MBA973 Guest Teacher: Jordan Harbinger – How to Build Relationships for a Rainy Day

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Hey O welcome to the $100 MBA show, the business podcast that cuts through the fluff and just gives you the good stuff with our daily 10 minute business lessons for the real world. I'm your host, your coach, your teacher Omar Zenholm. I'm also the co founder of the hundred dollar MBA, a complete business training and community online over at 100 MBA net and today's lesson is a guest teacher lesson. On our Guest Teacher lessons we invite an expert to teach their area of expertise. This time around we have Jordan Harbinger from the Jordan Harbinger Show. Jordan is a good friend of mine. Absolutely love this dude. Him and his wife Jenny are good friends of Nicole and I. But I'm positive that there are hundreds of people that feel the same way about Jordan because he's so good at building strong relationships. And in today's lesson he's going to teach you how to build relationships for a rainy day. Or like he likes to put it, how to dig your well before you're thirsty, how to make sure you have the right relationships before you need something, before you need to rely on your network. I can't tell you how important this lesson is and how lucky we are to have Jordan to teach it for us in today's lesson. So let's get into it let's get down to business. Jordan Harbinger is the host of the widely successful the Jordan Harbinger Podcast. He's been podcasting for over 11 years. In those years, he's interviewed people like Shaquille O', Neal, Larry King Live, Mike Rowe. He knows some really important people. He's dedicated his life to building strong relationships. And I can testify, as a friend of his, it's not just all talk. He's been a good friend of mine for a few years, and whenever I need him, he's there. And, of course, I can't help but reciprocate, and I admire his dedication to his relationships. So in today's lesson, he's going to teach you how to build those relationships before you need them, how to build them now. So when you are launching something new, when you are in a tough spot, when you do need the support of others, you have people to call upon. I'm gonna pass it on to Jordan now, but I'll be back with my takeaways and to wrap up the episode. But for now, take it away, Jordan.

All right. I'm really happy to be here because I've got some serious lessons that took me a long time to learn, and I wanna make sure that it takes you a short time to learn them. So I used to be an attorney, and it was great because when I was in school, like elementary school, high school, I kind of coasted through. Not because I'm some genius, but because, you know, if you can teach yourself some math and study a little bit, you'll be fine. But then I got to college, and I realized everybody was pretty smart, and I had to outwork them, which is great because everybody was drinking their face off. Then, though, I got to Wall Street, I became an attorney, and I realized my competitive advantage had been wiped out because everybody was really smart and everybody worked really hard. And we're talking six days a week, seven days a week, 16 to 20 hours a day. There was just not much I could do there. And I learned from this guy, Dave, who was a partner there, that the way to get ahead was to be able to bring business to the firm. And that sounds great if you know how to do that. I had no idea how to do that, so I had to learn how to, quote, unquote, network. And that was scary because I was kind of shy. I was not outgoing. I was not a talk show host. Remember, I was a lawyer. This stuff freaked me out. And I also learned that networking is not about some secret club. You're not Born into it. Most of the time you don't go to a fancy private school where you wear a blazer. But if you can create a network and you can learn these skills manually, which is some of the stuff we're gonna talk about here today, it becomes your business development army. Or if you're looking for a job, it's your job search army. You really can't do anything faster on your own than 10 people could do, right? So if you've got a network of 10, 20, 30 people helping you find a job, helping you get business for your company, there's just no way that you can work harder than those people. Even if they're just keeping it in the back of their giving you one hour a week, it's gonna stack up. So it becomes a really, really valuable skill. And you do have to learn this. If you ignore this stuff, if you feel like you're shy or you're gonna work on your website first, you're gonna procrastinate. You're not immune to the consequences. You're just ignoring the secret game being played around you. And that is dangerous. So what we're gonna learn here today, and the first principle is dig the well before you're thirsty. You can't create relationships right when you need them. Ever have somebody come up to you and ask you for something and you haven't talked to them in like three years? Yeah, it's a turn off. So you got to make sure those relationships are healthy, they're being kept up and maintained. You're helping other people. That's digging the well before you're thirsty. And we're going to help you learn how to do that today in some pretty strategic ways that are really not fake and not corny and it won't make you feel like you need a shower afterwards. So the first principle is abg. You might have seen Glengarry Glen Ross, abc. Always be closing. That's not what we're doing here. We're abg, always being generous, always being giving. We're helping other people without the expectation of anything in return. And that's really important because a lot of us help other people and we're kind of thinking, cool, now that person owes me one. Stop doing that. The reason this is important is because you never know how someone else can help you. If you think that you're going to help other people, but you want something in return. The problem is you stop helping people if you can't see what they're going to give you. If you can't See what's in it for you. You won't help those people. And most opportunities, they're over the horizon. Once I helped somebody find a full time job as a graphic designer, and I didn't even know who they were. The way we met is they helped me find a dentist when I moved into a new area. He didn't help me find the dentist because he wanted a job. And I couldn't have even given him the job because I didn't know who he was. So the fact that he helped me find a dentist was how we got to know each other. And then a couple of weeks, I ended up hooking him up with somebody else who needed a graphic designer. And now he's got his dream job. That was not something that we could have planned. He could have asked every person that he'd ever met in his whole life about that job. He wouldn't have found out about it. And I could have asked every person I'd ever met in my whole life for a dentist referral, and I wouldn't have found that dentist. And it was an emergency. I had a toothache. The reason it happened was because we were both helping other people and he helped me without the expectation of anything in return. And that is what dropped that opportunity from over the horizon right into his lap. The second principle here that is very, very important and sounds a little bit like the first one, but is just different enough, is don't keep score. What that means is if you help somebody else, don't think, all right, they owe me one. Maybe they do. But the problem with that mindset is you will always be disappointed if they don't help you back. And a lot of people won't know how. They won't be able to. They'll forget. Or maybe they're just selfish. But who cares if you keep score? You have what's called a covert contract, and that's in your head. It means that you think other people owe you one or owe you two because you drove them to the airport three times. So now they have to help you with your new project, your new book, your business. It's not true. The COVID contract is called a covert contract because it's secret. It means it's only in your head. And when you feel like there's an agreement between you and someone else and they don't know about that agreement, or you're just poisoning the well, you're poisoning your own relationship, because if they don't help you back, you'll get mad at them and they won't know why. And if you tell them why, they're gonna be surprised because you were supposed to be abg helping them without the expectation of anything in return. So always be giving help other people without the expectation of anything in return. And don't keep score because those covert contracts poison the well. So here's a little bit of homework. In the next month, pick one person in your network who's a weaker tie, but with whom you might want to have a stronger alliance, a stronger relationship. Commit to trying to help him or her proactively by giving small favors. These can be anything from sending the person an interesting article to helping them prepare for a presentation, to forwarding a job posting. It really doesn't matter. But invest some real time and energy into the relationship over several months. The idea here is that you're going to find that it's really easy to actually create stronger connections with people in a deliberate way, not just sort of an accidental, well, we've known each other for 10 years kind of way. Secondly, create an interesting people fund to which you automatically funnel a certain percentage of your paycheck. It could be a small amount, that's fine, it can be like 2%, but use it to pay for drinks, lunches, the occasional plane ticket to meet new people and shore up existing relationships. Every year I go to New York, I go to Austin, Texas, and every month I actually go to LA because I'm up here in San Francisco area and I make sure that I'm hanging out with people I haven't seen in a long time, meeting new people through introductions, and I make this a system. And the reason that you have to create this fund is because a lot of entrepreneurs, especially new entrepreneurs, will often use the excuse, well, you know that conference just isn't in the budget this year. Well, this, you know, I'd love to go do that, but I just can't afford it right now. If you're planning to afford it, it takes that excuse off the table and it's going to be very, very helpful for you long term. Because remember, you got to dig the well before you're thirsty. Another little piece of homework, because you love homework so much. In the next week, introduce two or more people you know do not already know each other. You can do this in person or you can do it via email. First, make sure the introduction will be useful to both sides. That should go without saying, but I'm saying it here anyway because I get a lot of useless intros and I feel like if people had thought for 10 seconds they would have thought otherwise. Then after you've made sure it's useful for both parties, ask each side if they're okay with you introducing them to one another. This is called the double opt in. So if Omar's getting introduced to me, somebody else is going to ask him, do you want to be introduced to Jordan? Now this solves a couple of problems and I'll go through this real quickly. Namely, he might already know me because Omar does know me. So we don't need that intro. Saves everybody some time. He might know me and not like me that much and not want to talk to me. So we don't want to get an intro there because it basically forces us together. And then he's got to awkwardly make an excuse and make his exit. And of course, there's a million other reasons why somebody might not be the right time for that introduction, etc. So if you check with each side, then you'll avoid embarrassment, you'll avoid time wasting. Trust me, it'll take an extra 5 seconds per person and it'll be well worth your while. Now, after each side says they're okay with it, then you can make that introduction. It's called the double opt in. You're going to want to do it with everybody that you're thinking about introducing to one another because it's always, always good to have that permission. Now, last but not least, I have a thought exercise for you. Imagine you got laid off from your job today. Who are the 10 or so people you would contact to get their advice on what to do next? Then make that list and reach out to them. Now, when you don't need anything specifically, this is the beginning of digging that well before you're thirsty. Now there's a lot more just like this at the Jordan Harbinger show. Put this stuff into action and I'll see you online.

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Love that lesson from Jordan Harbinger. Thanks Jordan for that amazing guest lesson. If you want more from Jordan Harbinger, you gotta check out his podcast, the Jordan Harbinger show and you can learn all about it and about jordan@jordanharbinger.com I've actually done the homework that Jordan has actually prescribed to you today. I sat down and wrote down Those names, those 10 people that I would call upon if I was in a tough spot. And then I got to work. I really reached out to them, asked them how they were doing, asked them if I can help them in any way. And I was honest with them. I said, hey, I'm trying to be better at relationships and this is why I'm reaching out to you. There's nothing up. I don't want anything. I just want to do a better job at being a friend of yours. And it became a habit. I started doing that more and more often. I started reaching out to more and more people every week. I started making those introductions that Jordan talked about, those double opt in introductions. And I got to say if I had to give a statistical guess, I would say 50% of the success I've had were because of the relationships I've built. No one does it alone. No one succeeds alone. You got to get the support of the people around you. You need the recommendations, you need the referrals, need somebody just to bounce an idea off sometimes. And if you're always giving like Jordan says, then when you do need the help, the other person is going to be really looking forward to helping you out. They're going to be finding ways to helping you out. So take his advice and take action. That wraps up today's episode. That's it for me today. But before I go, I want to leave you with this. It helps not to think of this as a networking or work. I like to think of it as just making friends, trying to make friends, trying to meet new people that we have, similar interests, interesting people, people that are doing great work. You don't have to be best friends with everybody. But it's good to know and meet new people to learn from them, to see a different perspective, to see how other people are doing things. So get out there and make those connections. Make those friends. Alright, I'll check you in tomorrow's episode where we talk about how to make big decisions in your business. Sometimes it's hard and sleeping on it is just not enough. Sometimes you need a plan of action, and that's what I want to provide to you in tomorrow's episode. So make sure you hit subscribe so you don't miss it. I'll check you then. Until then, take care.

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