Episode 501 - Seeking Balance with Caitlyn Scaggs - Voices In My Head (The Rick Lee James Podcast)

Welcome to Voices in My Head, the official podcast of me, Rick Lee James. I'm a recording artist, a singer, songwriter, author, worship leader, an ordained minister in the Church of the Nazarene, and most recently, a hospital chaplain. The Voices in My Head podcast is where I discuss things that are on my mind. The Voices in My Head. Music, movies, books, pop culture, theology, and more are all on the table as I discuss them here with friends and colleagues and sometimes just by myself, processing what I'm learning in the moment. Make sure to let me know what you think of today's episode by leaving me a review on iTunes, tweeting to me @RickLeeJames on Twitter, and by joining my mailing list at rickleejames.com where you can receive an email every time a new episode is released. By the way, in case you are interested in a daily dose of kindness and encouragement beyond this podcast, I also run the Twitter account @MrRogersSay where I post daily quotes from Fred Rogers, one of the loudest voices in my head, which is ironic because he was such a quiet person. Also, if you do want to be notified about all of my latest releases, not just this podcast, sign up for email notifications on my Substack page found at rickleejames.substack.com. Www.rickleejames.com. Well, I guess that's it for the intro, so let's get to the latest episode of Voices in My Head, the Rick Lee James podcast.

Welcome back to Voices in My Head. As always, I'm your host, Rick Lee James, and I'm so glad that you're back again. Episode 501 here on Voices in My Head. Well, Caitlin Skaggs is a featured writer for Inspiration Ministries, a Christian platform with 2.5 million Facebook followers. She also maintains a popular leadership lifestyle blog and regularly appears on a local TV segment in Virginia, Morning Motivations. An entrepreneur, marketer, and dynamic communicator, she is currently the executive manager of New Hope Girls, a nonprofit based in the Dominican Republic that fights human trafficking exploitation, and cycles of abuse. Her new book, which we are going to talk about today, is titled Worth It and Wonderful: Inspiration for Christian Women to Live Bravely and Boldly. Caitlin Skaggs, welcome to Voices in My Head.

Hi, thanks so much for having me today.

Well, I'm so glad to have a chance to be able to speak with you, and especially because you do talk about caring for yourself in many ways. And that's actually a lot what I have been focusing on as a chaplain. We realize that many times we can't be the people that we want to be to serve other people until we've started by taking care of ourselves and learning how to not neglect those sides of things. So I'm very interested in talking to you about several things today in the time that we have. But let's start with the very first thing, because this is a new term that has come about in the last, I don't know, probably over the last decade, lifestyle blogger. And so I wonder if you could kind of explain a little bit of what that means to our listeners today if they're new to that term.

Yeah, absolutely. Well, for me, that term really means that I'm speaking into the everyday. So it's not that I specifically talk about recipes or the mom life. Or parenting, but it's looking holistically at all the different things that feed into who we are. And really for me, it's about being inspired by the everyday and what is, what did I learn today? What is the big takeaway from whatever may have happened, whether it's good or bad? So yes, it does touch on parenting at times or workplace and leadership. I love talking about interesting people I meet along the way, but really trying to inform the reader and encourage the reader to maybe take a hard look at their everyday too and see what are they learning as they walk through life.

Yeah, that's very good. I, I love that you're approaching it from the whole life. I think sometimes we pigeonhole ourselves into just one particular area, and there's nothing necessarily wrong with that because some people are very much experts on those one things. Um, but you know, one reason I call this podcast Voices in My Head is because I have so many interests, and I feel like we go topic to topic, week to week. So I'm that you're doing that kind of work. Let's talk about your new book, which— congratulations, by the way, because it's a, it's a big task to write a book. So I always want to kind of honor every author that is able to write something of worth and value, and just knowing how much time and effort that takes and the thoughtfulness that you put in, in addition to everything else you have going on in your life. So congratulations on Worth It and Wonderful. Tell us a bit about your new book and sort of the inspiration behind it, where it came from.

Yeah, well, it came so much from the women that I'm fortunate to call friends and the conversations we have. I always joke and say usually they were conversations over coffee. That seems to be what binds us, but sitting down and hearing their insecurities or struggles or the things that were stressing them out. And so often the, the conversation centered around these concepts of not feeling good enough or worthy enough or, um, like they're cutting it as a mom, or maybe they're falling short as a wife. And it really just sat heavy on my heart, all the different ways that I was witnessing women feel like they were missing the mark. Um, and we know that scripture is so clear about our inherent worth to the Father. And it was bringing all of those things together that really was the impetus for the book, for the, the chapters. Each chapter honors maybe this tension we feel, like career versus family is such an easy and obvious one that I think men and women both can relate to. Um, so exploring how can we be really great as a career woman and also really great as a family woman. And then what does God most importantly say about those two areas of our lives?

Yeah. Oh, wonderful. Well, you know, let's talk about some of, some of the challenges that we face. And even though your book I think is addressed more to women, I really feel like everyone can benefit from the things that you talk about and things like balancing work and life and family. And then how do you, how you kind of live A Life That Overcomes in, in the midst of those type of things. Uh, do you want to talk to us a bit about, you know, kind of some of those challenges and, and striving to balance those type things together?

Yeah, absolutely. Well, there's a couple themes throughout the book that transcends every single chapter. So one of those themes would be, where is your identity being found? So when we think about work and we think about family, are you primarily defining your worth and who you are as a mom or a dad, or are you primarily defining it based on the letters next to your name and the achievements that you're able to tout on LinkedIn. And so in every chapter, I'm reminding the reader that is not where your worth comes from. Those things are great, and those things can be a blessing, and they can be, um, direct proof of provision from the Lord. But if that is where your worth is rooted, you're missing it. You're missing the mark. And it's going to be this tiring, um, constant pursuit but never quite getting to that finish line you have in mind. A lot of the book, another theme would be really fitting for this podcast and the title of it is self-talk. So often, not a good enough mom, missed the mark today. Why are we saying that to ourselves? Would we say that to another mom? Would we ever say to another dad, you really failed today, didn't you? But yet we turn that inner dialogue on ourselves and it comes up in all chapters. So I have a chapter called Ambitious and Content. And I think of the ways that sometimes I say to myself, what's wrong with you for always wanting more? When will you be content? And I just know that those unkind things are not things that honor who I was made to be. So those are some of the themes throughout. Any given day, my favorite chapter changes. It just depends, I think, on my mood. And some days the conclusion is my favorite, but I'm just so grateful for how every chapter is able to encourage and point back to identity rooted in the Lord.

Yeah. Oh, that's, that's wonderful. You know, as you're talking and as I'm listening to you, I want to pause there for just a moment, actually, because just because we know that we have these voices that are speaking words to us that aren't true, even though we can identify it, that doesn't mean they're not going to still be there, does it? You still have those voices sometimes. I'd love to find out from you, because this actually has a lot of overlap with things that I will do, not only as a chaplain for others, but even for myself. And as I minister to people whether it be in church or wherever I go, myself included, we have these voices that tell us that we are less than who we are. So what's one of your thoughts or approaches to when it happens to you? Because again, we acknowledge it, but that doesn't mean it always goes away. I'd love to hear what your thoughts are. How do you handle it when it comes to you?

Okay, so you mean this week, right? Because it just happened a couple days ago, right? I truly do confess it sometimes over text. I will find someone who aligns with me from a faith perspective because I think that's important too, that we realize these aren't flesh and blood struggles. So I will just confess the meanness. I will send a text message and say, I'm wrestling with some thoughts. I don't think they're true, but I can't stop thinking them. And then I will tell my friend, here's the unkind thing I'm saying to myself, here's the story I'm saying to myself. And I think the, the friends I'm so grateful are the ones that say things like I understand why you might feel that way, but let me offer another perspective. Or, while it's valid to feel hurt by this, let me speak some truth to you. And I love the redirection. So I think it's important that the people you're confessing it to or reaching out for support are also believers who are not just going to say, oh, I'm sorry you feel bad today. Oh, that's so frustrating. Been there too. But redirect with truth to reset the narrative. Then the other thing that I will do for me Music is incredibly helpful in healing. So I'll put on a worship song that, like, if I'm feeling overwhelmed that life isn't falling into place and things aren't going well, maybe I play a worship song about provision that reminds me, like, God will always provide. Why are you worried? He has provided for the first 36 years of your life. He's not going to stop on your 37. Um, and I take those practical steps to reset the narrative going on inside of me.

Yeah, that's, that's really great. And, you know, it made me think too, one of my favorite cartoons, I wish I knew the artist because I would reference it, but one of my favorite cartoons is this person that's sitting at a table and they're hearing all these voices around them. And so the person, instead of just trying to ignore them, which, which is not necessarily a wise thing to do because that doesn't help the problem, that just kind of pushes it away. But in the cartoon, this person says to all these voices that are coming, said, okay, come in, sit down around the table with all these other voices, but you don't get to be the only ones that talk today. I really like that approach. Yeah, because I love that idea that, as you just said, just happened a couple days ago. We all get this imposter that comes in and tries to tell us that we're less than who we are. And so it's good, just as you did. I love that you said you will confess it sometimes to a friend or in your own way. And again, another reminder of like, you don't get to be the only voice that I'm hearing today. You know, come in. So I really love it. I'm going to have to look up the artist who made that cartoon because I feel like it's so good. But that's wonderful. Thank you for helping us with that. And again, I want people listening to, to really, like, as you say, be kind to yourself, you know, because that really is something that we often struggle with and being kind to ourselves. We'll do it for everybody else, but for ourselves, we just beat ourselves up to death. And I'm speaking as one who does that. So it's good.

I talk about the meanest mean girl I know. She's the one that lives in the 6 inches between my ears. Really, when you think about the person that says the most unkind things to me, it's usually me. It is not some external mean girl. So yeah, I think this is, this is for all of us, right?

Yeah. Very good. Well, wonderful advice. I think people can already see Uh, why there's going to be so much benefit when they read your book, for sure. Let's talk a little bit because, because I do want to, before we run out of time, I actually want to talk about your ministry and the Dominican Republic too. But how do you approach, just before we get into that, um, how do you approach— we're back. Sorry, listeners, uh, if, if you heard that, I was trying to fix something on my screen, but we're back. I just wanted to ask you your approach to self-care and, and how, how do you self-care? How do you do it, for one thing? And how is this a way really of honoring God?

Yeah, well, self-care is something we hear about all the time right now in the media and in, you know, Facebook and Instagram. And really, I'm arguing in my book or pushing for this idea of soul care. So absolutely take care of your physical self, get enough rest, We were made to need rest. Um, do things that make you smile and laugh, make time for friends and, um, and special treats. But my bigger concern is that we're neglecting ourselves when we only stop at the superficial level. So in scripture, we see how Jesus modeled soul care. He is arguably one of the busiest people in history because of the ministry and task at hand. And yet every morning he went off and found time with the Father, and he made time to be connected and honor that soul component of who he is. So that's what I'm really pushing for, um, when I bring this up in my book and talk about self-care and taking it to the next level. Again, I come back to the scripture about it not just being flesh and blood struggles, um, and needing to recognize that within our own lives. So one of my favorite self-care, soul-care activities is to go for a run. Because I find when I'm running, my mind relaxes and I enter into the most beautiful, prayerful place. So I get my prayer list together. I think about what I need to wrestle with on my run, and then I go. So yes, it's caring for my physical self, but the connection I feel to the Lord as I move and as I think and as I relax my mind is absolutely incredible. There's so much I realize and uncover as I run and pray and practice soul care.

That's wonderful. Well, I'm a runner too, and some days my prayer is, God, please let this run be over soon. But, but I, but I understand too, there is, there is something to that side of even just that alone time and finding ways. And so that's, it's so good if we can incorporate it into our health. That, that is also a wonderful thing because those benefits that you get there, they connect with us spiritually. Spirituality is, is not just this ethereal thing that's out there. It's, it's within us as well, and God meets us in those very personal ways. So I'm glad to hear that you also commune with God on your, on your runs when you're out. That's wonderful. Well, you know, we could go on more and more about the book, which I think is, is wonderful, and, and I want people to read it. So we're going to have links on all of the websites, both at our Substack page and our podcast, where they can just hopefully, if the technology works right, with one click go straight to your website site and to your book and things like that. But I do want to talk to you while I have a chance here today as well, um, just about your, your nonprofit, which is based in the Dominican Republic, because I know you're the executive manager of New Hope Girls and fighting human trafficking. I'm so glad to see that this has become a real issue that so many people are, are finally fighting, and it's been little known for too long, and now we're starting to see that it really is a big problem. And I'd love for you to talk to us more about that work that you're doing with, with New Hope Girls.

Yeah, absolutely. Well, I am the one stateside representative for our organization. Everybody else, about 35 team members, are down in the Dominican Republic. We were founded 12 years ago by Joy Reyes and her husband. They are Americans who went down to do educational reform work, and as they got into the schools. And as they, you know, did what they came to do, they realized there was this really dark and sinister problem of exploitation and abuse, and they felt absolutely, with all certainty, called to respond. And so that's what they did. They created New Hope Girls, which we have kind of 3 core functions when you think about our ministry. One, we have safe homes where we bring girls from dark circumstances and welcome them into refuge, where we raise them like daughters and we make sure that their needs are met, you know, physical needs, educational, great nutrition, but most importantly, they're hearing a message that they were created for more. So that's one piece. We also have a workshop where adult women come and they earn a living wage as they sew beautiful bags. And as we sell more bags, we create more jobs. And these women come and they hear a message also for them that they are created for more. And a lot of these women were the little girls who never got their healing journey, their rescue. So it really is just incredible to watch these women step into all they were created to be. And then the final component is weekly outreach. We go into the poorest portions of the neighborhood and we, um, have a little girls club. And the girls come every Sunday and they hear too that message of hope. They also hear safety and how they can get support if something is happening to them. Um, this is how we keep a pulse on the community as well, and we raise up little leaders and lights within the community. And so my role is heavily focused on the workshop and growing sales of the bag. So kind of a social entrepreneurship type role because we know as we sell more and create sustained demand for the bags, we are creating more jobs for women. And when moms are safe, their children are safer too. So it's really so on my heart that these are moms like me. They are moms like me who want their children safe, who don't want to make hard decisions about their honor and dignity. And providing for their children. And so it's, it's really our heartbeat to provide them a safe place that is a message of hope each and every day.

Wow, I think that is a powerful ministry. Thank you, Caitlin. That is, that's so great that you're offering that. And I, I just think of how many people that this ministry is going to help, and it's going to do exactly what you talk about, speaking to them that they are a masterpiece. You know, when, when maybe so many people who have been victims of trafficking, they, they may feel extremely worthless, as, as we know from some of the cases they've been through. What an important thing it is to be able to build them up and remind them who they are really, that they are not the thing that was done to them, but they are a person of such value. So thank you for that. I know that must be so difficult at times to do ministries like that, as I have talked with people several times on this show who, who do work and bringing awareness to human trafficking. So I just again want to honor you and say thank you because that is so important. So we are grateful.

Well, thank you. Well, it's taught me certainly a lot about my faith as well, and the lessons I've learned about how there's just no place too far gone and how each of us has untouchable worth that no amount of darkness can change. It to me has been life-changing, faith-changing to be part of this ministry. So I just so grateful that God extended the invitation. It was one of the best yeses I've ever said.

Yeah, wonderful. So glad to hear it. Well, you mentioned music a few minutes ago, and I'm a musician, so I love music too, and I'm always looking for things that are speaking to people.

I—

and this may be putting you on the spot, because sometimes when somebody asks me about music, I, I all of a sudden think, well, I might draw a blank quickly when somebody says, what's speaking to you? So it's okay if that happens. But I have a feeling if I was to ask you, and I am. Do you have a particular song that right now is just speaking to you, and, and why do you think that one is so meaningful at the moment?

Um, oh my goodness, I have so many, and I'm looking here at my phone at my playlist. I think right now any song that speaks to freedom just sets my heart on fire, because I don't know— and I'm speaking about me, maybe this is for all of us— but I don't know if every day I wake up and realize is just the immensity of freedom I have in the Lord. And yes, freedom from sin, but I even mean freedom from fear and anxiety and worry. Um, so there's the song Freedom, and I think it's by Jesus Culture. I'm trying to look at my phone right now. Yeah, so that one really gets to me. And I think also because it hits on this aspect of New Hope Girls, that we walk— we watch our girls walk in freedom, and there's such a beautiful parallel to the rescue that we receive from the Lord. So watching these receive their physical rescue and understanding how there's no place too far gone, and then starting to sing about freedom. It's like it all comes together for me and it gets me hyped. So I love that song, Freedom.

All right, that's an excellent recommendation, and I know people listening are going to want to look that up as well. I'll tell you mine right now, what's really speaking to me, if, if you want to know.

I do.

You know what, CeCe Winans she just keeps getting better with time. And it seems like her, her latest album, which I want to say it came out last year, um, but she has a song on there called Never Lost. And it's, it's a song about just speaking that the Lord has never lost the battle. And there's just some great lines in there, um, that, that all of them are, are escaping me right now. But the whole theme of the, the song is that the Lord has never lost the battle and the Lord never will. And, and so You can do all things but fail because you've never lost the battle. I love that. I love that too.

Yeah.

Well, Caitlin, my goodness, thank you for the time that you've spent with us today. I, I once again, I want to make clear to everybody listening that your, your new book, uh, Worth It and Wonderful, is available. And, uh, hopefully that they will be able to just with a click of a mouse or a tap on a screen, however they do it, be able to go right to where you're book is through your website. But before you go, will you tell us a bit about your website, which is boldlypursue.com? And, uh, maybe just tell us if I forgot anything that is important that you would like to share that we haven't talked about. I, I want you to have the, the, the space to do that.

Yeah, thank you so much. Well, this has been a lot of fun. Um, yeah, boldlypursue.com is where I bring all the pieces together. So all the things I'm doing in all the different directions come together at boldlypursue.com. So there you'll find some— you'll find all the articles that I've written for Inspiration Ministries. There's a little hub for those. You'll find my new segments I do with Morning Motivation. So that is bringing encouragement and intentional living to our viewers, um, once to twice a month here in Southwest Virginia. You'll also be able to read a little more about my background and find ways to connect. So I love Instagram, it's my favorite platform. You can find my Facebook page, but really it's just a way to connect with me and all the different facets I have going on. I do about the book too, of course. I can't forget to mention that because that's been kind of a big thing lately.

So yeah, well, all right, well, boldlypursue.com. So that's the, the best place to go to get all things. It's a great looking website, so I hope you'll, uh, I just wish you continued success in all you do. You do a wonderful job. We haven't even talked except when you just mentioned it about, uh, what you do on the morning show there, and, and you have a a, a real knack for being on screen and just the way that you interact in that way. So, uh, you have multiple gifts, and I'm grateful that you're sharing them with us. So thank you. As I, as I say to my guests each week, I'm, I'm so glad to get to say it to you. Caitlin Skaggs, thank you for being one of the Voices in My Head this week.

Thank you so much.

Thank you for joining me here this week on Voices in my head. Music on the intro and outro of this show is from my single, "As I Walk These Halls," which can be streamed on any streaming platform, including Spotify. I hope you'll visit me on my website at rickleejames.com where you can find out more about me, get my music on vinyl and CD, schedule me for a concert, a speaking engagement, a podcast, or even a book signing. Your neighborhood. Also, it would mean a great deal to me if you could write a review of this podcast on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts. The more positive reviews we receive, the more visible this podcast will be. And now the benediction: May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.