Clarksville Community Church set

Thank you, Jesus. Amen. And we have 3 great comedians that's going to come before you this evening. Amen. First, we're going to start off with Can't Get Right. Mr. Can't Get Right gonna be first on the list, and then we're gonna have Mr. Bobby Smith. Amen. And then we're gonna have Mr. Brandon Little. Amen. And he put the fifth on here. I said, what is that? He said, I'm just different now, Dad. I'm like, okay, hallelujah. But we want to get this party started, and can everybody just put their hands together for Mr.

Kit Wright! Hallelujah!

Thank you, brother.

Thank you, thank you, thank y'all. Y'all make me feel good. Y'all make me feel good about myself. Amen. Thank you so much. How y'all doing today? Amen. Y'all look like I'm tired. Somebody feel like, man, here we go, we trying to be obedient, we got church in the morning. Amen. Thank y'all for having us here today. Uh, we really appreciate it. My name is K. D. Wright. You just been jacking that up, man. All right, you a good pastor, I ain't lying. Cuz you know, pastors, you know, y'all know we be like— cuz I'm a pastor too, y'all know. And you know, sometimes members will say something in the middle of your sermon and they'll turn your sermon in a whole another way. But then you get the shout and you look at your son, you know what I'm talking about, don't you? They get the playing the drums, you like, woo, baby, that came out good, that's good, thank you so much. He just going to be out my face. Thank you so much, I appreciate it. You get paid or you get paid. I got bills, baby. I'm a pastor, I got child support, you know. They will lock pastors up behind child support. Anyway, all right, look, let me just get started. First of all, my name is King Get Right Without the Lord.

Amen.

And I am a preacher pastor, so I need y'all to understand something. So sometimes I be like doing comedy, but then sometimes I be preaching. So when I look at y'all and do that right there, that means that's preaching time and I need y'all to get with it. But if I look at y'all and go like this, that means, you know, y'all laugh, right? Even if it ain't funny, just, you know, just— because one thing I do like about the church is that the church really don't boo you. Oh, y'all thinking about it right now. You don't boo nobody in church because you in church, you be like, nah, I can't boo him because I'm trying to go to heaven. And then if I boo, you know, because of that one sin Yeah, I might not get there. Like, I might get to heaven, but I might not get to the right heaven. Like, I might get to the heaven with the little mansion, you know, John talked about, John chapter 14, many mansions in my house. But if you keep messing up, you're gonna be like not really in a mansion, but like in a duplex, you know, the one that Tupac talked about, I wonder if heaven got a ghetto. Yeah, yeah, y'all know what I'm talking about. Okay, now the way I look at it, okay, I believe that comedy is like a sandwich. Okay, I need y'all to go with me for a second. I believe that comedy is like a sandwich, but I also believe with the sandwich, laughter is the bread, but truth is the meat. Y'all got that? That was deep, right? I saw you, bruh, because you did like your, you know, like Donnie Simpson on, you know, I saw you, you know what I'm talking about, because he was like, yeah, that was kind of deep, man. Yeah, see, I used to smoke weed, but not no more because God saved me, and I don't do that no more since yesterday. But so, like I said, I believe that comedy is like a sandwich, okay? And the truth is the meat, but laughter is the bread. So anybody here hungry? Anybody here hungry? So this right here is the Can't Get Right No Judgment Zone. Yeah, yeah, y'all looking at me sideways. See, I say that, all right? So y'all gonna enter the No Judgment Zone because, you know, church folks judge you in a minute. Christians don't. Y'all come and see, see how this thing come out.

You know, it's perfect. Good, good, good.

But see, that's the thing, a lot of people don't like going to church. Matthew 7:1 says, judge not that you be not judged. In other words, if you going to judge somebody, you going to get judged also. And I can't stand people judging you. Like, you ever see somebody that's homeless And people stepping over them every day. And I get tired of people stepping over me and judging me and stuff. But see, Christians are loving people. They're loving people. Now, now, the difference between Christians and church folks, because church folks will see you and they just talk about you. See, she said that loud, right? Somebody was talking about you today. I mean, yeah, I mean, yeah, I was coming out of the Weed Man's house. But I needed some sandwich bags, so I ain't gonna lie, I ain't gonna lie, brother in the red, I was at the strip club. I was, I was, but it was called Paradise. Yeah, y'all catch that? They don't. A lot of people think I got my name Can't Get Right from the movie Life. Anybody here ever see the movie Life? You're like, "That— all right, see, see, that's how I know what kind of crowd I'm dealing with because, yeah, y'all heathens because y'all ain't supposed to be watching that." But it was a good movie though. That's lit, that's lit. Okay, uh, yeah, but that's not how I got my name. I didn't get my name from the movie. I got my name from my mom. Uh-huh, see, yeah, because you know in Black houses, I'm sorry to say this, we would name our child one thing, yeah, and then change it to something else. You know, like a good name like Chernobyl would be Coco. Melanie would be Bubba. Yeah, Tyrann be Momo. You know, that's just not right. That ain't really Christian-like. So what had happened was my mama, she was at work. She said, look, uh, uh, my sister, uh, she got all C's and we're gonna reward her. Yeah, she wasn't that smart. Yeah, so she said, what we gonna do, we're gonna go to Pizza Hut. We gonna look for pizza. Now see, some of y'all bougie because y'all don't understand. See, when you broke, going to Pizza Hut is a trip. It's a trip. See, y'all grew up in a different era. Yeah, we didn't really have no Pizza Hut like that. Yeah, it was no $10 thing. It was a buffet. So my mama said, so when I get home, I want the house to be clean, and I want everything in the house clean, including your bodies. You know, that's Black folk. That's how she say it. She have to specify even your bodies. And I was like, okay, mama, okay. And she said, so I want everything to be clean. So I got to thinking because For a long time, I've been a very analytical pastor. And I was like, okay, uh, yeah, because at that time I was like maybe in the 4th or 5th grade, and I still kind of peed in the bed a little bit. Uh, anybody still pee in the bed? Anybody? Anybody pee in the bed no more? Tell the truth. Nobody want to raise their hand? Okay, okay. Well, I kind of peed in the bed a little bit, right? And then, so me being analytical, I said, well, if pee stink on the sheets Then where the pee come from might stink a little bit too. So I went in the bathroom, yeah, and I figured where the pee come from, I need to put some soap where that go too. Uh-huh, yeah. And I started burning real bad, gave myself an STD. Yeah. And my mama said, "Yeah, you can't get right." So— true story, true story. So what I started doing is I started saying, "Okay, well, now that I'm grown, I need to find me a good church home. I need to find me a good Bible teaching church." church. There's a lot of churches out there, you know, you got the churches that, you know, they praise all the time but they don't really say nothing. You got the early Sunday morning church, you know, they ain't really saying nothing before early Sunday morning. But, you know, it's, you know, so I said, okay, I need to find me a good church home. And I realized something, the way that you find out if it's a good church or not is by the commercials. See, y'all, y'all ain't been to church too much. The commercials in every church are the announcements, and you can tell whether or not it's a good church or not by the commercials, because every church has pretty much the same type of announcements. Yep, y'all understand what I'm saying. See, first of all, if you're going to be an announcement clerk, there's certain qualifications you must have. All right, the first qualification you must have is you must be a woman. Amen, amen. And in most churches, not this one, you must have on a bad wig.

An announcement, crew.

Must have on glasses. Those you may laugh. That's because that's your cousin doing announcements. Welcome, welcome, welcome. My name is Sister Mayola James. My sister Willie B was fired from being the original announcement person because of a slip of the tongue. She was reading the announcements wrong and she said, instead of her saying that Mother Tucker Welcome to the new St. Luke's Skywalker Church. God in Christ. Faith Evans Tabernacle. Missionary Baptist. Dwayne the Rock Pillar. Healing Temple, if your money is right. Catholic Community Bible Methodist Church. Please cover yourself accordingly. For the person who parked in Pastor's parking spot, your car has been towed. We are having a wig burning service this month. Pastor has started a series entitled God Accepts You As You Are, but the church shouldn't have to look at that mess. We are pleased to announce that we have found Brother Johnson's hearing aid. Sister Walker's son Ray Ray returned it after he could not connect it to his iPhone. The senior choir will now be singing Every Sixth Sunday. Pastor has asked that all members with body odor and bad breath please sit together. Jesus will clean your soul, but some things you You just gotta do for yourself. Pastor wants to apologize to all of our toothless members. He said there should be no gum chewing church. Stop, you're offending. On first Sunday, all one-legged members are asked to sit up front. We are going to kick off our hip-hop program. Woo! Pastor also wants to apologize on behalf of the Midgets on the Moon Ministry.

They do.

Brother Daryl was rude to one of the members when she thought he was a little boy. Just have a couple more announcements and I'll be through. The church has received an email from our guest speaker last week Prophet, pay me more. He said that after looking at what the church has paid him, none of y'all will be getting that breakthrough that he promised. We have a last minute announcement, last minute announcement. Uh, we are having a foot washing ceremony, and Pastor is asking that Brother Earl Hayes leave his feet overnight. And our last announcement is, now that summer is here, The deacons have been asked— are asking that all members please wear deodorant. Last week at the funeral, Sister Clarissa raised her hand to shout, and the man in the casket covered his nose. So if you ever go to a church like that, run, run.

Run.

I've been preaching now for 18 years.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen. And I'm going to tell y'all something. I really don't like people, uh, yeah, too much because people are mean. Amen. We got to be in church for a long time, you know, pastor just smile and just— that's why we ain't got no hair, we gray, we just crazy. And it's a very dangerous place in the church. One of the most dangerous places in the church I didn't even realize was the pulpit. But no, y'all missed what I'm saying. I was at a church one time, and Pastor, you can relate to what I'm about to say. I'm at the church and I'm stupid. I have to be honest. I can't get right. I got issues. And as I'm at the church, I'm watching the older guy about to preach. So when he goes up to the pulpit, he looks all stoic, he looks all like he's really in charge. And I'm looking at him like, yes Lord, he's about to break the word, I'm— and it's just kind of glory is about to fall down. But when he opened up his Bible, a roach came out. It wasn't a little roach, It was a big roach. I don't think the roaches need the Word.

I'm just saying.

So as I'm looking at this roach, I'm like, okay, uh, yeah, how he gonna do this? So I'm sitting over there watching the whole situation. I need y'all to pay attention just for a second. So what he said was he was reading the scripture, but as he was reading the scripture, he was trying to kill the roach. At the same time.

The Lord is my shepherd.

He maketh me to lie down.

And the congregation got happy. They thought that he was getting excited, Pastor. And I'm sitting over here looking at this in disbelief, asking myself, why don't he just kill the roach? So as he's trying to kill the roach, and I need y'all to go here with me, he hit the thing one time and the roach, for some reason or another, decided that he could fly. And when he flew off of the pulpit, I'm looking at it like, no! Now the rope's got in my collar.

Help me out, brother. And I began to shout, and the people thought I was getting happy, but I wasn't getting happy. I was getting broke. I was working the Holy Spirit. I was working the Holy Ghost. Thank y'all so much.

Thank y'all so much. That's my time. My name is Kade. Get right without the Lord. Look at somebody right now and say, I can't get right without the Lord. Say, I can't get right without the Lord. And touch 3 people. I ain't never did that before.

I'm just going to see what I can do.