Cut It Out and Get Right

Welcome to the Coliseum Park Baptist Church. Street Legend LLC and Can't Get Right Productions presents Cut It Out and Get Right, starring your favorite diva of comedy, Shawna Bryant, also featuring King Kwazi, with your musical special guest, the Divine One, and the headliner, Ray Sorrell. Your host, Cedric Legacy City Bellamy.

You look at your collar, you should say, 'I'm parked for a minute.' Most Baptist churches say the church—

they say this is tradition. So when you break tradition, they act superstitious.

Then they can't stand the rain because they act like they got a new addition. Call us 'Sail Baptist,' don't worry about it. So if you mash a tomato, you're a ketchup. See, they be acting so disappointed when you were pointed because they competition with his anointing.

Wow.

We quick to say the world, protect them from the world.

Well, maybe I need to protect them from the church.

That's good.

Why should you protect them from the church?

I left my mom house, I stopped paying tithes. For real.

Big—

exactly. Big mistake. Every time I didn't pay tithes, like, my 10% got worse. I bought a foreign car. I ain't know no better then. I just like, you know what, I'm balling now. I'm I grew up in Hondas and two-seaters, 'cause the back seat was taken out. Poor family. Man, every time I didn't pay my tithe, the car went down. My check went fast. The worst were family members who didn't pay they bills, so you had to help them out. Like, why I gotta be responsible for them? 'Cause they bill behind. They missed they payment. I just missed my 10%. Jesus, the repercussions. Pay your tithe, people. For the people that's in the world, don't throw your 10% at that lady first. Just pay your tithes. At least do right halfway. Y'all laughing. Try me. Next, this Sunday, don't pay your tithes. Can't get right. I should have cut it out. No, but man, this guy, man, I can't say enough about this guy. Every other Facebook Live, you be making people mad. Saints. But anyway, um, he's the reason why I joined Mike Church during football season, because I get off time before kickoff. No, okay, all that was a lie. Lord forgive me. I just want to ease it in. But no, he became a mentor of mine, and he, you know what I'm saying, tough love, very natural, straightforward type of pastor. You know, he don't use all that vernacular that be confusing people. He's the one like, stop playing, you gonna bust hell wide open, get it right, and cut and drop. I respect him for that as a man. And then just, he tell real jokes that's funny. And just when, even when he talk to me, just eye sharp and eye, and he's pulling people up. And I'm not showboating, I'm not saying because I'm on the show, I'm talking about before then. And even in the mix of giving you a compliment, this is what he do to me. True story. This why I ain't wear this today. I usually wear my stuff like this. Anybody that follow me or whatever, I have my hoodie on like this. He was dressed up real nice, so I didn't have no combat really. He was like, Legacy City, man, I got to tell you— and this is from some other people too, like true story, I'm not making this up—

he said, you working with— I got one question. I said, what's up? You be moving your head.

Just extra.

So he bigger than me, so I'm like, well, we got to my weight class, man.

Okay.

He just said, so where you got your Barbie pins? I would be— I would be emasculated for like 15.

I was like, what?

Bye, Tyler Perry. I'm just playing. Look, this guy here is so anointed, man. Powerful man of God. God ain't done with him yet. That's why he gonna teach you how to cut it right, cut it out, and get right.

Y'all please make some noise for Ray Can't Get Right Sorrell! How y'all doing? To God be the glory. Uh, he might as well tell that joke. That's a true story, actually. Uh, I just— I thought he had bobby pins in there. I ain't gonna lie. Oh, that's unique. Like, how do you keep the bobby pins in there? Um, I just want to say thank y'all for coming out. I, I don't— I don't take it for granted, for real. Thank y'all for representing the Can't Get Right brand, the shirts and everything else. Uh, God is good. That's all I can say. Thank you. We're going to do something today that's a little different. We're going to still tell jokes and everything else, but I need to impute some word in some people because, you know, somebody asked, do they get church credit for coming today? Like, church credit, you know. That was you, Tony, didn't you ask me that yesterday? That wasn't you?

Okay.

Um, so, so, so we're going to do things a little different today than you probably seen before, uh, because I realized that, man, God gave me a different gift. He did. I see my old boss over there, Terry, uh, who I worked with for years. And I realized that cutting hair is just like coming to Christ. It's, it's very similar. All that you do is— and actually, if you look for it, you'll see Jesus in everything that you do. If you look for it, you can be cutting the grass like, oh, that's Jesus in that grass. All right, all right, all right. He's doing that again, like two claps. But you got— but you guys know you're gifted, you know. You guys know you're gifted. Everybody can't sing. Every pastor can't sing. Let me say it again, every pastor can't sing. I'm sick of going to churches and these pastors think they can sing. Everybody can't sing, baby. That's why you got Minister Music. You need to pay him because you can't sing. So, so I realized that my gift— like, okay, so the other day I was at Walmart and kind of not really gonna be in church, but I was still at Walmart and I seen a homeboy I ain't seen in like 20 years. He's been locked up in the Bushwick. He's a midget. He is the— he's a midget. No, I mean, but his name is Bushwick, right? But he's a midget, right? And you know, he's like, yo, what's up, King? Get right, man. I ain't seen you in years, man. Bless you, man. You know, I went down like that. He's like, yeah, man, you know, man, I just want to tell you, man, you doing your thing. I said, man, right on, man. You know, I kind of pat him on the head. He like, don't do that, don't do that. I ain't no midgets don't like getting patted. On the head. I was just— good job, you know. But he's like, man, you doing your thing, man. I said, man, thank you, brother. He said, you know, I just want to tell you something, man. You know, life is short. So, so you can have the right message but be the wrong person to tell the message because you understand what I'm saying. Okay, yeah, yeah, I know where you're at. So, so, so my thing is, I said, okay God, uh, what do you want me to do? He said, well, first of all, you need to tell everybody why they call you Can't Get Right. Okay, so everybody think I got my name Can't Get Right from the movie Life, right? Jenga leg, jenga leg. Anybody ever seen Life? Okay, y'all in church, y'all ain't seen Life? Okay, y'all lying like a jenga leg. Okay, then got the cornbread. Okay, y'all, okay. Uh, but actually I didn't. My mama gave it to me because, you know, black people, like, when we name our kids one thing, right? And then that's the first tip, you know. But then, you know, later on they going to name something else. Like, I know your name ain't Kwazi. Leroy. Uh, sorry, I thought I didn't get you. Um, but you know, like, like Melanie is Bobo. She hate when I say that, but it's true though, you know. Shanova's Cocoa, Karina's Candy. I'm like, really? That's just— y'all need to stop doing that. So I got my name because— OK, so when I was growing up, we would get dropped off at my grandma's house all the time. I think my mama was in the streets. She in here, praise God. I think she was in them streets, and we got dropped off a lot. Like, I didn't know she was coming tonight, sorry. We get dropped off a lot. Like, you know, and y'all might not notice the culture thing. You know, white people go to Grandma's house. Go to Grandma's house. Black people, we get dropped off because, you know, Big Mama really didn't want you there anyway, you know what I'm saying? She's like, why are you even here? And so I'm at my Big Mama house, and, you know, old house, you know, y'all know what I'm talking about. And, and I would go over there and she goes to sleep because she was tired, you know, like 6 o'clock. And she's sleeping. Well, I ain't sleepy yet, so I'm walking around the house trying to figure out what I can get into, right? And, uh, my mama, uh, she old school. She believed in whooping, right? Like, not real talk, like no matter where you was at, that's where you're gonna get hit, you know what I'm saying? Like, you in church, you're gonna get hit with a Bible or a hymnal. You're in the car, you're gonna get hit with the ashtray. You know, it's just— that's just how God was. And so she right there, she know I'm telling the truth. You see I'm moving, right? I tell the truth, Mom. Uh, so she believed in whooping, right? And the reason she whooped us is she didn't want us to do the things that we used to do. Like, she wanted to correct the behavior of what we was doing. So I'm at Big Mama's house and she's asleep, and we had more wooden floors, and you know what I'm talking about? Every time you step, they let you know that you stepping. You know what I'm talking about? You know, wake up the whole house. Anyway, she sleep. So I'm like, I'm in the bathroom and messing with her cholesterol medicine and— tell y'all, you know, and I was mixing up like the blood pressure with the cholesterol. I didn't know what the blue pills was for, but she had them. I don't know why she had those pills. Big Daddy always smiling though. So I'm a curious little kid, man. No, I'm walking around, so I'm walking and I pull back the shower curtain. I saw something I had never seen before. I don't—

it was a red—

oh.

Bad.

And I thought it was like a water gun or something, cuz every time I would push on it— I don't know, it smelled like a salad. So I would push on it, y'all, and I like salads, so I went to taste it and my mama walked in and she beat me down. She said— and she told me, boy, you can't get right. Almost a true story. You striking me down, I ain't crazy. So I realized that, uh, something was wrong. No, real talk. I, I, I knew that, um, a long time ago that, that something was wrong. There we go. That's good, because they ain't bringing the Bible. You ain't bringing the Bible. Okay, nobody bring that Bible, and you a pastor. Where your Bible at? Uh, but the Bible says, the Bible says, have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love, according to your abundant mercy. Blot out my transgression. Watch me. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sins. And I realized it's almost like getting a haircut. You gotta know that you need a haircut. Okay, let me say this again because I'm sick of Black women, uh, just because you go natural don't mean you ain't got to pat your hair. Y'all walking around looking like James from Good Times talking about Wakanda. No, that ain't Wakanda. That's the Evans household.

That ain't you.

So you gotta know if something is wrong. And the problem with us nowadays is that people don't realize that something is wrong. You know, we've been reading our own press, and because we're trying to get so many likes on Facebook and social media, then what's happening is we're being fooled into thinking that we're not jacked up. And the only way that we can realize that we jacked up is if we actually look in the mirror. Now, now, he already know— anybody know me know I love Michael Jackson. And one of the songs that Michael Jackson had is called Man in the Mirror. If you want to make a change, you got to start with the man in the mirror. And as a barber, I realized that some of y'all ain't looked in the mirror in a long time. Nah, for real. I ain't gonna say who she is, but I was sitting in the back a few minutes ago and her wig was too big. Now, I ain't gonna say who it is. Don't y'all look around. Look straight. But every time she turned her head, the wig stayed in the exact same Why you looking at your wife? So you gotta know something wrong. That's point number one. And then when you realize something is wrong, you got to say, okay God, what's the next move? And the next move is to come. Come here a little bit. Come here, y'all get up for Alex. Kind of short, ain't it? So it's just like— and I always tell everybody, coming to God is just like coming to Christ. Once you realize something is wrong, then you must come. Now it says, come to me. All right, here we go. Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Hold on, it didn't say sleep. Y'all missed that. Hold on, let me, let me remind you, sleep and rest is two different things. Because I gotta sleep apnea, which you was talking about earlier. I'm in the back like, she know I gotta sleep apnea. It's asthma, it's asthma. I can't sleep, can't breathe. So I don't really rest that much unless I put on, you know what I'm saying, a little mask thing. And I don't look too cool with the mask because even I sleep, I want to look good, you know what I'm saying? So I sleep but I don't rest.

Amen.

And it says, take my yoke upon you and learn from me. Y'all missed it. For I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your— what? Souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Once you finally come to Christ You got to understand that he's going to give you rest. Now the thing about coming to Christ is once you get there, you got to understand that he's still in charge. Hold on, y'all missed that.

No.

Okay, so he says he's gonna give you rest. Now most people don't understand why rest was such a big deal in those particular days. Those people were actually under oppressive rule of the Roman government. Y'all missed that. The government was making things hard for them, and since the government was making things hard for them, everything was difficult. Now we live in a time where we got people in the White House Y'all missed that, man. We got people in the White House that's trying to divide people. You thought people who were your friends are not your friends, and everyone seems to be beefing with one another. It's sad because even Christians who say they love Jesus find themselves daily arguing with one another. Watch this. Now, I can understand the world being upset. But we all supposed to serve the same God, no matter what color you are, no matter your economic status, no matter your social capital. We're all supposed to be serving the same God. And I'm just amazed at how the evangelicals are all solid. It's not about black or white, it's not about male or female. We got to cut some of this stuff out.. We gotta understand that God is watching us, and he's also watching how we treat one another. So we gotta come because we realize that, Lord, we need you right now. Now I'm gonna say this right here, and I'm gonna make some people mad, but that's just what I do. I noticed that when Obama was in office, and I didn't agree with everything that he did, he was black, so we gave him a lot of pass. Oh, y'all real quiet on me now. Somebody said, don't say nothing about Obama. That's my president. You ain't even vote. You got a felony. What you talking about? You said every Sunday I would hear people say, pray for the president. Oh, y'all missed it. Y'all missed it. They would always say, pray for the president and his cabinet to make wise decisions. Very seldom in church nowadays do I hear the pastor say pray for the president. Just because you don't like that orange dude don't mean that we ain't got to pray for him, because the Bible says we got to pray for those who— come on, man, y'all— we got to understand that he, he still needs prayer even if he don't know God, because although he doesn't stand for what we might stand for, he still has a soul and God loves him just like he loves us. Now, I don't agree with the orange dude. I tell you, Agent 45, you got to follow me on Facebook. He ain't 45. Look at the blood by his face. He working for some other government. He working for the government of Russia. I'm just saying what I believe. But at the same time, he still was created by God. He was still placed there by God. And people say God didn't place him there. Well, who did then? Because God couldn't stop him. God couldn't stop him. So we got to understand, we can't just be Christians when it feel good.

Oh my God.

Even when it's not Example, even when somebody's looking at you crazy and talking crazy, we still got to be a Christian. We still got to do what he taught us to do. Watch this. Come to me, all who labor. Oh, y'all missed that. See, see, maybe we just stopped laboring. Maybe we just put all the pressure on the pastor. So instead of us telling people about Christ, we just tell them what church we go to.

Teach.

We gotta understand that God is watching us. Everything that we do, he's watching us. We think we get away with things, but we don't get away with nothing. All right, we're gonna tell this story, but my mama here, let me tell a story real quick. So, uh, yeah, I, uh, have a sister who love me to death now. Yeah, y'all missed that. She love me now. Growing up, she cared nothing about me because every time she would get in trouble, I was the dumb brother that I would believe that I'm the one that did it. So I never forget one time she broke her closet, uh, in the room in Whitefield Place on Goliad. Now here's the thing about it. In the Black household, we tell the truth. And my mama said, "Look here, don't make me lose my deposit." Okay, here we go. I'm in the second grade. I don't know what the heck a deposit is. But I know it was important. Don't put your head down, mama, we in church. "Don't make me lose my deposit." She spelled it all wrong. D-O-P-O-S-I-T. So my sister, uh, yeah, my sister had the nerve to break her closet and then say, "Ray, let's go play hide and seek." Okay, let's play. What do I do? Hide right there. In my dumb behind, hid right there. The closet door fell all on top of my head. Now I'm just screaming for Jesus. He came, but I was the maintenance man. Y'all caught that? G&D section over here. So I tried to hide. I said, I'm gonna hide from my mama. And the same person who got me in trouble told me where to hide. Why you don't hide here behind the dresser, my mama? I hid behind the dresser. And I'm just like that. I hear behind— I know she worked overtime that day. She came home from work, I've been asleep. She said, oh baby, I just bless your heart, I ain't gonna whoop you. I said, thank you, Mom, thank you, thank you. Then the next day, blinds fell, I got a whooping. I know you was coming, so I'll tell the story. I'm sorry, you look so mad. Are you looking all right? Okay, mama ain't up there to do all this. Mama just signed me up for a free haircut, that's all you know. Hey man, that's how we used to wear our hat growing up, just like this. So the thing about it is you must come, okay? It's very important that you come. Now I gotta say this, you gotta be careful what barbershop you go to, man, because you go to the wrong barbershop, they have you like this. I had waves yesterday, but I let a guy named Wes cut my hair and it didn't come out. Uh, well, it was a pre— one of them. So, so don't go to every barbershop because you go to the wrong barbershop, you're gonna come out with a messed up haircut, messed up hairline, lean worms, everything else. Same thing with church. You go to the wrong church, you find yourself jacked up. Now, only because we recorded this, I'm gonna put some churches on blast. I don't care. Uh, don't get in them $100 lines. I'll say it again. Don't get in the $100 line. God don't work like that. Trust me, if God needed your money he'd already hit. I mean, think about it, he can jack you if he wanted to. He's gone, right? But we stayed in the $100 line, the $50 line, the $1,000 line. And I ain't gonna lie, I did it one time, but I bounced the check. So I was like, if I got the blessing, then the money would have been there. I would put it in the bank. We would all been good. I wish I would lie. This That's true. Okay, so you, you realize that, uh, you go to the wrong church by the commercials. Now some of y'all might be like, commercials? What do you mean commercials? Well, in case you haven't been to church in a while, the commercials are the announcements. Let me say it again, the commercials are the church announcements. And if you're going to be part of a church and, and see the announcements, they must be done by a woman. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. And she got to have on a bad wig. If y'all ain't laughing, cuz it's your mama And not only must you wear a bad wig, it's important she wear glasses. Ah, how y'all doing? I say, how y'all doing? How you doing, baby? Hey, how you looking at me like that? You looking at my hair lip? Any other announcements? Welcome to the new St. Luke Skywalker Church of God in Christ Faith Evans Tabernacle. Missionary position is the only way. Baptist Pentecostal, the rain, the rock of ages, healing temple if your money is right. Oh, I'm sorry, that's the welcome. I'm sorry. My name is Sister Mayola Jenkins III. My sister Willie B was fired from doing the church announcements because of a slip of the tongue. She meant to say Mother Tucker. He right. He right. He right. But instead of saying Mother Tucker, uh-huh. These are announcements, govern yourself accordingly. For the person who parked in Pastor's parking spot, uh-uh, baby. Baby, you missed your cue. That's too soon. Uh, excuse me, excuse me, baby, can I do my announcements? Shayna, uh, your cue is, uh, 5 minutes from now. Could you back up, please? Uh-huh, uh-huh. She just going to ruin my jokes in the middle of the joke. Didn't I say after I say— see, that's the problem with people that smoke weed. She just killed the cue. In the middle of the queue! You just been ruining everything we practiced, you Ray Sorrell! This wind is hot! Back to the announcements. Oh, fast thing. I'mma try one more time. Don't y'all edit that, I like that, that was good. Uh-huh. Ooh, this wig is hot. I don't know how y'all do it. As I was saying, for the person that parked in Pastor's parking spot. Your car has been towed. We are having a wig burning service next month. Pastor is starting a new series entitled God Accepts You As You Are, eh, but the church shouldn't have to look at that mess. We are pleased to announce that Sister Walker's son Ray Ray returned it after he couldn't connect it to his iPhone. Should have had Android. Um, this is from the pastor's desk. Pastor Steven said, uh, the senior choir would now be singing every 6th Sunday. So y'all get that in the car. Pastor has asked that all members with body odor and bad breath please sit together. He's starting a series entitled Jesus will clean your soul, but some stuff you got to do for yourself. Pastor wants to apologize to all of our toothless members. When he said no gum chewing in church, some people were offended. That's the genie On first Sunday, all one-legged members are asked to sit up front. We're going to kick off our hip-hop convention. The media ministry wants to apologize for all y'all that had the CD from the guest speaker and y'all thought that Yosidi skipped. And Yosidi didn't skip, he just stuttered. Pastor wants to apologize on behalf of the Midgets on the Move praise dance team. Brother Darryl was rude. One of the ladies mistook him as a child. Ooh, this wig is hot. And my final announcement—

see the cue?

My final announcement, because this wig is hot. The church has received an email from our guest speaker last week, Prophet Pay Me More. He said after seeing what the church paid him, None of y'all would be getting that breakthrough that he promised y'all. That concludes our announcements. Govern yourself accordingly. Girl, yeah, he done tried to put me out of here. Excuse me, baby. We in the middle of church.

Okay, I'm getting my church on.

Okay, but I told you, on the battlefield, I ain't never seen no purple trees. How you doing? You got purple blow pop and everything. Hey, what is you?

My name is Shaquita Shaquan Alizee.

Yeah, I bet you are single, baby. Yeah, don't nobody want you. Who you talking to? I know you fast. Hold on, I've learned something, man. Y'all hear me out, okay? I'm trying to bless you.

I'll call you back.

No, she didn't say that with a purple thing. Okay, you know you ain't got no man Everybody ain't got praying parents. Look here, man, let me tell y'all something, okay? Never fall in love with a woman who love her kids. Do y'all hear me? I'm giving y'all some wisdom. You hear me?

Lisa, you hear me?

Never fall in love with a woman who love her kids.

Ain't nothing wrong.

She love all her kids so much that she gave each one of them their own daddy.

That's my little boy husband.

You got something to say?

I'm looking for a husband. They told me that this is where I can find me a good man.

I think— did you like the King Kwasi?

Hey, he cute, he cute. Oh, he cute? Yeah, he cute.

All right, now you— so what, y'all going to hook up? You're sinners, you're going to hell.

Look, old lady, you don't even know, okay? She call me old Yes, I did.

Baby, don't make me pull off this good wig.

Oh, come on, you can get it. I'll fight an old woman. What?

You'll fight an old woman?

I'll fight an old woman.

That's how you got that hat from an old woman.

I sure did.

Baby, why is you here?

I told you, old lady, I am here to find me a man.

So, uh, what am I supposed to do? Is there a heart? Is there a heart in the house tonight? Stand up. Stand up.

I was minding my own business. I was just scoping the crowd trying to find—

Girl, you blinging, ain't you?

I sure am.

Girl, your wrist gonna be orange. You getting a diamond ring.

Why?

'Cause this wig is hot. I'm ready for this sketch to be over. Sweat like a hooker in church, girl. I gotta finish the rest of these jokes.

You ain't got no man, that's why. Don't be mad.

First of all, I had a man. He had a dream and everything. Yes, Dr. King and I used to date a long time ago. Yes, before Coretta.

Coretta was—

I'm gonna tell you, Coretta was a side chick.

No, you don't know no Martin Luther King, no way. Don't even. Uh-uh.

Why you keep shaking your head? You just seen me laugh one time to this day. Wait a minute, is that your half a real one?

I bought it.

Okay, um, I don't know what else we supposed to talk about.

I know.

I promise I'm over there.

See, I been over there sitting in my seat, minding my own business, and you You mind yours, then I go sit down there.

Uh, first of all, I just want everybody to say, huh? So if y'all ever go to a church like that, please run. Y'all give it up for Shayna. Okay, I ain't missed half the jokes I've been telling this girl. It's crazy. It's on the way. What you got your hand up for, man? Ain't no question to answer. He going to tell me he got to go. Just go. You don't see me working. Okay, so we understand that we got to come, okay? A barber cannot cut your hair if you don't come. That just— that's just plain and simple. You got to come. In other words, there's a process to this thing and you got to come. The next thing you got to understand— see, that's, that's why you ain't paying attention. I said the next thing you got to understand— got it?

All right.

Is trust the process. Now I got some barbers in here that's gonna love what I'm about to say. One of the things we can't stand is somebody who sits in our chair and just won't sit still. No, y'all are missing what I'm saying. Instead of them sitting still, they sitting up there moving their head, looking at their cell phone, trying to see the woman that just walked by, and we trying to work on them. Now, some barbers don't mess with kids. And I'm gonna say this, gonna help some barbers. And the reason they don't mess with kids, because y'all kids are bad. When they tell you, I don't cut kids' hair, they lying to y'all. They just don't cut your kids' hair. And the reason they don't cut your kids' hair, because your child is moving the whole time. Now, we understand that kids are going to move. But they're moving because they're afraid of what's happening to them. They're moving because they're not comfortable with the process. Let me say it again, and that's the same thing we do with God. God says, I need you to sit still because I'm working on it. I'm doing some things in your life that has never been done before. And what happens is we find ourselves upset Because God is not doing it the way that we want him to do it. Let me try again. See, we want the blessings. Y'all missed it. Let me put it to you like this, since somebody was rhyming earlier, right? We want the testimony, but we don't want the test because the test requires patience. The test requires us doing things that has never done been done before.

That's right.

Now watch this right here. Sometimes when you get in the chair, you got to just sit still and let the barber do what he do.

That's right.

If you accept Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior— let me say it one more time— we like the Lord— I mean, we like the Savior part, because what the Savior means is I'm not going to hell. The Savior means I have salvation waiting for me on the other side. So all my loved ones that had crossed over, they all right, and I'm gonna see them after a while. Now hopefully we won't go to the wrong heaven and go to the one that Tupac said, "I wonder if heaven got a ghetto." Now I don't know about y'all, but I don't want to go there because that heaven is crazy. Yeah, but we got to trust the process. Now here we have in the story, the Bible says in Mark chapter 8, verse 22, they came to Bethsaida and some people brought to him a blind man and begged him— listen to this— they begged him to touch him. And he took the blind man— talking about Jesus— by the hand and led him out of the village. And when he had spit on his hands and laid his hands on him, he asked, do you see anything? The man looked up and said, I see people, but they look like trees walking. Y'all missed it. Y'all missed it. Then Jesus laid his hand on his eyes again. Yeah, that blew my mind because it could have took the first time, right? Yeah, come on now. And he opened his eyes. His sight was restored and he saw everything clearly. Yeah, here's what's interesting. These people were nice enough to bring a man who was blind to Jesus. That means they must have had good intentions. But as soon as he came to Jesus, Jesus said, you need to get away from him. Y'all missed that. Jesus said, let's go out of town. He didn't say around the corner. That's it. He said out the village. Yes, sir. Yeah, come on now. Wait, hold on. So you left them out the village? In other words, sometimes Jesus going to take you away from people that you thought had your best interest at hand. I've learned something. Everybody that say they love you don't love you. Everybody that say your friend really ain't your friend, because when the rubber hits the road, when things come up, then Jesus will really show you how they feel about you. So this man was blind. The people brought him to Jesus, which means they must have understood there was some power in Jesus, unless they was using the man just to see another show. Oh, y'all don't believe that? You ain't never seen on Facebook and people be pretending like they sick? Y'all, don't, I don't, I ain't gonna tell you what's going on, but y'all pray for me. What, Heifer, why you on here? You trying to get some likes or something? Ain't nothing wrong with her. She got fired from a job because she was no good. She walked in, she worked at Walmart on FM 78. Jesus took the man out the village. Then he did something that was gross. See, y'all read the Bible too fast. He spit.

Yeah, Lord.

Yeah, yeah, he did. Okay, maybe y'all think Jesus had some Holy Spirit, but his breath smell real good. But you gotta go back to the times, Angela. You gotta exegesis and eisegesis. He spit. It wasn't no mouthwash back then.

What?

No scope? He spit in the dude's eyes. Then ask the question, what do you see?

Spit.

I see spit, Jesus. He said it looked like trees. I think it was just lava. Pray for me. That's okay. This is the only time where you're going to see Jesus take two times to heal somebody. If Jesus can take his time on change happening in somebody's life What makes us think everybody's gonna get it with one Facebook post? What makes us think we gonna get it off of one sermon that they heard? Men, ladies ain't gonna get it the first time because they crazy. I'm sorry, I wasn't supposed to say that. Wasn't supposed to say that. Sorry, pray for me. He told me to say that by his wife. He said, could you work that in there?

Why you laughing?

But then he says his sight was restored and he saw everything clearly.

That's right.

Let me tell y'all something, clear vision is something else. When you're able to see people for who they really are, it's scary because the bills that you help pay people that called you late in the midnight hour, you don't get on Facebook telling everybody. The bills you didn't help pay, you realize that they really don't care about you. And then they're gonna act funny because now you act the way that they're being treated. You preach, Ray. You gotta understand that sometimes God's going to reveal to us exactly what's going on. And when he does, don't get upset. Understand That's part of the process. I, I can, I can only imagine the same people that brought him out— did you notice nobody followed? Did you know that nobody followed? Ain't no way to text where it say, Jesus say, now y'all don't follow me. Uh-uh. Like, you know, red light, green light. No, don't follow me. I've learned, man, that When God is working on you, he will isolate you, and it will hurt sometimes. Sometimes people won't understand you. They're taking you crazy. They tell you something's wrong with you. But guess what? If God is working on you, let me tell you something. Like I said earlier, we like the Savior part, but we don't like the Lord part. Huh, maybe I missed it. See, Lord means you in charge. Okay, maybe I don't understand it. There's a contract that we have with God between heaven and earth, and he's our soul lord. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not a landlord. See, you sign the lease and you tell the landlord, I pay the bit, pay the rent by the third of the month. If not, there's some consequences for not doing what we agreed to. So Jesus said, if you don't do what I say, being your soul lord, don't get upset when things don't go the way you want them to. This man saw everything clearly. Yes, clearly. So you gotta understand, there's a process. Now, uh, in this process, we got to tell the truth. It's not always easy to tell the truth with Jesus, and the reason is he already knows it, and we know we jacked up. But when we speak it out loud, it's almost embarrassing. You ever been in a situation where you know you did something wrong and you told Jesus, but when it came out your mouth, you was like, dang. Yeah, yeah. So you gotta understand something, and that's why Shaquita can't get no man, because you got to tell the truth. Let me tell y'all something, right? So, you know, yeah, I was dating for a while and I went on his website, uh, Plenty of Fish. I thought it was a Christian website, uh, make you fishes of men. Uh, I just got that. Read the Bible, Matthew 4:19. Uh, that wasn't really it though. Uh, it meant something else. It was Plenty of Freaks. 'Cause people in the mind wasn't right. And the girl on the picture was always leaning, and I thought she was just cool. I was like, ooh, she cool, she must be from the '70s. I bet when she talk, she do this right here, like my Uncle Curtis. When she talk, she do this right here all the time, like, "Chop turkey." But what happened when I got to the house, her leg was shorter than the other one. And she didn't reveal everything to me. Me. So I went to the house and I said, hey girl, how you doing? Uh, little egg. And she like, I'm good, my name is Squid. I said, all right, right on, nice to meet you. She said, well, go in there, I'm not finished getting dressed yet. Uh, go have a seat. I said, okay. So I went in there and I sat down. Now the thing about it is, you should reveal things to people when you know something ain't right in the house. Okay, something ain't right in the house, you got to let people know. Like, you ever been to somebody house and they got like a German Shepherd or something, but they don't tell you they got German Shepherd. And then the German Shepherd just run up to you and you don't— you just kind of stuck. You don't know what to do, right? Because it's slipping you like, I don't want to move because he might bite me. Well, she didn't tell me that she had a special needs son. Okay, so I'm sitting up there and I sat down and, you know, I'm eating my Skittles, you know. I'm, you know, I like Skittles. I'm waiting on Lil Leg to come out. I'm like, come on, Lil Leg. You know, I'm waiting on Lil Leg to come out. And this dude came in, and I didn't really know how old he was because he had on a Pokémon shirt, but he also had on some zipper boots. And I was like, this really don't go together. So I'm eating my Skittles and he just staring at me. I'm like, oh, what's up, little man? He just looked at me. Now he was really about 42 years old, but I ain't know. And I'm eating my— he said, taste the rainbow! Taste the rainbow! This ain't right. We got into a fight. Okay, so I got one last point. We gonna get out of here. That was preach as long as he right there. The last point is very simple. It's very simple. You will be changed. If I fall, then we are going to fall. I'm going to be changed too. So you got to understand, as you sing the tear, you're going to begin to look different. I know you got a chili bowl right now, little man, but we going to fix all that later, and you're going to look different. Here's a story. When Moses came down from Mount Sinai, the Bible says that he was in the Mount talking to God for 40 days and 40 nights. Okay, maybe y'all didn't catch that. For 6 weeks he was talking to God. Yeah, for 6 weeks he was talking to God. The Bible says, Exodus chapter 34, verse 29, when Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tablets of covenant in his hands, he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the Lord. When Aaron and all the Israelites saw Moses, his face was radiant, they were afraid to come near him. After you have spent some time with God, you're going to look different. Yeah, people are going to look at you differently.

That's right.

Now the thing about it is you might not even realize that you're different. That's it, that's it. But you're gonna find yourself not talking like you used to talk, not acting like you used to act. That's right. Now you might cuss some dudes But you ain't cursing all the time. You gotta understand, I'm looking at my cursing family, I'm like, I don't know who. You gotta understand, you're going to be different and you don't even notice the change. You find yourself at bars and clubs and you get sleepy, you ready to go home. You find yourself not having as much fun sinning as you used to. Oh, y'all, y'all got church on me real quick. Let me tell you something, sin feels good. Oh, we ain't gonna say that in church. Let me tell the truth, sin feels good. You know why? I've been sitting for a long time. I've been sitting longer than I've been knowing Jesus. Jesus. And the thing about it is I have to divorce those ways and fall in love with Jesus. Moses came down and he was shining. His whole face was radiant. And the people who he had led out of it— I mean, out of Egypt— was afraid to come to him. Yeah, they were scared of this man because this man spent time with the person who delivered them. Oh, y'all missed that. See, my, my relationship with God might be a little different than your relationship because he delivered you, but he really delivered me. And when I spend time with God, and when you spend time with God, people around you, your family, your friends, your coworkers, they going to think something is wrong with you cuz you're not acting the way everybody else acts. Let me tell y'all something, and we about to get out of here cuz I'm tired, it's hot, I got hit. Oh, oh yeah, I almost said another thing. Yeah, I got angry on toenail. Uh, I do. Let me, let me tell y'all something. Sometimes you don't understand things, but as you go get older, you begin to understand it by and by. I, huh, didn't really like my mama growing up. No, no, I'm just going to tell the truth. Whatever, look at me how you want to. I didn't really like my mama because it wasn't that she was a bad person. She always gave good advice and stuff like that, but I didn't know that it wasn't her fault that she had a real deep voice. My mama sounded like Barry White, y'all. So when people would spin at my house, like my cousin Pre-B over there, he's like, "Ray, who that man down there singing?" Like, that's my mama. And she be down there singing Barry White songs. My first, my last, my everything. Joining the men's choir. I'm like, no, you gotta join the men's choir. But one thing my mama taught me, if God answers you through prayer, and she told me that when you pray, you got to be very specific. Specific. Make sure that when you tell God what you want, be specific. That's right, not Pacific, y'all. I'm sick of y'all saying that. It's specific. You gotta spit when you say it. Specific. That God answers you through prayer. And I found out that my mama was right. I did. I found out she was right. Uh, a couple of months ago I had a show in Houston. It was an all-white party, and I'm driving to this all-white party, and on my way to the all-white party, I decided to get some Starbucks. I realized that Black people pray different, not because of oppression, not because of slavery, but because we lactose intolerant. When you lactose intolerant— why you looking like that, sir? When you lactose intolerant, your stomach hurt. You ever been on your way home from work and you get caught by a train and you start praying hard? Jesus, it's me, it's me, oh Lord. Not my mother, not my father. So I'm on my way to Houston and I'm drinking Starbucks, listening to some music, and I had just passed up Buc-ee's, you know what I'm saying? And as I'm driving, I'm, I'm, I'm jamming to, uh, yeah, music, cuz you know what we do, we lean to the side a little bit, lift up the leg, and we let it out. But this time it was going fast, so I said, let me put on some Kirk Franklin, that might change the mood, cuz there's a spirit that's in the room. I don't think it's the right spirit. So I'm driving and I'm just like, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Then it was like, oh Jesus, this ain't right. Lord, I need a bathroom. I said, Lord, give me a toilet somewhere, please. Jesus, it's me, Lord. I'm your child. I might not be all I supposed to be, but Jesus, it's me. He answer prayers. All of a sudden I saw a porta-potty. On the side of the road. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. I pulled over real fast and I ran to the porta-potty. All right, I didn't really run. I kind of like to the porta-potty, had to kind of squinch up a little bit because I didn't want nothing to come out. So I got the porta-potty, I like, whoa, Jesus, threw my legs up and let thunder and lightning do what it did. I ain't check the toilet for nothing. I ain't know put blood on the toilet. I ain't even care. I'm like, I get this out of me. There's a demon inside of me. So I'm sitting up there and— oh Jesus, thank you Lord. Oh God, you answer prayers, Jesus. Yeah, you answer prayers. I forgot to pray for toilet paper. My mama was right. She's always a boring— I said, well, geez, I don't We know what to do. I can't go to an all-white party stinking. Don't want to have no rust. I said, Lord, I need to clean myself, Jesus. I, I need to clean myself, Lord. Look, God, you know I need to clean myself. This ain't right. You play. All of a sudden, I saw two little old with something written up under it. It says, clean yourself with your two fingers and stick your fingers in the hole, and it shall be licked off with a human tongue. Now Jesus, I know you ain't— I believe Daniel was in that lion's den. And nothing happened. I believe Meshach, Shadrach, and Abednego was in the fiery furnace. I believe that. I believe Jesus died on the cross for my sins. 3 days later, rose with all power in his hand. I believe that. But now, Lord, you ask me to believe that I'm gonna stick my finger and it's gonna be licked off with a human tongue. Spirit said, just believe me. I said, I don't know what spirit is talking to me right now, but I rebuke you, devil. So I sat there, my legs started falling asleep. I said, man, I gotta go, I gotta be late. Leg going to sleep. I said, I'm gonna do it. So I got these two things and I began to clean myself.

Oh, corn!

Right there. So I put my fingers in the hole, stepped out by my own faith, and my homeboy Bushwick was out there with a hammer and he smashed my fingers. I said, ooh, ooh. Boom! Y'all, the point is, some stuff we got to cut out. We got to cut out and get right. We, we, we can't keep doing the same old thing the way we used to. We have to do things the way God wants us to do it. That's good. Sometimes, y'all, it's going to be different. Sometimes he's going to ask you to step out the box. Matter of fact, there is no box. How can you place God in a box? Who built the box? You got to understand that God wants us to do things differently.

That's right.

I want to tell each one of y'all, thank y'all for coming out. I promise you I love y'all. I— well, not everybody. I like some of A couple people that still owe me $20. Anyway, that's my time. My name is Cain Getright. Without the Lord, aha. You're listening to FDG, FDG Records. You're listening to FDG FDG Records. You're listening to FDG FDG Records. You're listening to FDG FDG Records. You're listening to FTG Records. You're listening to FTG, FTG Records.