Patrick Mosher explains personal power leakage: how anger at a slow driver or a workplace conflict drains your emotional energy. A pause creates a choice point. Before reacting to anything that triggers you, ask if you want to gift your power away, then replace the negative emotion with appreciation for the other person.
Chapters
You're driving down the highway thinking about what you'll do when you get to your destination. You smile. Life is good. And then a slow driver saunters into your fast lane, cutting you off. No head check, no blinkers. You slam on your brakes. Pause. What happens next in your scenario? Positive psychology identifies the top 10 negative emotions, which include these 4: annoyance, disgust, anger, and rage. In the slow driver scenario, which by the way happened to me yesterday, I rank my negative emotions. Am I annoyed? Am I disgusted? Am I angry? Am I enraged? If I let go into one of these negative emotions, I leak personal power. If I pause, I get to choose my reaction. Leak or pause. The pause gives me a moment to ask, how much emotional power do I want to give the slow driver in front of me? So the definition of a power leakage is giving personal power away to a person in a situation where you don't want to. So let me give you a story of my own personal power leakage. I was leading a change management team on a multi-billion-dollar consulting project. That's right, billion dollars. Biggest project of my career. Today is our project kickoff. The entire project team of over 900 professionals gather at a conference center, and this was also Patricia's first day on our project team. A seasoned organization development professional. Our small change management team of 25 meets briefly in the morning before the big kickoff. We go around introducing our new team members. Patricia asks about some detailed things about her work responsibilities. I tell her we'll discuss her new responsibilities tomorrow, so today just go enjoy the day. The next morning, I receive an urgent request to meet with HR. Patricia submitted a grievance against me claiming I was creating a hostile work environment. What? I was floored. Where did I land on this negative emotional scale? Annoyed, disgusted, angry, or enraged? Well, I wish I could say I had a conversation with Patricia that morning and fixed everything that day. Nope. It took months. But one morning, I figured out how to solve my Patricia problems. Love her. Sounds weird and unprofessional to talk about love in the workplace, but I needed to see through the grievances and the day-to-day passive aggressions. She had reasons for not liking me, valid from her perspective. No need to dive into her history. Just accept she had a difficult past. Causing a difficult present. As a lightning rod, let it pass through me. Ground it. Love her talent and her contribution. From that morning on, I saw past that frosty front and the snide remarks and saw her. Once I allowed myself to love her, I got curious and things improved. At last, my emotional power leakage plugged. So you can plug your power leakage too with a pause. When you feel anger, disgust, rage, or annoyance, react with the next steps. Step 1: Ask, do I want to gift this person or situation my personal power? Step 2: Strategize. What steps can I take to replace this negative emotion with love? Love is the key. I know, sounds trite and new agey. Does someone trip your emotional trigger? If yes, you're leaking personal power. Take your power back. Resist the temptation to respond right away. Our world is full of, of hipshoot experts, meme machines, and soundbite seers. News reporters, political pundits, and social media mavens consciously design messages to grab you emotionally. Before you react to a negative emotion, plug your power leakage with a pause. Live 100% empowered.
