Episode 351: Miss America 2016 Betty Maxwell and Her New Book Miss Unlikely

This episode of Voices in My Head is brought to you by Podbean. With Podbean, you can create professional podcasts in minutes without any programming knowledge. Best of all, everything is mobile ready right from the start. Visit podbean.com/voices to find out more. That's podbean.com/voices. This is Rick Lee James, and the music you are hearing is from my new album, Thunder. The title track, Thunder, is a never-before-released song by by the late Rich Mullins. There are also 12 other tracks made up of original music, hymns, and readings to guide the listener on a journey. You can buy Thunder today on clear vinyl and CD, or stream it on Spotify, Apple Music, and almost every other music streaming service. Thunder. Hear it today at rickleejames.com. Welcome to Voices in My Head, the official podcast of me, Rick Lee James. I'm a recording artist, a singer, a songwriter, an author, a worship leader, and an ordained minister in the Church of the Nazarene. The Voices in My Head podcast is where I discuss music, movies, books, pop culture, theology, and more with friends, colleagues, and sometimes just by myself. Now make sure to let me know what you think of today's episode by leaving me a review on iTunes or by tweeting at me @RickLeeJames on Twitter. And please join my mailing list at RickLeeJames.com where you can receive an email every time a new episode is released. By the way, in case you're interested in a daily dose of kindness and encouragement beyond this podcast, I also run the Twitter account @MrRogersSay where I post daily quotes from Fred Rogers, one of the voices in my head. Well, I guess that's it for the intro, so sit back, relax, and and listen to the latest episode of Voices in My Head. Welcome back to Voices in My Head. As always, I'm your host, Rick Lee James, and I am so glad that you can be here with us today for another great conversation. Betty Maxwell grew up in a double-wide trailer on a modest farm in rural Georgia. She preferred spending time with her family, friends, and farm animals over studying for her Catholic high school classes. She always dreamed of becoming an actress and a vocal performer. After high school, Betty accepted a college scholarship to study theater and music. Despite her initial hesitation, she pursued the world of pageantry once she realized it was an opportunity to showcase her vocal talents and earn additional scholarships. She never expected her pursuits would lead her to be crowned Miss America in 2016. In her new memoir, Miss Unlikely: From Farm Girl to Miss America, Published by Broad Street Publishing, Betty takes us through her childhood, her pageant journey, her year as Miss America, her fairytale wedding, and more. Betty offers wisdom on school, family, self-esteem, dreams, dating, disappointment, and loss. Betty Maxwell, welcome to Voices in My Head.

Thank you so much for having me.

Well, it's great to have you here today, and I, I've enjoyed getting to know more about you as I've been getting ready for this podcast today, and I thought it might be fun to do something inspired by a post that I saw on your Instagram account, which by the way is @realbettymaxwell in case anybody wants to follow you on Instagram today that's listening. And, and I've come up with a short list of 5 sort of easy getting to know you questions. So is that all right if we do that this morning?

Let's do it.

All right, well, I know we both have dogs. We were talking about it before the show, but you have one dog that has a superhero name, and I would love to know what's the story on how your dog Batman How did you get its name?

Yeah, so we have two teacup Yorkies and their names are Moose and Batman. And I named Moose because my husband's nickname as a child growing up was— well, his name's Spencer and we all call him Spinny. But when he was younger, his nickname was Spinny Moose. And so I named Moose after him kind of as his nickname. But Batman, actually Spencer named him. And it was so funny because before we even got Batman and like saw what he looked like and everything, Spencer knew he wanted to name him Batman. And I was like, okay, I don't, I don't understand, but okay, sure, why not? And then when we got him, he actually looked like Batman. He was the funniest looking dog. He had like these black pointy, pointed up ears, and it looked like he had a black mask on. It was so funny. So it was perfect.

So the name fit him. And speaking of which, one of my dogs just got up and walked out of the room. If people heard clacking on the hardwood floor in here, that's great. Well, you also claim to be a bit of a nerd. You, you say on your Instagram account, and I would love to know, why don't you tell us what is the nerdiest thing about you?

Well, you know, we talked about in the introduction that I, you know, wasn't that into my— into school or academics. You know, I enjoyed school for the social aspect, which I talk about a lot in my book. But as far as the nerd in me, that's definitely that I'm a Harry Potter nerd. I love Harry Potter, and I also love The Office. Those are my two favorite, favorite things. So I'm definitely a nerd for Harry Potter and The Office. Those Those are my two favorites.

Well, and you gotta love The Office. That's fantastic. And you know, with Netflix, I just think that show just goes on and on. People just keep discovering it and rediscovering it. I know, I've heard it's like the most watched show on Netflix. Yeah, that's probably true. I've heard that too. Well, we'll have to talk about The Office another time because I love that show too. But you also— here's question number 3 for you. You say on Instagram that your best friend is your husband, which is great. So let's see how well you know him. Him. This is probably a pretty easy one, but let's see. What is your husband's favorite breakfast food?

Hmm, that's tough. A lot of time, you know, we're so bad about eating breakfast. Kids, if there's any kids listening, eat breakfast. Don't listen to me on this one. Eat breakfast. Um, but, um, I guess let's— I would definitely say extra well-done bacon. Oh, okay. Burnt bacon.

Well, he and my wife would be very much on the same page. She loves Super Well, and my son too. They both love that kind of bacon. So very good. All right, well, it's— here's number 4. All right, and I know that you, you have maybe a stronger love than most in some ways for a restaurant called Chick-fil-A, and, and that the Eat More Chicken Cow even made an appearance at your wedding according to your book. So, but here's a question that may be a little tougher. What's your favorite fast food that is not Chick-fil-A?

Oh my gosh, um, I was not expecting that question. Good, very good. Um, so besides Chick-fil-A, oh, that's so tough. Um, I love Popeyes, and if y'all haven't tried their new chicken sandwich, the spicy, it is, it really is top-notch. Um, but I will not say it's better than Chick-fil-A's chicken sandwich. I will not say that. And quality and service at Chick-fil-A always win. But, um, I do love Popeyes, and I, I love McDonald's Donald's french fries as well.

Okay, all this healthy food.

I know, right?

I don't eat breakfast or anything like that. And you too can be Miss America, kids, if you just eat this way. No, that's totally not what we're going for. But all right, well, one more kind of fun, easy question before we get going. This may not actually be as easy as it seems, but you're such a multi-talented person. You're a very gifted singer, you're a model, you're actually a very gifted speaker as well, and now you're a published author. So if you had to choose any one of those things, whether it be a singer, a model, a speaker, or an author, and you could only do one of those things for the rest of your life, what do you think you would do?

Mm, that is so tough.

I—

well, I've always known since the age of 3 that I could sing and wanted to pursue singing and acting as well. So I think singing and acting kind of go hand in hand, so I would definitely choose those two things together. For the rest of my life. I've known since I was 3 years old, and that dream has never wavered once for me. So I definitely would have to choose that for sure. I love the rush and the, the just the feeling of performing. I love it. Sure.

Well, that's terrific. Well, everybody, you know, I'm a musician too, so we have a lot in common on that. And I enjoyed getting to listen even this morning. I was listening to your Nicotine EP again, and I'm sure that was great fun to be able to record.

It really was.

We'll be looking forward to some more music coming from you in the future. But for today, let's get into your book a bit because you've got a great story to tell. And in your book, you write about your humble childhood growing up on a farm and your family. But you always had this dream, as you just talked about, of performing music. And now you are a very accomplished singer and performer. And we have a lot of musicians who listen to this show. So I wonder what advice you might give to any people listening, especially younger people who might have a dream of performing one day.

Yeah, absolutely. And I talk about this a lot in my book about how I always had this dream, but I didn't exactly know how I was going to make it happen. I didn't have any clear vision or path to this, to success in that arena. And I feel like that's where a lot of musicians, singers, actors get caught up, especially anything in the entertainment industry, is how do I make this happen? How do I gain traction and get fame from such a broad spectrum. I mean, everybody wants this. Everybody wants— it's like everybody wants to be famous now, especially, especially with social media. But being a kid in the '90s before social media, you know, it really was confusing as to how I was going to make this dream a reality. And all I can say is that the best piece of advice is just to never give up and to keep pushing forward. Keep searching for different avenues, you know, make connections, network with people. I mean, even though I was Miss America and people, you know, probably think 'Oh, well, you won Miss America. That's how you, you know, gained attraction and, you know, became successful in this arena.' Well, yes and no. I won Miss America, but throughout my year as Miss America, I really wasn't given much help from the organization as far as, you know, meeting agencies or meeting producers or getting auditions or anything like that. I did all of that myself. I networked, I met people, I made those connections, got contact information. That was all on me. So the biggest piece of advice is to not lean on other people or wait for someone to do it for you or wait for the opportunities. Go out, search for the opportunities, try different things, step out of your comfort zone and try something new. Like, like I tried pageants out of nowhere that I had never done pageants before, but it ended up leading to an opportunity that got me so many more opportunities for my career and becoming Miss America. So yeah, try new things, step out of your comfort zone and don't wait for it to happen. Make it happen.

That's, that's exactly right. And that, that's really terrific advice. And, and I have a number of songs published myself, and you know, if, if I would have waited for somebody to come along and didn't start doing the hard work, um, and, and really, even after you have some success, you're exactly right, um, people don't just give you things. You really do have to like keep working and stretch yourself. So that's some wonderful advice. Thank you for sharing that. That today. And since you mentioned that, you know, beauty pageants were not really on your radar, so to speak, as you were thinking about your life and career, you, you had other things you were thinking about. Um, I'd love to talk about that a little bit today because you're, you're the first Miss America I've ever talked to, let alone, uh, had on my show for sure. So we'll be asking some questions about that today. I am not a beauty pageant winner. I have never been in a beauty pageant or anything like that. So a lot of this is so new to me And it sounds like it was very new to you when you were getting started as well. I'm guessing it takes a great amount of discipline and sacrifice to be a part of that world. What are some of the challenges that you faced when you were entering into the pageant world?

Um, so everything was honestly a challenge when I first started, because if you haven't been doing pageants since like you were 4 or 5 years old, you're already behind. So when I first my mom was the one who approached me about it to begin with. Someone that she knew who— my parents owned a physical therapy practice, and someone, one of their patients actually, ran the local pageant that was a qualifier for the Miss Georgia pageant, and under the Miss America system. And she approached my mom about it, and, and she knew about me and that I could sing and, you know, that I was a dancer and that I could, you know, speak, and that I, you know, was, I guess, pretty enough to compete and all that. And, and she told my mom, you you know, why doesn't Betty compete in pageants? You know, she, she would do great. And my mom just said, well, you know, we've just never really thought about it. It's just never even been on our radar. And so my mom approached me about it. And I honestly, my knee-jerk reaction was just, you know, no way, like, there's no way I'm doing this. I'm not one of those girls. I completely believed in the stereotype of pageant girls, which was, you know, they're airheaded, they're catty, they're mean, that they're not You know, that's not who I am. That's not who I was raised to be. And my mom told me about the talent competition that I would be able to sing. And, you know, I loved singing competitions. I had been doing them forever through high school. And I obviously, through— I was a freshman in college at the time when this was happening. So obviously singing was a big part of my life, and I was looking for opportunities to showcase that, hopefully to pursue a career in it. And so I— and that with the scholarship opportunities that the pageant offered, and being a freshman in college, I decided to try it. And, you know, one of the biggest challenges going into that first pageant was I had no clue what I was doing. I mean, these, like I said, these girls have been doing this since they were like age 5. So it's, you know, I was going into it being a total outcast, a total newbie. Like all the girls, you know, they all know each other already. They've been doing this, they know you know, how to walk, how to stand, how to talk, you know. And I knew none of this. And what to wear and just everything. And I mean, for my first local pageant, I ended up wearing a gown that was my aunt's back from like the '70s when she competed. And so, because I didn't want to buy a gown if I wasn't gonna stick with this, you know. So sure. So I wore that and I ended up being first runner-up. And surprisingly enough, not knowing anything, that was very shocking. And, you know, a lot of the girls who had been competing forever, they don't really— I got the vibe that they don't really like when a new girl comes in and does really well and shows a lot of potential because, you know, they've been training for this. That this is— this isn't just, you know, a competition. It is— it is a lifelong goal, a dream for most of these girls to go on to be their state titleholder and then go on to compete at Miss America. That is a once in a lifetime, one in a million opportunity. So I dealt with a lot of girls not liking me at first because I was new and doing well. I dealt with, as I got further into it, when I finally won my first local, which was 4 pageants later, I started dealing with this coach that, you know, at the time I didn't know any better and I thought that she was just helping me, but in the end turned out to be a very toxic relationship and where she was trying to change me, trying to change me into this Pageant Patty that wasn't me, and, and just to, just to, just to win, not to actually gain anything, or, you know, not to win as myself but as what she turned me into. And, and I had to get out of that relationship before I knew that I could do well. And it was just, there were a lot of challenges. And of course it's all in the book, but yeah, there was a lot of challenges going into it for sure.

Sure. Well, and that, that does sound very challenging. And I wonder, you being a person of faith, did you find that there was there were things that were happening that really kind of stretched you in your faith in those times? Because it can be very difficult to kind of be the stranger that's walking into a place and not knowing anybody, and then especially, as you said, not necessarily being greeted in the most warm way. Was— did you find that your faith was something that really kind of carried you and sustained you in those times?

Definitely. And, you know, I I feel like my faith got a lot stronger throughout this, the process of competing in pageantry. Just because when it's just you up there competing on stage, you're alone. You don't have anybody else with you. Your family's all out in the audience, you know, and it's just you competing with all these other girls who a lot of them don't like you. A lot of them don't want to see you succeed. So you're really alone. And so my faith was the only thing I had. That was the one thing that I could turn to when I did, when I felt alone or when I felt like, you know, nobody wanted me to do well or whatever. Anytime before I walked on stage, I was praying. And then of course, when it was down to the top 5 or whatever, I was of course praying, you know, God, let this be your will for me. Please let this be your will for me. And if not, it's okay. I'm going to be fine. If not, if this is not your will for me, then I know something better is in store. So that was the main thing, was my faith really kept me grounded through all of it and helped me to not go into it, or to go into it without any expectations, you know, especially when I got to the Miss America level. You know, I was able to go into it without being like, okay, I have to win, and if I don't, I'm just gonna be so upset because I put so much into this and I deserve this and blah blah blah. You know, it wasn't about that. It wasn't like I had to win. I went into it without any expectations, just whatever happens happens, and that's that's, you know, God's plan. And so I was— it really helped me to stay grounded and not get too caught up in the competition of it all, but to, to enjoy the experience of being at Miss America for 2 weeks in Atlantic City with 51 other girls that are, you know, just as talented, just as smart, just as accomplished, and just amazing, really, these young women that I got to meet and become friends with, which a lot of them I'm friends with to this day. 2 of them were bridesmaids in my wedding, or 3 of them were bridesmaids in my wedding. So it It really, it really was such an experience, and my faith was, was definitely key in getting me through those 2 weeks at Miss America, for sure.

Well, that's, that's great to hear, and I appreciate you sharing about that today on the show. You know, I want to ask you something, and I know it's, it's very personal and very painful, but you already talked about your, your mother a little bit, who got you into this competition. And, and you started really when you were in college. In the pageantry, but also when you were in college, your parents got divorced.

Yes.

And I know when you're at that age it's a little different than if you were still living at home, but, you know, college is already a time when life seems so uncertain in so many ways, and you start questioning a lot of things. I just wonder, that seems like an awful lot on top of college, pageantry, parents going through a divorce. How were you able to deal with that loss. And I wonder if you might have any advice for anybody who might be going through a similar experience, because we do have a lot of young adults who are finding that their parents are drifting apart as they get out of the home. I just wonder if you have any advice.

Absolutely. Um, you know, nowadays it's 60% of marriages, I think, that end in divorce. So it is so common, and that is why I wanted to include include this part of my story in my book and just be vulnerable and open about it because I feel like the things that are the most common are the things that get overlooked, the things that don't get talked about. And just because it's common doesn't mean that, you know, kids aren't, aren't having a hard time with it and kids aren't dealing with this in their heads because they feel like it's so common. Why do I need to get special attention and talk about this? And, and that couldn't be further from the truth. You know, it's so common. We need to be talking about it more. Everybody's dealing with this. Why aren't we talking about it? And, you know, for me, the timing of it was really good because you would think that it was a lot on top of the pageantry and everything, but in college and whatnot. But really being able to be focused on the pageant and being able to be focused on, I'm going to Miss America soon, or I'm going to Miss Georgia soon. I won Miss Georgia, then went on to Miss America. And then winning Miss America, getting to be away from everything in my home life for a year. I mean, and truly away. People don't know this, but we'll get into it, I'm sure. But I really was gone the entire year. I barely— I got to go home maybe 5 times, less than that probably, maybe more like 3 or 4 times during the entire 365 days that year I was Miss America. So really, it was a huge, huge blessing that I got to be out of the house, away from the deal— the dealings and the drama of of my parents' divorce. And not that my parents were dramatic about it, but just that, you know, of course it takes a toll on what your norm— my parents weren't staying in the same home anymore. And, and, you know, there was a lot of tension and there was a lot of awkwardness. And it was really hard as a kid dealing with, you know, well, I don't want to leave this parent out and I don't want to leave this parent out. I want to make sure I'm giving them both what they need and not— sure, I don't want them to feel like, you know, I hate, I hate one of them or, you know, I don't love them anymore because of this. And which wasn't true, of course. So getting to be away from that was really perfect for me. However, I did— I do have a younger sister who was 14 at the time, and 14, 15, and so she was, you know, a freshman in high school. And yeah, obviously it was a completely different experience for her. It was not perfect timing for her at all. And my brother, my older brother, was away and living in New York, and So she was kind of left behind and I was gone, so she was left there to deal with that. And so it's, it's, it just sucks, you know, the whole thing. It just sucks because for me it was perfect timing. For my brother, I'm sure it was perfect timing. But for my sister, you know, she got the brunt of it, got the worst end of it. And, and, you know, now obviously she— actually yesterday was her 20th birthday, and now, you know, she she's matured so much and she can look at it in a totally different light. But it was really difficult for her. So I really feel for kids that age who are, who are going through something like that. And, you know, the best piece of advice I can give is to, well, first read my book because I really feel like it will help you. And second of all is to talk to somebody about it. Don't bottle that stuff up. No matter how old you are, finding out that the, the one relationship you look to for guidance and, you know, to compare your love life to, you know, and be an example, when that crumbles down, crumbles down in front of you, it's easy to lose sight of that love can be real, that you can find a soulmate, you know. And for a moment I did feel that way, that, well, if the one thing I look at as an example didn't work, then how am I ever gonna find love? And but I used that as fuel. I used it as a fire to feel like, okay, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the one that finds that love. I'm gonna be the one to find that relationship. And I really feel like like I have.

Yeah, well, that's great. Well, you know, while we're on that subject, we might as well kind of talk about your relationship with your husband a little bit in your marriage, because it's a perfect segue at this point. But also, thank you for sharing that. I know a lot of people listening have been through that or have family that's gone through that, and I know that's a big help. And I appreciate that you address that in the book and don't just try to shy away from some of the tougher things like that. But, you know, your husband, as we've talked about him a couple times today, Spencer, he's He's a big part of your story. And in your book, you write about the way that you two met through online dating. And I know that that is a scary thing for many people to think about. But would you mind just sharing a bit of your story and how you met and sort of the way that God joined your stories together?

Of course. So yeah, Spencer and I met on Tinder. Haha. And we still— well, he's, he's not ashamed, of course, but at times, you know, it's still weird telling people that because people judge you immediately when you say something like that. And people think of me like, well, you are Miss America, why do you need to be on online dating, you know, whatever. Well, at the time I was not Miss America, and, you know, I did not have the sort of, you know, confidence in myself that I gained the year— that, well, that year and, you know, a little bit before that. But at the time, I had just gotten out of a really serious relationship, and I just kind of wanted to have fun and date and not be in a— not be, you know, not be— not stuck with one person, but just in a long-term relationship. And so I got on Tinder just for fun. My friends thought it would be fun, so I did it. And Spencer was kind of in the same boat. And I was in school at the time, and I was getting ready for Miss Georgia and all of that.

I was—

I was Miss Warner Robins at the time. Time, which was the local pageant that I won. I was really busy. I didn't have time to go out and meet people. Spencer was in the same boat. He was a cop and a point man on the SWAT team at the time and working crazy 12-hour shifts and day shift, night shift, on and off. He didn't really have time to be going out meeting people either. He got on Tinder as well and that's— we ended up matching on Tinder. Obviously, when you get on Tinder, you don't expect to find your soulmate on Tinder, but, um, you know, that's how it ended up happening. And I honestly wouldn't have had it happen any other way. Um, because we, we chatted for a little bit, you know, online, exchanged phone numbers, texted, talked on the phone one night for like 4 hours and just had this connection. And we were like, okay, we have to meet in person. This has to happen. So the very next day we ended up meeting and as soon as we saw each other, I mean, it was really love at love at first sight. We, you know, from, from that moment and the rest of that date, we were just captivated by each other. And by the second date, he told me that he was in love with me, and I told him I loved him too. And it seemed like it was happening really fast. And I tried to explain it to my mom. I was like, Mom, you just don't understand. You have to meet this guy. You know, he's the one. I'm going to marry him. And I've always been a romantic. And my mom was like, oh, Betty, you know, you just think that this is the one. You just, you don't know.. And I was like, no, Mom, I am telling you, this is it. This is the real deal. And, and of course, it did end up being the real deal. And Spencer and I actually met about 4 months before I won the title of Miss Georgia. So he came to Miss Georgia and saw me win Miss Georgia. So supportive. He was always there. And then he obviously came to Miss America as well and saw me win the title of Miss America, which was about 2 months later after I won Miss Georgia. America. So, um, he was there for me. He saw me win. And after I won Miss America, he took a step back into, you know, the background, and I was in the spotlight for an entire year while he waited for me. And, um, we dated throughout that entire year. Well, dated more like we were together, but we never got to see each other really, um, which was hard. But, you know, it— I talk about, you know, it gave me the wisdom to be able to talk about a long-distance relationship and how that works and be able to include that in book to help other people as well.

Sure. Well, and you know, one thing I like about hearing your story too is, you know, the fact that you met before you were, you know, world famous.

Oh my gosh, I'm so thankful for that.

I always wonder how people that, you know, if they don't find the other person in their life to be their significant other, like if they do go on to have some sort of fame, that must be so difficult to discern.

Oh my goodness.

Really, like, are you wanting me for me or are you wanting me because I'm a famous person or whatever? But I love that part of your story. And there's a lot more to share. And I want to encourage people to read your book, Miss Unlikely, because it's really a very touching and powerful relationship that you have. And the two of you experienced actually a very significant, very profound tragedy in your husband's life because of his mother and her struggle with alcoholism and mental illness. And you two really had to be there for each other, didn't you? Like, it wasn't just the, you know, love at first sight, beauty skin deep thing. But in your marriage, you've really faced some tough challenges together.

Yes. Well, and dating and being Miss America and being gone for a year put enough stress on our relationship. And then that ends and we're like, okay, we can get through anything now after that year. And then in our first year of marriage, we lost Spencer's mom to suicide. And it was actually— we're actually coming up on the anniversary of that, the one year. December 23rd, so the day before Christmas Eve, you know, and we were there when it happened. So it was very traumatizing, very, very traumatizing. And I, I always said, you know, I just don't— this wasn't supposed to happen in my life. Like, how did this happen? I, I've had such a, such a blessed, good life. I've never had to deal with any sort of trauma or tragedy like this. I mean, of course I've lost people in my life, But, well, really, one, my grandmother was the main person that I had lost. And I do talk about that loss in my book because it was so profound for me. But compared to this, I mean, this is, this is traumatic. And I, I just, I didn't know how to deal with this at all whatsoever. And that's why now that we have gotten through it and come out on the other side so much stronger, that is why I included it in my book, because if anybody else out there deals with something like this and doesn't know know how to get through it. I hope my book can be a resource for them and see how we did it and not only healed ourselves but healed our marriage as well. Um, because it was in the first year of our marriage, and that's when everything's supposed to be blissful and happy and perfect, and, and, um, to be thrown into the depths of despair and darkness. I mean, it ate up our lives for a couple months there. And, um, you know, the piece of advice I can give, and the one key thing that really helped us— because we weren't on the same page whatsoever. I had very different feelings about it than Spencer had, and rightfully so. We felt differently about it. And the one thing that really helped us was communication and fighting, honestly. I told him how I felt, and I was honest, and I was brutal, and he was too. And yes, it caused huge fights, knock-down drag-out fights. And I'm not ashamed to say that because that is what got us on the same page. Finally, I was able to see from his perspective, and he was able to appreciate and see from mine. And we were able to walk a mile in each other's shoes and actually understand the feelings that we had. And, and once that was out in the open and out in the air and not bottled down inside because we were ashamed to tell each other how we really felt about it, Once that was out there, we could finally heal and, and see it from each other's perspective. And, and that, that communication is what got us out of that darkness and, and brought us out on the other side as a stronger couple and with a stronger marriage. And not only that, but obviously Spencer and I have a foundation in Christ. Our relationship, our marriage is founded in Christ and our faith. Faith is the one thing that pulled us through more than anything else. And of course, communication and fighting, it really does help. And I encourage fighting in relationships because that just shows you care enough to talk about your feelings to me. But our faith is, is what pulled us out of that darkness. And, and it's so easy to let, to let the darkness win. It is so easy to fall victim to that., but you've got to want to fight. You've got to want to pull out of that, and you've got to want to get back to a happy life. You— it's so easy to let it eat you up, but our faith really pulled us out of it.

Well, thank you. I mean, thank you for writing about that in your book because that's such a hard topic for so many people, and very few people know how to talk about that. And then also the way that, you know, often in marriages people tend to avoid conflict, right?

And it actually leads to more—

exactly. So you, you actually write, and even just right now talking about it and the way you write in your book about it, I just want to thank you for being that open and helping other people with struggles that may be going through. And you address some other things. I don't want to only dive into the dark, hard things in your book, and before we run out of time, but you also address cyberbullying. And I'm just gonna let people read the book on that, and so we can talk about some things a little more lighthearted. But there really is a lot in in this book that I feel is very important that you address. And so I thank you for writing about it in Miss Unlikely. Maybe in the few minutes that we have together here left this morning— are you still doing okay on time? Okay, great. I wanted to be conscious of your time and not take too much of it today. But I wonder if, you know, after you had, had won the Miss America pageant— and there are a number of things that I think is sort of a mystery to people because, you know, who has won Miss Miss America out there, except for just the very few people that have done it. And you already talked about, you know, maybe being home like 5 days, you know, or just a very small amount of time. Take away some of the mystery for us as far as some of the responsibilities and things that you had to do and things that you experienced. And what are some things that maybe you think would, would surprise my listeners that, that maybe they don't know Miss Americas are actually doing in that year after they win?

Sure. So obviously the stereotype is there. I talked about it earlier. So I would love to kind of give y'all a real, a real deal inside look into what it's actually like to be Miss America. You see us on television that one night and then you probably never see us again. You probably stop following. But now that we have social media, it's a lot easier to keep up with what Miss America does or what Miss America did. It's changed a lot actually. We have new leadership now in the organization. So the organization really is nothing like when I competed. So, but when I competed and when I was Miss America, I traveled about 20,000 miles per month. I lived in hotel rooms. There's no apartment or house or anything like that because you're literally traveling so much that there's, there's no reason to have a home. You, you finish an event in one city and you go to, you fly to the next city, go to that hotel room, then you go fly out, go to the next hotel room.. So I literally lived in hotel rooms about every 2 days I was at the airport. And I lived off of room service food. It's just me and my tour manager the whole year. There's actually 2 tour managers, or there was when I was Miss America. There were 2 tour managers. They switched on a month, off a month. So they got to go home for a month. And, but not me.

Not you, right?

So it's just you and the tour manager all year. You're— every night you go to your hotel room by yourself after your events and you're alone. It's— I will say it's about the loneliest job ever. You're very isolated. Even when you're— even when I was in the state of Georgia doing events, which I did get booked a lot in the state of Georgia because obviously I'm from here, they were really excited to book me for things. So I spent a lot of time doing events in Georgia, but I wasn't allowed to go home. The organization was very strict about me staying in the hotel room. If I did get— if I I did see my boyfriend, or my husband now, boyfriend at the time, it had to be cleared with my tour manager. We weren't allowed to be seen like in public, like holding hands, or he definitely wasn't allowed to be in my hotel room. So they were very strict about that. And even if, you know, the couple times I did get to go home, they were still very strict. I wasn't allowed to be staying with my boyfriend. Friend. It was very, very strict. But really, a lot of the cool things I got to do during the year were I actually got to go on a USO tour, which was amazing. I went to 8 countries in 8 days, and I got to perform for our troops, for the men and women in uniform, which was amazing and very, very rewarding. And just, I was very honored to do that. But Miss America spends the entire year speaking, performing, especially if you're a singer. If you're a singer and you win, you're, you're twice as booked because everybody wants Miss America to perform. So I was giving keynote addresses, I was performing at every single event that I did. I had an event every single day, did a lot of work with the USO, with Children's Miracle Network Hospitals, which I was the national Goodwill Ambassador for. So lots of hospital visits, lots of school visits, lots of black tie events. I did red carpets, I presented at the AMAs, the CMAs, the ACMs, the Billboard Music Awards, all of that. Lots of red carpet events, but it is not as glamorous as everyone thinks. I mean, if you saw me on a travel day where I was just at the airport, you wouldn't even know I was Miss America. I'd probably look like a hobo. Yeah, it is a lot of work and it is nonstop. I think I was on the job or at an event about 350 of the 365 days of that year. So it was very intense.

Well, you know, that's an incredible amount of work for you to have to do. And by the way, I do appreciate that on your Instagram account you have some, you know, makeupless pictures, you know, where you're just showing the real self. You were talking about sort of being in the airport, but I'll bet at the same time that's been good preparation, that year of traveling especially for your music career too, because musicians, you're You're right, they are on the road a lot and trying to work that out. And you and your husband already had a good bit of time trying to figure out those long-distance things together, so it's probably going to serve you very well as you continue in your music career. So quick question, because I want to make sure that, that everybody has a chance to find out more about you online. Your albums, as far as I know, I think they're all under your name right now as far as streaming services as Betty Cantrell. Is that correct? Or— okay. And now, are you planning on keeping that as sort of your music stage name, or are you planning on— okay, I was just curious about that. With like new albums, you'll be Betty Maxwell?

I will be. I will be. And yeah, my, my website is bettymaxwell.net, and then my Instagram is @realbettymaxwell. So Maxwell really is my— I have taken on my husband's name, and my brand has switched over to to that. And I released my country music album right after my year as Miss America was over and we moved to Nashville. And I really wanted to do country music, but, um, and I wrote two of the songs on that album and I love that album. But now I've kind of moved over. I'm not really so much trying to do country music anymore. Right now I'm really focusing on my acting career and hopefully my dream would be to be a Disney princess. I would love to combine my singing and acting in television and be able to do a Disney live-action movie or be the voice of an animated Disney princess. That's like my ultimate dream. Um, so we'll see.

Well, it's a good time for it with the way that that Disney Plus thing is blowing up right now and everybody's watching it.

So Disney live-action remakes and everything, which I'm loving. But, um, but right now I'm— we, we lived in Nashville for 2 years and then we moved back to Atlanta, um, where I signed with an acting agency in Atlanta and a modeling agency So, um, and I actually was just cast in my first movie a couple months ago, so that'll be coming out next year. So I'm really excited.

Well, congratulations on that. Do they have the, the name of the movie, or is it just a working title?

The name is Game Changer, and I'm a supporting role in that movie, and it's a great family faith-based film, so it's perfect for your audience. So y'all definitely need to check it out when it comes out in 2020. Be on the lookout. Look out.

Wonderful. Well, we are also going to have all of your links on our website at voicesinmyheadpodcast.com. So if anybody wants to just find a real quick, easy link to everything that Betty has going on online, we're going to make sure and share all of it there. Well, this has been a real pleasure today, Betty, and I want to thank you for sharing about some of your victories and sharing about some of your losses and the way that your faith has carried you and shaped you in those times. And thank you for the new book, and I hope that all of our listeners will go out and be able to get a copy as soon as they can because it's a good read. Betty Maxwell, it's been a real pleasure to visit with you today. Thank you for being one of the Voices in My Head this week.

Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it.

Thank you for joining me here this week on Voices in My Head. I hope you'll visit me on my website at RickLeeJames.com where you can find out more about me, get my music on vinyl and CD, follow my blog, and even schedule me for a concert or a speaking engagement. Better yet, even a book signing in your neighborhood. You can find all that and more at RickLeeJames.com. Also, it would mean a great deal to me if you could write a review of this podcast on iTunes. The more positive reviews the more visible this podcast will be online. And now for the benediction: May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. God bless you, and thank you for listening to Voices in My Head.