Dealing With Loss & When A Pet Dies - Episode

Welcome back to Voices in My Head. As always, I'm your host, Rick Lee James. Just wanted to give you a heads up as we begin that today's episode is actually an episode of my other podcast, Welcome to the Neighborhood, a Mr. Rogers tribute podcast. I thought some of you might like to hear what it's like on that show sometimes, in case you haven't had a chance to hear it. It's a brand new episode, and I'm releasing the episode here and on that podcast both at the same time, so they're brand new episodes in both places. But I wanted to give you a taste here on Voices in My Head podcast to this audience a taste of what I do on the other podcast sometimes. So I hope you find this meaningful, and I hope you are all doing well during this strange time that we are living through right now. God bless you all, and thank you again for listening. Welcome to the neighborhood. A Mr. Rogers Tribute Podcast. I'm your host, Rick Lee James, of rickleejames.com, and I run the Mr. Rogers Quotes Twitter account found @MrRogersSay. As we again walk into this podcast neighborhood, I want you to know that no matter where you are from, you are welcome here. I'm glad to be your neighbor. Every daughter, every son, every tribe, and every tongue, in the spirit of Fred Rogers and the life of welcome that he lived, Welcome to the neighborhood. This week is a bonus episode. David Dalt is not here with me again, but don't worry, we are doing some planning for season 2 of this show. But you know, the world is a little bit out of order, or maybe the world is a lot of bit out of order right now. Everything seems a little bit up in the air, and we're feeling a lot of different things these days. And I think it's important for us to be able to take some time to deal with some feelings and to deal with things in our life that we've been dealing with. So one thing that we have been dealing with in the James household is the death of a pet. Not only have we been really kind of isolated from a lot of the world like everyone else right now because, because we have been social distancing and trying to make sure that we are not spreading the virus any faster than, than we need to, and trying to flatten the curve and trying to follow all of the things that the health experts are telling us to follow right now. But really, right as this all began, right around the time whenever they were telling us all to, to be alone and in our homes and, you know, together to be separate, it was then that just a couple days before that our dog Louie after we'd had him for many, many, many years, passed away. And so we were very sad. We're still very sad. It's not something you just get over overnight, and we're learning about the emotions that come with that with a 7-year-old in the house too. And it was his first time to really face a loss like that of a pet. His mommy and I have been through it a number of times before But one thing that we use to help us get through this, and we did it the very first night when Louie passed away, is I grabbed the book off the shelf that Fred Rogers wrote called When a Pet Dies. And his words bring such comfort, and it helps us to deal with our emotions. And we're feeling a lot of emotions right now. We're feeling anger, we're feeling fear, A lot of people are feeling depression, and there's just so many things that seem to be daily coming our way that make us feel out of control and uneasy. And hopefully there's some, some good feelings in there too, because for a lot of us, we get to be with family members that we love, and we actually get to have more time with them than we usually get. But with that comes a lot of challenge too. Now many of us are all of a sudden homeschoolers and homeschool teachers, and many, many of us have never done that before. And we're finding that working from home and trying to learn how— like my wife, who is a teacher— how to teach online, especially to young students, that she's never had to do this before. And so she's learning new things. And I work as a musician, and all of a sudden my gigs are completely dried up and I can't play anywhere, so I'm learning new doing new things like this past Sunday night where Breedlove Guitars, they were kind enough to have me on their Facebook page and I played a full concert on their site and that was fun. But I'm learning how to do gigs online instead of going places to do that. And there are just all kinds of challenges. And for some of us, I know that maybe your home is not the most loving place., and you find it very difficult in these times to be there. And I'm thinking of you, and I just thought maybe even though this won't apply to everyone, everyone, because I know not everyone listening has lost a pet recently, but maybe you still are feeling some of the emotions that go along with this, and it might do you good just to hear what Fred Rogers has to say when we're going through a significant loss in our life. And I think if we can say anything about right now, we are all experiencing a significant loss. A loss of being able to go and come as we like, and the loss of seeing our friends as much as we would like, and you know, it's just loss. So because of that, I hope you won't mind me reading this book by Fred Rogers tonight. I'm gonna make sure and put a link to it online where you can find out more about this book in case you ever wanted to get it for your family, in case you have a similar situation. So here we go. When a Pet Dies, written by Fred Rogers. Here's the intro of the book. When I was little and I didn't have a sister yet, My best friend was a brown wire-haired mongrel named Mitzi. We shared joyous times, exciting times, and sad times. We got scared together when there was thunder and lightning, and together we crawled under the bed until they went away. When I wasn't scared of them anymore, Mitzi still was, so I comforted her and felt all the braver. When Mitzi died, I was very sad, and so were my parents. We had lost a member of the family. My parents encouraged me to talk about how I felt, and they let me know that grieving was a natural healing thing to do. In grieving, we try to fill the empty space that was created in us by the loss. Because of Mitzi, I discovered it was alright to cry when somebody you love dies. I learned, too, that loss takes time to understand. Like other First Experience books, this one is created to encourage family talk. As you and your children look at the photos and read the text, I hope you'll find it possible to share your real feelings about a pet's death dying. As for what happens after death, I believe that's best discussed in light of each family's traditions and beliefs. Those traditions and beliefs are important things to share with your children if and when they ask. Since all living things die at one time or another, I trust that this first experience book will be of service to you beyond the death Of a Pet. A pet can be a very important part of your life. That pet can be like a friend you play with and help take care of. Caring for a pet isn't always easy. It's different from caring for a teddy bear or a toy. Toys and teddy bears don't get sick, except for pretend, so they don't need doctors. But real animals sometimes do get sick. Sick pets may need special doctors called veterinarians or vets. Vets know a lot about animals and the best ways to help them stay well. But even when a pet has had the very best care, there comes a time when it might be too sick or too badly hurt or maybe just too old for you or anyone, even the vet, to be able to keep it alive. It can be very hard when a pet you love dies. You may feel that you'll never stop being sad, that the hurt will never go away, but it will. Missing your pet can make you feel lonely. You may feel so sad that you even cry a lot. You might feel angry and wonder why such a sad thing had to happen. It isn't always easy to talk about sad and angry feelings, but talking to someone you love can help the hurt go away. You might have questions to ask that person, too, like, "What is dying?" That's something everyone wonders about. One thing we know about dying is that it isn't like going to sleep. When something alive goes to sleep, it can wake up again. When a pet dies, it isn't alive anymore, so it can't wake up again. A pet that dies stops breathing and moving. It doesn't see or hear anymore, and it doesn't need to eat anymore. People often wish they could have done something to stop their pets from dying, even when there was nothing they could have done. Or they might wish they could find a way to make their pet come alive again, even though that can't happen. When pets die, their bodies are often put in a box and buried in the ground. Sometimes the vet takes care of the burying. And sometimes it's the people who lived with the pet who do it. Often they bury their pet in a special place. They may even want to mark the place where their pet is buried. Lots of people find it helps to get together and have a ceremony when they bury a dead pet. That's called a funeral. Funerals are times when people can feel sad together. And feel better together and remember the happier times together. People don't always like to be with someone else when they feel sad. A person might like to be alone for a while. No matter how sad or angry you feel when your pet dies, one thing you can be sure of is that you won't always feel that way. When sad things do happen, the best place to be is near someone you love, someone who can understand how you are feeling. There will come a time when your sadness and anger have gone away, a time when you can feel happy again about the good times you and your pet had together. After a while, you may even feel that you want to have another pet. You and the people you love can talk about those feelings. You'll all know when you're ready. Happy times and sad times are part of everyone's life. When a pet dies, we can grow to know that the love we shared is still alive in us and always will be. The end. Well, this is a Penguin Young Readers Group book, and it was published by, I guess it was a Paper Star Book Group. If any of you were wanting to look for it online, you can still find copies of that if you go different places. Again, if you're interested, I'll try to have a link to that on our website for our podcast, and you can get there by going to welcomeneighbor.podbean.com, or you can just type in fredrogerspodcast.com. Just don't put the www. at the beginning or it won't take you there. Just type in fredrogers.podcast.com. Fred Rogers Podcast. Com. Sorry for my stumbling over my words there. Well, these are different days, and as I said before, I know that that is not going to apply to everyone, but even if you haven't lost a pet, I think we are all experiencing loss in some ways, and it's important for us to grieve those losses, I think, and to give them a proper place. And it's okay to stop and take some time and think about what it is you've lost. Whether it be your freedom to just go out to any store you'd like to go to, or to go to a restaurant, or go to a place of worship together, or just hang out with friends, or see a movie, maybe even just going to the gym. But at the same time, maybe we can use these moments to think about the good things that we will do again one day. And to maybe not take those things for granted. And I also hope that we'll be able to take some time to find ways to thank those who are still working really hard for us when a lot of the rest of us have to be working from home or trying different things. I think of the people who are delivering our mail every day. I think of the people at the grocery store. Who are really on the front lines almost as much as the doctors are, and the nurses, and the police officers who are needing to go to different people's homes and who are taking care of domestic disputes now. And there's been statistically showing that a lot more violence has been happening since these quarantines have been taking place. And we pray for protection in those situations and We hope for the best in those. We think of scientists who are working hard right now to try and find a cure, trying to make vaccines. And we think of people who are paramedics and firefighters and people who are doing funeral services. And I could go on and on. There are just so many people who are working and trying to be helpers in this time. And if you are one of those people, I just want to say how proud we are of you. Thank you for all that you're doing. I know there are many more that I didn't even mention tonight, and I didn't think to write down a list, but I want you to know we appreciate you. We're proud of you. And for those of you who are staying at home with your families and who are homeschool teaching right now, and this is something you're struggling with, and you're working hard at it, and you're trying to make ends meet. Some of you have lost jobs. Some of you don't know where your money is going to come from that you need, and where food is going to come from. I just want to encourage you in any way I can for you to look for the helpers. And, and we're going to try our best to be those helpers too. To you in this time. But I'm also proud of you for the way that you are sacrificing of yourself and the way that you are showing your love for your families and trying to provide. And for those of you who maybe don't have families in the home and you're still by yourself and you're alone, and, and right now you're really alone because you can't get out and go to the places you would like or visit with friends, I want you to know you're loved, and I want you to know you are not forgotten. And I hope that those of us who listen and who are a part of the @MrRogersSay Twitter community, that we can find ways to reach out to you. Maybe you just need to let us know that you need to hear from us, and we'll do our best to reach out. But thank you for listening to this podcast. And I hope you enjoyed it. And I hope you enjoyed the reading of When a Pet Dies. And I wish you all the best. Let's look for better days in the future. We hope it will be nearer than farther. But we'll do whatever it takes to take care of each other in this time. And thank you for being good neighbors to each other. If ever we needed to be that, it's right now. So thank you for listening. Thank you for joining us here This Week in the Neighborhood. Music featured on the podcast today was Nouvelle Noel by Kevin MacLeod. Special thanks to my @MrRogersSay community on Twitter. I'm so proud of you. I'm your host, Rick Lee James. My personal Twitter account is @RickLeeJames. No spaces. My website is rickleejames.com. My other podcast is Voices in My Head, the Rick Lee James Podcast, and I look forward to being with you again next time. And if you had a chance and you wanted to go to my website at rickleejames.com, right at the top there is a little Patreon button where if you would like to show support for me and this show and the other podcasts that I make and the music that I make, I would certainly welcome any way that you wanted to support through Patreon. And if not, that's okay too. This podcast is free. It'll always be free. And I'm gonna make sure that I can bring it to you as often as I can. Thank you for listening this week. And until we meet again, remember, you make each day a special day. You know how? By just your being you. There's only one person in this whole world like you. And people can like you exactly as you are.