College students explain and strategize about Assassins, a campus water-pistol elimination game where players hunt a single target with no alliances allowed. The conversation spirals into paranoia and betrayal as they plot to recruit top players and coordinate attacks, with tensions exploding into shouting matches over who can be trusted.
Chapters
Yeah? Hey, um, I saw your name on that list for, uh, Assassins. What is that? Oh, it's a floor-wide competition they hold each year. Like a game. Riley, right? Yeah. You want to sign up? It can be a lot of fun. Well, uh, what's involved? We just play until there's one man left. And what do you win? It's not really about the prize. Winning is a prize in itself. You played last year. Did you win? I played, but no. No, I didn't win. I was the last man out. Do you think you could, uh, give me some pointers maybe? If I decided to play? Well, put your name on the sheet, then we'll talk. I've been practicing since last year. I hope to do better. First, understand, once the game begins, there are no alliances. There are no friends. There is no one to help you but yourself. Alright, I'll teach you what I know. I'm going to assume you already know how to shoot a water pistol. Well, what's most important in the game of assassins is to know how a battle plays. To know what your opponent will do before he thinks of it is crucial. But even better and safer is to avoid battle altogether and to take out your opponent before he's even aware of you. For example, look at these people. How easy would it be to take out any one of them even if they were told there was a man out there outside hunting them. Would they ever suspect you? Well, the disadvantage in the game of assassins is that everyone already knows your face. Therefore, you must rely on stealth, camouflage, and only in the most extreme circumstances, overt battle. More often than not, both players will be hit in an all-out gun battle. Therefore, it's a good idea to avoid those situations. What are the exact rules? Well, every player is given a target. Therefore, when you're hunting someone, someone else is hunting you. So when you played last year, was it with these guys? No, I wasn't in this dorm. I don't know how these guys play. And, uh, I wouldn't tell you if I did. Just like I'm not gonna tell you how I play. It's all part of the game. Hmm. Okay, I get it. Do you think I could borrow one of your guns to practice with? I'll give it back before the game starts. No. Good luck. Welcome to the game of assassins. Those of you who are armed, empty your weapons and put them on the ground. A pack of envelopes is being passed around. Take one and pass the rest on. Inside is the name of your target. As soon as you pick up your weapon, the game has begun. You will, however, have to acquire ammunition yourself. As targets are eliminated, new ones will be provided to you. Are there any questions? I have a question. I didn't come here to shoot anyone with some little water gun. I just came to ask a question, and it's really the only question that matters. Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior? Robert Ford? Sup? Shit! Now, I can get you right now, right? Completely defenseless. Who's your target? You are. Who's yours? Some guy named Williams. I don't even know him. You might be wondering why I've been shadowing you. I think there's a way for us to help each other and ensure that one of us wins. First, Give me your gun. The thing is, as it stands, our chances of survival aren't too high. So I propose we even the odds by recruiting someone to help us in our hunting. Whatever happens of being in it for the love of the game. Winning by force, winning by cunning, still winning. I know I can't outgun most of the other players, but I can outthink them. Find someone who can outgun them. Well, what do you have in mind? First, let's get out of here. Stray fire is as real a threat as anything. So what do you plan to do? Are we going to clear out the team? I played last year, remember? So? I didn't win. I was the last one shot. And? We're gonna get the guy who did win. His name's Leo. He played every year he's been here. He's the best. He lives for it. Fortunately for us, he's out of the dorms this year, so getting him to do us a favor should be no big deal. Not only did he clear out the entire team last year, but he did it in under 10 minutes. Would have been shorter if it wasn't for me. What happened? This guy sounds like a psycho. I don't think this is a good idea at all. I say we forget we saw each other. I'll go back to my room and I'll go to bed, and tomorrow we'll start again. You're not going anywhere. Tomorrow morning we're walking over to Leo's place and we're winning this game. I'm sleeping here tonight. We need to be cautious. Whoever's hunting you could be around. Let's not let them surprise us. Mm, I think this is it. Mm. Here it is. So you see, it would both help us and allow you to prove that you really are You're still the best. Mr. Leo, we just wanted to— Look, I'm gonna leave this here, and I sincerely hope you consider our offer. Mr. Leo, sir. That was useful. I'm glad we did it. I feel way better now. Like, wow, I'm amazed. Way to freaking go. He'll do it. I'm glad you're so short. That's really— I wanted you to know it was me before I did it. Well, what's your name? Roger. Roger what? The fish. One. Now I know. I wonder what it's gonna feel like when I do it. The fish! You better stay in there! I'll get you! The fish— is that French? Hey, put the fucking gun down! Hey, the fish! Put the fucking gun down! I'm not in the fucking game. Have you seen that new kid Riley anywhere yet? Yeah, I think I saw him walking towards the fucking Fun. Too easy. Jesus Christ. Fuck, man, my coat. Jesus. All right, we've agreed to this temporary truce in order to take out that psychopath that's been eliminating our targets. Frankly, if we don't stand together, we don't stand a chance. Once we take him out, however, it's every man for himself again. Agreed? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Where's those new guys, Victor and Riley? They're still in, no? I couldn't get a hold of them. They're never in their rooms. Doesn't matter. They wouldn't be stupid enough to attack us when we're all together. We need to come up with a plan to take care of the guy. Well, one of us could act as bait and lure him to the rest. Ha! Easy for you to say. You want to be the bait? Not really. Do you? My point exactly. It's easy enough for the rest of us to stay back and point their guns at the door, but that bait's got quite a task. The guys he shot probably didn't even see him coming. How are we supposed to lure him? Wait a minute. Nosotros sabemos dónde vive él. ¿Por qué no vamos en la mañana y lo cogemos a la hora de orinar? That might be a better idea than taking a risk baiting. I'd be in for that. Yeah, definitely. Shit, it's Jackson. Check him out. Is he okay? Goddamn it! Do something! What do you want me to do? Do something, man! He's gonna shoot me! I can't do anything! Do something! Do something! I can't do anything! Come on, do something, man! He's gonna shoot me! Stay calm! Both of us, do something! Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, I understand. Right. Well, well, well. I'm not your fucking pawn. I told you, there are no friends. Vic, this is just a game. There is no game! Riley, you're only making it worse. Riley. Shit! Oh! You son of a bitch! Fuck you!
