Tennis Players Who Are Hard on Themselves

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How do you stop being so hard on yourself when you're missing shots out there on the court? Hi, I'm Dr. Patrick Comb. Today I'm going to answer a question from a tennis player who, who's a 3.5 level that is very hard on himself and gets frustrated on the court. You're listening to the Tennis Psychology Podcast.

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Here's the question I received from Barry. Barry said, how can I stop being so hard on myself and getting so frustrated when I miss shots? I'm a 3.5 player and I love the game when others miss shots or hit unforced errors. I'm super encouraging and positive, but when I do it, it's like I'm so hard on myself that I get in my own head and that hurts my performance. Barry, thanks for the question. Very common for tennis players that have a little bit of perfectionism or a lot of perfectionism that they get upset with themselves very easy when they're missing. So why, why do you get so frustrated and why are you so hard on yourself? Let's go there once again. If you have some perfectionism, you have very high expectations about what a clean shot should feel like, what a clean shot should look like, and where the ball should end up. If you're missing shots, then that's not matching that expectation. Or if your shots feel uncomfortable or it's not clean, you didn't catch it in the center of the racket, then that could lead to frustration, too. That's the classic motif of a perfectionist. I call it the triple whammy. The triple whammy is if it didn't feel good, if it, if you don't think the shot looked good, for example, it wasn't deep or it was a weak shot or it didn't end up where you wanted it to go, then it's an opportunity to get frustrated for you. So what do you think the solution is? Well, you have to start with the expectations that you have for your performance. You're not going to hit every shot perfect. You're not going to hit every shot in the court. That's just part of being a 3.5 player. You're not a professional and you can't hold yourself to the standards that you see on TV every weekend. Right. That's where you need to start, is not have any expectations about the quality of your shots, how many you should make and how many you shouldn't miss. For example, that's a good place to start to help you be more composed or maintain your composure. Being hard on yourself is another characteristic of perfectionists. They tend to be very self critical, critical of their performance. And once again, I think it's expectation based. All right, how do you be less self critical? Well, you said maybe you're playing doubles and your partner makes an unforced error or hits a bad shot. You're very encouraging, but you can't do it to yourself. So then the question is, well, why not? Why not do the same thing with yourself when you hit that bad shot? So what is it that you're saying to your playing partner? It's okay, it's just one point, we'll get them on the next point. You're good, it's cool, move on. Perfect. That's what you need to say to yourself. So think about when you miss shots. What is it that you're telling yourself that creates that self critical mindset? I should never miss that easy shot or I practice that shot way too much to miss. That's ultimately what's instigating your frustration is you not living up to that potential in your mind. So you're going to have to do a little reality check with yourself and come up with a different reaction when you miss. The same reaction that you tell your doubles partner you want to have that same mindset. Another way you can think about it is what would the most positive coach that you know saying that moment to you when you missed that shot and then try and repeat that to yourself? You have to change the mental script in your head about how you react to misses before you're going to be able to stay calm and be less critical. Hope that was helpful. If you want more information about our one on one mental coaching programs, jump over to peaksports.com and check out our coaching programs there. We DO programs from junior 12 years old all the way up to senior amateurs certainly. And we also do coaching worldwide via Zoom, Skype, Facetime and phone. So it doesn't matter where you are, we can connect. All right, thanks for your question and good luck.

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