Facing Difficult Situations with Fred Rogers - Welcome To The Neighborhood Podcast

Welcome to The Neighborhood, a Mr. Rogers tribute podcast. I'm your host, Rick Lee James, of rickleejames.com, and I run the Mr. Rogers Quotes Twitter account found @MrRogersSay. As we again walk into this podcast neighborhood, I want you to know that no matter where you are from, you are welcome here. I'm glad to be your neighbor. Every daughter, every son, every every tribe, and every tongue, in the spirit of Fred Rogers and the life of welcome that he lived, welcome to the neighborhood. This week the topic is difficult situations. Boy, we are in the midst of a difficult situation right now, aren't we? Life is a little harder than it once was for many of us because many of us are still quarantined and we're away in our own homes. And I know things are not ideal in every home. I've talked about it before on this show, and I thought maybe it would do some, some of us some good, myself included, to hear some words that Fred Rogers wrote to us in difficult situations. There's a section in the book that he wrote called "You Are Special: Words of Wisdom from America's Most Beloved Neighbor," and a whole section of that book is dealing with difficult situations, and especially dealing with difficult situations and helping children through them. So I wanted to do today is read his introduction to the book. He has a note to the readers, and then I'm going to use a few quotes from the section of the book on difficult situations. Because even if it's not during this time of quarantine when you're hearing this episode, we always have difficult situations in our lives at some point or another. And if you're not going through one now, you may be going through one in the near future. And you might need these words of encouragement and hope and help in these times. So I hope this will be something that is beneficial to you I think it's something that I need, and the words that Fred brings to us, they always just seem to be soothing to my own soul, sometimes to my mind and to my heart and even my imagination, and they seem to be a help. So this is his note to the reader, and it's a little bit lengthy, so, but I think you're gonna appreciate what he says. Dear reader, what is essential "God is invisible to the eye." What does that mean to you? That saying is framed and sits on a table right beside me in my neighborhood office. Everyone who sees those words from Saint-Exupéry's The Little Prince reads them with his or her own eyes, and with what's invisible and essential behind those eyes, just like with the passages in this book. You will bring your own experiences, your own beliefs, to every page. That's what I will— I'm sorry, that's what will enrich these words beyond measure. The ideas in this collection have come from things that I have learned and thought about for a long time. They come, too, from many people whom I have met along the way. I've been fortunate to have had some extraordinary teachers, who have given me some powerful words that helped me learn about life and childhood. One of those teachers was my grandfather, the one I'm named for, Fred Brooks McFeely. He wasn't a teacher by training, but he taught me through his love. Because he cared so much about me, I wanted to learn from him. I can still remember his saying to me, "Freddie, I like you just the way you are." That quotation meant so much to me that I have often shared it with our television viewers. Those neighborhood words have very deep roots in my own childhood. Communications for me has always been more than words. When I was just 5, I found I could easily express my feelings through my fingers at the piano And as an adult, I find writing the melodies and the lyrics for our neighborhood program has been a very important way for me to express a wide range of human emotions. When I headed for college, I decided to work on a degree in music composition. It was during my senior year at Rollins College in the early 1950s that I first saw television. I was appalled by what were labeled children's programs, pies in faces and slapstick. That's when I decided to go into this field. Children deserve better. Children need better. My first television job was in 1951. I was a floor manager for the network music programs at NBC in New York for 2 years when WQED, Pittsburgh Public Television station was getting started, I was invited to come back to my hometown area of Western Pennsylvania to co-produce an hour-long live daily program for young people called The Children's Corner with Josie Carey. I was also behind the scenes puppeteer and organist. To deepen what I could bring to television, I added seminary studies for 8 years during my lunch hours and evenings. At my ordination as a Presbyterian minister, I was given a special charge to serve children and their families through the mass media. Knowing my great interest in children, one of my seminary professors suggested I meet Dr. Margaret McFarland. She was the director of the Arsenal Family and Children's Center of the University of Pittsburgh. The noted psychologist Erik Erikson who helped found that center, has said that Margaret knew more than anyone in this world about families with young children. Margaret became my mentor when I began graduate studies in childhood development. It was natural that we would invite her to be our chief psychological consultant for Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. She generously carried out that duty for almost 25 years. Her death in 1988 was one of the major losses I've had to deal with in my life. It was she who helped me think about the child who grew inside of me. It was Margaret who helped me really listen to children so that I could discover who they were and what was important in their lives so that my communication with them through television could be meaningful. That kind of invisible essential is a gift nothing can ever take away, not even death. I care deeply about communication, about words, what we say and what we hear. While our television communication might look simple to some, it really isn't. Children are not simple. Neither are adults. I have always given a great deal of thought to how I present ideas during our television visits, and I'm always fascinated to hear how people have used what we have said on television, in speeches, during interviews, and in our books. Often they've used our ideas in creative, productive ways I had never dreamed they could be used. So may it be with the words in this book, which have been gathered from my speeches, songs, newspaper columns, books and television programs. Once you've read them and made them your own, may they find their place in the innermost part of you, in that essential part of you that inspires you to be who you really are. Signed, Fred Rogers. I should also let you know, as I go into this book a little bit more, the copy that I have was signed by Mr. McFeely., and that's a pretty special thing. David Newell, who wrote in that, and I'm glad to have that in my copy of this book, which I think is out of print now. Well, in the book in chapter 7, he has these sayings on difficult situations. It starts with the song, "I Like to Be Told." Here are some lyrics from that: I like to be told when you're going away, when you're going to come back and how long you will stay. I like to be told if it's going to hurt, if it's going to be hard, if it's not going to hurt. I like to be told. It helps me to get ready for all those things, all those things that are new. I trust you more and more each time that I'm finding those things to be true. Again, that's from the song "I Like to Be Told." And isn't that true, that if we are honest with people, especially children, but even with each other? I think a lot of the problems we're having right now in our world is when leaders are not being honest with us about what to expect or what to see. It can make it a sad and scary place, and it's better if we can be told. I think there's so much wisdom in that. Well, back to the words from Fred Rogers here. For a child, moving through life within a family may be a little like being in an airplane. There may be a lot of rough weather outside, and the plane may shake around quite a bit, but inside you're safe. Sad, scared, and angry perhaps, but within the special atmosphere of a loving family, even those feelings are safe. When a child learns to trust that there is a loving caregiver right there to help in rough times, he or she can weather most any storm and ultimately be stronger for the experience. Children need adults who realize that losses to children are every bit as painful as losses to adults. Feelings are mentionable, and whatever is mentionable can be more manageable. Whether we're children or adults, adding to our emotional vocabulary can often add to our ability to cope with what we're feeling. Using words to describe what's inside helps remind us that we're— what we're experiencing is human. And mentioning our feelings to others can make those feelings more manageable. It's always remarkable to me that children can find their way through complex and turbulent emotions, bring them to healthy resolutions, and turn out capable of forming loving and lasting relationships of their own. Moving, divorce, Life and death are, of course, very different kinds of experiences from one another. But whether it's a home, a family structure, or a loved person, the loss is real. The grief can be profound, and it may include a good deal of anger at having had something taken away as well as sadness that it's gone. Young children don't know that sadness isn't forever. It's frightening for them to feel that their sadness may overwhelm them and never go away. The very same people who are sad sometimes are the very same people who are glad sometimes is something that all parents need to help their children come to understand. How we deal with the big disappointments of life depend a great deal on how the people who loved us helped us deal with smaller disappointments when we were little. Love makes all losses possible, makes the ego able to accept them. You know, I just want to say a few words in closing. The point of these little podcasts that I'm doing, these little bonus episodes, is not to go on and on forever, but to maybe just give a few moments of reflection. Especially about these times that we're in, as we again are in our homes and we're confronted with this scary thing called COVID-19. And many of us have encountered friends and loved ones who have had it. Some have experienced loss, the death of a loved one or a friend or a family member who has had this and has not made it through. Some of us haven't known anyone yet whom it has touched, but it has touched all of us in some way or another. And you know, Fred Rogers was writing about loss and how it is real and it's profound. And really what many of us are experiencing, and we may not know it, is we're experiencing grief. Right now. And it may not be the same kind of grief that we have when somebody passes away, but there's a grief because of things that are— have been lost in our life. Most of us know that things are not going to just be normal the way they were before. In some ways, that's probably a good thing. In some ways, that's a difficult and bad thing. There are many things to think about, and none of us know exactly what the future is going to be. Well, that has never changed. None of us ever know the future. But we are all confronted by the profound realization right now that life is different than it has been, and life is going to be different in the future, and we just can't see far enough ahead to know what that looks like yet. And so we are all experiencing loss. There are children in this world who have been born during this time, and they may never remember this moment. What we have lost is not going to be a loss to them. It's going to be a normal way of life, the way of doing things, however it looks from here on out. Isn't it interesting to think about that perspective of those things? And it's up to us to still be the humans that we were created to be. To still be those people who are loving, who are gracious, who can be kind, who can deal with our sadness as well as our gladness. As it said in those lyrics from Fred Rogers, "The very same people who are sad sometimes are the very same people who are glad sometimes." And because we are dealing with grief here due to loss, we are experiencing a lot of different emotions and we're going through a lot of them sometimes in the same week, from happiness to anger to sadness, all these emotions that we have that we're dealing with in this loss. I just want you to know, maybe just remind you because I think you do know this, It's okay to experience those things. It's okay in the safe places of our homes, especially to let the others around us know that, that we're dealing with these things, that we're struggling, that we're having a hard time. And if you're not a person who is in a home that you feel like is a safe place, I want you to know that you are special, that you are not alone, though you may feel like it, and that you have worth and you have value. And maybe you're hearing this, and maybe this is the only place that you're hearing this, but I want you to know I believe it's true with all my heart. You are a person who is precious. You are a person who is rare. And a person who is unique. You are a person who has abilities that only you have. And there's nobody else in this world like you, just as Fred Rogers would remind us. And that the sadness and these hard, difficult times that we are in, they will be a part of life, but they will not last forever. This does not last forever. And we will be neighbors. And we can be the best neighbors to each other that we can. Right now we do it at a distance, but we're doing it for each other. And we're loving each other as best as we can in this time. Well, I hope this has been a help to you. And I hope that some of these words that you've heard from Fred Rogers, and maybe my brief reflection on them, are something that can be a help to you and a comfort in these times. I'm looking forward to the day when we can go out more and see each other and not stand 6 feet apart from each other and actually give those that we love and haven't seen for a long time a big hug. But until then, let's keep being the best neighbors that we know how to be and loving each other well. Well, thank you for joining me here this week in the neighborhood. Music featured on the podcast was Nouvelle Noël by Kevin MacLeod. Special thanks today, as always, to our Mr. Rogers Quotes community on Twitter @MrRogersSay. Y'all have been wonderful during this time. It's been It's great to keep in touch with so many of you there through messages you send, through tweets, and I'm glad to be able to share words of Fred Rogers there each day. So special thanks to you today. I'm your host, Rick Lee James. My personal Twitter account is @rickleejames. My website is rickleejames.com. My other podcast is Voices in My Head: The Rick Lee James Podcast, and I look forward to being with you again next time. Until we meet again, remember, you make each day a special day. You know how? By just your being you. There's only one person in this whole world like you, and people can like you exactly as you are.