Helping Tennis Players Who Get Frustrated and Tank

Hi. Do you have a young tennis player that tends to either give up tank, get really upset emotionally because he's playing a tough opponent or he's losing. I'm Dr. Patrick Cohn. Today I'm going to answer a question from a sports parent about how her hands are tied and she doesn't know what to do with her 10 year old tennis player when he gets upset on the tennis court. You're watching sessions with Doc. So Susie said the following about her son in tennis. My 10 year old son plays tennis four times a week at his club. However, when he's in a tournament, a bad shot, a tough opponent and a double fault will literally have him crying his way through the match. He shouts at himself and his negativity is unbearable to watch. As a parent, I need help. I don't know how to help him anymore. This is the number one complaint that we get from sports parents about how kids tend to act out. Check out in tennis we often call it tanking. They get emotionally upset, they get frustrated and then it just snowballs out of control. They, they could actually be winning a match, hit a bad shot and then absolutely lose the match from that point on because they can't regain emotional control. Now certainly part of this is maturity, but we want to put the maturity issue aside and talk about what you can do as a parent. One of the worst things you can do as a parent is bring attention to it and start punishing your child for acting out or crying on the tennis court. Why? Because all they learn is that behavior is inappropriate. It doesn't give them the skills to help them improve that behavior. So how do you give them the skills? Well, first of all, you have to find out what's so awful about playing that tough opponent. What's so awful about playing from behind? What's so awful about missing a shot or playing a bad shot or making a couple unforced errors or a double fault? Get down to the nitty gritty of why he feels like those are so awful. Here's a hint. It often comes to expectations and him feeling like he's not playing up to his expectations. I also find out if parents start to get involved on the sidelines, in other words, you start to show frustration, you start to show disgust, he sees it on your face. That can also accelerate things and make it worse. So be mindful of that as a parent is you can contribute to this by demanding he be perfect by focusing on his mistakes after the match and just instilling this idea that he needs to be perfect on the court. Likewise, your behaviors in the stands on the sidelines is also going to influence him and how he reacts to mistakes. So you certainly want to encourage him after he makes a mistake. Hey, it's okay. Good job. Keep playing hard. I think that will help, you know, show that you're still really positive and you're still really on his side. But ultimately you have to get him help with the behavior. Not so much punishing what he does when he gets upset or or taking him out of tennis altogether. Give him the skills that's going to help him stay composed. You might look at my tennis confidence program, but we also have a program called the Compose Sports Kid that was written for young athletes. It's not just for tennis players, it's for all young athletes. And we take him through step by step of how he can remain more composed. It even has a little test for him to determine the reasons why he's getting so upset on the tennis court. And you have to really get down to those reasons. What's so awful about missing a shot or double faulting? And then help him work through that and understand he's not perfect. He's going to make mistakes, he's going to hit bad shots and to move on. Thanks for the question. Good luck with your game. If you want more tips, more podcasts and videos on the tennis and mental game, visit sportspsychologytennis.com thanks. If you want to be notified when we upload more mental training videos just like this one, then please subscribe to my YouTube channel. Just click on my picture in the upper right hand corner of this video. We've teed up two more mental training videos for you to check out today. Please visit our website if you want to learn more about mental training.