Facebook Live Video 3 Personal Sharing The Love of Daughters

Good afternoon, Facebook friends. I almost didn't do this Facebook Live today because of vanity. I don't know if you can see, but I've got a bloodshot eye. It's not contagious, certainly not over the internet, but not even in person. But you know us silly girls, we're always thinking about how we look. And I almost didn't do this Facebook Live, but I thought to myself, it's Valentine's Day. How could I not do a Facebook Live on Valentine's Day? So this is my third Facebook Live, and what I've decided to focus on for today's Facebook Live— and I am going to watch the time, I'm really bad about that, especially with today's topic— I thought that I would focus on the love of daughters. So for those of you that know me, you know that I am blessed with 3 daughters and no sons. 3 daughters. Always wanted a son, got 3 daughters. Go figure. But since I had already done a sappy video on how wonderful my husband is, I kind of used that on his birthday. I couldn't do that again for Valentine's Day. So I thought I'd focus on the other area of love in my life, which is my daughters. And I thought what might be helpful is just to talk about some of the things that I've learned. For those of you that know me well, you know that I've got a little bit of an unconventional situation. And then I've got 3 daughters, one with a 13-year gap, and then the other 2 have a 12-month gap. So I went from, you know, the big joke was I went through potty training and puberty all under the same house. But what I think that's done and allowed me to do is to, you know, almost like a science project, I got to see one almost all the way through before I had to do it again. And so I got to learn about what things worked really well about my parenting approach and what things that if I had the opportunity to do again, I would absolutely do it different. And Lisa, you know what I'm talking about as the mother of two daughters. Yes, go daughters. So I thought I'd share a little bit about some of the unique things that I've learned about being a mother of daughters. And where I'd start is just a little bit of a story on a personal level. My daughter, as I mentioned, was just with me for her first 11 years of her life, so she didn't have any masculine father figure in her life. Poor kid developed all of my— adopted all of my habits, the good and the bad. But when I found out that I was going to be having another daughter and then subsequently a third daughter, I remember that first time feeling like, oh my gosh, do I have the capability to love another daughter as much as I love my oldest, because it was just her and I for 11 years. And of course, those of you with parents, whether it be daughters or sons, you know that there's always enough love for your kids, and you develop a distinct, uh, kind of love for each of them as individuals. And that kind of goes to the first thing that I learned about being the mother of 3 daughters, and that is make sure that you develop a relationship, a unique relationship with each of your daughters individually. And this isn't always easy, believe me. I've got two that are 12 months apart and they get lumped together with just about every activity. I make them compromise and work it out on what we're gonna do when they can't agree. But, you know, 9 times out of 10, it's both the younger ones together having to compromise and spend time with their dad and I as a group. But I've come to appreciate that they are just as much as they're unique individuals, they need to have that special time with each of their parents. In fact, today is a good example. My youngest, Paige, and, uh, 9-year-old 4th grader is going to ride the bus home to go have a Valentine date with me. Um, and that leaves, uh, Madison to spend her Valentine date with her father, which is fantastic. So Paige and I are going to go get our nails done. That was her choice, not mine. And for those of you that know Paige, that's quite a surprise since she is our tomboy. But yes, she picked to have her toenails done, go get a pedicure. And Madison's going to go cook heart-shaped pizzas with her dad so that we can all share in them when we come home. So again, my oldest, same thing, I need to carve out time for her, and that wasn't always easy, especially during those teenage years when she didn't want to be with me and it made it harder for me to want to be with her. But individual time, I'd say, is probably the first thing that I've learned. The second thing that I've come to appreciate about being the mother of 3 daughters is that you need to nurture who they are. So my husband and I are both kind of extrovert, Type A personalities. You know, that's what we're comfortable with. We're silly, we play, we're playful. There's not much we won't try, do, or say. And we have 3 very different daughters. And, you know, sometimes when life gets busy, you'd love to put them all in one lane and tell them all to go the same speed in the same automobile doing the same thing. And there are times when I have been guilty of that, as my husband has been, and we try to push them into this mold because it's easier for us as parents. But what I catch myself doing, and I work so hard to stop myself, is they are so uniquely wonderful in their own ways. My oldest is every bit as stubborn as I am. She, you know, you can't tell her anything, but she's also somewhat dependent on some things that her generation weren't as necessarily didn't spread their wings and fly quite to the same degree that we did. She is an individual that would love to spend all of her time shopping in the finest stores. That's not my thing. And she will tell you I don't do near enough of it with her. Some for budgetary reasons and others just because I don't enjoy it. I'm not a shopper. My girlfriend down the street, Kelly, on the other On the other hand, I think that's her mother from, you know, from— I don't know what the saying is, but she could more easily be her mother on that regard because they share a love for shopping. But I don't, and yet I don't try to force her to be something she's not. That's kind of a shallow example. I'll take it through the other two. My middle child was deathly shy. In her kindergarten class, the teacher was worried that because she didn't speak, she didn't know things until one day she rehearsed the the alphabet and counted, you know, in Spanish and did everything, and her teacher almost fell out of her seat and said, "My gosh, she knows some things." I'm like, "Yeah, sometimes when you're not talking, you're listening, and that helps you learn." You know, but being in a house of extroverts, it's probably hard to find her space to be the quiet, listening, disciplined child that she is. And then there's Paige, who is a tomboy, and in some ways I relate to that very well. In other ways, you know, I've always had my girlfriends around and Paige prefers to play with all the boys in the neighborhood and she doesn't want to do things that, um, her other two sisters enjoy. And so allowing them to have the space and even sometimes the protection to be who they are, I think is so powerful when you're raising girls. Um, the third thing I talk about is a relationship with their father and I'm so excited When I watch social media and other forums for, for really kind of a voyeur geranian and seeing the roles that fathers play in their daughter's life, and I see it so much more with all the father-daughter dances I've been seeing posted on social media. It just makes my heart smile because I can't say enough as a woman and as the mother of 3 and having seen an 11-year-old that didn't have at that point in her life the father influence and then having that from 11 years old on and what that's done in her life. I just think, you know, that relationship— and so fathers out there, I can't tell you enough the role that you play in your daughter's life is going to make her a great spouse, a great— if she decides to be single, a confident single woman. It's going to make her a good friend. It just helps her solidify the relationships in her life, not only with the male figures in her life, but the female ones as well. And so I just think, you know, having time with a father and daughter and a relationship, and even if that means as a mother there are times when I take the back seat and let him be the hero, you know, and all of us, that's hard to share that stage, right? But I can't speak enough about it. So I would say those are the 3 big things I've learned as the mother of 3 daughters. One is develop a unique relationship with each of your girls or your sons in that matter. That's a pretty universal one. Allow them the space to be who they are and really fight the urge to make them who you want them to be or even what would be easiest for you. I'll tell one other story there. My daughter, who is my oldest, who is incredibly private, is probably gonna wanna kill me for this, but it's not too bad. She was a competitive soccer player all through high school, very good, made varsity as a freshman, had opportunities to play in college and decided not to because she got burned out. I found that Kia had amazing, amazing talent, all the talent in the world to play soccer, but it really wasn't in her heart. She enjoyed it. I think she misses it now that she's not doing it. I, on the other hand, was the kid that played every sport. I wasn't good at any of them, but I had all the heart in the world. And I used to push and push and push her in soccer. And, you know, she got to the end of high school and was burnt out and didn't want to do it anymore. And so I said, you know what, with my next two, this isn't my life to live, this is theirs. And I'm going to nurture their talents and nurture their gifts and their desires. While still not letting them be the bumblebee that goes from flower to flower when they get bored because we all know as parents that they have about the attention span of a gnat and there are times when you've got to push through that. And then back to the third one is, you know, really encourage your husbands, your significant others, even if they don't have a father in their life, a grandfather, an uncle, to really have good focused time with their girls. It will make the world of difference. So, on this Valentine's Day and true to keeping to my 15-minute max I allow myself. I'm getting better at it each time. I just wanted to say there is nothing like a daughter's love, like a child's love. And I love my husband, and I know the Bible says your husband comes first, and I work really, really hard to make that happen. But I'd be lying to say that my children didn't fill a special place in my heart. And coming from someone when I was younger that I didn't think I wanted or would have children. I can't imagine my life without them today. So on this Valentine's Day, as each of you reach out and share your love with those that are close to you, I'd encourage you to celebrate your children, whether they're daughters or sons, because, you know, the life is short and you never know what you're going to have tomorrow. So celebrate them and everyone have a fantastic Valentine's Day. Thanks for joining.