Tennis Players Who Try to Impress Others

You're listening to the Tennis Psychology Podcast with Mental Game of tennis expert Dr. Patrick Cohn. Do you want to improve your mindset for tennis? Then join us on the Tennis Psychology Podcast.

Do you worry too much about what others think about your game and thus it's hard for you to have fun on the tennis court? Hi, I'm Dr. Patrick Cohn. In this podcast, I'm going to answer a question from Josh, who is way too concerned with what others think about his game and what he can do to let go of that concern. You're listening to the Tennis Psychology Podcast.

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Here'S the question I received from Josh. He said, I worry too much about what others think of my game. How can I just play the game for fun and not worry about impressing others or worry about how others think of my game if I lose? Josh, you're not alone here. There's many, many tennis players that worry too much about what others think. We call that social approval in my work, which basically means that you care too much about what others think about your game. And often what goes with that is this idea of mind reading. You essentially try to read their minds on what they think about your game. And a lot of the mind reading happens when you're losing or down in the match or when you're missing shots badly. For example, you might be thinking about what your opponent thinks, or if anybody's watching you play, you might be thinking about what they're thinking, for example. But a lot of times it's just assumptions. I want to say most of the time it's just assumptions on your part, and it's not really based in reality. So it goes with perfectionism. I find that social approval and perfectionism go hand in hand. If you're a people pleaser or you want to make others proud or you want respect from others for your game, it goes hand in hand with being a perfectionist. Certainly it can live or exist without this notion of being a perfectionist, but often it is attached to that idea. All right, so what can you do to think less about what others are thinking about your game? First of all, you said, I want to impress others, and I don't want to look silly if I lose out there. What does that tell you about your modus operandi? If you want to impress others, then somehow you want others to think that you're a good player or that you're a top player in your circles or in your group, whatever level that you play, for example. Well, then you gotta ask yourself why? Does that make you feel more confident? Does that make you feel like you're a better player? Does that make you feel like you're a better person? Often the social approval, I find it goes hand in hand with your self esteem, in other words, your ego. And wanting others to see you as a good player often is about wanting that respect from others because you want to think of yourself as a good person. Well, if I'm a good tennis player and others see that, then I must be a better person in some way. No, it doesn't work that way. But I'm sure you might be wired that way currently. So that's part of the solution is being able to separate the person from the tennis player and understand that tennis is what you do, it's not who you are. That's a big shift for a lot of tennis players. Next, here's what you do. When you start the mind reading. It's really simple for me. First, sit down and write out who do I mind read about, who am I most concerned about? My opponent or if I'm playing doubles with my playing partner? Maybe if you're young, it's a parent, maybe it's a coach. If a coach is watching, then ask yourself, what is it that I want from them? Well, you already identified that. You said you want to impress them, you want them to see you as a good tennis player, for example. Once you're aware of that, the next step is to take it out to the tennis court and simply recognize when you're worrying about what others think, recognize when you're doing that mind reading and then just simply cut it off. I find that my clients do very well with this. Once I make them aware of this phenomenon of mind reading and social approval, that they're able to tap more into it, be more aware why they're doing it as well, and then simply refocus. So your job is number one. That's half the battle is being aware and then the other part of the battle is being able to refocus. Some of the things that will help you when you're refocusing is just tell yourself that's silly, I don't know what that person's thinking, how do I know what that person's really thinking? And then refocus on the next point. That's what we teach our one on one mental coaching clients here at Peak Performance sports. It's pretty straightforward and pretty simple. If you want help with your mental game, jump over to peaksports.com and check out our mental coaching programs. But we have lots of free resources for you as well. You can go to sportspsychologytennis.com and read articles. You can download an ebook there as well. A free ebook. You can watch videos, listen to podcasts, or you can subscribe to the Tennis Psychology Podcast at itunes or Spotify or wherever you like to get your podcast. So we got a lot of free resources for you to enjoy. But if you want that next level then contact us about our one on one mental coaching which we do around the world via FaceTime, Skype, Zoom or phone. All right, thanks for your question. Good luck.

Thank you for listening to the Tennis psychology podcast with Dr. Patrick Cohn. Discover the secrets to superior tennis confidence by visiting www.SportsPsychologyTennis.com for practical mental game strategies to improve your tennis game.