, if you're stepping into a leadership role, change is not optional. You have to do it so that you can live up to the expectations, so you can live up to the level that you're trying to achieve. Entrepreneurship is personal development in disguise. Really. It's a incredible, masterful personal development program. So it requires you to change. It requires you to improve. The third thing, and this matters a whole lot, is not to overcorrect. Some people, when they feel a bit of pushback, they try to shrink themselves again. They try to, oh, okay, let me not share my goals. Let me not talk about my goals. Maybe even just change my goals so that I can feel like I'm one of the guys again or one of the gals again. They dull their ambition to make people feel better. They apologize for wanting more, even if it's just internal. Please don't do that. Don't. You don't need to become arrogant. You don't need to rub your success in everybody's face. But you also don't need to pretend you're still 15 years old or who you were 10 years ago. Growth is not betrayal. It's just a fact of life. Here's something I wish I understood earlier on in my life. Outgrowing people doesn't mean you're better than them. It means your path kind of diverged and you're moving in a different direction. And that's okay. That's life. That's how it is. And losing people doesn't mean that you did anything wrong. In fact, sometimes it's confirmation that you're doing it right, that you're actually changing and moving in the direction that you need to. Because growth creates friction before it creates stability. Always, in my experience, when you're starting to grow, when you start to change and you start to evolve, it's very uncomfortable and it creates a lot of uncomfortability around you. But that's okay. You're going to have to experience that so that you can reap the benefits of that growth. Let me share some good news. When you start to change, you start attracting people who share those new values, who. Who start to respect your ambition, who understand your priorities. You start to meet new people and find your new tribe. They want to grow with you too. And your circle starts to get stronger. And I find that the friends I have now, after 20 years of entrepreneurship, are some of the best people I can rely on, people that I can count on, people that understand who I am, I understand who they are, and we support each other. A relationship that maybe I didn't have earlier in my life. A relationship like that is super valuable. So understand, as you start to succeed, as you start to win in business and in life, not everybody's gonna love it. And you just have to be prepared for that. And sometimes it feels kind of sad, it kind of feel lonely, but it's okay. Keep moving forward. You will find new friends, new acquaintances, new people that you are really gonna click with and really understand and resonate with because you have shared values now and you have a shared ambition. And it's very empowering if, while listening to this episode, you thought of somebody else that's going through this as well. Share this episode with them. I'm sure they will love the fact that you thought of them and that you were kind enough to share something to help them along their way. Before I go, I want to leave you with this. If success is changing you in ways you feel more aligned, more alive, more fulfilled, more purposeful, don't apologize for that. You are allowed to evolve. You are allowed to grow. You are allowed to want more out of life, it's okay. It's not anything bad, okay? Anyone who truly cares about you will eventually understand that. And even if it takes time, they will come around. If they do love you. Keep going. If you found today's episode helpful and you want more practical business lessons to help you start, grow and scale your business, the best thing you could do is subscribe to this podcast, Hit subscribe or follow on your favorite podcast app, the one that you're using right now. Whether it's Apple or Spotify or ever, you listen to podcasts. By hitting subscribe, you get our next episode automatically, and it's the best way to support the show. It's absolutely free and it's a way for you to commit to growing your business. And now that you subscribed, I'll check you in the next episode.

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