Facebook Live Video 2 Personal Sharing Love and Marriage

Good morning, Facebook friends. This isn't exactly the best setup with the camera, probably not the best angle, I guess is what I was looking for. I did one Facebook Live, my first one, a little over a week ago, and I wasn't sure whether I'd do another one or not, but through the encouragement and sometimes compliments of my, my Facebook friends, I I've decided to do another one, but today I am going to make this one in honor of my husband Tom because it is his birthday. So if you see Tom, tell him happy birthday. Um, I, I, I, even though I do real estate, I have intentionally, um, decided not to put these on my real estate page, um, and I'm not going to make them about real estate. So if you're worried about that, don't worry about it. Lord knows there's enough other forums that I talk about real estate in, but rather I intended to be these Facebook Lives more about life and life experiences. So my goal today is to try to keep this one shorter than the last one. I really appreciate those that hung with me in the last one because I know it went live— long, I should say. So I'm looking right now at the time, 7:55. I'm going to try my best to keep it to 15 minutes. So what do I want to talk about today? You know, given that it's my husband's birthday, I thought today I would talk about, you know, how the blessings through— that come through relationships and people. And I share this because for those of you who have known me in the past, you know, there's really no explanation for how in the world I got as lucky as I did to be married to the amazing guy that I'm married to. Because I will, for those of you that can relate to this, I am a learn-by-trial-and-error kind of person. That's been a strength some of the time and a development opportunity most of the time. But from a young age, my parents have told me, "Renee, why do you always have to learn things the hard way?" Well, personal relationships, romantic relationships were no different. And so the fact that I ended up with such an amazing guy is sometimes quite extraordinary. But what I thought I would talk about again under the whole guise of, you know, keeping it real and all about life is the relationship piece. And in some cases, you know, some people I have, I have dear friends that live down the street from us that have been dating literally since school. And I'm not talking about college, prior to college. And they were so fortunate to have found one another and to have found that very early on. I'm not sure I was smart enough to have found my lifetime mate that early. So, you know, as I look back in the past and, you know, the trial and errors of dating a lot of different people, I used to joke that I dated United Nations, and that wasn't just different creeds, colors, races, and nationalities, you know, socioeconomic, professional status, you name it, I've covered the gamut. But I truly believe in life that all of those things, although some of them may have been humorous, others may have been painful, they all lead us to where we are at a moment in time. And I think if I had tried to change any of them or unravel any of those things, you know, I may not have ended up where I did. And perhaps if I did end up where I did, I may not have appreciated it. And I always tell my husband, "Sweetie, I'm so glad I met you when I did." And just for those of you who don't know me personally, Tom and I met in our very early 30s, got married shortly, about a year and a half after that, and then had children. I think I had my last two children at 34 and 35. You know, so we weren't on the older spectrum, but we also weren't the youngest married couple in the community. And I always say, "I'm so glad that I met you when I did." Because if I had met him 5, 10, certainly 15 years earlier, I'm not sure I would have had the maturity to appreciate what an outstanding human being, an amazing partner he is. So again, I often, you know, because Tom is so unusually well-rounded in a spouse, I mean, The guy participates in parenting like no other. In fact, there are many times when he carries more of the weight than even I do because of my schedule and lots of other excuses. But also, you know, he's an incredible friend to people. And so oftentimes people will say, "Renee, you know, I don't get it. How is this guy so wonderful? And how did you find him?" And I always say, you know, I think that really good people, look for wounded people perhaps, and I was his charity project, I don't know. But the point is, you know, all of his life experiences got him to where he is, and all of mine got me to a place where I could appreciate when I met someone, you know, that was as wonderful as he is. And when I met Tom, I actually was probably as far away from looking for a relationship as possible. In fact, if I saw something coming, I was running in the other direction. And, you know, he had great patience with me and stuck it out and obviously saw something in me that intrigued him. And perhaps, you know, he saw some qualities that would make a good spouse. But again, back to the original point— I'm getting off on a tangent— and that is, I believe that every experience we have in life brings us one step closer to whatever God's plan is for us. And I won't turn this into a church sermon, but I do believe there's a higher being that kind of has a plan for us, and there are times when we dig our heels in and we're fighting against it. I've learned just to kind of let it go and appreciate all of the things that come my way, and even at the moment when some of those things are happening and you're like, oh my goodness, tell me there's something else here, why are you doing this? I've learned to trust that good things are ahead, so You know, I've had friends that have had amazing relationships, and I oftentimes look to them for guidance and mentorship and how to be the best spouse and partner I can be. And I've had friends that, you know, weren't fortunate enough to get into the right relationship for them and have had to exit it. And through that experience, as well as my own relationship, I've just learned, you know, a couple of things that I'll share. And again, these are things that Tom, if he was sitting right here, would tell you that I may or may not be always very good at. But in the relationship scheme, and again, you've got to keep in mind that I've got a really good playing field, so the cards are tipped in my favor that I might actually make my relationship with my husband, you know, a good one because he, I think he's extra special. But I think patience, you know, and those of you that know me know I don't have a lot of them. But in my relationship, I work really, really hard. You know, when I'm ready to act, when I'm ready to do something, and Tom tends to— I tend to be more of the risk taker, and he tends to be the one that keeps us grounded. I've had to learn to back off of what my goal is, exercise a little patience, some understanding of where he's coming from and what he needs to do, you know, what he needs to do to process and get to a point of decision. And that's probably been the biggest challenge because as I said, I'm wired for action. I'm ready to take on the challenge. I am not at all apprehensive about jumping in and skidding my knees and then starting again. But that's not where he is. So I think patience is a big one. I think appreciation is another one. And this is one that I think, you know, took me longer to develop than my husband. This is his second marriage. For me, it was my first marriage. And, you know, I was pretty selfish in that I had created a lifestyle for myself. And for those that know me, I was a single parent, so I had a daughter at the time, 11 years old when we got married. And so I oftentimes would find myself in this position of looking at the parts of the relationship that were distractors for me, things that, you know, I had to give a little bit on, and I was, as I said, I was selfish. I had my life the way I wanted, and fitting another adult in there with their own preferences and their own tendencies and their own desires felt crowded to me at times. And so, you know, learning to appreciate and give, you know, was probably another hurdle that I had to get to so that I could be the spouse that I needed to for Tom. Because like I said, I think he was ahead of the game. I was the beneficiary in that long before I was a giver. And then the third one I would say is just, you know, touch time. I think it's so easy, and all of you in relationships know this even if you're not married, life gets in the way. Children get in the way. Jobs get in the way. And if you watched my last FaceTime Live, you know that I had shared that I let my job get in the way a lot, and that's why I made some different life choices in more recent years. But when you've got someone who is really giving and really patient and really supportive, it's easy to kind of overlook their needs and, and, and you know, and fit all those other things in that maybe aren't as important. So, you know, what I've also learned, the third thing and final thing I'd say is being able to prioritize his needs, being able to prioritize time with him. And as much as we love spending time as a family, and we do, you know, I would say 90% of the things that we do in our free time involve the whole family. But just being able to get away and sneak date time in is so important because I've seen some of my friends in their later years get to a point where the kids move out of the house and they've let their relationship fall to the wayside and they realize they don't really know each other anymore. They don't have anything in common. They don't know how to communicate. They don't know how to enjoy one another and I, I just don't want that to happen. So, you know, again, those are the 3 things that I would share have, you know, kind of been a part of where Tom and I are, we talk all the time that we feel incredibly fortunate. It's not that we don't have disagreements at times because, you know, we are different people, but I've not had a single day go by that the next morning we're not past it. And, you know, maybe that seems, you know, unattainable. I don't know, maybe we're odd, but we truly— I can't say, you know, people will say don't go to bed mad. We have gone to bed mad, I'm sure, but we don't wake up mad. So I don't know if that's just our personalities or the fact that we've each had our own challenges in life that we kind of know what's really important and what's not. But, you know, again, I think it goes down to having an incredible foundation that you build it on. So given that this is Tom's birthday, I just wanted to you know, talk about him, and those of you that know Tom know that he is a far better person than I ever could be. He inspires me to be better, both as a partner, as a friend, as a community participant. So if you get a chance to say happy birthday to Tom, he would love to hear from you. I'll just tell a funny story and then I'll wrap up. We are— I like to think at some point I was romantic, so you didn't hear me, by the way, say that keeping the romance alive is part of the formula for us because we are actually both not very romantic at all. So the funny story I'll end on is we're pretty transparent when it comes to gifts because neither of us are creative enough to figure out what to get the other person. So if you see Tom later, what he asked for for his birthday this year— you've all seen the commercials, are you ready? MyPillow. So that's what happens when you start to get in your late 40s. You start asking for MyPillow as your birthday gift. So hopefully when you see Tom in a couple days, he'll look really refreshed because he will have this wonderful new pillow. Out of, I think it's, is it Minnesota the guy makes it at? Although I saw there's, you know, now a big lawsuit, so I hope we didn't make a bad purchase. But anyways, I hope you all have a wonderful blessed day. Keep strong. Remember that if you're going through tough times, there are brighter days ahead. I believe that God doesn't put anything in front of us that we aren't strong enough to overcome, and there is oftentimes a lesson and a learning, and a story that comes out of those. So, thank you all for coming on and, uh, share with me. I'd love a response from you on this posting of what it is that helps you be successful in your relationship. And if you don't happen to have a spouse, it can be any kind of relationship. I think we can all learn from one another. So have a fantastic day, everyone, and happy birthday to the love of my life, Tom. Thanks, everyone.