Episode 526: Hang On or Let Go?

Welcome back to Voices in My Head. As always, I'm your host, Rick Lee James, and I'm so glad that you are here with me again this week for another journey together. Well, this week— I know every week it seems like it's something different. Sometimes I've been able to get guests. This week I have not been able to get one because Guess what? I am homesick, uh, with both COVID and the flu. Um, I was shocked when I was swabbed and they showed me because I really wasn't feeling bad at the time. Um, and now I would say that, uh, I have, uh, mild cold symptoms, but, uh, it's been a, a couple rough days in the basement with a couple more to go, trying to stay away from my family and keep them healthy. Um, but it did give me a chance as I have been here to work on a couple things I needed to work on. And most of you know that I work in the hospital in Kettering, at least through the end of August. And as a CPE resident, a chaplain resident, it's very busy. So this week I was able not only to finish things for the new release of my song on August 18th— I have a new single coming out which is very closely related actually to the topic of the ministry that we do in the hospital. It's called Keep Watch, Dear Lord. And you can actually go on show.co. You can go to any of my, my website, anything like that, and there's a place where you can pre-save it on Spotify. And there's a page where when the song does release on the 18th, anywhere you stream it, it'll be available. We're hoping to put a press release out on the 18th nationally, and so I'm excited about that. So I've been able to firm some of those things up, just kind of sitting here typing out on my iPad while I'm been down in the basement. Um, but I also got to finish another book in the Emotionally Healthy series by Peter Scazzero, um, Emotionally Healthy Discipleship. It's a wonderful book, powerful, uh, very recent book actually. I think it came out 2 years ago. Um, but I wanted to share a story. I, I read this yesterday and I just cannot seem to get it out of my mind, so I wanted to share it with you today. And there's a chapter in chapter 5, uh, if you have a chance to read the book, that's where this is found. And it's the— again, the book Emotionally Healthy Discipleship: Moving from Shallow Christianity to Deep Transformation, and the author is Peter Scazzaro. I recommend anything in his Emotionally Healthy series, especially the book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. I would recommend reading that before all of the other ones. I think I've read just about all of his other books, but gave me a few moments to read this. I want you to hear this story that he tells, which helps us to understand limits. We're not very good at having limits sometimes, especially ministers. We are maybe the worst offenders at this. And so this is a story that I can't seem to shake ever since I read it. Once upon a time, there lived a man who had given a great deal of thought and effort to determine what he wanted from life. Then one day, a door opened for him to actually live his dream. But the opportunity would be available only for a short time, and he would have to embark on a long journey. He began walking and grew more and more excited as he envisioned his future dream becoming a reality. As he hurried along, however, he came to a bridge high above a dangerous, rapidly flowing river. As he started across the bridge, he noticed a stranger approaching him from the opposite direction. The man had a rope wrapped many times around his waist. The rope looked like it might stretch to a length of at least 30 feet. The stranger began to unwrap the rope as he walked. Just as the two men were about to meet, the stranger said, "Pardon me, sir, would you be so kind as to hold the end of this rope for me?" Without thinking, almost instinctively, the man reached out and took the rope. "Thank you," said the stranger. He then added, "Two hands now, and remember, hold tight." At that point, the stranger jumped off the bridge. The strong pull from the now extended rope was so strong it almost dragged the man over the side of the bridge into the treacherous river below. He shouted over the railing, "What are you trying to do?" "Just hold tight," the stranger called back. This is ridiculous, the man thought. He began trying to haul the stranger up, but the task was beyond his strength. Why did you do this? he yelled in frustration over the edge. Remember, said the stranger, if you let go, I will die. But I cannot pull you up! the man cried. I am your responsibility, said the stranger. I did not ask for it, the man said. If you let go, I'm lost, repeated the stranger. The man began to look around for help, but no one was within sight. He began to think about his predicament. Here he was, eagerly pursuing a unique opportunity to fulfill his dream, and now he was being sidetracked for who knows how long. "Maybe I can tie the rope somewhere," he thought. He examined the bridge carefully, but there was no way to get rid of his newfound burden. Again he yelled over the edge, "What do you want?" "Just your help," came the answer. "How can I help? I cannot pull you in and there is no place for me to tie the rope while I find someone else who could help you." "Just keep hanging on," replied the dangling stranger. "My life is in your hands." The man was stumped. If I let go, all my life I will always regret I let this stranger die. 'If I stay, I will never reach my dreams or destiny. Either way, this will haunt me forever.' Time passed. Still no one came. The man became keenly aware that it was almost too late to resume his journey. If he didn't leave immediately, he wouldn't arrive in time. Finally, a new idea came to him. 'Listen,' he explained to the man hanging below, I think I know how to save you. He could not pull the stranger up solely by his own efforts, but if the stranger would shorten the rope by wrapping it around his waist again and again, together they could do it. But the dangling man had no interest. You mean you won't help? he shouted to the stranger. I can't hold on much longer. If you don't, I will die, came the reply. At this moment, a revelation came to the man on the bridge. —an idea that, until this moment, he would never have considered. "Listen carefully," the man said. "I mean what I am about to say." The dangling stranger looked up, hopeless and despondent. "I will not accept the position of choice for your life." "Only for my own," the man said. "From this moment on, I give the power of choice for your own life back to you. What do you mean? the stranger asked, clearly afraid. I mean simply, it's up to you. You decide your future. I will be the counterweight. You do the pulling and bring yourself up. I will tug some from here. The man unwound the rope from around his waist and braced himself to be a counterweight. You cannot mean what you say! the stranger shrieked. 'You would not be so selfish. I am your responsibility. What could be so important that you'd let me die?' After a long silence, the man on the bridge slowly said, 'Slowly, I accept your choice.' He let go of the rope and continued his journey over the bridge. Isn't that the dilemma we so often find ourselves in as ministry, my friends? I read that and I thought, how many toxic people have ministers literally feeling like their lives are in their hands, and yet they're not. The only person in our life and in our world that we are responsible for, that we can make actions and decisions for, is ourselves. We don't have control over anybody else. Other people try to put power over us by controlling us, like the man who just handed him a rope and jumped off a bridge irresponsibly. But that was that man's choice, and we can't let the baggage that other people put on us weigh us down in that way. You know, I probably would have thought for years after reading that story, it would have perplexed me, um, because I felt like as a minister, I'm here hanging on to people's ropes. I'm trying to pull them up, helping them so they don't fall off the cliff. And, you know, am I even thinking in my mind, wouldn't Jesus pull them up? And if I don't pull them up, am I not being selfish? How long do I need to I have to put everything on hold in my life and in my ministry and in my calling for these people that are dangling in that way. Where is everyone else? Why does it have to be me, the only one holding this person? Is this person holding me hostage? And so this is a great story for us to look at. What are the limits that we need to put in place for ourselves and for other people? Our over-functioning, which I know I am an over-functioner, our over-functioning will cause others to under-function. That is one thing I have learned again and again and again about myself through my journey of clinical pastoral ministry. The more that I over-function, the more other people will under-function around me. If I accept that my place in life is to continue over-functioning without Sabbath, without self-care, then I will actually be doing a detriment to other people because I have not put boundaries in place. It's a discipline to learn not to take that rope, to say to that person, that's a very nice rope you have, but I'm not going to dangle you over the ledge. So you, if you're going to drop over, that's your choice. It's a hard but difficult and important discipline. It sometimes creates chaos. We may feel like other people are judging us for it, but it's something we have to do for our own soul care. Sometimes we just have to learn to let go of the rope. We've given every opportunity possible for the person at the other end to make the decision to come back up, and we have to just let them go. Because if they won't make that choice to do anything for themselves, there's nothing in the world we can do for them. We literally can't hold on forever. It's not humanly possible. So I just want you to mull over that story for a while. I want you to apply it to your ministry and think of all the ways that Jesus has not called you to hold on to that rope for unhealthy and toxic people in your life. What's a better way to serve them? By serving yourself, by being present to self so that you can be present to the divine presence, and only then can be present to the other so that you can help them be present to the divine presence. Just some thoughts to think about today. I know that story is probably gonna cause disruption for many of us, but it's a good story to think about. It's a good parable, and I think we need to think about it even more. So as I am sitting here in my home trying to get over COVID and the flu, I'm trying to fight the urge not to overfunction. I have lots of stuff to do. I have lots of things going on with my life. Even today, I have people reaching out, "Will you play a concert in October?" I have a job that I just accepted at a hospital here in town, trying to get all the paperwork and things done. But I was told by the doctor, "Go home and rest." So I'm trying to balance. I need to rest. I need to let go of some of those things, stop over-functioning. And literally rest. All right, well, I hope that gave you some things to think about today. Thank you so much for listening to Voices in My Head. I think next week I'm actually going to be on Matt Lewis's podcast, Matt Lewis and the News, and we're going to be talking about my new single, which I'm going to try to put a link in the show notes here where you can go and pre-save it if you would like. That would mean a lot to me. And then if you'd like to share it with others, if you go to the pre-save link and pre-save the song, the It will take you in about 5 seconds, I think, to a link where you can actually hear the song in advance. And only the people who pre-save it get to do that. So it'll take you to a link that is not anywhere else except this secret link. So if you want to hear it in advance, I encourage you to do that. Again, I'll try to put it in the show notes so you can pre-save it on Spotify. Thank you so much for listening to Voices in My Head. As always, I'm your host, Rick Lee James. Hopefully next time you hear me, I will be well and, uh, back at it again, walking the halls of chaplaincy, leading worship, uh, writing songs and playing music and doing my best, uh, to have a life fully lived before the Lord, pleasing him in every way. Thank you so much for listening, and I encourage you to check out some of the books by Peter Scazzero, anything in the Emotionally Healthy Spirituality series is great. If you have a chance, I made some changes to my website, rickleejames.com. That's actually a place you can go to pre-save the new single, so I should have just said that— rickleejames.com. So, uh, anyway, I'm sick, bear with me. All right, blessings to you guys. Thanks for letting me be one of the voices in your head this week.