A comedic prayer before a meal where the speaker thanks the Lord while threatening to smack anyone greedy enough to eat before saying grace, mixing religious reverence with profanity and hyperbolic warnings.
I want to bless the food while we gather here today. I want to thank you, Lord, for bringing us together on this special occasion while we're sharing some pizza, some food that you blessed us with. And in your goodness, Lord, we appreciate everything you've given to us in this lifetime. All we want to do is just keep sharing your love with the world and keep eating. Would you wait till Jesus' word is said first before you start eating? Can't you just wait? They hungry. They don't have all day to be playing. Jesus comes first, always in our house. Jesus the Lord comes first. Let us finish praying for the greedy and the needy. Oh Lord, let us please have this delicious piece of food. And if you put a hand in that plate again, I'm gonna smack the fuck out of— Is you crazy? Is you crazy? Listen to the Lord gonna smack the shit out you with a lightning bolt. Jesus, I can't take it no more. Let's eat.
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