Authentic Xchange

Welcome to the A2B Academy channel, where we explore and discover alternative ways of thinking to drive measurable value in executing our personal and organization strategies. In this channel, we look at where we are, point A, and then where we want to be, point B. Now, point B could be any number of things. It could be a dream, it could be an aspiration, it could be a project that you're working in at work, It could be something personal for you, like you want better communication with your teenager. As an entrepreneur, it could be that you have a campaign that you want to do. So it could be very small or it could be very large, but B is where you want to be, point B. And then the nice way to think about it is the way from point A to point B, this journey is a straight line. But you know, it doesn't always take straight lines. Sometimes it's a curvy path to get there. There's distractions and priorities, different priorities get in the way. Those things can be really big distractions and really hard along the way. It makes this path really bumpy, or maybe we don't even get to B. In this channel, we're looking at the strategies to get from point A to point B and to iron out that line to make it as straight as possible. One of the things that I think is really important is the people component of getting from A to B. In that people component, it's who you need to influence. The people that you need support. Maybe it's your team. So today, we're going to talk a little bit about those interactions. What I want you to think about is think about, have you ever had that interaction that you worried about, that you wondered about, and you were obsessing about? Then you think about it, you think about it, and then you get to that place and you have that meeting, and then all of a sudden something authentic comes. You know, somebody— you took a risk or they took a risk and put something important on the table, and then all of a sudden something good happened, some exchange started happening, and all of a sudden that meeting was not only what you wanted it to be, but maybe more than what you wanted it to be. What I would call that is an authentic exchange. I think about that as the basic unit authentic exchange as that basic unit of getting from point A to point B. It's that unit of transformation when something actually pivots, and, and that happens in those, those moments when something authentic happens. So over 30 years, when I was a consultant in big consulting and also as a certified high-performance coach, on a very personal level, at a very organizational level, We string together those authentic exchanges to get to be. We want to talk today about authentic exchange. I want to break it down a little bit. What's the definition of authentic? The definition of authentic is the quality of being true, true to oneself, one's spirit, one's personality, one's character. Another synonym for that would be genuine. Then exchange You know, we think of exchange as being kind of, I give you this so I get that. And I don't want to think about exchange quite that way, although in sales and marketing, exchange can be that. You meet a customer's solution and they give you money back for that, and that is an exchange, and that happens better when it's an authentic exchange. But I want you to think also about exchange being trust is gained, is exchanged when customers and sellers interact with each other. Trust and wisdom is gained when you have a better conversation with your parents or your grandparents. Maybe wisdom is exchanged as they tell you, your grandfather tells you a story of the family history and inside of that there's these family values. So that intimate exchange is what happens and that value is exchanged in there. So that's why I think of authentic exchange as something more than just dollars and stuff is transferred in there. Now, if I think about what composes an authentic exchange, I think about bringing truth to the table. And I think about if you really care about the other side or you really want to come ready to contribute, that's when authentic exchange really happens. And what's the benefits of that? Oh, the benefits of having authentic exchange, well, you have a real conversation or real dialogue happens, but then that real value, that intangible high value actually just does happen. Now there's challenges to authentic exchange. And I think about authentic exchange on a continuum. So it's not like authentic or not. It's what level of authentic are you? And so some ways in thinking about the challenges, you know, it's risky. You know, how many times have you not said what you really had in your heart or in your mind to put on the table? And so that's a— you might not say something when there's a missed expectation or when there's poor performance of an employee of yours, or if there's rude behavior out in public. That happened to me a couple of months ago where somebody was really rude. And, you know, do we just sit back and let that just happen, or do we actually say something? You know, that's also an authentic exchange where something actually happens differently. So when we're quiet, maybe we're not as authentic as we can or should be. And certainly, when you think about gossiping, that's like the antithesis of an authentic exchange because if you're gossiping about somebody, you probably should be telling that person first. That would be the authentic exchange rather than telling somebody else about the thing that you're upset with with somebody else. So the other challenge about authentic exchange is not being strident about it. Or not being arrogant about it. And what I don't want to do is people pick up authenticity as an excuse for using it as a blunt instrument saying, "Well, you need to do this," and that was an authentic exchange. That caring part has to be a part of that authentic exchange. So I want you to think about your point B. Something that's challenging for you, something that's difficult for you, something that's hard for you. I want you to think about that and where do you need support? Do you need a sponsor? Do you need your spouse for this thing? Do you need your team to get rallied around a point? What is it that you need? Who do you need to influence to get from point A to point B? I'm going to give you a strategy of how to plan for, 5 steps to plan an authentic exchange. Now, you might think, Wow, you know, can you actually plan an authentic exchange to happen? And I say absolutely you can. Now it may not go exactly how you think or want it to be, but you should plan for those. So there's 5 steps to planning that authentic exchange. The first thing that you should do to plan that authentic exchange is to really identify what's the ask or the tell that you want to put out there. You're going to ask somebody for something or you're going to need to tell your team something. But really do identify what's the ask or the tell and identify that real clearly. In fact, you might just want to write that down right now. What's the ask or tell for my point B for this important interaction that I'm going to have this week? The second piece then is to get in their shoes. When they hear that ask or that tell, how are they going to receive that? What are they going to think about it? What's their perspective? What's their point of view on that ask or tell? So part of that is you gotta get in their shoes about what this ask or tell is gonna be for them. And then what naturally would flow from that is to look at how would you care? When you show how you care about their perspective, when you ask or tell that, now you're getting in their shoes and you're getting their perspective. So how would you care? Is that about asking them what's your perspective? Is it asking them what's their opinion or how can they help design or help design or create the new ask for help? Fourth point on this is then how do you bring your best self to that situation? Your best self for me, it might be how do I show that I care? How do I show that I'm vulnerable? How am I going to be inspiring in that situation? So how do you bring your best self to that situation, especially if there's going to be conflict or they don't have the same point of view that you do on that ask or that tell? And finally, putting that all together, looking at 1 through 4, I think of this as what's the A-frame? What's the authentic frame that you want to create for that situation? So that might be, how do you ask certain questions? How do you tell people that you care about their perspective in terms of that ask or tell? So part of that is just how do you create that A-frame? And in that strategy, you're going to have a higher probability of having that great authentic exchange and something unexpected might happen, some intangible benefit might actually come out. Now, I'm going to tell you my own story about this, about my own authentic exchange. As I tell the story, you might want to look at these steps on how I went through that. I was working on a big project, actually in Canada, and I was working with this, one of my clients. In the beginning, it went really well, and then as we got closer to implementation, I noticed that she was backing away from things, she was missing meetings, and she didn't seem to care about anything anymore. I got really confused about that. In fact, when we saw each other in the hall, she wouldn't talk to me. And it was just like, wow, this is getting really difficult. So I went to the partner on the project and I said, hey, you know, I'm having troubles with my client counter, you know, client lead and I don't know what to do. I actually think that she doesn't like me. And this person said, well, you should go tell her that you don't think she likes you. I'm like, wow, okay. In the corporate world, going to somebody and saying, well, I don't think you like me, Sounds kind of playground to me. And actually, inside, it just horrified me thinking about going to have that conversation with her, which made it the exact right thing to do. So I actually sat back and I was like, "Okay, I'm going to tell her I don't think she likes me." So I went up to her and I said, "Caroline, I don't think you like me." And she looked at me bewildered and she said, "Well, I don't think you trust me." I was like, "What?" She said, "Well, you stopped inviting me to meetings and stopped asking my opinion about things." I was like, "No, Carolyn, not at all. We're just moving faster and I thought you were just skipping meetings because you didn't want to be involved." She said, "No, I absolutely want to be involved." And by taking that risk of having that authentic exchange, we developed a great relationship right in the thick of things, right when things were the hottest. We actually sat back and said, "Hey, I don't think you like me." And she said, "I don't think you trust me." We cleared the air with that. Now, we could have gone through that and hobbled through that, but we actually engaged each other in that authentic exchange and we came out better for it, higher value. That's my own story, but going through what's the ask or the tell, what were her shoes, thinking about her situation, and how did I show that I cared, and how did I bring my best self, being that vulnerable place in that very difficult situation and then creating that authentic frame actually created value in that situation. So I want to end up with this. What's the challenge I want to leave with you? And I really would like you to think about what is your B right now? What's your B? And is there any interaction that you got to have in this, in the next week where you're going to actually interact with somebody that's kind of difficult? And I want you to step back instead of just flippantly having that interaction. Walk through this. What's the ask or tell? What's getting in their shoes? How would you show that you care about them? And how do you bring your best self? And then how do you create that authentic context, that authentic frame, the A-frame of is it in the right place? Are you right on the right turf? Is there a place to have that conversation? What is that authentic frame that you're going to create so that you can exchange something of higher value and maybe exceed the expectations that you thought you would have? I really encourage you to do that. If you do that, we'd love to see your comments in the section down below and see how they go for you this week and if this authentic exchange plan actually works for you. That's it for this week. If you liked this episode, please like it. Subscribe to the channel, invite a few more people to come, and I'll see you next week. So until then, learn continuously and exchange authentically. Until next time.